Get The Fuck Out Of My Face

Happy Thursday, crime fucks. How the fuck ARE ya? You ready for some hardboiled/pulp/noir pulse-pounding intrigue? Then put your boots up, pop open a cold one, and get ready for white-hot action ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from A DISH BEST KILLED ...

First up, D-movie starlet Haven Crayce, now a murder suspect, hides from homicide dick Cal Seely and her dead husband's doctor, and calls her co-conspirator/lesbian lover Jett Targo on the phone to plot their strategy ...

Then Haven attends the reading of her late husband's will ... and is confronted by Dart's first wife.

Trust me, it's not pretty.

EXT. MARINA SLIP - THE SAFE HAVEN - NIGHT

All lights out on the Safe Haven. The boat looks ominous.

Spooky. Slowly bobbing in the water.

Cal Seely and Dr. Bing stand on the dock. Looking at it.

CAL

Thanks for coming on such short notice.

DR. BING

Sure, sure -- but she’s not home.

Cal squints at the boat. