Doctor's Orders

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 7 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her illicit lover Jett Targo check on Haven's husband Dart after his nasty fall, then continue their conspiracy to kill him ... but get interrupted by visits from sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, little person Nola bliss ... and then Dart's doctor ...


INT. HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY ENTRANCE - DAY
Jett follows Haven onto the boat.

JETT
You can’t tell anyone else about us.
If we’re going to -- do this,
nobody can know we’re --
(a whisper)
In a relationship.

HAVEN
You’re right.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t --
(realizes)
Did you say we’re --
in a relationship?

Jett takes Haven’s hand.
Holds it to her heart.

JETT
You make me feel something
I’ve never felt before, Haven.
For the first time in my life,
I feel ALIVE.
Like I can do anything.
Be anyone. Go anywhere.

HAVEN
I’m with you, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jett and Haven kneel at the side of the bed.
Watch Dart. Sleeping peacefully.

JETT
We should wake him.

HAVEN
What should I tell him about you?

JETT
That I’m your personal trainer,
and I know alot about --

Dart’s eyes OPEN. Groggy.

DART
(to Jett)
Who the fuck are you?

HAVEN
This is my trainer, Dart.
heard what happened,
and wanted to take a look at you,
see if you’re okay --

JETT
Hello, Mr. Crayce.
I’m a big fan.

DART
Trainer?
You hired a trainer?
I’m not going to pay for --

JETT
I’m not charging her, Mr. Crayce.
We met walking our dogs.
Haven told me about
having chronic back pain,
and I offered to show her
an exercise routine that would help.

DART
Out of the goodness of your heart.

JETT
Well, sir -- it’s what I do.
I was raised in a good, Christian family,
and I was taught to do unto others --

DART
You said you’re a fan of mine?

JETT
Oh, yeah -- I’m a big movie buff.

DART
What’s your favorite film of mine?

JETT
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.
Bogart and Stanwyck,
together for the first time.
Perfect film.
(beat)
Is it true that the original leads
were Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyatt?

DART
Why, yes -- but, how did you -- ?

JETT
Robert Osbourne.
Turner Movie Classics.
Never miss it.

DART
That Bobby Osbourne.
What a little rascal.
I owe him a lunch.

HAVEN
How are you feeling?
How’s your head?

DART
My head is fine.
It’s my ass that’s killing me.

JETT
No blurry vision?
Heart palpitations?

DART
I’m just fine, young lady.
Now, if you’ll excuse us,
it’s almost time for my dialysis,
and my --

Dart looks at Haven.
A lewd grin.

HAVEN
Physical therapy.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Horrified.

EXT. HOUSEBOAT - THE NEXT MORNING
A gorgeous, perfect, sunshiny morning.
Jett trains Haven outside on the deck.

HAVEN
What was I supposed to say?
You can’t come and examine him
because he might have to go to the hospital
and then we can’t KILL him?

JETT
What time is he supposed to be here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
Shit.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Mornin’, ladies.

Jett and Haven look, see --

TRIMMER WALTZ
on his Sheriff’s boat.
Big ol’ grin on his face.

JETT
(nods)
Deputy.

HAVEN
Trimmer.

TRIMMER
Sure is a gorgeous day.

JETT
Yes, sir.

TRIMMER
(to Haven)
How is your husband doing?
Has he recovered from that nasty fall?

HAVEN
(surprised)
Uh -- he’s fine.

TRIMMER
Lucky for him you were around.
Hate to see anything happen to him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer picks up the receiver. Listens.

TRIMMER
Holy COW. I’ll be right there, chief.
(clicks it off, looks at them)
Pregnant lady fell in the drink
at the Fisherman’s Wharf.
Baptism by water. Heh-heh-heh.
(salutes)
See ya later.

And he ZOOMS away.

HAVEN
What the fuck?

JETT
How did he find out?
You think he’s --

HAVEN
Watching us?

JETT
I dunno, I --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ahoy, mateys!

HAVEN
(turns, looks)
Nola.

JETT
Who is THAT?

HAVEN
Neighbor from hell.

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock in a tiny running suit.

Bottle of imported beer in one hand,
the rest of the six pack in the other.

She pads up the gangplank on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN
Nola. This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in the new
Jason Statham flick, The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me.

HAVEN
That’s great.
So you’re, what -- the love interest?

NOLA
I wish. I’m an assassin.

They look at each other. Fake smiles.

NOLA
Beer?

HAVEN
Sorry, I’m -- working out.

NOLA
You certainly are.

JETT
(offers her hand)
Hi, I’m Jett. Her trainer.

NOLA
Nice to meet you.
(gives her the once-over)
Do you have any openings?
I might have to get in shape
for this role.

JETT
My schedule’s pretty full.
But let me check, and I’ll get back to you.

NOLA
Super.
(to Haven)
So how is your husband?
Is he okay?
That was a pretty nasty fall.

HAVEN
He’s -- fine, thanks.

NOLA
That’s good. Whew.
(brightly)
Well, I gotta toodle-oo.
Gotta wardrobe fitting.
Ciao, darlings.

She smiles, turns,
and skittles down the gangplank.

JETT
What’s going on here?

HAVEN
Fucking nosy midget. Spying on me.
(thinks)
We’re going to have to do it soon.
Have you thought of anything yet?

JETT
Yeah. His insulin pump?

HAVEN
What about it?

JETT
I’ve been researching what happens if it fails --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Top o’ the mornin,’ Mrs. Crayce!

Haven turns, sees --
‘BING’ BIRMINGHAM, MD (70’S).

Tall, hulking with a big gut,
shock of white hair.

Gap-toothed smile in a soft, doughy face.
Waddling up the gangplank with his doctor’s bag.

HAVEN
Dr. Birmingham. Nice to see you.

BING
Gorgeous day for a workout.
I see you’ve hired a trainer.
(offers his hand to Jett)
Bing Birmingham, MD.
But you can call me Dr. Bing.
Everyone does.

JETT
(takes hand, shakes)
Dr. -- Bing. Jett Targo, hi.

PUSH IN ON Bing. Suddenly serious.

BING
Let’s go see the patient.