Monday, January 10, 2011
Boom, Boom, Boom, Out Go The Lights
Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking MONDAY. Do you know what time it is? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 25 of NOWHERE GIRLS, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond, deep in her underground lair, chews out her aide de camp Rock Vargas after covert ops Cherry Nation and April Street have taken out her latest assassins. Meanwhile, deep below Macy's department store, Cherry and April are making their escape from the FBI when they get a surprise phone call from Rock, who now wants to defect ...
EXT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT
The joint has become a mob scene of FBI,
local COPS, a SWAT TEAM and MEDIA.
NEWS VANS crowd for position behind barricades.
It’s a three-ring circus.
Sunday and Max lean against their SUV.
Watch the commotion.
Look. TMZ just got here.
Fucking retards. Don’t they realize
they could comprise the operation?
People eat this shit up.
They’ll watch it for hours.
(looks at her)
You realize that if we capture them,
we’re gonna be celebrities?
Really? You think so?
Damn. Think of all the snatch
I’d be able to get --
(looks him over)
You’re not as big of an asshole
as I thought you were.
And you’re not a complete bitch.
Yeah, well -- keep it under your hat.
INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
All of the agents, ops and techs stare at honey, white-faced.
Honey paces back and forth. Red-faced.
FURIOUS. She stops. WHIRLS AROUND.
Points at Rock.
How could those GIRLS have taken out
Shao Lin and her team? TELL ME.
I don’t know, sir.
Shao Lin is one of our best --
WAS. She’s DEAD.
Do you realize that a STRIPPER
and a STUNT WOMAN have taken out
three of our best operatives?
So what are you gonna DO ABOUT IT?
I, uh -- uh --
I can’t HEAR YOU --
Well, let me think a sec --
Honey WHIPS OUT a 9mm Glock.
SHOVES IT in his mouth.
YOU’RE gonna take care of them, GOT IT?
Rock nods, eyes filled with terrified tears.
Yeth, mummm --
(CLICKS the safety)
And you’re not gonna FUCK UP, RIGHT?
(shakes his head ‘no’)
Nho, nho --
You got THAT right, MISTER.
She YANKS the gun out of his mouth.
Wipes it on the front of his jacket. Sneers.
Now go, GO -- take care them.
And if you DON’T, don’t COME BACK.
And I will hunt you down
to the end of the earth, GOT IT?
G-got it. Got it. Don’t worry.
I’ll take care of it.
I’ll -- take care of it.
Then GO. Don’t just stand there.
Get the fuck OUTTA HERE and GET THEM.
He hurries away. Shaking.
Muttering to himself.
Everyone stares at Honey.
Scared to death.
Damn, all of a sudden I’m STARVING.
Who wants to order a pizza?
INT. MALL BASEMENT - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Dimly-lit. A dim bulb FLASHES in the gloom.
Water drips down the walls.
April and Cherry walk down the corridor
wearing their backpacks.
April shines a flashlight on a door.
See? We can see each store as we pass it.
Yeah, but how are we gonna get out of here?
The entire mall is going to be
completely surrounded by now.
We’ll think of something.
We always do --
Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
They look at each other. Huh?
She fishes it out. Answers it.
Hello -- ?
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A big, black HUMMER barrels down the sleazy boulevard.
INT. ROCK’S HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
Rock sits behind the wheel.
Speaking on his hands-free cell.
Is this -- Cherry Nation?
Who wants to know?
Rock Vargas. You don’t know me.
I used to work for Honey Almond --
It’s some guy who says
he used to work for Honey Almond.
Hang up. It’s a trap.
Cherry nods. CLICKS her phone shut.
Cherry’s phone RINGS again.
She answers it.
It’s me again, don’t hang up,
I want to HELP YOU.
You think we’re that STUPID?
No, no, no --
I think you’re fucking BRILLIANT.
That’s why I want to work for you.
Honey Almond is a fucking PSYCHO.
I’m SICK of working for her.
After you iced Shao and her girls,
she sent me to whack you,
but I know that’s impossible.
So now I’M dead --
I’m tired of being a bad guy.
I want to do something GOOD for a change.
I’ve got intel that’ll make your head spin.
I know you’re in a jam right now.
Let me help you.
How do I know you’re telling me the truth?
What if I gave you Honey’s location?
Hold on a sec --
(cups the phone, to April)
He wants to defect, work for us.
Says he can give us Honey’s location.
I dunno. Smells fishy --
Yeah, but if he doesn’t know we’re suspicious,
what do we have to lose?
Worse comes to worse, we clip him.
Okay. Tell him to come get us. Alone.
(nods, into the phone)
You still there?
Yeah. Are we cool?
We need you to come pick us up, ALONE.
You’re gonna need FBI credentials.
No problem. Also have CIA,
Homeland Security, NSA, Interpol --
Well, aren’t you the eager forger.
I’ll text you our coordinates,
and then get your ass over here, PRONTO.
Got it. Thank you.
You won’t regret it.
Solid. But know this.
Any monkey business,
and it’s boom, boom, boom --
out go the lights.