Where There's A Will, There's A Lay

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of THE DISH, homicide detective Cal Seely and Dr. Bing Birmingham camp out outside Haven's door, waiting for her to come home so they can question her in the death of her husband Dart. Meanwhile, Haven meets with her lawyers at the reading of Dart's will and faces the wrath of his first wife ...


EXT. MARINA SLIP - THE SAFE HAVEN - NIGHT
All lights out on the Safe Haven.

The boat looks ominous. Spooky.
Slowly bobbing in the water.

Cal Seely and Dr. Bing stand on the dock.
Looking at it.

CAL
Thanks for coming on such short notice.

DR. BING
Sure, sure -- but she’s not home.

Cal squints at the boat.
Chews on his unlit cigar.

CAL
She could be asleep.

DR. BING
Then why bother her now?

CAL
Element of surprise.

DR. BING
So -- you suspect her?

CAL
Insulin pump didn’t malfunction.
(puffs)
Battery was dead.

DR. BING
But she said she changed --

CAL
Exactly.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven kneels in front of the window.
Slowly pulls back the curtain a tiny bit.
Looks out.

HAVEN
(sees them outside)
Shit. Fuck. Goddammit.

She goes to the mini bar.
Pours a stiff one.

Grabs a prescription bottle.
Shakes out a couple pills.

Gulps them down.
Chases it with a slug of her drink.

She pulls out her cell phone.
PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAVEN
Hey, it’s me.
(listens)
It’s done?

The doorbell RINGS.

HAVEN
Shit --
(listens)
It’s fucking Dr. Bing
and that fat fucking cop --
(listens)
All the lights are off --
(listens)
No, it’s too dangerous.
Who knows how long
they’ll be out there.
Just sit tight. I’ll call you
tomorrow after I go to the bank.

The doorbell RINGS again.

HAVEN
I’ll gonna have a bubble bath,
listen to my Ipod.
If they come in, I’ll say
couldn’t hear the doorbell
with the music on.
(listens)
Yeah. We’re almost there.
(listens)
Me too, baby.
Straight down the line.

PUSH IN on Haven.
Eyes burning with fire.

EXT. OCEAN FRONT DRIVE - MORNING
A POLICE IMPOUND VEHICLE
is parked behind Rush’s VW bug,
clamped to its towing winch.

The DRIVER starts the truck,
and slowly pulls away, to reveal --

On the windshield,
a mass of PARKING TICKETS.

INT. LAW FIRM - CONFERENCE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven sits alone at the end
of a long, long conference table.

At the other end are
a trio of STONE-FACED ATTORNEYS.

Also at the table is Dart’s FIRST WIFE (80’s),
a haggard-looking vulture of a woman.
Beady eyes flickering.

Needless to say, the air
is thick with anticipation.

Haven picks up a cut-glass
goblet of water.
Takes a tiny sip.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
(reading from the will)
-- and I bequeath my entire estate
to my second wife, Haven.

Haven blinks rapidly.
The slightest trace of a smile cracks.

Nasty First Wife BANGS
the table with her fist.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
That’s NOT FAIR.
I was with him for FIFTY YEARS.
I was there when we was STARVING.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Quiet, please.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(stands, SLAPS the table)
NO! I will NOT be QUIET!
There must be some MISTAKE!
(points)
There’s no way in HELL
he left all his money to that WHORE!

Haven stares at her.
Blank-faced.

OILY ATTORNEY
Please, Ma’am.
I don’t want have to call security.

Nasty PULLS OUT her chair.
RACES over to Haven.

Oily picks up the phone.
Speaks softly into it. Nods. Hangs up.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(gets in Haven’s face)
HARLOT. SLUT.
You just married him for his MONEY.

HAVEN
Get the fuck out of my face, you old bag.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
(spits on Haven’s face)
Fucking CUNT.

Haven JUMPS UP.
SMACKS Nasty on the face, HARD.

A pair of BEEFY SECURITY GUARDS
race in. GRAB her.

NASTY FIRST WIFE
Let GO OF ME.
You CAN’T DO THIS.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
I’m afraid you’re going to
have to come with us.

The guards drag her out,
KICKING and SCREAMING.

Haven takes out a handkerchief.
Wipes her face.

HAVEN
I’m sorry for that --
outburst a moment ago.
I, I -- lost my temper.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
I think you showed remarkable restraint.

OILY ATTORNEY
Indeed. I thought you
were going to deck the bitch.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
The barest hint of a smile.

HAVEN
I can’t imagine what he ever saw in her --

Misty Water-Colored Memories

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of THE DISH, killer lesbian Jett Targo and her meth-adled ex Rush Madder take sheriff's deputy Trimmer Walt'z dead body out to sea in his boat to dispose of him, but then Jett turns the tables on Rush in a fight to the death ...


EXT. OCEAN - SHERIFF’S BOAT - NIGHT
Jett wears Trimmer’s uniform.

Pilots the boat through
the choppy water.

Rush looks out
into the horizon.

The boat ZIPS
across the waves,
THUMPING on each crest.

She pulls the boat to a stop.
back the coastline.

JETT
This is far enough, c’mon.

She goes to the
back of the boat.
Rush follows.

We see Trimmer’s body,
rolled up in a tarp.
Tied to the anchor.

Jett grabs one end of the body.
Rush, the other.

JETT
On the count of three --

They slowly swing it
back and forth --

JETT
One -- two --
(beat)
THREE.

And THROW it
over the side.
SPLASH.

JETT
Goodbye, asshole.

Rush pulls out a small
glassine bag filled
with white powder.

He scoops out a hit
with a long fingernail.
INHALES it. Sniffs.

Looks out into the horizon.
Pensive.

RUSH
Sometimes I wish
things could go back
to the way they were.
(looks at Jett)
Ever feel that way?

JETT
Are you kidding?
Trapped in that
fucked-up small town?
Dealing drugs.
Always looking over our shoulder.
Getting the fuck out of
Kansas was the best thing
we ever did.
(weird laugh)
Just look at us now.

RUSH
We were good together
for awhile -- you know?
We had a lot of fun.

JETT
Oh, yeah.
Three-day binges.
Knocking off convenience stores.
Eating out of dumpsters.
Misty water-colored memories.
(beat)
I know what I want now, Rush.
You should figure that out, too.

RUSH
I told you, I’m bi.

JETT
So that’s why you
sexually assaulted a customer.

RUSH
Shut up.
I told you,
he came on to ME.
And he was more than
a customer, we were friends.

JETT
Then why did he
try to KILL you?
RUSH
So I got carried away.
I was high.
How was I supposed
to know he had a gun?
(beat)
If you weren’t there to --

JETT
That was a long time ago.
I don’t wanna
talk about it anymore.
(beat)
Can I get a hit of that?

RUSH
(hands her the bag)
Sure.

JETT
Can I borrow your keys?

Rush hands her his keys.
Jett dips one in the bag,
HONKS up a big, fat hit.

SKRRRRONK.

Rubs her nose.
Puts the bag in her pocket.
Pulls out her GUN.

RUSH
What are you doing?

JETT
I’m sorry, Rush.
But it’s gotta be this way.
(laughs)
Did you really think
I was gonna share
our fucking MONEY with you?
You didn’t do anything
to HELP. NOTHING.
You’re a fucking LEECH, a LOSER --

RUSH
Don’t SAY THAT.

JETT
A STALKER, and a
fucking DRUG ADDICT.

RUSH
NO!

Rush LEAPS at her.
Jett WHACKS him on the head
with her gun. CRACK.

Rush FLIES back
against the railing.

JETT
It’s the end of the line, sucker.
Time to sleep with the fishes.

Rush GRABS Jett.
Tries to get her gun.
They STRUGGLE.

He CHOKES her
in a bear hug.

Jett DROPS it.
KICKS it away.

RUSH
Fucking DYKE!

Jett LOSES IT.
With insane, animal,
meth-fueled strength,
she FLINGS his arms away.

SPINS him around.
GRABS him, FLIPS him up,
and TWIRLS him over her head
like a toy.

JETT
HA-HA-HA-HA!
How do you like THIS?

RUSH
NOOOOOO --

And THROWS him over the side.
SPLASH.

Jett shakes her head.
Rushing on the drugs.

Eyes darting madly.
She walks over.

Picks up the gun.
Goes to the wheel.

JETT
Sorry, officer.
Didn’t know my own strength.
(laughs)
All ashore who’s going ashore --

Burial At Sea

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of THE DISH, the shit hits the fan when Jett shoots Trimmer while Haven watches ... but when Rush also shows up on the scene, Haven freaks out ... until Jett promises to kill him, too ...


INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Our star-crossed lovers are in bed.
Trimmer lies next to Haven.

Stroking her hair.
Haven pulls away. Pouts.

HAVEN
I’m not in the mood.

TRIMMER
Not in the MOOD?

HAVEN
I -- have a headache.

TRIMMER
Bullshit.

HAVEN
From all the stress.
The cops, the insurance people,
my lawyer --

Like a cat,
Trimmer moves on top of her.

TRIMMER
But its a great stress-reliever --

HAVEN
Trimmer, no -- I don’t want to --

TRIMMER
(pins her wrists down)
Who the fuck asked YOU?

HAVEN
Trimmer, don’t! Stop it!
You’re hurting me!

JETT (O.C.)
Get the fuck off of her, asshole --
and put your dick back in your pants.

JETT
walks into the room.
Pointing her REVOLVER at Trimmer.

JETT
(wild-eyed)
DO IT. NOW.

TRIMMER
(whirls around, sees her)
YOU?

JETT
Deputy.
Funny seeing you here.
Come here often?

Trimmer jumps out of bed.
Stands. Puffs out his chest.

TRIMMER
You can’t shoot me.
I’m a cop.

JETT
You’re confusing me
with someone who gives a shit.

TRIMMER
(walks toward Jett)
Give me the gun.

Jett fires.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

A trio of rose petals bloom
on Trimmer’s wife beater.
He looks down, in shock.

TRIMMER
You fucking SHOT me.

He staggers.
GRABS onto the side table.

JETT
Well, whaddaya know.

Haven LEAPS out of bed.
Goes to Jett.
Gets behind her.

HAVEN
DIE, you fucking creep! DIE.

Trimmer slumps to the floor.
Pulls out his cell phone.

TRIMMER
Gotta -- call -- this in --

Jett FIRES again.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Trimmer’s head hits the wall
with a THUD. Lights out.
Blood pools in the carpet.

JETT
You’ve been suspended
from duty, officer.

She looks at Haven.
Bursts into WILD LAUGHTER.

HAVEN
You did it!

JETT
And it felt so GOOD.

Rush comes in.
Out of breath.

RUSH
(to Jett)
I heard the shots.
Is he -- you know.

HAVEN
Who are the fuck are YOU?
(to Jett)
Do you know this guy?

JETT
(to Rush)
I told you to stay in the car.
(to Haven)
It’s okay, he’s cool.
An old friend of mine
from back home.

RUSH
Hey.
(holds his crotch)
Can I use the head?
I gotta take a wicked piss.

HAVEN
Down the hall,
second door on your left.

Rush ambles away.

HAVEN
Jett?

JETT
It’s a long story.
Rush and I go way back.
He came to visit,
and I can’t get rid of him.
He followed me the night
we -- you know,
so now he wants in.
Wants a cut for keeping quiet.
I didn’t tell you because
didn’t want you to --

HAVEN
You offered him a
CUT OF THE FUCKING MONEY?

JETT
No, of course not.
I just need his help with --
(points at Trimmer’s body)
This thing, and --
(whispers)
Then I’ll -- take care of him.

HAVEN
Goddammit, Jett.
(beat)
What can I do?

JETT
(looks at Trimmer)
Give me his uniform.

HAVEN
His uniform?
Why do you want to --

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Unbuckling her belt.

JETT
Burial at sea.

Sleep With The Fishes

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of THE DISH, homicide detective Cal Seely starts closing in on murder suspects Haven and Jett in the death of Haven's husband. Meanwhile, Haven distracts Trimmer, while Jett and Rush prepare to kill him ...


INT. VENICE BOARDWALK - SMALL WORLD BOOKS - DAY
A bookworm’s delight.
A cozy, cluttered joint filled to the rafters.
Young, HIPSTER LOCALS wander the aisles.

And Cal Seely’s there, too.
He looks up at a section placard.

CRIME FICTION
he squints. Nods.

Starts going down the aisle.
Runs his fingers
across the spines,
reading the authors.

He stops on one.
Pulls it out.
Examines the back cover.

His cell phone RINGS.
Cal fishes it out.
Flips it open.

CAL
Seely here.
(listens)
Chief.
What’s up?
(listens)
With all due respect sir,
I think he’s full of shit.
(listens)
Of course I
think he’s involved.
I think they both are.
Classic love triangle.
You ever see that movie --
(listens)
Yeah.
That’s where I’m going next.
Fishing for DNA.
(beat)
Then I’m gonna check out
the personal trainer.
Something smells fishy.
(listens)
You’re a goddamn laugh-riot.
(listens)
Much.

He CLICKS the phone shut.

Looks at the book,
turns it around,
revealing the title --

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - LATER THAT EVENING
We hear a shower running
in the next room.

Haven sits on the bed,
casual in Juicy Couture.

Sipping a cocktail.
She grabs her cell phone.

PUNCHES a number.
Listens.

HAVEN
(a whisper)
It’s me.
(listens)
It’s time.
(listens)
Okay.

A toilet FLUSHES.

TRIMMER
walks in the room.

Buckling his belt.
Scowling.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Smiles.

TRIMMER
Who was that?

HAVEN
My mother.

TRIMMER
I thought you didn’t
get along with your mother.

HAVEN
I don’t.
She hit me up for money.

TRIMMER
Then why are you smiling?

HAVEN
Cause I said NO.

EXT. MARINA DOCK - NIGHT
Jett and Rush appear,
both rakish in black.

They approach the Safe Haven.
Look at Trimmer’s Sheriff’s
patrol boat anchored next to it.

Jett is amped.
Eyes flashing.

JETT
That’s his boat.
(beat)
You go stay in the car,
keep a lookout.

RUSH
What do I do if someone comes?

JETT
Call me.
And stop them.

RUSH
Cool.
(pulls out a vial)
Wanna bump?

She nods. Takes it.
Unscrews the cap.

Under it, a tiny spoon.
She shovels out a hit, SNORTS it.
Then, another.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Ready to go.

JETT
Places, please --

Where There's Smoke, There's Ire

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE DISH, Jett and Rush go to a seedy Venice Beach pawnshop to buy a gun to kill Trimmer with. Then, a little while later, Haven confesses to Jett about her affair with Trimmer and how it ended ... and that she now wants to kill him, too ...


EXT. LUNA’S PAWN SHOP - DAY
A shitty cinder block bunker
with bars on the windows
on the wrong end of Lincoln Boulevard.
Se Hablo Espanole.

Jett and Rush stand at the door.
Press the intercom button.

BUZZZZZZZZZ. They go in.

INT. PAWN SHOP - AT THAT MOMENT
Jett and Rush squint in the darkness.

A HEAVYSET LATIN GUY sits behind the counter.
He puts a wad of cash in a strong box.
CLICKS it shut.

BEHIND THE COUNTER
we see he’s holding a 9MM automatic.

HEAVYSET LATIN GUY
Hola, amigo.
What can I do for you today?

RUSH
You Luna?

LUNA
I’m Luna.

RUSH
You sell -- guns?

LUNA
(smiles)
Who told you that?

RUSH
Uh, guy named Ramirez,
down in Long Beach.
Big guy, like you, rides
with the Los Muertos cycle club.
Customer of mine.

LUNA
What do you sell?

RUSH
(pulls out a vial)
Show me yours,
and I’ll show you mine.

Luna smiles broadly,
displaying rows of gold teeth.

LUNA
Ramirez, that fat fuck.
Why didn’t you say so?

INT. JETT’S CAR - MOMENTS LATER
Jett holds a 38 special
down low below the dashboard.

Stares at it, wide-eyed.

JETT
I like -- how it feels.

Rush points his SERVICE REVOLVER
out the window. Takes aim.

RUSH
Just like back home
shooting pigeons in the barn.
He squeezes the trigger. CLICK.

EXT. THE SAFE HAVEN - FORWARD DECK
Haven paces back and forth.
Talks on her cell phone.

HAVEN
Jett? Where are you? Pick up.
(listens)
Jett, pick up. C’mon --
(listens)
I need to see you.
We need to talk.
(beat)
I need -- your help.
(beat)
Tomorrow morning at 9,
at the Food Town.
I’ll be in the produce aisle.
for you.
(beat)
We need to talk. Okay?

BEEP.

She clicks the phone shut.
Lost in thought.

INT. FOOD TOWN - DAY
Rows of fresh fruit.
The joint’s all but deserted.

A SHOPPING CART appears.
It’s being pushed by Haven,
wearing huge sunglasses.

Another CART pulls up next to it,
pushed by Jett, also in shades,
and a baseball cap pulled down low.

HAVEN
Thanks for coming.

They start rolling the carts
down the aisle.

JETT
You wanted to talk. So talk.

HAVEN
I’ve missed you, Jett.
I’ve missed you so much.

JETT
You sure have a funny way of showing it.

HAVEN
What that’s supposed to mean?

Jett stops her cart.

JETT
(hisses)
Trimmer Waltz.
I saw you with him.
I know what’s going on.
What do you think I am,
a fucking patsy?
(to herself)
I don’t even know why I’m here.

HAVEN
Trimmer and I, we --
(beat)
It started off as innocent fun,
but it didn’t mean anything --
and then I lost interest,
and tried to call it off.

JETT
Yeah, right.

HAVEN
It’s true, listen to me.
He said if I stopped seeing him,
he was going to tell Dart about us.
(beat)
And then he came up with his -- plan.
And then I saw you on the beach
training people. I was drawn to you.
(beat)
But what I didn’t expect --
was to -- fall for you.
And by then, it was -- too late.
(beat)
I fucked it all up, Jett. I’m sorry.
(beat)
So sorry.

Pause.

JETT
You expect me to believe that bullshit?

HAVEN
It’s the truth, Jett. I --

Haven lowers her shades.
Eyes full of tears.

HAVEN
I need you, Jett.
I gotta hole in my heart
where you used to be.
If I can’t be with you,
I’d rather die.

JETT
But Trimmer, I saw you --

HAVEN
I told you, it’s OVER.
Trimmer’s an ASSHOLE.
He’s a PIG, he’s so full of himself --

JETT
And you just figured that out?

HAVEN
I’ve been dying without you, Jett.
I want things to be the way they were --
you and me against the world.
Forever and ever.
Willing to do whatever it takes.

Jett’s nose starts running.
She wipes it on the back of her sleeve.
Stares at Haven.

JETT
I don’t know, I --

Haven looks around anxiously.
She takes Jett’s hand.

Slowly guide it up her skirt.
Shivers.

HAVEN
(whispers)
See how wet you make me?

JETT
I, I --

HAVEN
(pulls her close)
Remember those three days
we had all to ourselves?
It was so good.
The happiest I’ve ever been.
Can’t you see I’m in love with you?
(beat)
Don’t you -- want me anymore?

JETT
(a whisper)
I, I do.
(embraces her)
Of course I do.

They hug for a long moment.

A FEMALE SHOPPER (50’s)
wheels her cart past them.
Stares disapprovingly.

Haven pulls away.

HAVEN
So you know what we have to do.

JETT
What?

HAVEN
We have to make him -- go away.

A strange smile flickers on Jett’s face.
She looks around.

Reaches in her jacket pocket.
Pulls out the REVOLVER.

JETT
You must be a mind-reader.

HAVEN
(sharp whisper)
Holy shit, put that away.

JETT
(pockets it)
So what’s the plan?

HAVEN
We need to act fast.
I’m going to the reading
of Dart’s will tomorrow,
and then I’m gonna take
all the money out of the bank.
So we gotta do it tonight.

JETT
Tonight?

HAVEN
Yeah. I’m meeting him
on the boat later for dinner.
You know, consoling the grieving widow.
I’ll call you after he gets there,
and then --

JETT
(points finger like a gun)
Hasta la vista, Deputy Waltz.

HAVEN
Yeah. And then we can be together.
We can go anywhere,
do anything -- together.

JETT
Do whatever it takes.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Lowering her shades.
Eyes full of fire.

HAVEN
Straight down the line.

Afternoon Delight

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of THE DISH, Jett tells Rush about Haven's plan to frame her for the death of her husband with the help of sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz. Meanwhile, homicide detective Cal Seely questions Trimmer about the murder ...


INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jett STORMS into the room.
SLAMS the door.

Rush lolls on the couch
watching TV drinking a beer.

She walks over.
Sees the mirror
with the lines of speed
he’s been chopping up
on the coffee table.

JETT
Okay, here’s the deal.
If you want your cut,
you’re gonna have to
work for it.
(beat)
I need your help.

RUSH
Sure, sure.
What can I do?

Jett sits down next to him.
Looks at the drugs.

JETT
You know my -- friend?

RUSH
Haven?

JETT
Yeah. She’s --
(shudders)
She’s fucking the Sheriff’s deputy.
And they’re setting me up.

RUSH
Holy SHIT.

JETT
Mind if do one of those?

RUSH
Fuck, no.
Now we’re talking.
(hands her a straw)
Madam, your carriage awaits.

JETT
(takes it)
Giddyap.

She leans down.
SNORTS a line
in her left nostril.

Then another in her right.
She shakes her head. WHOOSH.

RUSH
You’re gonna be fucking flying,
after being clean so long.

JETT
(SNORTS another)
Goddamn right.

RUSH
So what’s the plan?
What can I help with?

JETT
I need you to help me --
get a gun.

Jett reaches over.
Wets a finger in
Rush's water glass.

Touches it to her nose.
SNORTS it.

RUSH
A gun?
What for?

JETT
I’m gonna kill
the motherfucker.

RUSH
But he’s a cop.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Eyes blazing with
chemical fire.

JETT
Kinda like old times, huh?

EXT. MARINA - SHERIFF’S SUBSTATION - AT THAT MOMENT
An old, wooden shack
at the edge of the pier.

The Sheriff’s skiff
floats and bobs
in the water nearby.

INT. SHERIFF’S SUBSTATION - DAY
Trimmer sits at his desk.
Filling out a report.

Shitty 70’s ‘soft rock’
plays softly on a cheap boombox.
Afternoon Delight, indeed.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Anybody home?

TRIMMER
Entree, si vous plait.

Cal Seely ambles in.
Perspiring in his overcoat.

CAL
Deputy Waltz?

TRIMMER
You’re lookin’ at him.

CAL
(flashes badge)
Detective Sergeant Cal Seely,
Homicide.

TRIMMER
Please to meet you.
Pull up a log.

CAL
(pulls out a cigar)
I like to stand.
Mind if I smoke?

TRIMMER
I’m allergic.
Sorry.
(looks)
That’s quite a stogie.
Freud would have a
field day with THAT.

CAL
(not amused)
I’m investigating
the death of Dart Crayce.

TRIMMER
The film director,
the houseboat.
Yes. Tragic.
(shakes his head)
His poor wife.

CAL
Yes.
His poor, young wife --

TRIMMER
Oh. Now listen,
I’ve met her,
she’s a nice lady.
No way she could have --

CAL
It’s a good motive.
What was he -- 80 years old?

TRIMMER
85, I think.

CAL
And I’m sure he was
worth a lot of money.
All those classic,
old movies --

They look at each other.
Thinking.

TRIMMER
If you ask me,
I think you should check out
her personal trainer.
I’ve seen them working out --
and I sensed there was
more going on than just --
weight lifting, if
you know what I mean.

CAL
(pulls out notebook)
The trainer.
What’s his name?

TRIMMER
HER name.
Jett something.
Jett -- Targo, that’s it.
She’s a, you know --
(mimes flexing arm muscle)
Real strong.

CAL
Lesbo?
They having an affair?

TRIMMER
God, no.
It’s just that --
I’m out on my
boat every morning,
and I’d see them.
And, I dunno --
it’s a gut feeling.
You know --
(beat)
The way she’d
look at Mrs. Crayce.
All hungry-like.

CAL
(narrows his eyes)
A gut feeling.
(off his nod)
Hungry-like.

PUSH IN ON Trimmer.
A rude leer.

TRIMMER
Yeah, you know --
like an animal.
Hungry.

Forgive And Forget

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of THE DISH, it's a clusterfuck of epic proportions when murderous personal trainer Jett Targo overhears her supposed lover, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce conspiring with sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz to run off together, leaving her in the cold ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY - MORNING
Haven’s at the bar.
Mixing champagne and OJ in a pitcher.

HAVEN
Silly.
It’s never too early for a MIMOSA.
(turns, to someone off-camera)
We have to celebrate.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
The king is dead.
Long live the queen.

Haven picks up the drinks,
walks over to --

TRIMMER WALTZ
seated on the couch.

Splayed out like
he owns the joint.

TRIMMER
(takes a drink, smiles)
Thank you, my love.
(pats the couch)
Come sit next to me,
my little firecracker.

Haven sits next to him.
Sips her drink.

HAVEN
Who you calling a firecracker?

TRIMMER
I can’t believe it.
We’re almost done.
(beat)
When’s the reading of the will?

HAVEN
Tomorrow.

TRIMMER
Eight-hundred thousand smackeroos.
(toasts)
Here’s to that cabin
up in Big Bear.

They CLINK.
Sip.

HAVEN
I know we talked
about Big Bear,
but I was thinking --

TRIMMER
Whoah.
That could be dangerous.

HAVEN
Shut up.
Listen to me.
(sips)
I think it might be
better if we went to Mexico.
You know, one of those
little fishing towns
on the coast, like in
That Killing Feeling.

TRIMMER
But I don’t speak Spanish --

OUTSIDE ON THE DECK
Jett stands near the open window,
shade down, listening.

IN THE GALLEY
Haven gets up.

Goes to the bar,
fixes another drink.

HAVEN
I just think
it would be -- safer.
The cops couldn’t touch us.

TRIMMER
That’s true.
(finishes his drink)
Tell you what.
We’ll think about it.
(beat)
And what about Ms. Targo?
(nasty laugh)
Or should I say MR. Targo --

HAVEN
Nola’s body.
I find out where
she's stashed it --
and then you tip off
Detective Seely.

TRIMMER
You’re an evil genius, baby.
(beat)
But you know that.

HAVEN
(evil grin)
Takes one to know one.

TRIMMER
I gotta ask you something.
(beat)
Didn’t you like it --
at least a little bit --
when that buff, young specimen
went down on you?

HAVEN
What the fuck?

TRIMMER
Well, they say only a woman
knows what another woman wants --

OUTSIDE ON THE DECK
Jett blinks back tears.
Turns.

Quietly walks away.
Head down.

IN THE GALLEY
Haven DOWNS her cocktail.
Starts fixing another.

HAVEN
Don’t be ridiculous.

TRIMMER
It’s okay, baby.
I find it -- kind of a turn-on.
(eyes narrow)
If things were different,
I might just wanna -- join in.

HAVEN
(snorts)
As if.

TRIMMER
Excuse me?

She takes a sip.
Lights a smoke.
Crosses over to him.

HAVEN
You think she was my first?
(laughs)
That’s what all you guys want.
To join in.
(beat)
Fucking creepy.

Trimmer stares.
Be careful here.

TRIMMER
Hey, now --
I was just kidding, baby doll.
Just tryin’ to get
a rise out of you.
Let’s not fight.

HAVEN
You started it.

He gets up.
Puts his arms around her.

TRIMMER
I’m sorry.
(touches her chin)
You forgive me, baby?

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Faint smile.
Eyes off somewhere else.

HAVEN
Forgive and forget
is for suckers --

Murder In The First

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce gets grilled by homicide detective Cal Seely about her husband's murder. Meanwhile, Haven's co-conspirator and adulterous lover, personal trainer Jett Targo has a deadly run-in with one of her clients ...


EXT. MARINA SLIP - THE SAFE HAVEN - MORNING
Haven sits at the workout machine, working her arms.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears.
CAL SEELY (50’s), short, squat homicide detective.

Face like an old potato.
Chewing on an unlit cigar.
Rumpled, in a shitty suit and a fedora.

SEELY
Excuse me. Are you Mrs. Crayce?

HAVEN
(turns, looks)
Uh-huh. Who are you?

He walks over, hands her a business card.

SEELY
Detective Cal Seely. Homicide.
(squinting in the sun)
Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

HAVEN
(reading the card, heart pounding)
Of course not.
Come inside, it’s cooler in there --

INT. SAFE HAVEN - GALLEY - MOMENTS LATER
Haven sits on the couch
with a glass of ice tea.

Seely takes a sip of his,
slowly walks around the room.

HAVEN
Please, sit. Make yourself at home.

SEELY
I’m comfortable standing, thank you.
(squints)
That a real Oscar?

HAVEN
Uh-huh.

SEELY
Smaller than I thought it’d be --
(turns, looks at her)
Thanks for seeing me like this,
during your -- time of grief.

HAVEN
Sure.

SEELY
Damn good ice tea.
(beat)
Now you said your husband’s
insulin pump wasn’t on.
How could that be?
Didn’t he need that -- to live?

HAVEN
Yes, he did.
(beat)
The battery must have been -- defective.
I changed the battery once a week,
on Sunday --

SEELY
Yesterday was Sunday.

HAVEN
Exactly. I normally change it in the morning,
when he got up, but with all the excitement --
he got home from the hospital yesterday --

SEELY
Why was he in the hospital?

HAVEN
He was -- having some tests.
He had a -- bad fall last week,
and his doctor wanted to make sure
everything was -- you know, okay.

SEELY
And was everything okay?

Haven looks at him.
Eyes cloud up with tears.

HAVEN
Yes. Everything was -- okay.

SEELY
So then when did you
change the battery?

HAVEN
Right before the movie.
We watched a movie every night.
(inhales)
We had some wine, he fell asleep.
After it was over, I went down
the guest room to meditate --
I listen to music
while I’m meditating on my Ipod.

SEELY
I see.
(beat)
But if you were listening
to music on headphones,
how did you -- hear him?

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Eyes liquid-bright.

HAVEN
It was a -- quiet song.
(beat)
You know -- meditation music.

EXT. BEACH CONDO - OUTDOOR PATIO - AT THAT MOMENT
Jett is training the
Fat, Sweating Venture Capitalist
we met earlier on the beach.

Fat lies on a bench under a barbell
ringed with weights clamped
in a cradle above him.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
That looks like -- too much weight.

JETT
It’s only an extra ten pounds, Tyledge.
You told me you want to be ripped.

TYLEDGE
Yeah, I do.

JETT
Well, then -- let ‘er rip.
(beat)
Relax. I’m spotting you.
Just go nice and slow.

Fat looks up. Nods.
GRABS the barbell,
slowly lifts it up off the rack.

Straining and wheezing.
Jett’s cell phone VIBRATES in her pocket.

She fishes it out.
It’s a text message.

TYLEDGE
(pushing, straining)
I, uh -- I can’t -- it’s, it’s slipping --

But Jett is reading the message.
It’s from Rush. On his way.

JETT
(under her breath)
Shit.

TYLEDGE
HELP, it’s gonna --

The weight is too much for Tyledge,
his grip slips, and the barbell
SLAMS DOWN on his neck.

TYLEDGE
GAAAAAAA!

Jett WHIPS her head around.

JETT
FUCK!

She GRABS the barbell,
TOSSES it aside.

It CRASHES into a glass table,
SHATTERING it into a million pieces.

Tyledge GRABS his throat,
SCREAMS in pain.

TYLEDGE
Fucking bitch!
You trying to KILL me?

JETT
I’m sorry, I was -- on the phone --

TYLEDGE
Get the FUCK OUT OF HERE.
You’re FIRED, you HEAR ME?
(beat)
Fucking DYKE.

JETT
WHAT did you call me?

TYLEDGE
You heard me.
(ominous)
You’re gonna hear from my lawyer.
I’m gonna take you
for every cent you have.
(beat)
So, tell me.
Do you have to strap one
on to satisfy that little whore?

Jett rears back and SUCKER-PUNCHES
him under the chin, sends him FLYING.

He SLAMS down, CRACKING
his head on the pavement.

JETT
Shit.

She feels his neck for a pulse.
Nothing. He’s DEAD.

JETT
NO.

Jett looks around. Nobody.
Everyone is at work.

She grabs Tyledge by the ankles,
drags him into the house.

IN THE LIVING ROOM
Jett pulls the large body
through the lux living room.

IN THE BASEMENT
She drags him down the stairs,
his body going THUNK, THUNK, THUNK
on each step.

Talk about ‘dead weight.’

They get to the bottom.
Jett looks around, sees --

A LARGE FREEZER
One of those industrial-sized ones
that lies horizontally.

JETT
Drags Tyledge to the freezer. Opens it.
Sees a mountain of steaks, chops and meat.
She starts pulling them out.

DISSOLVE TO:
Jett TOSSES meat packages into the freezer,
covering the body.

All we can see is his head.
She FLIPS one last steak in,
which covers his face.

SLAMS the lid closed.

JETT
That'll teach you
to call me a fucking DYKE --

The Big Payoff

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of THE DISH, Jett returns home after disposing of Nola's body, only to find Rush wide awake and continuing his meth binge, and the shit hits more than the fan when Rush reveals he followed her and saw her kill Nola ... and is now demanding a piece of the action ...


INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Jett quietly closes the door.
Tip-toes into her apartment.

The TV is on. Loud.
Machine guns. EXPLOSIONS.

JETT
Rush.

Rush sits on the couch.
Turns, looks.

RUSH
Hey, what’s up.

Jett goes to the table.
Grabs the remote.
PUNCHES mute.

JETT
I thought you’d sleep -- longer.

RUSH
I can’t crash more than
a couple hours.

He leans over,
HONKS up a big, fat line.

RUSH
(offers straw, evil grin)
Wanna bump?

JETT
No, I told you I --

RUSH
That’s an awesome houseboat.
It’s so fucking BIG.

JETT
Houseboat?

RUSH
Yeah, the one your --
friend lives in.
(beat)
Or should I say girlfriend?

JETT
How did you,
what did you --

RUSH
I saw her address
on the fridge.
Got curious when I
saw it was a boat.
Walked over.
(another line)
Man, that was
some fight, huh?
Who knew a fucking MIDGET
could be so strong?

JETT
Rush --

RUSH
Now THAT’S what I call
'dwarf tossing.'

He grabs his beer
off the table.

Takes a slug.
Big grin.

JETT
Now wait a minute --

RUSH
No, YOU wait a minute.
(enjoying his power)
What did you do
with the body?

Pause.

JETT
What do you want?
You wanna --
stay here awhile?

RUSH
Hell, no.
I figure with my cut
I can get my own pad.

JETT
Your CUT?

RUSH
You killed her husband
for the insurance money, right?
Old fuck’s gotta be loaded.
I saw on the news
he was some famous
old-time director
or some shit.

JETT
And if I give
you a -- cut,
you’ll go away,
leave me alone.

RUSH
Yeah.
(stands)
Can I have my keys?

JETT
Where are you going?

RUSH
I gotta go home,
sort out some business,
get some supplies,
some clothes.
Don’t worry,
I’ll be back right away.
Wanna be here
for the big payoff.

Jett TOSSES Rush’s keys.
He CATCHES them.

JETT
How much -- do you want?

RUSH
I’m thinking -- half.

JETT
HALF?

RUSH
You really scared me.
I haven’t see you
go off like that
since the thing in Kansas.
(beat)
This time you can
bury it yourself.

Rush starts for the door.

JETT
The body’s in the
trunk of your car.
So I suggest
you drive carefully.

RUSH
(stops, spins around)
What the fuck?

JETT
Hey -- if you’re in this,
you gotta earn your share.

Sleep With The Fishes

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Death Of A Midget

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of THE DISH, star-crossed adulterous lesbian lovers Haven and Jett watch in horror as Haven's diabetic husband Dart won't die as quickly as they thought he would, but the shit really hits the fan when their diminutive neighbor Nola Bliss walks in on them ...


INT. HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Buster comes BOUNDING in.
Followed by Haven. Then Jett.

HAVEN
That’s what I’m telling you. Listen --

We hear low, ANGUISHED MOANING from upstairs.

JETT
What’s happening to him?

HAVEN
His body is screaming out for insulin,
but he’s not getting any,
so his blood sugar is plummeting.
He’s having seizures. Bad ones.

JETT
How long -- will it take for him to --

HAVEN
A couple hours. Maybe more. I dunno.
(beat)
They didn’t teach us about this
at the nursing academy.

JETT
What if you gave him a shot of insulin?
Make it look like you tried to save him?
What would happen?

HAVEN
If it’s in time, it would save his life.
(beat)
So how do I explain not helping him?

JETT
You went to sleep in the guest bedroom.
You weren’t feeling well --

HAVEN
But I can fucking HEAR him.

JETT
Not if you sleep with earplugs. I do.

Another MOAN. This time, LOUDER.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hello, is anybody home?

In walks NOLA.
More than a few sheets to the wind.

HAVEN
Nola, what are you doing here?

Another MOAN.

NOLA
What the fuck am I DOING HERE?
Your husband sounds like he’s DYING up there.

HAVEN
He’s fine, it’s a new medication --

JETT
We’ve got it handled.

Nola stares. Quivering with anger.

NOLA
I know what’s going on between you too.
I’ve seen you fucking and sucking
like monkeys in the zoo.

HAVEN
You fucking BITCH --

JETT
Haven --

NOLA
And now you’re trying
to KILL him, for what?
The INSURANCE MONEY?
Well, I’ve SEEN THAT MOVIE,
and you’re NOT getting AWAY with it.

She pulls out her cell phone.
Jett races over, GRABS it.

Nola starts POUNDING on her chest
with tiny fists.

NOLA
No, STOP! Give that BACK! Give that BACK!

JETT
Quiet, please! Let me explain!

NOLA
No! I’m gonna call the COPS!

JETT
(sees something)
Haven, NO!

HAVEN
stands behind Nola.

Bends down, and SHOVES a
BUTCHER KNIFE in Nola’s back.

The little demon SCREAMS in pain.

NOLA
You STABBED ME! Fucking BITCH!

HAVEN
FUCK YOU! Fucking MIDGET!

Incensed, in shock, Nola turns and
ATTACKS Haven like a wild animal,
BITING, KICKING, SCRATCHING.

