Friday, January 7, 2011
Let's Blow This Cluster-Fuck
Happy Friday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agent sisters April Street and Cherry Nation barely escape with their lives after being pursued through Macy's department store by Shao Lin and her schoolgirl assassins ...
INT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT
The top floor. Sporting goods. Rows of bicycles.
Skateboards. Skis. Athletic equipment, all shiny and new.
Cherry’s bike RACES down the aisle.
Takes a turn, KNOCKS OVER a display of in-line skates.
Simon’s bike follows right behind.
ROARING after her.
April holding on for dear life.
SHAO, NASHI AND SUZU
Come RACING after them on foot.
See the bicycles.
They each GRAB one and JUMP ON,
start furiously PEDALLING after them.
INT. ESCALATOR - CONTINUOUS
Cherry FLIES down the stairs,
the front wheel BANG-BANG-BANGING on each step.
Gets to the bottom. Stops.
Simon FLIES down, right after her.
SKIDS to a stop.
Why did you stop?
Just making sure you were behind me.
C’mon, let’s GO.
Just then, Shao and the girls
come flying down the stairs on their bikes.
Shao starts SHOOTING at them.
Nashi THROWS knives.
Suzu WHIRLS a spiked metal ball on a chain.
We’re in The House of Flying Daggers, MOVE IT.
And she TAKES off,
Simon and April right behind her.
Suzu HURLS the spiked ball.
It WHIZZES over their heads.
Cherry GUNS the engine.
ROARS down an aisle of furniture,
April pulls out her gun.
Starts SHOOTING at them.
She HITS Suzu in the head, BANG --
And she goes FLYING in the air.
LANDS on a bed, THWUNK. Dead.
One of Nashi’s daggers HITS
Simon in the shoulder, THWICK.
Deal with it LATER.
And GUNS the engine, following Cherry.
AT THE NEXT ESCALATOR
Cherry ROARS down the steps,
Simon right behind her,
DUCKING Shao’s hail of bullets.
Simon looks behind.
Gets an idea. Smiles. Evil.
His bike gets to the bottom,
and he SLAMS on the brakes,
turns the motorcycle sideways,
and Shao’s bike BANGS into it -
And she goes FLYING in the air --
and CRASHES into a chest of drawers -- SMASH.
Nashi’s bike SMASHES into them.
She JUMPS off,
PULLS out another dagger,
and JUMPS on April.
April WHIPS out her Glock.
FIRES in her face. BANG.
Nashi’s head EXPLODES in a red mist.
Looks behind her.
Sees Simon’s not there.
TURNS the wheel,
CRASHES through a display of curtains,
SPINS in a circle,
and ROARS back after them.
Curtains draped on her, the bike.
LEAPS off the bed.
JUMPS on Simon.
GRABS the knife in his shoulder.
YANKS it out --
Sees this. SCREAMS.
Pulls out her Glock. Takes aim.
And SHOOTS Shao in the head, BANG --
just as she PLUNGES the knife in Simon’s NECK.
Blood GOES FLYING from both of their heads.
Sees this and SCREAMS.
You kill my BOSS.
ROARS up on her bike and
SMASHES into Nashi. SPLAT.
SPINS the wheels on her,
THRASHING her body into a bloody pulp.
April and Cherry stare at each other.
Simon’s -- dead.
I know. I’m sorry.
(looks at the bodies)
We gotta get the fuck outta here.
We better ditch the bike,
makes too much noise.
I bet the joint’s
completely surrounded by now.
No shit. That’s why
we’re going underground.
Yeah. All these malls have
underground tunnels that connect the stores.
How you know that?
Spent a summer as an impressionable,
young teen working at Hello Kitty --
and if you tell anyone,
I’ll fucking kill you.
Nuff said. Lead the way, MacDuff.
Let’s blow this clusterfuck.
And they start SPRINTING toward the back of the store.