Like A Bull On Steroids

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LEGS, undercover at the strip club, homicide detective Bernie Keko gets a deadly lap dance. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love visits stripper Jonna James joint, and gets pole dance in the head ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Jonna sits on the threadbare bed.
PUNCHES another number on her cell.
Listens.

JONNA
C’mon, pick up, pick up --
(listens)
Cor, it’s me --
(listens)
Yeah. She’s on her way --
(listens)
It’s time. Reel ‘em in.
(listens)
Don’t HURT him.
He’s a COP.
We’ll figure out what
to do with him later --
(listens)
That’s a good boy. Later.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Smiles. Evil.

Walks over to the closet.
Opens it, revealing --

DINA (20’s). Tied and gagged.
Bright eyes blinking madly.

Small and lithe, very pretty.
And right now, scared shitless.

JONNA (CONT’D)
How’s my little heiress doing?
Ready for your mystery date?

Dina THRASHES against her restraints.
A muffled SCREAM from behind the duct tape.

JONNA (CONT’D)
Keep that up and the neighbors
will think we’re on our honeymoon --

INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - VIP ROOM - NIGHT
Gorgeous Asian Stripper continues to work on Bernie,
now in the throws of ecstasy.

She writhes.
WHIPS her hair around.

Leans over.
Works her knee on his crotch.

He closes his eyes.
COMES like a bull on steroids.

BERNIE
G-YAHHHHHH --

His body SPASMS. JERKS.
Then goes limp.

Gorgeous Asian smiles.
Turns. Sees something.
Then dashes off.

Bernie opens his eyes.
Sees her leave. Quizzical.

BERNIE (CONT’D)
Was it something I said?

Cor steps into the room.
Silky smile.

COR
I trust everything was satisfactory?

BERNIE
Uh, yeah --

A GIANT BEARDED THUG appears.
Holding a semiautomatic weapon.

A dead ringer for the dude
that was trashing Dina’s joint.

BERNIE (CONT’D)
Who the fuck are YOU?

COR
This is Ridley.
He’s very upset about
what you did to his brother.

RIDLEY
(walks toward him)
I’m very upset.

BERNIE
HEY.

Bernie goes for his piece,
but Bearded is faster.

He PISTOL-WHIPS him on the head, CRACK.
He hits the floor, THWUMP.

RIDLEY
And he’s a COP?

COR
(looks at him)
Well, he DID just come in his pants.

EXT. THE SAFARI MOTEL - NIGHT
A touristy-tacky dump in the cheap seats
on Hollywood Boulevard.
A sign in the window proclaims FREE HBO.

Carrie stands in front of room twelve.
Softly KNOCK-KNOCKS. No answer.

Knock-knocks again.
She tries the knob.
It’s unlocked.

She opens the door.
Peers in.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Carrie walks in. Looks around.

CARRIE
Hello?

JONNA LEAPS OUT from behind the door.
SWINGS a steel pipe.

CRACKS Carrie on the head, THUNK.
She blinks. Weaves.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
Hey, that really --

And hits the floor, THWUMP.

JONNA
Hurt? No SHIT, detective.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I felt a crack on my head.
Then I saw stars.
But they were pretty stars,
almost comforting.
I decided I wanted to stay there
awhile and get some rest.
And I fell down, down, down
into a black hole, swimming, under water,
the current pulling me
into a whirlpool of darkness --
(beat)
Until I was gone.