Haven tries to fight back,
but she’s no match against the tiny terror.

NOLA
I’m gonna fucking KILL YOU!

HAVEN
No, STOP!

JETT
Leave HER ALONE!

Jett GRABS Nola.
THROWS her across the room.

She HITS the wall with a sickening THWUMP.
BANGS onto the floor. Lights out.
pool of BLOOD starts spreading.

HAVEN
Fucking nosy MIDGET.

JETT
(reels back, in shock)
What have I done?

Another, louder MOAN from upstairs.

HAVEN
NOW what are we gonna do?

JETT
You go upstairs and shut him the fuck up,
and I’ll care of -- the body.

HAVEN
But what am I supposed to --

JETT
I don’t know.
But we got to buy us some time, so I can --
(gestures at Nola)
Get rid of -- that.

Pause.

HAVEN
Wait a minute. Listen.
Do you hear that?

JETT
Hear what? I don’t hear anything.

HAVEN
Exactly. He stopped --

They RACE up the stairs into --

DART’S BEDROOM
which is empty.

HAVEN
What the fuck? Where did he --

JETT
(sees, points)
There he is. Out on the deck.

EXT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - ROOF DECK - CONTINUOUS
Dart stands at the railing. Bent over.

DART
Somebody -- HELP --

HAVEN
Dart, honey.
What are you doing out here?
You’ll catch your death of cold.

She starts to walk toward him,
but he freaks out.

DART
No -- you -- stay away -- away --

And, as he tries to move away from her,
he lurches backward, loses his footing,
slips, and FALLS OVER --

And HITS the inky black water with a SPLASH.

HAVEN
SHIT.

JETT
We’ve just been FUCKED.

HAVEN
What do we do NOW?

JETT
We gotta take care of -- the body.

They RACE downstairs.
Jett looks around.

Sees her gym bag.
Empties it out.

Goes over to Nola’s dead body.
Stuffs her in the bag.

Uses the gym clothes
to sop up the blood.

JETT
You COULD help me out here --

HAVEN
Blood makes me -- freak out.
(looks around)
Wait a minute. Where’s Buster?

JETT
He must have run away.
We’ll look for him later.

HAVEN
Don’t bother.
He was Dart’s dog.
Drove me fucking crazy.

Jett stuffs the bloody clothes in the bag.
Goes to the sink.

Washes her hands.
Looks back at Haven.

JETT
As soon as I’m out the door, call 911.
Tell them as much of the truth as you can.
He had an attack. You didn’t hear it
because you were sleeping.

HAVEN
I’ve got it.
I was listening to my Ipod.

JETT
Even better.
Then, you went to check on him,
and he was out on the deck.

HAVEN
And he -- and he --

JETT
Got startled when you called out to him.

HAVEN
That’ll work.

JETT
It’ll have to work.

Jett dries off her hands.
Goes to Haven. Kisses her.

JETT
I love you more than --

HAVEN
Enough to kill?

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Hugging Haven for dear life.

JETT
Straight down the line, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

A Place In The Sun

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of THE DISH, faded B-movie starlet Haven Crayce sabotages her husband's insulin pump intending to kill him, but when the shit hits the fan, she runs over to her co-conspiring illicit lover Jett Targo's joint for help ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven threads a film
into the projector.

Dart watches from his bed.
He bites into a
small cookie, chews.

DART
A Place in the Sun.
Haven’t seen that
picture in years.
(weird smile)
That Liz Taylor --
she was a pip.
A real pip.

HAVEN
Liz Taylor?
Isn’t she a little -- big?

DART
My god, are you dense.
When Liz Taylor was young,
in her prime,
she was the most
beautiful woman in Hollywood.

He reaches over
to the bedside table.
Grabs another cookie.

HAVEN
(sees this)
That’s your last cookie, Dart.
We don’t want your
sugar spiking.

She finishes with the projector.
Pulls a packet of batteries
out of her pocket.

We see the package
has been taped closed.

HAVEN
Okay.
Time to change the
battery on your pump.

DART
Again?
So soon?

HAVEN
Silly boy.
You know we change
the battery every Sunday.
And with all the excitement
about your coming home,
I forgot this morning.

Haven goes to Dart,
pulls up his night shirt.

An INSULIN PUMP hangs
on the waistband
of his pajama bottoms.

As Haven changes the battery,
Dart grabs another cookie.
Hides it.

HAVEN
(CLICKS it in place)
Okay, that -- does it.
(arranges his shirt)
And now it’s show time.

DART
(wistfully)
A Place in the Sun --

Haven shuts off the lights.
Starts the projector.

Gets her cocktail
from the bedside table.
Sits.

ON THE SCREEN
we see the film start.
In glorious black and white.

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT
Lit by a gas lamp.
Jett sits at a small cafe
table with a laptop.

A half-dozen empty beer bottles
litter the surface.

She lights a smoke.
Looks intently at the screen.

ON THE SCREEN
we see a scene from
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.

LANA TURNER, resplendent in a
white one-piece bathing suit,
sashays down the stairs.

Stops.
James Garfield leers.

JAMES GARFIELD (V.O.)
With my brains and your looks,
we could really go places --

JETT
looks at her wistfully.
Takes a pull from her longneck.

JETT
I’ll have to get
Haven one of those.

Her cell phone BRING-RINGS.
She picks it up.

JETT
This is Jett.

HAVEN (V.O.)
It’s me.

JETT
Hello, you.
What’s up?

HAVEN (V.O.)
I need to see you.

JETT
But I thought --

HAVEN (V.O.)
It’s an emergency.
Dart, he --
(beat)
I’m right outside.
Can I come up?

Jett looks, sees --

HAVEN
standing in the
driveway down below.

With Buster on a leash.
Small and scared-looking.

She waves, a hopeful
half-smile.

JETT
My place is a mess.
I’ll be right down.

EXT. JETT’S DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Jett dashes over to Haven.
Worried.

Pulls her down the driveway
to where it ends at the canal.

JETT
What’s up?
Did something go wrong?

HAVEN
He went into shock.
He’s having -- an attack.

JETT
That’s good, right?

HAVEN
Yeah, but he’s so -- loud.
I’m scared. I’m afraid
he’s gonna wake up the neighborhood,
especially fucking Nola.
Can you come back
to the boat with me?

JETT
Isn’t that kinda dangerous?
What about --

HAVEN
It’s one in the morning.
Everyone’s lights are out.
(beat)
And I want to
keep it that way --

No Stalking On Sunday

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of THE DISH, star-crossed adulterous lesbian lovers Haven Crayce and Jett Targo prepare to murder Haven's husband Dart later that evening. Then, moments later when Jett returns to her apartment, she discovers her former meth-addled friend Rush Madder waiting for her, looking for a place to crash after being up for a few days ...


EXT. THE SAFE HAVEN - REAR DECK - MORNING
Overcast and foggy.
A bit of a chill.
Wind FLAPS the sails.

Jett trains Haven on the deck.
They both look sad.

HAVEN
Funny.
No Trimmer.
No Nola.

JETT
No stalking on Sunday.
(beat)
What time is he
supposed to get here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
These last three days
have been -- nice.
Really nice.
It went by so fast.

HAVEN
Imagine what it’s going
to be like after he’s --

JETT
I know.
It’s all I can think about.

HAVEN
So when are we going to --

JETT
I don’t know.
Maybe we should wait
a little while.

HAVEN
I can’t wait.
I can’t stand it anymore, Jett.
I don’t wanna have to --
service him anymore.
I want this to be over with,
so we can be together.
(stops lifting)
We have to do it tonight.

JETT
Tonight?

HAVEN
Yeah.
We’ve only known
each other a few days,
so no one will suspect
there’s anything going on.

JETT
That’s true.

HAVEN
(evil smile)
And besides, I’m doing
all the heavy lifting.
(sees something)
There’s the hospital van.
You better get going.

JETT
Okay.
Good luck.
I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

HAVEN
I don’t think the grieving widow
should be weight training.
I’ll come see you.

JETT
You’re right.
(turns, eyes well up)
Okay, bye --

Jett hustles off down
the gangplank in the other direction.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Looking to her right.
Concerned smile.

HAVEN
Dart, honey!
It’s so good to SEE you.

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - MOMENTS LATER
Jett pulls out her keys.
Opens her mailbox.

Sifts through the envelopes.
Unlocks, opens the front door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Jett --

She WHIRLS around, sees --

RUSH MADDER
in the shadows of the front porch.

JETT
WHAT?
(beat)
Jesus fucking Christ,
you scared the shit out of me.

RUSH
Jett, please -- I need your help.

JETT
I asked you to stay away from me.
I’ll call the fucking cops
if you don’t leave, now.

RUSH
I’ve been -- up for eight days.
I need, need to -- need to crash.

JETT
EIGHT days?

RUSH
Please, Jett.
I just need to --
to crash for awhile.
Then I promise I’ll go.
I promise.
(beat)
I need your help. Please.

JETT
Can’t you sleep in your car?

RUSH
In this neighborhood?
In MY car?
(off her stare)
I’ll be good.
I promise.
I just -- need to sleep.

Pause.

JETT
Goddammit.
(beat)
Give me your car keys.

RUSH
My -- keys?

JETT
Yeah.
So you can’t rip me off
and split in the
middle of the night.

RUSH
(weak smile, tosses his keys)
How big is your couch?

Wanton Acts Of Illicit Desire

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of THE DISH, after retired film noir director Dart Crayce goes to the hospital, his B-movie starlet wife Haven and her lover Jett Targo have her houseboat to themselves, where they plot Dart's murder ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDOOM - DAY
Dart lies in bed, scowling.
Dr. Bing holds a stethoscope
on Dart’s chest.

Haven and Jett stand nearby,
watching.

BING
Heart rate is a bit high --
(to Dart)
I’d like you to come to St. Luke’s
for a couple of days
so I can run some tests.

DART
No hospitals.
I hate hospitals.

HAVEN
Can’t you run tests -- here?

BING
I’m sorry, but I want
to run a cat scan,
do an MRI, some blood work --

DART
No hospitals, godammit.

BING
Still feisty.
That’s good.
You’re a fighter.
But I’m sorry, Dart,
I’m going to have to insist.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

BING
Yes. This is Dr. Bing Birmingham.
I have a patient I’d like to admit --

PUSH IN ON Haven and Jett.
Exchanging nervous glances.

A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE
is gripped by red-nailed hands.
The cork POPS.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Shades are drawn.
Candles are flickering.
Soft music bubbles.

In bed are Haven,
saucy in red panties and bra.

And Jett, suave
in a black tank top.
Cut arm muscles glistening.


A champagne bottle erupts
in a geyser of FOAM.

Haven and Jett try to catch it
with their flutes. LAUGHING.

HAVEN
Shit!
It’s getting all over the bed!

JETT
So we’ll wash the sheets.
Who’s gonna complain?

HAVEN
NOBODY!

Jett takes a sip.
Haven GUZZLES hers.

HAVEN
More, more!
(pours another, raises glass)
A toast --

JETT
(raises hers)
A toast --

HAVEN
To three days all by ourselves.

JETT
To wanton acts of illicit desire.

They CLINK. Drink.

HAVEN
That sounds like a line from a movie.

JETT
That Killing Feeling.

HAVEN
The one where two guys rob a bank --

JETT
Farley Granger and Sal Mineo.
With a homoerotic subtext
that gives a new meaning to the phrase
'riding off into the sunset.'

Haven puts her hand on Jett’s thigh.

HAVEN
Speaking of illicit desire --

Jett leans over.
Kisses Haven softly.
Touches her face.

JETT
You are -- so beautiful.

Haven smiles. Thinking.
A storm cloud passes.
Bites her lip.

JETT
What’s wrong?

HAVEN
We have to come up with our plan.
Right away. We don’t have much time.
(beat)
We’re being watched.

JETT
You’re right.
(grabs her glass, takes a sip)
I’ve been thinking.
I think I have an idea.
(beat)
What if the battery died
in his insulin pump?

HAVEN
But I change the battery once a week.

JETT
But what if you put in
a defective battery?
By mistake. On purpose.
There would be no suspicion.
If you didn’t change the batteries,
then it would be suspicious.
But if you put in a defective battery,
by mistake --

HAVEN
That’s fucking brilliant.
(beat)
But where do we get
a defective battery?

JETT
We drain a new one.
Put one in a flashlight or something.
Leave it on until it’s almost dead.
(beat)
So how long -- would it take?

HAVEN
How long would what take?

JETT
For him to -- you know.

HAVEN
I dunno. A couple hours?
Maybe a little longer.
go into insulin shock,
which at his age would be fatal.
(beat)
But what am I supposed to do
while he’s --

JETT
You screen a movie every night, right?

HAVEN
YES. But, wait -- most of
those movies are short.
A little over an hour.

JETT
So you pick a long one.
I just saw A Place In The Sun,
and it’s over two hours.

HAVEN
Perfect. I’ve never seen it,
and he’ll be impressed I want to.
(thinks)
And if we have little wine,
he’ll fall asleep --

JETT
Then it’s a plan.

They raise their glasses. Toast.

JETT
To -- doing this.

HAVEN
To -- gether.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

They drink.
Drain their glasses.

Jett takes the bottle.
Slowly pours champagne
on Haven’s thigh.

HAVEN
Hey! What are you doing?
That’s COLD.

Jett smiles, leans down.
Starts licking it off.

Haven writhes in ecstasy.
Little kitty moans.

Jett GRABS the comforter --
And PULLS IT over them.

JETT (O.C.)
Heh-heh-heh --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Wait, that’s --
(beat)
Yeah, RIGHT THERE.
(beat)
Oh MY GOD.

Doctor's Orders

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 7 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her illicit lover Jett Targo check on Haven's husband Dart after his nasty fall, then continue their conspiracy to kill him ... but get interrupted by visits from sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, little person Nola bliss ... and then Dart's doctor ...


INT. HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY ENTRANCE - DAY
Jett follows Haven onto the boat.

JETT
You can’t tell anyone else about us.
If we’re going to -- do this,
nobody can know we’re --
(a whisper)
In a relationship.

HAVEN
You’re right.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t --
(realizes)
Did you say we’re --
in a relationship?

Jett takes Haven’s hand.
Holds it to her heart.

JETT
You make me feel something
I’ve never felt before, Haven.
For the first time in my life,
I feel ALIVE.
Like I can do anything.
Be anyone. Go anywhere.

HAVEN
I’m with you, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jett and Haven kneel at the side of the bed.
Watch Dart. Sleeping peacefully.

JETT
We should wake him.

HAVEN
What should I tell him about you?

JETT
That I’m your personal trainer,
and I know alot about --

Dart’s eyes OPEN. Groggy.

DART
(to Jett)
Who the fuck are you?

HAVEN
This is my trainer, Dart.
heard what happened,
and wanted to take a look at you,
see if you’re okay --

JETT
Hello, Mr. Crayce.
I’m a big fan.

DART
Trainer?
You hired a trainer?
I’m not going to pay for --

JETT
I’m not charging her, Mr. Crayce.
We met walking our dogs.
Haven told me about
having chronic back pain,
and I offered to show her
an exercise routine that would help.

DART
Out of the goodness of your heart.

JETT
Well, sir -- it’s what I do.
I was raised in a good, Christian family,
and I was taught to do unto others --

DART
You said you’re a fan of mine?

JETT
Oh, yeah -- I’m a big movie buff.

DART
What’s your favorite film of mine?

