Better Latte Then Never

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, homicide cops Carrie Love and Bernie Keko go the Coffee Bean to get their caffeine fix, where they run into under-aged beauty pageant runaway Sparkle Plenty ...


INT. THE COFFEE BEAN CAFE - DAY
Sparkle stands behind the counter
in uniform getting training from
the MANAGER, a flaming queen.

SPARKLE
(brightly)
I’m the bastard, inbred offspring
of trailer trash from a town so poor,
Sunday dinner was the junkyard cat.
(beat)
Let me guess. I’d say you’re from --
the east coast. Massachusetts, Connecticut.
One of those Kennedy states.

MANAGER
That’s -- horrible.
You’re kidding me, right?

Her smile betrays nothing.
A phone rings in the back.

MANAGER (CONT’D)
I’m from Hyannisport, actually.
But how did you --

Ring. Ring. Ring --

SPARKLE
You better get that.
It could be Stephen Cannell’s
office with a big order.

MANAGER
(as he leaves)
Yeah -- uh, just help out
the customers. I’ll be right back.

SPARKLE
(low, to herself)
Go ahead.
Make my gran-day.

Carrie and Bernie walk in.

SPARKLE’S POV
They glow in a dreamy amber light,
glide in slow-motion.

SPARKLE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Well, fuck me bloody
and hang me on a cross --
they’re perfect.

CARRIE AND BERNIE - REAL TIME
come up to the counter.

KEKO
I think you set a record for
having your cover blown, doll-face.

CARRIE
Stuff it, Bernie, I’m not in the mood.
Larry put me on this case,
so just back off, boogalo.
(beat)
The little twerp owned the building
where we found that dead, tortured
yoga teacher in the basement dungeon.
I tailed the fucker for
a week, but he was clean.
I coulda sworn he never saw me.
(to Sparkle)
I’ll have a grande mochachino
with a triple bullshot, please.

Sparkle nods, writes it down.

KEKO
(to Carrie)
Drink much caffeine?

CARRIE
Mind your own fucking business. Order.

SPARKLE
(to Bernie)
Yes, officer -- what can I get you?

KEKO
Officer? How did you know I was --

SPARKLE
That haircut? Those shoes?
This is the Sunset Strip, mister.
Where’d you buy that suit?
Ross Dress for Less?
(beat)
Wait a minute, let me guess.
Coffee. Black. Four sugars.
(beat)
Don’t worry, this is a
donut joke-free zone.

She smiles strangely,
goes to the coffee machine.

KEKO
Uh -- no, wait --
(looks at menu above)
I’ll have a -- decaf iced
latte, little lady.

Sparkle reacts like she’s been stabbed.

CARRIE
Ooh. Macho.

KEKO
Shut up. It’s hot out,
I want something cool.
(to Sparkle)
And I’m buying. How much?

SPARKLE
(mumbles to herself)
I’m not your little lady.

KEKO
I’m sorry?

SPARKLE
I said -- that’ll be seven-eighty.