Monday, January 24, 2011
Underground Lair, Here We Come
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. You say your bored? Stressed out? Dreading the long week ahead of you? Then why not take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 35 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street travel down into the bowels of Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood looking for evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's secret headquarters ... and fall right into her trap.
INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - BACK STAGE - NIGHT
The movie NOWHERE GIRL unspools in the distance.
We hear guns FIRING, SHOUTED bits of dialog -- and MUSIC.
Cherry and April creep backstage in the dark.
They approach the movie screen from behind. Listen.
'Gnarly?' I’d never say THAT --
Fucking Hilary SWANK?
That buck-toothed horse-face?
She’s not HOT.
C’mon, let’s get outta here before I get sick.
Coulda been such a GREAT movie --
Fat fucking tub of lard Joel Silver.
Never should have trusted him.
They walk toward the back of the stage area.
We need to find the stairs down to the basement.
Look. There in the corner.
Let’s check it out.
They creep towards the back.
Get to a steel door.
April GRABS it. PULLS it open.
Brains before beauty.
Look who’s getting cutesy
with the banter all of sudden.
Don’t press your luck.
And they start down the stairs.
EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
A squadron of FBI VEHICLES and COP CARS
fill the street in front of the theater.
A SWAT truck pulls up to the curb.
EXT. MAX’S SUV - CONTINUOUS
Sunday and Max stand nearby.
Look at the theater.
How do we handle this?
There’s a theater full of people in there.
We don’t want them to panic.
I’m thinking, I’m thinking --
A GRIM-LOOKING AGENT trots over to them.
The movie’s over in fifteen minutes.
Great. We’ll just wait until it’s over.
We’ve got the place surrounded.
Yeah, but I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.
Intel says this Honey Almond character
is some kind of mad genius.
She could have all kinds of
secret tunnels and shit down there.
We need a C-A-L-S. You guys have that?
You mean the Cavity Auto-Scanning Laser System?
Of course. It’s in the tech truck.
Solid. Go get it.
Let’s take a look below ground.
See what we find.
Yes, MA’AM. Be right back.
And he trots off.
Underground lair, here we come --
INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April walk down a dimly lit corridor.
April holds a hand-held device at the wall as they go.
How does it work?
It registers electrical activity.
(looks at it)
Houston. We HAVE CONTACT.
They get to a door.
Look in the window.
Electrical room --
(holds it up)
Check it out. See?
But what if they know
about this kind of device.
Wouldn’t the electrical room
be the perfect place to hide the door?
That’s fucking brilliant.
Takes one to know one.
April smiles, pushes the door open.
They walk into --
INT. ELECTRICAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dark. Dank. Rows of circuit breakers and switches.
April shines a flashlight along the walls
as they walk through.
They’re not going to make this easy, are they.
I don’t see any doors --
April flashes her light on a large metal cabinet.
Hello, Dr. Caligari.
Never mind. Check it out. On the side.
KEY CARD STRIP.
(pulls key card out of her pocket, smiles)
Don’t worry. We’ll leave the light on.
Cherry pulls out her SIG-Sauer Mosquito.
April takes out her Glock.
They look at each other. Nod.
She SWIPES the card in the slot.
The cabinet door rises up into the ceiling, THWIP.
Revealing a set of stairs going down to another level.
They start walking down the steps --
But they suddenly FLIP UP,
and the incline becomes a steel chute,
and the girls go FLYING DOWN to the bottom.
They HIT the floor with a THUD.
Yeah, I --
A trap door OPENS UP --
and they FALL down into the hole.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Steel-walled. Futuristic. Soft glowing light.
The girls fall into a plexiglass cube
in the middle of the room with a SLAP.
Groan. In pain.
Standing nearby is Honey.
And four ARMED GUARDS.
One on each side.
The girls stand up,
brush themselves off.
So glad you dropped in.