Tuesday, January 4, 2011
All In A Day's Skirt
Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRLS, it's the calm before the storm, as Homeland Security agent-sisters April Street and Cherry Nation are being pursued by FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks, as well as evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's 'assassins of the moment,' Shao Lin and her assistants ... as they drive their 'safe house on wheels' into a shopping center parking garage ...
INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
Serge drives. Cherry, April and Simon
huddle on the couch behind him.
April looks out the window.
Turn left here at the shopping center.
I thought we were going to Hollywood.
We are. But first we have to ditch the RV
and get new wheels.
What’s up with that?
Spy satellites, chickie.
The FBI are gonna be on
our asses any minute now.
In case you didn’t notice,
this vehicle sticks out like
a Mensa member at a tea party --
INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stare out the windshield.
When was the last time you got laid?
Mind your own fucking business.
Oooh. Testy, aren’t we?
I think Ellen Degeneris SUCKS.
What do you think of THAT, huh?
So do I. NEXT.
(into the phone)
What was that? Got it --
Turn right on Lincoln,
they’re about a mile away.
(pumps a fist)
Hot DAMN. Let’s get us some BITCHES.
(turns, looks at her)
Takes one to know one, huh.
EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
The camper drives through the parking lot.
INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sits in the passenger seat next to Serge.
Go down the ramp into the parking garage.
Aha. There’s a method to your madness.
Brilliant. Satellite won’t see us
if we’re underground.
Simon says, hide and seek, G-man.
EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The RV enters the garage entrance.
Goes down the ramp.
EXT. LINCOLN BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A black VOLKSWAGON BUG zips down the street.
The new model. Cute. Efficient. FAST.
INT. VOLKSWAGON BUG - CONTINUOUS
Nashi’s behind the wheel.
Suzu rides shotgun.
Cleaning a three-foot-long sword.
Shao Lin’s in the back seat.
Fingers wiping her I-phone screen furiously.
She speaks into it.
New coordinates, please.
INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands at Monsterburg’s workstation.
Sips from an extra-large-grande super-coffee.
Vibrating with caffeine.
Fifteen-hundred block of Lincoln Boulevard.
And be prepared. You have company.
(leans into the mike)
FBI. How do you think we got the location?
You are evil genius, Ms. Almond.
All in a day’s skirt, doll.
Please. Call me 'Honey.'
Over and out, Honey-pie.
Catch you on the flip-flop.
Honey stands up straight.
Pats him on the back.
Good work, Monsterburg.
Tapping into the FBI’s feed. Genius.
One of these days I’m
gonna give you a PROMOTION.
That’s MS. ALMOND to YOU, Geek Squad.
And if I catch you updating
your Facebook page at work again,
you’re gonna get POKED --