Good Night, Flat Foot

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of DAZED BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, after blowing up her parents' trailer and running away from home, underaged beauty pageant wannabe Sparkle Plenty checks into the The Farmer's Daughter motel in Hollywood. Meanwhile, homicide detective Carrie Love spars with her ex, fellow dick Bernie Keko as the prepares to undercover on a porn shoot ...


EXT. THE FARMER’S DAUGHTER MOTEL - NIGHT
Beyond crappy. Behind a plexiglass box,
the FAT ASIAN CLERK (30)
regards a filthy Sparkle warily.

SPARKLE
Hey there, hot stuff.
How much is it?

FAT ASIAN CLERK
For the night or for the hour?

SPARKLE
Don’t make me laugh, ton o’ wonton.
I bet the Chamber of Commerce
would love to hear how you greet
a tired visitor to this wondrous city.

Spooked, he slides over the registration.
She fills it out.

FAT ASIAN CLERK
It’s thirty-nine dollars
a night, in advance.
No cooking, no guests, no pets.
You can use the pool, but after
eight we’re not responsible.
Read the sign.

She hands him the card
and some cash.

FAT ASIAN CLERK (CONT’D)
Check out time is eleven.
No exceptions.

SPARKLE
All I need is soap and water
and fresh towels.
(takes key, turns to leave)
Thanks -- grasshopper.

FAT ASIAN CLERK
(reads the card)
Your name is -- Sparkle Plenty?

SPARKLE
You don’t want to know
what they named my brother.
(beat, weird smile)
G’night, flat-top.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - NIGHT
Carrie strides out the front door,
Bernie right behind her.

CARRIE
Good night, flat-foot.

KEKO
I’m coming with you.

CARRIE
No you’re not.
(reaches her car, opens the door)
If I’m gonna get in there,
I gotta be alone.
(jumps in, slams it shut)
And I certainly don’t wanna be
seen on the set with my ex.
Hampers the getting laid quotient.

She GUNS the engine.
Bernie races around
to the passenger side,
tries the door. Locked.

KEKO
Open the door, you --

Carrie cracks the window.

CARRIE
You had your shot, Bernie,
and it fucking kills you that
I defected to the other side.
And now it’s interfering with
your judgement at work.
Go do something --
check the crime scene,
get a burger, jerk off, I don’t care.
Now, if you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got to pick up my HIV test --
(beat)
Can’t get on set without it.