JETT
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.
Bogart and Stanwyck,
together for the first time.
Perfect film.
(beat)
Is it true that the original leads
were Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyatt?

DART
Why, yes -- but, how did you -- ?

JETT
Robert Osbourne.
Turner Movie Classics.
Never miss it.

DART
That Bobby Osbourne.
What a little rascal.
I owe him a lunch.

HAVEN
How are you feeling?
How’s your head?

DART
My head is fine.
It’s my ass that’s killing me.

JETT
No blurry vision?
Heart palpitations?

DART
I’m just fine, young lady.
Now, if you’ll excuse us,
it’s almost time for my dialysis,
and my --

Dart looks at Haven.
A lewd grin.

HAVEN
Physical therapy.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Horrified.

EXT. HOUSEBOAT - THE NEXT MORNING
A gorgeous, perfect, sunshiny morning.
Jett trains Haven outside on the deck.

HAVEN
What was I supposed to say?
You can’t come and examine him
because he might have to go to the hospital
and then we can’t KILL him?

JETT
What time is he supposed to be here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
Shit.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Mornin’, ladies.

Jett and Haven look, see --

TRIMMER WALTZ
on his Sheriff’s boat.
Big ol’ grin on his face.

JETT
(nods)
Deputy.

HAVEN
Trimmer.

TRIMMER
Sure is a gorgeous day.

JETT
Yes, sir.

TRIMMER
(to Haven)
How is your husband doing?
Has he recovered from that nasty fall?

HAVEN
(surprised)
Uh -- he’s fine.

TRIMMER
Lucky for him you were around.
Hate to see anything happen to him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer picks up the receiver. Listens.

TRIMMER
Holy COW. I’ll be right there, chief.
(clicks it off, looks at them)
Pregnant lady fell in the drink
at the Fisherman’s Wharf.
Baptism by water. Heh-heh-heh.
(salutes)
See ya later.

And he ZOOMS away.

HAVEN
What the fuck?

JETT
How did he find out?
You think he’s --

HAVEN
Watching us?

JETT
I dunno, I --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ahoy, mateys!

HAVEN
(turns, looks)
Nola.

JETT
Who is THAT?

HAVEN
Neighbor from hell.

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock in a tiny running suit.

Bottle of imported beer in one hand,
the rest of the six pack in the other.

She pads up the gangplank on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN
Nola. This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in the new
Jason Statham flick, The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me.

HAVEN
That’s great.
So you’re, what -- the love interest?

NOLA
I wish. I’m an assassin.

They look at each other. Fake smiles.

NOLA
Beer?

HAVEN
Sorry, I’m -- working out.

NOLA
You certainly are.

JETT
(offers her hand)
Hi, I’m Jett. Her trainer.

NOLA
Nice to meet you.
(gives her the once-over)
Do you have any openings?
I might have to get in shape
for this role.

JETT
My schedule’s pretty full.
But let me check, and I’ll get back to you.

NOLA
Super.
(to Haven)
So how is your husband?
Is he okay?
That was a pretty nasty fall.

HAVEN
He’s -- fine, thanks.

NOLA
That’s good. Whew.
(brightly)
Well, I gotta toodle-oo.
Gotta wardrobe fitting.
Ciao, darlings.

She smiles, turns,
and skittles down the gangplank.

JETT
What’s going on here?

HAVEN
Fucking nosy midget. Spying on me.
(thinks)
We’re going to have to do it soon.
Have you thought of anything yet?

JETT
Yeah. His insulin pump?

HAVEN
What about it?

JETT
I’ve been researching what happens if it fails --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Top o’ the mornin,’ Mrs. Crayce!

Haven turns, sees --
‘BING’ BIRMINGHAM, MD (70’S).

Tall, hulking with a big gut,
shock of white hair.

Gap-toothed smile in a soft, doughy face.
Waddling up the gangplank with his doctor’s bag.

HAVEN
Dr. Birmingham. Nice to see you.

BING
Gorgeous day for a workout.
I see you’ve hired a trainer.
(offers his hand to Jett)
Bing Birmingham, MD.
But you can call me Dr. Bing.
Everyone does.

JETT
(takes hand, shakes)
Dr. -- Bing. Jett Targo, hi.

PUSH IN ON Bing. Suddenly serious.

BING
Let’s go see the patient.

Bound For Pleasure

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of THE DISH, faded B-movie starlet Haven Crayce panics when her husband slips and falls in the bathroom on their houseboat ... so she races to get help from the woman she's cheating on him with, personal trainer Jett Targo, interrupting her workout with a client ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BATHROOM - MORNING
Dart Crayce is in the bathtub.
Bony ass toward us.

He pulls himself up,
hanging onto a chrome handle
bolted into the tiles --
which COMES LOOSE
with a CRUNCH --

DART
What the -- ?

And he SLIPS!
BANG, he goes down.

CRACKS his head.
BANGS his ass on
the cold, hard porcelain.

HAVEN (O.C.)
Dart, honey?
You okay in there?
We don’t want you to --

She walks in.

HAVEN
Shrivel into a prune --

Sees him.
SCREAMS.

HAVEN
Dart!

Races over.
Puts her arms around him.

HAVEN
Honey, are you okay? Dart?
Can you hear me? Honey?

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - OCEAN BOARDWALK - DAY
Jett trains a FAT,
SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST (30’s),
a pair of ten-pound
free-weights in his hands.

He raises the right,
then the left.

Rearranging the deck chairs
on the Titanic.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
-- and I closed at
five-point-four million.
He didn’t know
what the fuck hit him.
Got the cocksucker
right where it hurts.
Bang, zoom -- right
to the moon, Alice.

JETT
Okay.
Let’s do some squats.

Haven appears, with Buster.
Amazing in a bikini top.

Denim Mini.
Six-inch wedgies.

Freaked behind
heart-shaped shades.

HAVEN
Jett, I need
to talk to you.

JETT
What’s wrong?

Fat’s cell phone RINGS.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
(to Jett)
Hold on a sec,
I gotta take this --
(into the phone)
It went down HOW MUCH?

He waddles away,
out of ear shot.
Waving his arms madly.

HAVEN
Dart fell in the bathtub.
Banged his head.

JETT
Why didn’t you call me?

HAVEN
I don’t have your number.

JETT
Did you call 911?

HAVEN
He wouldn’t let me.
He doesn’t like doctors.

JETT
But -- is he okay?

HAVEN
Oh, sure.
Three Advils, couple a
hits off one of his
'Bobby Mitchum joints,'
and he’s sleeping
like a baby.

JETT
But he might
have a concussion.
Maybe we should
call his doctor.

HAVEN
Are you kidding?
He might have to
go to the hospital,
and then we’re FUCKED.
He might not
ever come back!

JETT
But if he has a concussion,
and he’s sleeping --

HAVEN
Oh, shit.

JETT
Oh, shit is right.
C’mon, let’s go --

They start walking away.
Fat ambles over.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Hey, where are you going?
What about the
rest of my workout?

JETT
Sorry, uh -- family emergency.
We gotta end early today.
Go home and do thirty minutes
on the Stairmaster.
I’ll see you on Wednesday.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Okay, sure.
(looks at Haven)
Hey.
Haven’t I seen you
somewhere before?
Are you an actress?

HAVEN
Why, yes I am.
What did you see me in?
Wishcraft IV?
Spring Break Babylon?

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
No --
(SNAPS his fingers)
That’s it.
Bound for Pleasure.
Bondage flick.

HAVEN
As if.
Pervert.
(to Jett)
Come on, honey.
Let’s go back to my place --
and do naughty things.

JETT
(whispers)
Haven.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
You two are -- ?

HAVEN
(laughs, evil)
That’s right.
And no, you can’t watch.
So why don’t you go home,
jerk off and think about
what I’m going to do
to your TRAINER.

PUSH IN ON Fat, Sweating.
Beady eyes flickering.

Death Becomes Her

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.