Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Reach Out And Fuck Someone

Happy Tuesday, crime hipsters. Are you ready for another heaping helping of hardboiled pulp, served by naughty, empowered vixens with guns? Ready for another slice of noir, served cold? Then get your asses over to the hippest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where our heroes are putting their wagons in a circle ...

See, private eye Carrie Love, along with would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder are holed up in Carrie's mother's house with her family, while white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons are trying to break in ... so they're loading their guns, and getting ready to fight back ...


EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - FRONT STOOP - NIGHT
Tolly turns to Porkpie. Shivering in the cold.

TOLLY
They must be onto us.
(to Aldo and Mick)
Go find the phone box. Disable it.
Then get the fusebox. Hurry.

They nod. RACE OFF.
Porkpie pulls a high-tech device out of his pocket.
Looks like a remote.

TOLLY (CONT’D)
What the fuck is THAT?

PORKPIE
Cell phone scrambler.
Got it from that Mossad agent we whacked.
Thought it might come in handy.

TOLLY
Fucking genius.

Porkpie PRESSES a series of buttons.

PORKPIE
Reach out and FUCK someone.

IN THE HOUSE
Seth walks into the rec room.
Punches a number on his cell phone. Listens.

SETH
What the hell?

He walks over to a panel near the light switch.
FLICKS ON a series of buttons.
Enters a code.

Goes to a gun rack.
Grabs a pair of RIFLES.
Grabs a couple boxes of ammo.
DASHES off.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
A series of METAL SHUTTERS CLAMP down
over the first floor windows, one by one,
CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK.

Tolly and Porkpie watch.

TOLLY
SHIT. God-DAMMIT.

PORKPIE
I’ll go make sure they kill the power.

He RUNS off.

INT. STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie stands in the doorway.

CARRIE
Everybody, I’ve got something I need to tell you.

BLUE
Hey. He got the cuff off.

CARRIE
That’s -- great.

BERNIE
(reads her expression)
What’s wrong?

CARRIE
I need everyone to remain calm --

MARGO
What the FUCK is going on, Carrie?

Pause.

CARRIE
The people that were following us --
(beat)
Are outside.
And they’re trying to get in.

MARGO
How DARE you bring CRIMINALS to my HOME.
What were you THINKING?

CARRIE
SETH called me, said you had a STROKE.
I was THINKING of making sure my MOTHER was OKAY.

The power GOES OUT.
Seth rushes in, holding the rifles.

SETH
Not to worry,
emergency generator should kick in right away.

LAYLA
(crosses herself)
Dear Jesus, Mother Mary of God --

The lights COME BACK ON.

BERNIE
(to Carrie)
You just HAD to drag me out of the house.

CARRIE
Look, I realize you’re upset.
But if we all remain calm,
everything will be alright.

Seth goes to the phone on the desk.
Picks up the receiver.

SETH
The phone’s dead.
(looks at Carrie)
And my cell isn’t working.

Carrie whips out hers.
Punches a number. Listens.

CARRIE
Bastard’s have a scrambler. SHIT.

BLUE
I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.
If I hadn’t asked you to help me --

CARRIE
Enough of that.
What’s done is done.
Everybody just relax.
There’s only four of them, and six of us.
(looks at Seth)
We’ve got two rifles --
(pulls out her Glock)
And I’ve got this.

Bernie pulls out his service revolver.
Then another piece from his ankle holster.

BERNIE
And I’ve got these.

CARRIE
Great. So that’s -- five guns.

Margo looks at Carrie. Quizzical.
She’s never seen this side of her daughter.

MARGO
Someone get me my handbag.

Seth does. Hands it to her.
Margo pulls out a STUN GUN.

MARGO (CONT’D)
And I’ve got 5000 volts of
'don’t mess with me, motherfucker.'

CARRIE
I’m not even gonna ask.

2 comments:

  1. Great title, cool picture, and better screenplay.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Chad. I was starting get paranoid that people might not like this story, it being not as outrageous as my others ...

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete