Pussy Hound

Happy Friday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a hardboiled trip to the dark side, a place of unspeakable depravity, where sins of the flesh are always on the menu ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, as agents Cherry Nation and April Street make their way through the mall while being pursued by the FBI, they make plans for their escape with the help of black ops rogue spook Rock Vargas. Meanwhile, the FBI have their own secret weapon, 'Bunky,' a 'pussy hound,' on loan from Bill Clinton ...

INT. SHOPPING MALL - BASEMENT - NIGHT
Cherry and April climb the steel rungs in the wall.
April talks on her hands-free cell phone.

APRIL
We’ll be on the roof in a couple minutes.
How close are you?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ROCK’S HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
Rock drives, smokes a Gitanes, talks on his cell.
He’s now wearing a black suit, shades and an earpiece.

ROCK
I’m just around the corner.

APRIL
What’s your plan?

ROCK
I had a better idea.
I’m going in as Secret Service,
on orders from the White House.

APRIL
How you are going to pull THAT off?

ROCK
Piece of cake. That was my last job --
(shakes his head)
But after seven years of protecting a chimp, I had to bail.
(beat)
Biggest mistake of my life. This feels right.

APRIL
Well, if you can pull this off,
I’ll personally make sure you get a deal,
maybe even come work with us.

ROCK
Works for me. I’m on my way.
I’m in a black Hummer. Over.

APRIL
Roger that. Over.

She SNAPS her cell shut. Looks at Cherry.

APRIL
I think this guy’s okay.
(off her look)
He called Bush a chimp --

INT. SHOPPING MALL BASEMENT - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - NIGHT
A four-man squadron of COMMANDOS in riot gear
work their way down the same corridor
we saw Cherry and April in earlier.
They get to a intersection of two tunnels. Stop.

One of them has an BIG, BLACK ATTACK DOG.
He JERKS the leash.

TALL COMMANDO
Which way, boy?

The dog SNIFFS, GROWLS, JERKS him to the left.

HUGE COMMANDO
He can really smell their scent?

TALL COMMANDO
Yeah. Got him from Clinton’s staff.
He can sniff out a filly from a half-mile away.

HUGE COMMANDO
Nice.

Tall Commando’s walkie talkie CHIRP. He answers it.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SHOPPING MALL - NIGHT
Sunday huddles with Max by the front entrance to the mall.

SUNDAY
Status report?

HUGE COMMANDO
We’re getting close, chief.
We’ve covered the whole joint
except the basement, where we are now.
Bunky’s got their scent.

SUNDAY
Who the FUCK is Bunky?

HUGE COMMANDO
Tracer dog, Ma’am.

SUNDAY
Oh, right -- the Clinton thing.
Pussy hound. Carry on.
Keep me posted. Over.

HUGE COMMANDO
Roger that.

They hang up.

MAX
What’s 'the Clinton thing?'

HUGE COMMANDO
Sorry. That’s on a ‘need to sniff’ basis only.

Little Miss Oscar Contender

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, to a place so depraved, so evil, so wickedly dark, your most violent urges become sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, framed Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation search the basement of the mall for an escape route from the Feds. Meanwhile, sleeper-cell-assassin Irina Kolishnikov has just been activated, and is now on her way to try and kill them ...


INT. SHOPPING MALL - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - NIGHT
April and Cherry walk down a corridor. Get to the end.
See a door padlocked shut. April pulls out a small, felt bag.
Takes out a lock pick. Starts working the tumblers.

CHERRY
Once again I meet a great guy and he gets KILLED --

APRIL
I know. I’m sorry.
(to herself)
Poor Simon --

CHERRY
Makes you wanna rethink your career path, huh?

The door CLICKS open. They walk into --

INT. EQUIPMENT ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Dark and dingy. Cramped with humming banks
of fuse boxes and phone relays. Air conditioning machines.

They both SNAP on their flashlights.
Start to walk through the room.

CHERRY
So what was the problem?
He was cute, funny.
Seemed like a great guy.

APRIL
He was. But he was -- too clingy.
I had to tell him my every move,
which made doing my JOB kinda tricky.
(beat)
Sound familiar?

CHERRY
Yeah.
(beat)
You think we’ll EVER find someone?

APRIL
Are you fucking kidding me?
Too smokin’ hot chicks like us?
(sees something)
Holy shit. Check it OUT --

April’s light shines on a SET OF STEEL RUNGS
on the cement wall that lead up into a opening in the ceiling.

CHERRY
Bingo. We can climb up to the roof.
But how will Rock be able to get to us?

APRIL
If Honey and her cronies
orchestrated this whole fiasco,
I’m SURE her number two can figure it out.
C’mon, time to climb the espionage ladder.

CHERRY
Always with the witty repartee --

APRIL
Hey, doll -- dialogs are forever.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS GYM - AT THAT MOMENT
A tony, overpriced workout boutique on Rodeo Drive.
Lights blazing, even at this late hour.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS GYM - CONTINUOUS
Empty, except for IRINA and her client,
a slick, puffy, asshole AGENT (30’s)
wearing designer workout threads.

Right now he’s on the floor on his back,
being stretched out by Irina.
He GROANS as she slowly pushes his leg up.

ASSHOLE AGENT
Irina, baby. You’re killing me --

His BlackBerry ERUPTS with a shitty pop music ring tone.

RING TONE
Gotta go boom, gotta go boom, boom, boom -

ASSHOLE AGENT
Hold on. I gotta get that.
(reaches over, grabs it)
This is Hassig.
(listens)
Well, you tell that fucking CUNT
we’re not paying a fucking CENT
over three-hundred grand, GOT IT?

Irina watches. Amused. Puts his leg down.

HASSIG
In your ASS. She’s SHARING a double-banger
with Little Miss Oscar Contender, GOT IT?

She BLINKS. Grabs her neck. Rubs it.
Her eyes glaze over.

Cocks her head.
Looks at Hassig.

HASSIG
Like I could give a FLYING FUCK.
If she doesn’t show up on set tomorrow morning,
we’ll fucking sue her liposuctioned ASS, GOT IT?

IRINA
(monotone)
I have to go now.

She turns and walks toward the door.

HASSIG
(sees her)
HEY. Where the fuck do you think YOU’RE going?
We still have FIVE MINUTES.

Irina puts her hand on the knob.
Turns and looks.

IRINA
(robotic)
Go fuck yourself, you sack of shit.
I have work to do.

And she’s gone.
The door SLAMS shut.

HASSIG
(into the phone)
I don’t fucking BELIEVE it.
My trainer just BAILED on me.
(listens)
Oh yeah? Well, fuck you, TOO.
And your faggot-ass LAW FIRM.
Case DISMISSED

He FLINGS his phone against the wall, CRACK.

HASSIG
Asshole --

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Fucked

Happy Hump Day, crime fucksters! Are you ready to take a hardboiled, no-holds-barred trip straight to hell? Then come on over to the dark side, where the drinks are cold, the chicks are hot, and the action is smokin' ... at That Killing Feeling

In today's rip-roaring chapter of NOWHERE GIRLS, FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo are closing in on agents Cherry Nation and April Street. Meanwhile, evil mastermind Honey Almond, deep in her underground lair, is picking a new assassin to go after the girls ...


EXT. SHOPPING MALL - NIGHT
Sunday and Max walk up to a GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER,
a big, burly, no-nonsense kinda fella.

SUNDAY
Has the perimeter been secured?

GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER
Yeah. We’re sweeping the interior. Nothing yet.

MAX
They’re probably in one of the basements by now --

SUNDAY
Then we have them TRAPPED.
(to Gruff)
Good work, officer --

GRUFF SWAT COMMANDER
Sergeant. Sergeant Sprague.
(looks her up and down)
TOM Sprague -- like ‘tomcat’ --
(smiles, smarmy)
So listen, after we catch these fillies,
what do you say we grab a cup of java?
(winks)
I’ve got the cream.

Sunday’s nostrils flare.
She reaches up.
GRABS him by the balls.

Squeezes HARD.
He WINCES in pain.

SUNDAY
Now you listen to me, BUSTER.
I’m the west coast BUREAU CHIEF,
and I can have your badge faster
than Andy Dick in a pharmacy.
So get your fat ass BACK ON THE JOB,
and save your sleazy come-ons
for some cheap whore who GIVES A FUCK.

She lets go with flourish.
He stumbles backwards,
bowing and nodding his head furiously.

TOM
Yes, sir -- uh, ma’am --
I’m sorry, I will, I, I --

And he trots off, red-faced.

MAX
Good job. Surgical precision.

SUNDAY
Hell hath no fury like a woman fucked.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands next to Monsterburg at his work station.

HONEY
Pull up our database of assets.
I want to see all of our sleepers.

MONSTERBURG
You having -- second thoughts about Rock?

HONEY
That’s why I make the big bucks, little fella.
Gimmee some names.

His fingers FLY across the keyboard.
A stream of DATA starts filling his computer monitor.

HONEY
(reads off the screen)
Irina Kolishnikov. What’s her deal?

MONSTERBURG
Hold on a sec --

The computer BEEPS, and we see on the screen:

IRINA KOLISHNIKOV
A big, beautiful hunk of curved, Russian muscle.
Martina Navratilova’s body, with the face of Angelina Jolie.

HONEY
Reads the intel.

HONEY
Fluent in five languages,
can bench press three-hundred pounds,
expert marksman --
(reads)
Been in sleeper status five years.
Never been used on an assignment.
Programmed to kill, then self-terminate.
(reads)
Works as a ‘fitness instructor to the stars’
in Beverly Hills. PERFECT.
(looks at him)
Active her IMMEDIATELY.

MONSTERBURG
Your wish is my command,
oh mighty goddess of espionage.

Honey blinks. Startled. Pleased.

HONEY
Play your cards right, sonny,
and there’ll be a big promotion for you.
(winks)
With benefits.

Monsterburg turns red. Blushes.

MONSTERBURG
Color me tingly all over.

HONEY
I never got your first name, doll.

MONSTERBURG
D-dave --

HONEY
Okay, Dave.
Time for you get Goliath on me
and use that big stick.

Boom, Boom, Boom - Out Go The Lights

Happy Tuesday, crime-stoppers! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side. A place of unspeakable depravity, where your darkest desires becomes sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, framed agents Cherry Nation and April Street are trapped in the basement of a shopping mall while the Feds converge outside, when miraculously, they get an offer of some help ... from Rock Vargas, one of evil mastermind Honey Almond's ops, who now wants to defect ...


INT. MALL BASEMENT - UNDERGROUND CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Dimly-lit. A dim bulb FLASHES in the gloom.
Water drips down the walls.

April and Cherry walk down the corridor wearing their backpacks.
April shines a flashlight on a door.

APRIL
See? We can see each store as we pass it.

CHERRY
Yeah, but how are we gonna get out of here?
The entire mall is going to be completely surrounded by now.

APRIL
We’ll think of something. We always do --

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
They look at each other. Huh?
She fishes it out. Answers it.

CHERRY
Hello -- ?

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A big, black HUMMER barrels down the sleazy boulevard.

INT. ROCK’S HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
Rock sits behind the wheel. Speaking on his hands-free cell.

ROCK
Is this -- Cherry Nation?

CHERRY
Who wants to know?

ROCK
Rock Vargas. You don’t know me.
I used to work for Honey Almond --

CHERRY
(to April)
It’s some guy who says
he used to work for Honey Almond.

APRIL
Hang up. It’s a trap.

Cherry nods. CLICKS her phone shut.

ROCK
Hello?
(beat)
Shit.

He redials.
Cherry’s phone RINGS again.
She answers it.

CHERRY
Hello?

ROCK
It’s me again, don’t hang up,
I want to HELP YOU.

CHERRY
Fuck you. You think we’re that STUPID?

ROCK
No, no, no -- I think you’re fucking BRILLIANT.
That’s why I want to work for you.

CHERRY
WHAT?

ROCK
Honey Almond is a fucking PSYCHO.
I’m SICK of working for her.
After you iced Shao and her girls,
she sent me to whack you,
but I know that’s impossible.
So now I’M dead --
(exhales)
I’m tired of being a bad guy.
I want to do something GOOD for a change.
I’ve got intel that’ll make your head spin.
I know you’re in a jam right now.
Let me help you.

CHERRY
How do I know you’re telling me the truth?

ROCK
What if I gave you Honey’s location?

CHERRY
Hold on a sec --
(cups the phone, to April)
He wants to defect, work for us.
Says he can give us Honey’s location.

APRIL
I dunno. Smells fishy --

CHERRY
Yeah, but if he doesn’t know we’re suspicious,
what do we have to lose?
Worse comes to worse, we clip him.

APRIL
Okay. Tell him to come get us. Alone.

CHERRY
(nods, into the phone)
You still there?

ROCK
Yeah. Are we cool?

CHERRY
Like ice.
We need you to come pick us up, ALONE.
You’re gonna need FBI credentials.

ROCK
No problem.
Also have CIA,
Homeland Security, NSA, Interpol --

CHERRY
Well, aren’t you the eager forger.
I’ll text you our coordinates,
and then get your ass over here, PRONTO.
GOT it?

ROCK
Got it. Thank you.
You won’t regret it.

CHERRY
Solid. But know this.
Any monkey business,
and it’s boom, boom, boom --
out go the lights.

Keep It Under Your Hat

Happy Monday, crime slicksters! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent urges become sins of the flesh, at the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street have been framed, and are hiding out in a Macy's department store as the FBI and SWAT teams converge outside. Meanwhile, deep in evil mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair, she plots the girls imminent demise ...


EXT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - NIGHT
The joint has become a mob scene of FBI, local COPS,
a SWAT TEAM and MEDIA.

NEWS VANS crowd for position behind barricades.
It’s a three-ring circus.

Sunday and Max lean against their SUV.
Watch the commotion.

MAX
Look. TMZ just got here.

SUNDAY
Fucking retards.
Don’t they realize
they could comprise the operation?

MAX
People eat this shit up.
They’ll watch it for hours.
(looks at her)
You realize that if we capture them,
we’re gonna be celebrities?

SUNDAY
Really? You think so?
(thinks)
Damn. Think of all the snatch I’d be able to get --

MAX
(smiles)
Exactly.

SUNDAY
(looks him over)
You’re not as big of an asshole
as I thought you were.

MAX
And you’re not a complete bitch.

Pause.

SUNDAY
Yeah, well -- keep it under your hat.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
All of the agents, ops and techs stare at honey, white-faced.

Honey paces back and forth. Red-faced.
FURIOUS. She stops.
WHIRLS AROUND.
Points at Rock.

HONEY
How could those GIRLS
have taken out Shao Lin and her team?
TELL ME.

ROCK
I don’t know, sir.
Shao Lin is one of our best --

HONEY
WAS. She’s DEAD.
Do you realize that a STRIPPER
and a STUNT WOMAN
have taken out three of our best operatives?

ROCK
Yes, ma’am.

HONEY
So what are you gonna DO ABOUT IT?

ROCK
I, uh -- uh --

HONEY
I can’t HEAR YOU --

ROCK
Well, let me think a sec --

Honey WHIPS OUT a 9mm Glock.
SHOVES IT in his mouth.

HONEY
YOU’RE gonna take care of them, GOT IT?

Rock nods, eyes filled with terrified tears.

ROCK
Yeth, mummm --

HONEY
(CLICKS the safety)
And you’re not gonna FUCK UP, RIGHT?

ROCK
(shakes his head ‘no’)
Nho, nho --

HONEY
You got THAT right, MISTER.

She YANKS the gun out of his mouth.
Wipes it on the front of his jacket. Sneers.

HONEY
Now go, GO -- take care them.
And if you DON’T, don’t COME BACK.
(beat)
And I will hunt you down to the end of the earth, GOT IT?

ROCK
(nods)
G-got it. Got it. Don’t worry.
I’ll take care of it. I’ll -- take care of it.

HONEY
Then GO. Don’t just stand there.
Get the fuck OUTTA HERE and GET THEM.

ROCK
Y-yes, MA’AM.

He hurries away. Shaking.
Muttering to himself.

Everyone stares at Honey.
Scared to death.

HONEY
Damn, all of a sudden I’m STARVING.
Who wants to order a pizza?

Let's Blow This Cluster-Fuck

Happy Friday, crime scenesters! It's once again time to strap on your piece, throw down a few shots of your favorite poison, and head on over to the dark side, where the hardboiled action is non-stop ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street are riding motorcycles through Macy's, pursued by evil ninja assassins lead by Shao Lin on bicycles. It's a non-stop thrill-ride you don't want to miss ... !


INT. MACY'S DEPARTMENT STORE - ROOF- NIGHT
Cherry and Simon KICK-START their engines with a ROAR.
Then FLY down the stairs --

Just as Shao, Nashi and Suzu appear.
Shao STOMPS her foot.

SHAO
AFTER THEM.

And they RACE down the steps.

ON THE NEXT ROOFTOP
Cherry and Max pile into their
SUV. ROAR away back down the ramp.
The other vehicles follow them.

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING
Max turns the wheel furiously, negotiating the turns.
Sunday BARKS into her cell phone.

SUNDAY
We’ve got ‘em trapped in the building next door.
I want every exit SEALED, you got me?
(listens)
Well, then get MORE BACK-UP.
(listens)
Just DO IT. NOW.

She CLICKS her phone shut with disgust. Looks at Max.

SUNDAY
I can’t believe the ATTITUDE of some of these kids --

MAX
Guess we’re a long way from 'Be all you can be,' huh.

SUNDAY
Yeah. More like An Army of NONE --

INT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS
The top floor. Sporting goods. Rows of bicycles. Skateboards.
Skis. Athletic equipment, all shiny and new.

Cherry’s bike RACES down the aisle.
Takes a turn, KNOCKS OVER a display of in-line skates.

Simon’s bike follows right behind.
ROARING after her.
April holding on for dear life.

SHAO, NASHI AND SUZU
Come RACING after them on foot. See the bicycles.
They each GRAB one and JUMP ON,
start furiously PEDALLING after them.

INT. ESCALATOR - CONTINUOUS
Cherry FLIES down the stairs,
the front wheel BANG-BANG-BANGING on each step.
Gets to the bottom. Stops.

Simon FLIES down, right after her.
SKIDS to a stop.

SIMON
Why did you stop?

CHERRY
Just making sure you were behind me.
C’mon, let’s GO.

Just then, Shao and the girls
come flying down the stairs on their bikes.
Shao starts SHOOTING at them.

Nashi THROWS knives.
Suzu WHIRLS a spiked metal ball on a chain.

CHERRY
Holy SHIT.
We’re in The House of Flying Daggers, MOVE IT.

And she TAKES off, Simon and April right behind her.

Suzu HURLS the spiked ball.
It WHIZZES over their heads.

Cherry GUNS the engine.
ROARS down an aisle of furniture, Simon follows.

April pulls out her gun.
Starts SHOOTING at them.

She HITS Suzu in the head, BANG --
And she goes FLYING in the air.
LANDS on a bed, THWUNK. Dead.

One of Nashi’s daggers HITS
Simon in the shoulder, THWICK.

APRIL
(sees it)
SIMON.

SIMON
Deal with it LATER.

And GUNS the engine, following Cherry.

AT THE NEXT ESCALATOR
Cherry ROARS down the steps, Simon right behind her,
DUCKING Shao’s hail of bullets.

Simon looks behind.
Gets an idea. Smiles. Evil.

His bike gets to the bottom,
and he SLAMS on the brakes,
turns the motorcycle sideways,
and Shao’s bike BANGS into it -

And she goes FLYING in the air --
and CRASHES into a chest of drawers -- SMASH.

Nashi’s bike SMASHES into them.
She JUMPS off, PULLS out another dagger,
and JUMPS on April.

April WHIPS out her Glock.
FIRES in her face. BANG.
Nashi’s head EXPLODES in a red mist.

CHERRY
Looks behind her. Sees Simon’s not there.
TURNS the wheel, CRASHES through a display of curtains,
SPINS in a circle, and ROARS back after them.
Curtains draped on her, the bike.

SHAO
LEAPS off the bed. JUMPS on Simon.
GRABS the knife in his shoulder. YANKS it out --

SIMON
GAAAA --

APRIL
Sees this. SCREAMS.

APRIL
NOOOOOO.

Pulls out her Glock. Takes aim.
And SHOOTS Shao in the head, BANG --
just as she PLUNGES the knife in Simon’s NECK.
Blood GOES FLYING from both of their heads.

NASHI
Sees this and SCREAMS.

NASHI
You kill my BOSS.

CHERRY
ROARS up on her bike and SMASHES into Nashi. SPLAT.
SPINS the wheels on her, THRASHING her body into a bloody pulp.

Silence.

April and Cherry stare at each other.

APRIL
(eyes tearing)
Simon’s -- dead.

CHERRY
I know. I’m sorry.
(looks at the bodies)
We gotta get the fuck outta here.

APRIL
(nods)
We better ditch the bike, makes too much noise.

CHERRY
I bet the joint’s completely surrounded by now.

APRIL
No shit. That’s why we’re going underground.

CHERRY
The basement?

APRIL
Yeah. All these malls have
underground tunnels that connect the stores.

CHERRY
How you know that?

APRIL
Spent a summer as an impressionable,
young teen working at Hello Kitty --
and if you tell anyone, I’ll fucking kill you.

CHERRY
Nuff said. Lead the way, MacDuff.
Let’s blow this clusterfuck.

Sushi Gone Wild

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a dangerous trip the dark side, where the drinks are strong, the chicks are hot, and the action smokin' ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street are on the run from the FBI and a trio of Japanese assassins on the roof of a shopping mall, when suddenly, a Black Hawk helicopter attacks, SPRAYING them with machine gun fire ...


EXT. SHOPPPING MALL ROOF - NIGHT
Two more FBI vehicles appear on the roof.
More agents JUMP OUT. Start racing toward the Winnebago.

A DEAFENING ROAR,
as A BLACK HAWK HELICOPTER flies overhead.

Simon and April JUMP onto his motorcycle.
Cherry and Serge JUMP on the stolen bike.
They HIT THE GAS, and ROAR off across the roof.

Bullets WHIZ BY as the bikes FLY
toward the edge of the building.
Serge gets HIT in the back, CRACK.
He FLIES off the bike and PLUMMETS to the ground.

The motorcycles reach the edge,
FLY INTO THE AIR in an arc --
and BANG, land on the roof next door.

ATOP THE PARKING STRUCTURE
The FBI agents continue SHOOTING.

THE HELICOPTER
Flies toward the motorcycles.
A MACHINE GUN appears out the side window.
Starts FIRING a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

ATOP THE PARKING STRUCTURE
Shao, Nashi and Suzu TEAR ASS along the side of the roof.

SUNDAY AND MAX
See them.

MAX
Who the fuck are THEY?

SUNDAY
Sushi Gone WILD.

ON THE ROOF NEXT DOOR
The bikes pull up behind the roof staircase entrance shed.
Take cover. Simon nods at the next building over.

SIMON
Now we go over there --
(looks)
What happened to Serge?

CHERRY
(teary-eyed)
Serge got -- shot.

APRIL
SHIT.

SIMON
(sees something)
Look. We’ve got MORE company.

ON THE OTHER BUILDING
Shao and the girls race to the edge
of the roof and FLY INTO SPACE --
then land on opposite side, SLAP-SLAP-SLAP.

THE HELICOPTER
Starts FIRING at them.

THE GIRLS
RACE over to the other side of the shed
where April, Cherry and Simon are.
Shao looks up. Grimaces.

SHAO
Suzu. M-six, please.

Suzu pulls out a GRENADE.
SLAPS it in Shao’s hand.
She PULLS the pin,
and FLINGS it in the air at the chopper.

CHERRY
Looks up.

CHERRY
We can’t move yet, not with that chopper up there --

THE GRENADE
Flies into the chopper.

IN THE CHOPPER
The pilot sees it.

PILOT
SHIT --

THE CHOPPER
EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL -- BOOM.
Debris, flames, metal, bodies FLY into the air.

Shao, Suzu and Nashi jump up and clap excitedly.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Watch from the roof next door.

MAX
Fucking schoolgirls blew up our CHOPPER.

SUNDAY
They’re fucking AMAZING.
We have to capture them and make them ASSETS.

ON THE ROOF
April looks at the door of the shed.
Pulls out her pistol.
SHOOTS off the lock, BANG.

The door FLIES OPEN,
revealing a staircase going down.

SIMON
What’s down there?

APRIL
Macy’s. And we’re smart shoppers --

Luc Besson, Eat Your Heart Out

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to a place that dares not speak it's name. A place of such complete, pure evil, that most dare not tread, unless they're like you, looking for adventure ... at That Killing Feeling.

Into today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street are being pursued at high speed in their Winnebago through a parking garage structure by the FBI ... and the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her 'assistants' ...


INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max drives through the parking lot, looking for the RV.

MAX
I don’t see it, I don’t see it.

SUNDAY
Think, think, think, -- where could they hide?

They look at each other. A lightbulb POPS.
Max turns the wheel, STEPS on the gas.

INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
The Winnebago SHOOTS through the garage.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS
April points to an ‘up ramp.

APRIL
Go up, not down. Or we’ll be trapped.

SERGE
(downshifts)
I’m one step ahead of you --

CHERRY
April, you grab the laptop.
I’ll get the weapons.

SIMON
I have an idea.
But my bike can only carry two people --

IN THE PARKING GARAGE
The RV gets to the ramp, starts going up.

AT THE ENTRANCE RAMP
Max’s SUV FLIES downward, turns.
SCREECHES, burning rubber.

MAX
Which way, which way?

SUNDAY
No way they’d be stupid enough to go down. Go UP --

Max turns the wheel,
SLAMS the vehicle up the ramp.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
Shao’s bug ROARS into the parking lot. Starts circling.

IN THE BUG
Shao scans the parking lot. No sign of the RV.

NASHI
(spins the wheel)
We go around and around until we FIND THEM.

Suzu studies her I-phone.
Listening through headphones.

SUZU
A-HA.
(points)
FBI go into PARKING GARAGE.

Nashi HITS the gas.
ROARS toward the entrance.

SHAO
Got you now, girlies.
Momma needs to have a word with you --

EXT. PARKING STRUCTURE - ROOF - NIGHT
The RV comes up the ramp.
ROARS across the roof.
SCREECHES to a halt.

April, Cherry and Serge PILE OUT.
Simon ROARS out the back door on his Harley.
They race over to him.

SIMON
(points)
We’re in luck.
There’s another bike over there.
April can ride with me.
You two take that one.

April hefts her bag. Jumps on.

SERGE
But I can’t drive a motorcycle.

CHERRY
I can --

She RACES OVER to the bike.
Pulls out wires on the steering column.
Touches them together. They SPARK.
The engine ROARS.

She pulls it up to Serge.
He hops on.

SERGE
Luc Besson, eat your heart out.

SIMON
(to Cherry, points)
We drive to the rear wall over there.
Then ride over there and jump
onto the roof of the building next door.
Got it?

CHERRY
Got it.

Just then the FBI SUV ROARS OUT onto the roof.
Stops. Honey and Max JUMP OUT.
Pull out their weapons. Take Aim.

MAX
FBI. Stay where you are.
DON’T MOVE, OR WE’LL SHOOT.

SUNDAY
(on her cell phone)
We have the target in sight.
We need backup, NOW.
And where’s the fucking CHOPPER?

CHERRY
(sees them)
Quick, behind the RV.

Simon and Cherry HIT THE GAS.
Drive the bikes around.
Everyone JUMPS off.
GRABS their weapons.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Start FIRING at them.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Fire back. BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

SERGE
Climbs up to the roof of the RV.
Opens a compartment.
Revealing a GIANT M-240 ARMY MACHINE GUN.

SERGE
Time to put on full metal jacket --

And starts SPRAYING Max and Sunday with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

SHAO’S BUG
Drive up onto the roof behind the FBI vehicles.

IN THE CAR
Shao shakes her fist furiously.

SHAO
Goddamn G-boys try to spoil our fun.
C’mon, girlies. Let’s go get ‘em.

They open the car doors and pile out.

MAX AND SUNDAY
Take cover behind their vehicle.

MAX
Where the fuck they get THAT?

SUNDAY
(into her phone)
Hey, SHIT FOR BRAINS. Where’s my --

A DEAFENING ROAR, as A BLACK HAWK HELICOPTER flies overhead.
Two more FBI vehicles appear on the roof.
More AGENTS race across the roof toward the Winnebago.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

All In A Day's Skirt

Happy Tuesday, crime busters! You say you're feeling down? Frustrated? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then get your ass over to the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, we're at the start of a thrilling four-way chase scene as agents Cherry Nation and April Street are being pursued by black ops Honey Almond, the FBI and the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her 'assistants.' Buckle your safety belts, kids ... cause things are about to EXPLODE.


EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A cluster of black FBI SUV's ROAR down the street.
Followed by the SURVEILLANCE VAN
and a squad of POLICE CARS.

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max is behind the wheel. Sunday rides shotgun.
Two AGENTS sit behind them, working laptops.
She BARKS into her hands-free.

SUNDAY
What’s their LOCATION?
(listens)
Roger that. Over.
(to Max)
They’re on Lincoln.
Turn left here on Washington.

MAX
Okay --
(looks out the window)
Hey. There’s Hinano’s.
I used to hang out there back in the day.
Best cheeseburgers at the beach --

SUNDAY
(looks, makes a face)
Looks like a fucking DIVE.

MAX
(wistfully)
Yeah --
(turns, looks, smiles)
Is it beer-thirty yet?

SUNDAY
(under her breath)
Note to self: Thank God I’m a lesbian --

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge drives. Cherry, April and Simon huddle on the couch behind him.
April looks out the window.

APRIL
Turn right here at the shopping center.

SERGE
I thought we were going to Hollywood.

APRIL
We are.
But first we have to ditch the RV and get new wheels.

CHERRY
What’s up with that?

SIMON
Spy satellites, chickie.
The FBI are gonna be on our asses any minute now.
In case you didn’t notice, this vehicle sticks out
like a Mensa member at a tea party --

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stare out the windshield.

SUNDAY
How’s the divorce coming?

MAX
Mind your fucking business.

SUNDAY
Oooh. Testy, aren’t we?

MAX
I think Ellen Degeneris SUCKS.
What do you think of THAT, huh?

SUNDAY
So do I. NEXT.
(into the phone)
What was that? Got it --
(to Max)
Turn left on Lincoln, they’re about a mile away.
(pumps a fist)
Hot DAMN. Let’s get us some BITCHES.

MAX
(turns, looks at her)
Takes one to know one, huh.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - NIGHT
The camper drives through the parking lot.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sits in the passenger seat next to Serge. Points.

APRIL
Go down the ramp into the parking garage.

CHERRY
Aha. There’s a method to your madness.

SERGE
Brilliant. Satellite won’t see us if we’re underground.

SIMON
Simon says, ‘hide and seek’, G-man.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER - CONTINUOUS
The RV enters the garage entrance. Goes down the ramp.

EXT. LINCOLN BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A black VOLKSWAGON BUG zips down the street.
The new model. Cute. Efficient. FAST.

INT. VOLKSWAGON BUG - CONTINUOUS
Nashi’s behind the wheel. Suzu rides shotgun.
Cleaning a three-foot-long sword.

Shao Lin’s in the back seat.
Fingers wiping her I-phone screen furiously.
She speaks into it.

SHAO
New coordinates, please.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey stands at Monsterburg’s workstation.
Sips from an extra-large-grande super-coffee.
Vibrating with caffeine.

MONSTERBURG
Fifteen-hundred block of Lincoln Boulevard.
And be prepared. You have company.

SHAO
COMPANY? Who?

HONEY
(leans into the mike)
FBI. How do you think we got the location?

SHAO
You are evil genius, Ms. Almond.

HONEY
All in a day’s skirt, doll.
(beat)
Please. Call me Honey.

SHAO
Over and out, Honey-pie.
Catch you on the flip-flop.

Honey stands up straight.
Pats him on the back.

HONEY
Good work, Monsterburg.
Tapping into the FBI’s feed. Genius.
One of these days I’m gonna give you a PROMOTION.

MONSTERBURG
Th-thanks, Honey.

HONEY
That’s MS. ALMOND to YOU, Geek Squad.
And if I catch you updating
your Facebook page at work again,
you’re gonna get POKED --

Killing Bitches

Happy Monday, crime scenesters! It's once again that time. Time to clean and load your favorite weapon, holster up, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is always hardboiled ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet the deadly assassin Shao Lin and her two assistants, who are right now dressed like Japanese schoolgirls, and who have just been assigned to kill our heroes ...


EXT. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS - CITYWALK - NIGHT
A bustling, overcrowded fake street lined with tourist shit,
overpriced shitty restaurants, theme-bars,
and hordes of fat, bustling TOURISTS
gawking at all the bright and shiny crap.

Standing in front of a Hooters restaurant
is a group of JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRLS, chattering and giggling.
They wear sailor smocks, plaid miniskirts and knee-high white socks.

One of the girls, a tall, striking curvy goblet of dumplings
looks at her pocketbook as it VIBRATES.
She pulls out her cell phone, steps away from the group.

Meet SHAO LIN (25), a toxic cocktail of lethal proportions.
Beauty, brains and bullets. Shaken AND stirred.

SHAO
This is Shao --
(listens)
Of course --
(listens)
I see. Sounds dangerous.
I LOVE IT.
(listens)
Sure thing.
Text me coordinates.
We’re on our way.
(listens)
Dead or alive?
(eyes wide)
Thank YOU, Sir.
You know how to make girl very happy. Bye.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Waves at a couple of the girls.
They scuttle over. Look serious. Inquisitive.

TALL JAPANESE GIRL
What up, girlfriend?

MUSCULAR JAPANESE GIRL
We have job?

Meet NASHI (19) and SUZU (20),
Shao’s junior assassins.

SHAO
(nods, serious)
You see on news about American girls
involved with terrorist at White House?

NASHI
(makes a fist)
Of course. Was horrible.

SUZU
(nods)
Bad girls. Very bad.

SHAO
We’ve just been assigned to GET THEM.
(big smile)
Dead or alive.

Nashi and Suzu jump up and down excitedly.
Start giggling.

Shao folds her arms across her chest. Angry.

SHAO
Girls, girls.
Remember, we are PROFESSIONALS.
You must act accordingly.

They calm down.
Suddenly look grim. Serious.

NASHI
Of course. Very sorry.
I have been suitably chastised.

SUZU
Yes. Killing bitches is solemn act,
for which we are most honored.

A trio of FRAT BOYS walk up to the girls.
Drunk. Grinning.

FAT, DRUNK FRAT BOY
Look, guys -- a combination platter.

RED-FACED FRAT BOY
You likee won long dong?

OBNOXIOUS FRAT BOY
No tickie, no dirty.

They ERUPT with LAUGHTER.
High-fiving each other.

Suddenly, in a BLUR OF SPEED,
Nashi WHIPS OUT nunchucks,
CRACK-CRACKS them over her head,
and HURLS them at Fat.

They WRAP AROUND HIS NECK. He GAGS.
She WHIRLS around in the air --
and KICKS him in the stomach. OOF, He goes DOWN.

At the same time, Suzu FLIES in the air.
GRABS Red Face and Obnoxious by the head,
and CRACKS them together. KONK.

They vibrate a moment,
then hit the ground, THWUMP.

SHAO
(nods)
Very good. Warm up round.

A NERDY SECURITY GUARD walks over.
Looks at the frat boys.

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
What’s going on over here?
Did you do that to them?

SHAO
Watchoo gonna do about it, FAT BOY?

NERDY SECURITY GUARD
(starts backing away)
Uh, nothing. Sorry. Never mind.
I’ve seen KILL BILL --
(beat)
Please don’t hurt me.

Sleazy Rider

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to a place that's so dark, so depraved, so completely fucked up, that you might not escape alive. But that's half the fun of it, when you've got ... That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter of NOWHERE GIRLS, spies on the run April Street and Cherry Nation are joined by April's ex, Simon Cain, rogue black ops spook, and more than sparks fly ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A black SUV drives onto the lot, followed by more vehicles.
They drive up to the hippie buses. Stop.
Sunday and Max hop out of the SUV. Look around.

SUNDAY
Brilliant cover. Look at those pieces of shit.

MAX
I can smell the patchouli oil from here --

SUNDAY
We’re one step behind them. SHIT.

A surveillance VAN pulls up near them.
They DART over to it as the door slides open.
Inside we see Horned-Rimmed Glasses Tech
and Bald, Intense Tech. They stare, dour.

SUNDAY
(rolls her eyes)
Great. The return of Frick and Frack.
You have any intel yet?

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Indeed --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
SAT-53G has just tracked
a brightly painted recreational vehicle --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Travelling one mile south of here,
approaching the vicinity of the Venice pier --

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge is at the wheel, cigarette dangling from his lip.
April has taken apart the computer
and has connected the hard drive to the laptop.
Cherry watches her work.

CHERRY
You’re a regular Steve Jobs with this stuff.

APRIL
An I-mac a day keeps the Geek Squad away.
The question is, how bad was the damage?

Her fingers FLY across the keyboard. A loud BEEP.
They watch a stream of data start flying across the monitor.

CHERRY
That’s good, right?

APRIL
So far, so good --

Her cell phone RINGS. She fishes it out. Answers it.

APRIL
Street here --
(listens)
Simon. Where are you?

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
Simon sits astride a HARLEY DAVIDSON.
Following the camper.

SIMON
Right behind you, doll. Pull over.

APRIL
How did you --
(beat)
Stupid question. See you in a sec.
(to Serge)
Serge, pull over. It’s Simon. He’s behind us.

SERGE
Ah -- the cavalry has arrived.

He pulls the vehicle over. Stops.
A RAP-RAP-RAP on the passenger side door.
April goes to the door. Opens it.

Simon climbs onboard. Goes to her. They hug.

APRIL
Thanks for coming.

SIMON
That’s me. Johnny on the spot.
(looks at Cherry)
So the Doublemint Twins
got into a bit of a rough scrape, eh?

CHERRY
You could say that.

APRIL
(points at Serge)
This is Serge.

SERGE
(waves)
Hallo.

SIMON
Which agency are you with?

SERGE
(shrugs)
Former DGSE in Paris, then Interpol in Lyon.
Now freelance. I am, as they say, an asset for hire.
(smiles)
I like the weather here.

SIMON
(to April)
So let me get this straight.
You’re being pursued by the Feds --
AND Honey Almond’s assassins.

APRIL
Yeah. We need to shake the FBI’s tail,
find her, AND get my kids.
And I figured with your black ops experience --
(looks at him carefully)
You got really banged up --

SIMON
Price of doing business.
(looks at the computer)
You have any intel?

APRIL
Some. Maybe.
Still waiting to see how much
we can upload from the mainframe.

SIMON
Okay. Let’s get my bike on board
and head out on the highway.

CHERRY
Looking for adventure --

APRIL
And whatever comes our way --

SERGE
(sings, LOUD)
Like a true nature’s child,
we were born, born to be wild.
We can fly so high, I never wanna DIE.

Everyone stares. What the -- ?

SERGE
What? Just because I’m French
doesn’t mean I haven’t seen 'Easy Rider.'

Me Kill You Long Time

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is hot, the drinks are cold, and the chicks are COLDER ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, while agents April Street and Cherry Nation wait for assistance from black ops spook Simon Cain, evil mastermind Honey Almond plots her next move, deep in her underground lair ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge and Cherry survey the damage.
Cherry points to the communication center,
now riddled with bullet holes.

CHERRY
We’re FUCKED. No more intel --

SERGE
It’s not a total loss. I still have my laptop --

April comes out of the bathroom.
Walks over to them.

APRIL
Simon’s on his way.

CHERRY
The Black Widow scores again.

APRIL
Excuse me?

CHERRY
Well, didn’t you dump HIM?
And now he’s racing to the rescue?

APRIL
Cherry, they have your CHILDREN.
And in case you didn’t notice,
we were almost just KILLED.
We’re the most wanted women on THE PLANET,
and there’s nothing WRONG about asking for HELP.

CHERRY
You’re right, I’m sorry.
I guess I’m a little -- stressed.

SERGE
(to Cherry)
It’s human nature to go to ex-lover for help.
It’s comfortable. Familiar.
(to April)
So while we wait for your friend,
we need to move to another location.
And you two need to transfer the intel
on the hard drive onto my laptop.

APRIL
Are you always so CALM?

SERGE
(shrugs)
I’m French --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT
Honey walks by a row of OPERATIVES at their work stations,
monitoring intel on their computer screens.

HONEY
(to Monsterburg)
What do you mean you’ve LOST CONTACT?

MONSTERBURG
Bugs doesn’t answer.
Neither does The Bagger.
Complete radio silence.

HONEY
Well, maybe they’re in the middle of a GUNFIGHT?
Ever thought of THAT?

MONSTERBURG
Yes, Sir. But I’ve been trying for over an hour,
and according to my statistics,
the average exchange of gunfire
lasts for ten-point-two minutes.
(gulps)
I’m afraid they’ve been terminated, Sir.

HONEY
GODDAMMIT.

She pulls a GLOCK from under her jacket.
Points it at him.

HONEY
Terminate THIS.

His eyes bug out. About to faint.

ROCK
Honey, please.
We’re short enough on man power as it is.

Honey lowers the gun. Holsters it.

HONEY
(mumbles)
Yeah. I got an email from HR about that --

ROCK
I think we should send in another operative.

HONEY
No shit, IDIOT. I’m THINKING.

ROCK
Perhaps we could send -- Shao Lin?

HONEY
Shao Lin? Interesting choice.
Mixed martial arts expert.
Advanced marksman --

ROCK
She finished that op at the brothel in DC.
Now taking a breather in --
(swipes his I-phone)
Universal City.
Guess she’s doing the studio tour thing.
(smiles)
She’s right nearby.

HONEY
BRILLIANT.
And she still has the two assistants?

ROCK
Always.
(looks at phone)
Uh -- they’re now incognito
as part of a tour group of Japanese students,
but they can be deployed immediately.

HONEY
Call her, IMMEDIATELY.
(smiles)
Death by sweet and sour.
Has a nice ring to it.

ROCK
(smiles)
Me kill you long time --

Don't Get Your G-String In A Bind

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to return to the scene of the crime, and take a one-way trip straight to hell, where your darkest desires become sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agent April Street has just called her ex, black ops spook Simon Caine for help, as she's being pursued by evil assassins. But before Simon can come to her aid, he must take out a terrorist cell ...


EXT. HOUSING PROJECT - NIGHT
Simon and Brub stand on each side of the front door.
Raise their weapons. Simon looks over his shoulder.
Sees everyone is in position.
Speaks into the mike on his shoulder.

SIMON
One, two, three -- NOW.

Two COMMANDOS with a battering ram
SMASH it into the door.
It FLIES OPEN. They RACE IN.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
A dimly-lit threadbare joint with piece-of-shit furniture.
Radical posters. Stacks of pizza boxes.

A dozen TERRORISTS sit around watching
some strange Middle Eastern film on a tiny black-and-white TV.

SKINNY TERRORIST
What was that?

UGLY TERRORIST
The front door.

SKINNY TERRORIST
Everyone, TAKE POSITION.

They race around. Grab their weapons.
Uzi-submachine guns. Pistols.
Pipe bombs. Dynamite. Grenades.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Commandos in riot gear with shields
STAMPEDE into the building.

INSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon and Brub RACE up the stairs,
KICKING over trash cans and debris.
They reach the top. Turn and run down --

THE HALLWAY
They STOMP down the corridor. Get to the end.
Simon looks behind him. Sees the commandos
filling the hallway behind them.
He approaches the door. Raises his weapon.

SIMON
This is FBI.
Come out with your HANDS UP,
or we’ll BLOW YOUR FUCKING HUMPS OFF.

IN THE APARTMENT
A TERRORIST opens the window blinds.
Gets SHREDDED by machine-gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

The other men look. SCREAM. Start firing at the door.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

OUTSIDE IN THE CORRIDOR
Simon and Brub FIRE into the apartment.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

They RACE into --

THE APARTMENT
Where they see A SUICIDE BOMBER
with dozens of EXPLOSIVES wrapped around his body.
Gripping a detonator for dear life.

SUICIDE BOMBER
(in Pakistani, with subtitles)
Praise ALLAH. Eat shit and DIE,
YANKEE MOTHERFUCKERS.

SIMON
WHIRLS around. YELLS at his men.

SIMON
SUICIDE BOMBER. MOVE IT!

And they all RUN away.
Simon goes to the window
at the end of the hall.
SMASHES it with his rifle.

IN THE APARTMENT
The terrorist HITS the button.

SUICIDE BOMBER
Seventy-five virgins, HERE I COME.

And the room EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon JUMPS out the window.
Lands in a dumpster, BANG.
He closes the lid.

The fireball WHOOSHES out the window
as the building FLIES APART,
raining down wood, concrete, glass, body parts.

The dumpster is PICKED UP by the blast
and THROWN against the building next door -- BANG.

The rain slowly stops.
Pieces of burning wood lie on the ground.
Billowing smoke.

FBI techs starts searching
through the rubbish, looking for survivors.

The dumpster’s lid OPENS. Simon climbs out.
Bruised and battered, but okay.

He brushes himself off.
Fishes out his cell phone.
Dials a number. Puts it to his ear.

SIMON
April?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - BATHROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
April sits on the loo. Answers her cell.

APRIL
Simon. How’d it go?

SIMON
Great. Fuckers blew themselves up.
Saved us the trouble.
Speaking of trouble,
what the fuck have you gotten yourself into, April?

APRIL
They kidnapped my CHILDREN,
blew up my HOUSE, and then set us up --

SIMON
Holy shit. Are the kids okay?

APRIL
I DON’T KNOW.

SIMON
What’s your location?

APRIL
Venice.

SIMON
I’ll be there in fifteen.
(beat)
Be nice to see you again --

APRIL
Simon. I’m having a crisis here.
This is no time for flirting.

SIMON
Don’t get your g-string in a bind.
I’m on my way.

APRIL
HURRY.
(beat)
Thanks, bye.

She clicks her cell phone shut.
Simon closes his.
Puts it in his pocket. Smiles wistfully.

SIMON
Damn, she’s hot when she’s scared shitless --

Yippee-Kai-Kay, Tuna-Fuckers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side ... a place where your deviant, hardboiled dreams become sins of the flesh, here at ... That Killing Feeling.

In today's action-packed chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are under attack by black ops spook The Bagger, and must fight for their lives ... !

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
April CLICKS her phone shut. Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op. Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.
HITS the floor. A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB.
We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER.

The compartment has filled with GREEN SMOKE.
April and Cherry CHOKE on the fumes.
Serge holds a handkerchief to his mouth.

CHERRY
What the fuck IS THIS?

SERGE
It’s CHLORINE GAS.
It’ll KILL US.
Open THE WINDOWS.

GAGGING and CHOKING,
they go to the windows.

Serge YANKS one open.
The gas starts to escape as --

Lemon FLIES DOWN from the ceiling,
HITS the floor wearing a gas mask.

A BEAM OF LIGHT on her rifle
starts sweeping through the smoke.

LEMON
Yippee-kai-yay, tuna-FUCKERS.

April sees her, DUCKS.
ROLLS across the floor.
GRABS her by the ankles.

She FALLS OVER, THUD.
Starts FIRING blindly.

Bullets PING-PING-PING around the trailer.
POP. ZZZZZZT.
The plasma screen bites the dust.

Cherry RACES over.
PUNCHES her in the stomach, OOF.
RIPS the mask off her face.

LEMON
(choking)
GAAAAA -- NO!

The Bagger LEAPS through a open window,
also in a gas mask. He raises an Uzi --

BAGGER
Parting is such sweet sorrow, MOTHERFUCKERS.

And starts blindly SHOOTING through the fog
in a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

Serge RACES up behind him.
GRABS him a bear hug.

Cherry GRABS Lemon,
WHIRLS her around so she’s facing The Bagger.
Her body gets SPRAYED.
JERKING like a rag doll.

Serge HEAD-BUTTS The Bagger.
He TRIPS, falls over.

April RACES OVER.
GRABS his gun.
CRACKS him on the head with it.

But Bagger’s one vicious thug.
He tries to GRAB it from April.

They HIT the floor, roll around,
fighting for control.
PUNCHING, KICKING, HITTING each other.

Serge pulls out a Walther PPK 22 caliber pistol.
Tries to take aim at his head,
but can’t get clear a shot.

April and Bagger continue fighting.
Get near Cherry,
who’s got her Glock out,
also trying to get a shot.

Cherry STOMPS on the floor
with the heel of her boot.

A ten-inch steel blade FLIES out of the toe --
And she SHOVES it in his face
with a sickening CRUNCH.

He stops moving.
A pool of blood starts forming on the carpet.

APRIL
(wide-eyed)
Where did you get THAT?

CHERRY
(RIPS it out of his head)
Sorry. Forget to tell you --

She wipes the blood off on Bagger’s shirt.
KICKS the floor with the blade.
It SHOOTS back inside.

CHERRY
Beta test, from Apple.
(smiles)
The I-Blade.

The Spy Who Dumped Me

Happy Monday, crime-stoppers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side. A place where unspeakable acts of depravity are always on the menu ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street are on the lam after being set up by terrorists at the White House, and are now being followed by black ops spook The Bagger ... who is about to attack their 'safe house on wheels' ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge drives, cigarette dangling on his lip.
Cherry rides shotgun. Watches the scenery out the window.

April sits on a built-in couch on the wall behind them.
Pulls out her cell. Punches a number. Listens.

APRIL
Feets don’t fail me now --
(listens)
Simon, it’s me, April. Pick up.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. HOUSING PROJECT - AT THAT MOMENT
A group of COMMANDOS IN BLACK take position
around the perimeter of a burned-out apartment block.
Looks abandoned, except for a dim light glowing on the second floor.
Leading the charge is a tall, rugged, good-looking bloke.

Meet SIMON CAINE (30), Brit ex-pat.
If Clive Owen and Daniel Craig had a love child, he’d be it.
Lady killer deluxe. Three-day stubble.
Piercing blue eyes glint with machismo smarts.

Right now he’s checking his weapon.
SHOVES in a clip, CHINK.

His cell VIBRATES in his pocket.
He pulls it out.

SIMON
(whispers)
Shit. Not now --
(looks at the number)
Great.
(answers it)
April. It’s not a good time --

APRIL
Sorry to bother you, Simon --
but it’s an emergency --

SIMON
I know. I saw it on the news.
What the fuck?
(sighs)
I’m in the middle of something.
Call you back in fifteen.

APRIL
You’re on an op?

SIMON
About to take out a terrorist cell.

APRIL
Shit. Where?

SIMON
Compton.

APRIL
Compton? 'Taliban in the Hood?'

SIMON
Don’t have time for witty banter, babe.
Call you back.

He CLICKS his phone shut.
The commando next to him smiles.

GRINNING COMMANDO
Don’t tell me. Your ex?

SIMON
Bitch left me, but won’t leave me alone.

GRINNING COMMANDO
'The spy who dumped me.'

SIMON
Funny, Brub. C’mon, let’s do this.
(pulls out his walkie)
Green fox, you in position?
(listens)
Roger that.
(to Grinning)
Let’s take the towel-heads to the cleaners,
whattaya say?

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
April CLICKS her phone shut. Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op. Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister
FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.
HITS the floor.
A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB.
We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER.

Serge turns the wheel, turns off onto the shoulder. Stops.

OUTSIDE ON THE FREEWAY
The Bagger pulls over behind them.

BAGGER
Got you now, me pretties --

Hollywood Or Bust

Happy Friday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the lower depths of humanity. A place so dark, so depraved, that you might not get out ... of That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street are on the lam in their mobile safe house, being pursed by black ops assassin The Bagger, and his trusty assistant, 'Lemon' ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge gets behind the wheel.
April slides into the passenger seat.
Cherry stands behind them.

APRIL
So where we gonna go?

SERGE
(shrugs)
Hollywood. The area code is three-two-three.
Then we work on decrypting her location.

CHERRY
(pushes out her chest)
Hollywood or BUST.

APRIL
Wait a minute.
I just had an idea.
I could call my ex --

CHERRY
What ex? You haven’t told me about him.

APRIL
No, I -- broke his heart.
(sighs)
It’s a long story. He’s black ops, NSA.
We were always on opposite ends of the world.
It was great, but I only got to see him
a couple times a year, if that,
and it just kinda -- tapered off.

CHERRY
But I thought absence makes the heart grow fonder.

APRIL
If you live in Kansas, maybe.
But not when you’re in deep cover
with a terrorist cell in Budapest --

OUTSIDE THE RV
The Bagger and Lemon approach the back of the vehicle.
But it start MOVING.

LEMON
Shit, it’s MOVING.

BAGGER
Quick, catch up with it.
Climb up on the roof.
I’ll follow in the car.

LEMON
Okay --

She DASHES OFF after it.
GRABS onto the steel rungs on the back.
Starts climbing up.
Stops, turns, blows Bagger a kiss.

The Bagger looks.
Starts quickly walking toward the SUV.

BAGGER
What a doll. Just how I like ‘em.
Fast, cheap and out of control.

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - CRIME SCENE - AT THAT MOMENT
Sunday and Max walk up to a PANEL TRUCK.
Sunday knocks on the window.
The side door OPENS. They peer in.

MAX
You get the location yet?

IN THE TRUCK
A pair of SURVEILLANCE TECHS turn and look at them.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
Yeah, we did, but --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
We lost the signal.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
They realized we could track them --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
And then destroyed the phone.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
They were in Venice Beach.
But they’re probably now in transit --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
They were in a parking lot --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
Inside a hippie motor home --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Painted all crazy, you know, like the Partridge Family.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
(sings, monotone)
'I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?'

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Great karaoke number.

The techs look at each other.
Nod. Sip their coffee.

SUNDAY
You two should take your act on the road.

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Oh, gosh, no. Strictly against regulations.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
(to Horn-Rimmed)
Are you sure about that?

MAX
ENOUGH. Just gimme the address.

Bald, Intense scribbles on a scrap of paper.
Hands it over. Max SNATCHES it out his hand.

MAX
You two outta get out more often.

Lemon-Fresh

Happy Thursday, crime kids! It's time once again to take a little trip to the dark side. A place where things are settled at the wrong end of a gun. A place where evil lurks in the hearts of men ... and women ... at That Killing Feeling.

Into today's chapter of the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street hunker down in their mobile safe house trying to learn the location of their evil nemesis Honey Almond ... Meanwhile, 'assassin to the stars' The Bagger has found their location, and is on his way ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge sits at a workstation against one wall of the main room.
Looks at a computer monitor, which is flashing rows of data.
Cherry and April crowd around and watch.

SERGE
These are all the calls she made in the last month.

APRIL
(points)
Look. Alot of the numbers are the same.

CHERRY
How much you wanna bet that’s Honey’s number?

SERGE
Exactly.
(punches on the keyboard)
Problem is, the location is encrypted.
So, I need to decipher it.
I’ve got a copy of this Al Qaeda program
on the black market that --

APRIL
Al Qaeda? REALLY?

SERGE
Yes. It’s state-of-the-art.
Developed by the Russians.
It can decrypt almost any --

He closes his eyes. Sighs.

CHERRY
What’s wrong?

SERGE
I just realized.
The only copy I had is back at the safe house.

APRIL
SHIT. I just realized something --

CHERRY
What?

APRIL
OUR location can be tracked on Bibi’s PHONE.

SERGE
MERDE!

He GRABS the phone.
THROWS it to the floor.
SMASHES it with his boot. CRUNCH.

CHERRY
I hope we were in time.

APRIL
Let’s not stay around long enough to find out, okay?

SERGE
Oui. It is time, as they say, to get out of Dodge.

EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger and Lemon carefully approach the parking lot.

BAGGER
We go in through the roof. Air vent.

LEMON
I’ll go in first, because I’m smaller --

BAGGER
Not to mention lemon-fresh.

LEMON
You wish.

BAGGER
Shit. I better check in.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Ducks down behind a old pickup truck.
Dials a number. Lemon joins him. Crouches down.

BAGGER
Hello, chief. It’s the Bag-man.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - PRIVATE OFFICE - NIGHT
The blinds are closed. She’s sitting on the desk,
skirt up around her waist, being serviced by Rock.

A red phone on her desk RINGS.

HONEY
Shit.

ROCK
Ignore it.

HONEY
(looks)
I can’t. It’s 'The Assassin To The Stars' --

He stops. Looks crestfallen.
She grabs the receiver.
Motions for him to continue.
He shakes his head 'really?'
Then starts thrusting HARDER. FASTER.

HONEY
(into the phone)
You get the -- French tart?

She GASPS. Approaching liftoff.

BAGGER
Didn’t have to. Feds got there first,
blew her clit to kingdom come.
Froggie had to be scraped into a dozen evidence bags.

HONEY
Nice. And what about Betty and Veronica?

BAGGER
Uh, they escaped.

HONEY
(moans, starting to climax)
Uhhhhhh --
(shakes her head)
What did you say?
(POUNDS on the desk)
They GOT AWAY?

BAGGER
Not to worry, I followed them.
They’re holed up in a shitty,
old RV at the Venice Beach parking lot.
I’m about to approach.
(cups the phone, to Lemon)
I think she’s having sex --

HONEY
Good work, Bag --
(gasps)
Ah, ah, ah, AHHHHHHH --

She lets out an EAR-SPLITTING SHRIEK of pleasure.
The Bagger holds the phone up to Lemon.
She smiles. Gives a thumbs-up.

BAGGER
Boss? You there? Everything okay?

Rock dismounts. Pulls his pants up. Triumphant.
Honey lights a cigarette. Smiles dreamily.
Exhales a big cloud of smoke.

HONEY
Never better. I was being defiled.
(beat)
Uh, debriefed. I was being debriefed --

It Only Hurts When I Punch Someone

Happy Hump day, crime humpsters! Are you ready for another blast of hardboiled action? Then get your asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the drinks are cold, and the chicks are HOT ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's action-packed chapter from the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street take cover in black ops spook Serge's safe house on wheels. Meanwhile, 'assassin to the stars' The Bagger is hot on their trail ... as is the FBI ...

EXT. VENICE BEACH BOARDWALK - NIGHT

Deserted at this hour.

Except for a few piles of humanity

wrapped in rags, dozing peacefully.

Serge, Cherry and April walk briskly

toward the parking lot at the north end.

CHERRY

(to April)

How’s your leg?

APRIL

Hurts like a motherfucker.

How’s your arm?

CHERRY

It only hurts when I punch someone.

SERGE

We’re almost there.

They get to the lot.

There’s a few old, trashy MOTOR HOMES parked at the end.

Ratty, painted with crude bright colors.

Blacked out windows. Graffiti. Weird shit piled on top.

Serge walks up to the largest one.

It has a sign on the window.

JESUS WAS HOMELESS.

SERGE

And here we are. Be it ever so humble --

He looks around. Satisfied that no one is following them.

Unlocks the door. Opens it. Beckons them inside.

SERGE

Entre, s’il vous plait.

Cherry and April exchange glances.

Shrug. Start up the steps.

INT. MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS

Breathtakingly beautiful. Plush carpet. Giant plasma screen.

State-of-the-art communications and computer technology.

New galley. Comfy furniture. The works.

CHERRY

Wow, this joint is THE BOMB.

APRIL

We be riding in STYLE.

Serge closes the door.

SPINS a wheel, LOCKS it, CLICK.

SERGE

We have rations for a month.

Global satellite tracking.

A complete arsenal, including heat-seaking missiles.

(smiles)

And it sleeps two comfortably.

Three is a bit of a squeeze,

but I think we can manage.

April blushes.

CHERRY

No time for shenanigans, kids.

We’ve got to get on the stick, pronto.

Uncle Sam wants our ass like grass.

(to Serge)

C’mon, let’s upload Bibi’s phone data and check out her intel.

Serge pulls Bibi’s cell out his pocket. Holds it up. Smiles.

SERGE

Let your fingers do the spying --

EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT

Down the street, Bugs’ SUV comes to a stop

where the street ends at the boardwalk.

INT. BUGS SUV - CONTINUOUS

The Bagger leans out the window,

looks through binoculars.

Turns and looks at Lemon.

BAGGER

Bingo. They went into that motor home.

LEMON

(looks)

One of those shitty homeless RV’s? Ew.

BAGGER

No, it’s brilliant. Perfect cover.

(opens the door)

C’mon, let’s go open us a can of vagina.

(turns to Bugs)

You come, too. The more the merrier.

BUGS

(big toothy smile)

Let’s rock-n-rolla.

(pulls out his weapon)

Lock, stock and two smoking BARRELS.

They pile out of the vehicle.

EXT. STREET CORNER - CONTINUOUS

The Bagger pulls out a 9MM Baretta with a silencer.

SHOOTS Bugs in the head. THWIP.

He falls into a row of shrubs, THUD.

LEMON

What did you do THAT for?

BAGGER

I fucking HATE Guy Ritchie --

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT

It’s a madhouse. Medical techs are taking away

dead FBI agents on stretchers.

Crime scene techs are sifting

through the rubble looking for evidence.

Sunday and Max stand nearby, watching.

Sipping coffee. Sunday is listening

to someone on her cell phone. She nods slowly.

SUNDAY

(on the phone)

Excellent, Monsterburg.

You get a gold star.

She CLICKS the phone shut.

Put it in her pocket.

MAX

It would seem that our plucky lasses

escaped by the skin of their teeth.

SUNDAY

Not so fast, super sleuth.

I just received word from HQ

that La Salle’s cell phone is still active.

MAX

Then that means --

SUNDAY

They’ve got it.

And we can track their tight, little asses with it.

MAX

(looks at hers)

Speaking of tight, little asses --

Long And Hard

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! You say you're feeling bored? Restless? Looking for some cheap, sleazy kicks? Then grab your favorite weapon and check out the coolest hardboiled pulp fiction joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's blistering chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, evil black ops spook Honey Almond, deep in her underground lair beneath Mann's Chinese Theater, gets the news that agents Cherry Nation and April Street have eluded their captors, and she is NOT pleased ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - OFFICE - NIGHT
Honey sits at her desk, watches a stream of data on the computer monitor.
Pours a shot of whiskey. DOWNS it.
Leans down, HONKS up a fat line of coke.

Rock Vargas stands in the doorway.

ROCK
I have some -- news, chief.

Honey WHIRLS around.
Stares at him.
Eyes burning brightly.

HONEY
What the FUCK happened?

ROCK
Please.
Don’t shoot the messenger --

HONEY
What the fuck HAPPENED?
TELL ME.

ROCK
The FBI -- beat us to the target.

HONEY
WHAT? How did that HAPPEN?
(to herself)
Fucking Bagger.
Perverted sonofabitch --

ROCK
Bugs texted me.
It seems Bag-man picked up
an assistant on the way,
which slowed down his approach --

Honey LEAPS up.
GRABS a paperweight off the desk.
THROWS it at the wall.

Rock DUCKS.
It HITS the plaster, CRACK.

HONEY
That LOSER. GODDAMMIT.

ROCK
I know, I know, I know --

HONEY
So tell me the fuck what HAPPENED.

ROCK
Uh, Bibi got shredded into chunks in sauce --
and Street and Nation got away.

Honey stops.
Cocks her head.
Eyes blinking madly.

HONEY
Well, at least it’s not ALL bad news.

ROCK
I’ve taken the liberty of diverting
The Bagger onto Street and Nation --
(beat)
Just wanted you to know.

HONEY
(throaty)
Close the door.

Rock does. Looks at her. Quizzical.

ROCK
What did you want to talk about, chief?

Honey walks over to him.
Puts her hand on his crotch.

HONEY
Shut the fuck up, Jason Bourne
and give me your ultimatum.
(beat)
Long and hard.

Reach Out And Kill Someone

Happy Monday, crime kids! Are you ready for another balls-out blast of hardboiled, hardcore pulp fucktion? Then fire up your I-phones, grab your weapons, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from our spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, just as Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are about to escape from the safe house, they're suddenly attacked by FBI agents, and barely escape with their lives ...


INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT
Serge hands the girls Uzi submachine guns and extra clips.

SERGE
Here. You’re going to need these --

APRIL
But I’ve got my trusty SIG-Sauer --

CHERRY
And I’ve got my Glock --

BIBI
(examines it)
Oooh. This is the new model --

Serge goes to a spot in the floor.
Pulls aside a rug, revealing a trap door.
He gets down, opens it. Looks at them.

SERGE
Good to have, just in case --

The back door EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL -- BANG!
Two FBI AGENTS IN BLACK
stand in the doorway. Weapons aimed.

IRATE FBI AGENT
FBI, NOBODY MOVE -- YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!

Bibi WHIPS her weapon at them and start FIRING.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

Their bodies get SPRAYED with bullets.
HIT the ground. THWUMP, THWUMP.

CHERRY
Oh, SHIT --

APRIL
She just shot --

Serge YELLS at them,
half-way down into the tunnel.

SERGE
C’mon, LET’S GO.

The front door EXPLODES.
Three more AGENTS storm in.

Start FIRING at them in a SPRAY OF MACHINE GUN FIRE.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Cherry and April LEAP behind the couch. Return fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Bibi RACES for the open trap door,
but gets SHREDDED into a million pieces.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Her I-phone SKITTERS across the floor.
Serge GRABS it. Ducks.

A tear gas SMOKE BOMB flies across the room.
Lands at the girls’ feet.
Starts BILLOWING poisonous gas.

APRIL
SHIT!

The room starts filling with SMOKE.
The girls continue FIRING.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

April sees the bag on the couch where Serge got the Uzis.
She leans over, opens it. Pulls out a GRENADE.

APRIL
YES. Come to MOMMA.

Cherry sees it. Eyes grow wide. April pulls out another.

CHERRY
Thank you baby JESUS.

APRIL
(hands one to Cherry)
You hit the back, I’ll get the front.

She raises her Uzi, fires at the front door,
keeping the agents at bay.

Two more AGENTS rush in the back door, step over the bodies.
Red high-beams on their weapons searching through the smoke.

The girls NOD. Pull the pins. THROW them. DUCK.

CHERRY’S GRENADE
Lands at the feet of the agents in the back. BOOM.
A massive FIREBALL engulfs them.
Wood and metal goes FLYING.

A pipe BURSTS.
Starts SPRAYING a fountain of water.

APRIL’S GRENADE
HITS the agents at the front door. BOOM.
Their bodies EXPLODE in a red mist.
SPRAYING the wood and metal that goes FLYING.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Look at each other. Nod.
Race toward the open trap door,
and FLY down the ladder.

IN THE TUNNEL ENTRANCE
Standing on the ladder, PELTED with debris,
April GRABS the trap door, and YANKS it shut. BANG.

They both exhale. Climb down into --

INT. TUNNEL CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
Serge stands there, waiting, cradling his Uzi. Smiles grimly.

SERGE
Good work, ladies.
(beat)
Where’s Bibi?

CHERRY
Sorry. Bibi bit the bullet.

APRIL
GODDAMMIT.
She could have led us to Honey Almond’s location.

SERGE
(holds up the I-phone)
Not to worry. I have her phone.
(swipes it with his finger)
Have all the information you need, on demand.

APRIL
Nice. Reach out and kill someone --

Two Hooters, No Waiting

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In today's chapter from our thrilling spy flick NOWHERE GIRLS, it's the calm before the storm, as agents Cherry Nation, April Street and Bibi LaSalle get ready to flee the escape house ... because right now it's being surround by the FBI ... and black ops assassin 'The Bagger.'


INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT
Bibi, Cherry and April sit on the couch with cups of coffee.
Serge looks at the door. Thinking.

SERGE
We have to get moving.
They’re gonna be here any minute.

BIBI
What do you mean?

APRIL
He’s right.
The United States government is after us.
We’re talking the state-of-the-fucking-art
spy satellite tracking, stealth GPS,
heat-seeking surveillance, the works.

CHERRY
Yeah. We better the get the fuck outta here.

BIBI
But where do we go?

SERGE
I have a motor home parked not far from here
for use in an emergency just like this.
It will be a little snug,
but it can be our temporary
base of operations until we find somewhere else.

APRIL
I like the sound of snug --

CHERRY
Down, girl.

EXT. BUNGALOW - SIDE ALLEY - NIGHT
The Bagger and Lemon creep carefully in the darkness.
Walk up to a side window. Try to peer in.

BAGGER
Damn blinds. Can’t see a fucking thing.

LEMON
Maybe we should go to the front door?

BAGGER
Which ruse, 'naughty census taker?'

LEMON
At this hour? In this outfit? Nah.
Was thinking Stripper-gram.

BAGGER
(nods)
Element of surprise. Distract ‘em.

LEMON
(opens her jacket)
Two hooters, no waiting.

The Bagger hears something.
Turns his head.

BAGGER
What was that?

LEMON
I heard it too --

BAGGER
(finger to lips)
Shhhh --

They quietly start creeping toward the house next door.

BAGGER
(sniffing)
Smells like G-men --

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A dozen FBI AGENTS in flak jackets pile out of
tricked-out SUV’s carrying submachine guns.
Start approaching the house quietly, surrounding it.

Sunday and Max get out of their vehicle.
Watch the action. Sunday lights up a smoke.

SUNDAY
I love the smell of estrogen in the evening.

MAX
So, uh -- do you ever let anyone -- join in?

SUNDAY
I laugh on your lapel, G-man.
In your DREAMS. Keep it up,
and I’ll report you for sexual HARASSMENT.
I’ve got Gloria Alred on SPEED-DIAL.

MAX
Jeez. Alright, okay --
(beat)
Don’t get your panties in a bind.
(smiles)
Whoops. I mean -- briefs.