Got Milf?

Happy Saturday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, we meet dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie's parents Adelle and Brub, who wonder why she hasn't come home for dinner yet. Meanwhile, Frankie and Josh transport Shayla's dead body over to Frankie's house in the trunk of his car ...


INT. SUBURBAN HOME - KITCHEN
Suzy Homemaker’s dream come true.
A riot of stainless steel and off-white
in the heart of suburbia.
Top Chef, ahoy.

A WOMAN (40’s), pert, smiling, very attractive
is studiously cooking at the stove.

She tastes the sauce with a wooden spoon.
Mmm. Delicious. Got Milf?

Meet ADELLE PETRIE, Shayla’s mom.
The perfect wife, mother, bookkeeper,
maid, chauffeur. You know the drill.

ADELLE
(calls into the next room)
Dinner’s almost ready, honey.
Did Shayla get home yet?
I didn’t hear her come in --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Not yet.
You want me to call her
on her cell?

BRUB PETRIE (40’s),
Shayla’s father walks in.
Tall and fit, with rugged good-looks.
Right out of a Sears catalogue.

I mean, could this family be
more picture-perfect or what?

ADELLE
I’m sure she’ll be along in a sec.
She’s NEVER late for dinner --

BRUB
Gosh, honey.
That’s smells terrific.
Is that a new recipe?

ADELLE
How’d you guess?

BRUB
When it comes to your cooking,
I’ve got a nose for adventure.

ADELLE
Oh, YOU.
Do me a favor and set the table
for dinner?

BRUB
Of course, my love.
Anything for you.

They gaze at each other
with undying love.

Brub suddenly SHITS HIS PANTS
with a ROAR OF FLATULENCE.

ADELLE
(waves her hand in the air)
Jesus fucking Christ, Brub.
Get the fuck out of here,
you’re shitting up the KITCHEN.

BRUB
Don’t use that tone
with me, BETTY CROCKER.
You want the belt again?

ADELLE
Oh, go ahead, Mr. Macho.
Why don’t you just fucking HIT me?
I told you to wear fucking Depends,
but NO -- Mr. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
just HAS to ruin his new Dockers.

Brub glowers.
Storms over to the doorway.
Over his shoulder.

BRUB
I’m going to take a shower,
and when I come back,
dinner BETTER be served.
Capiche?

Adelle blinks.
Cocks her head.
Smiles brightly.

ADELLE
Sure thing, honey-bun.
Comin’ up in jiffy.

INT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON - NIGHT
Frankie drives.
Mind reeling.
Deep in thought.

Josh stares out the window.
Miserable.

JOSH
So where are you
going to put her?

FRANKIE
In my basement lab, of course.

JOSH
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
That’s crazy.
Your mom will find her.

FRANKIE
No, she won’t.
She’s forbidden to go down there.
It’s my domain.
It’s not just my lab,
it’s also my room,
where I sleep.

JOSH
You’re going to sleep
in the same room
as a DEAD BODY?

FRANKIE
She’s not going to be
dead very long, Josh.

JOSH
Yeah.
That’s what I’m AFRAID of --