Young, Beautiful And Stupid

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking HUMP DAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love meets with her new client, kinky film buff Michael Samms. Meanwhile, demented German snuff filmmaker Klaus Lucka meets with a friend to plot the cinematic demise of his next victim ...


EXT. CARRIE'S PATIO - DUSK
A gorgeous sunset lights up
the horizon over the ocean.

Carrie and Samms sit on her patio
sipping Coronas.

SAMMS
Sharon met her at an audition,
they hit it off.
They were wearing
the same shoes.

CARRIE
What kind?

SAMMS
Of shoes?

CARRIE
Yeah.

SAMMS
I dunno, some foreign name.
Who cares?

CARRIE
I do. You can tell a lot
about a woman from her shoes.

SAMMS
(thinks)
Man-olo --

CARRIE
Blahnik? Manolo Blahnik?
I tried on a pair of those once.
(a delicious memory)
What's the bim's name again?

SAMMS
Monica Lynn.
She's a B-movie actress.
She does that direct to video shit,
you know, girls in bikinis
with semi-automatic weapons.
Pure crap.

Pause.

CARRIE
I love those movies.
I thought she was great in
"Operation Sunscreen."
She's gorgeous.

SAMMS
And a complete dyke.

Carrie lights a smoke.
Burns with contempt.

CARRIE
Maybe they ran off
together somewhere.

SAMMS
No way.
I mean, Sharon's bi,
but she's no lesbo.
Besides, she wasn't into Monica.
Sharon likes brunettes.
Brunettes with real tits.

She takes a long drag.
Exhales a taunting French curl.

CARRIE
That makes two of us.

Pause.

SAMMS
You're hired.

INT. KLAUS' KITCHEN - NIGHT
An art-directed culinary orgy
of marble, chrome and glass.

Spooky, slinky, trance-hop
pulses on hidden speakers.

Klaus sips wine at the gourmet island
with starlet MONICA LYNN (20),
the stuff of blue collar
pin-up calendar dreams.

MONICA
You always have pate' for me, Klaus.
You're such a good host.

She takes a bite, savors it.

KLAUS
Anything for my delicious little starlet.
(beat, surveys his prey)
You look good.
Your boobs are settling nicely.

MONICA
Thank you, darling.
For ten grand, they
better fucking "settle nicely."

ISABELLE, (23) Klaus' yummy trophy wife,
bursts in the room.

ISABELLE
I'm going out with Blaise.
We're going cock-teasing
at the Geffin party.
(icy, sarcastic)
Oh, hello, Monica.
Isn't that a fetching outfit.

MONICA
Thanks, I got it at Red Balls --

ISABELLE
(to Klaus, leaving)
Don't wait up,
we're going to
the Clit Club afterwards.
Ciao, darlings.

MONICA
Jesus, you could cut her attitude
with a fucking chainsaw.

KLAUS
That's not all I'd like to
cut with a fucking chainsaw.
(beat)
So. Tell me how it went
with young Sharon Samms.
She seem like a good prospect?

MONICA
God, yes, she's perfect.
Young, beautiful and stupid.
And she's dying to be in the movies.

KLAUS
Her first starring role.
(beat)
And her last.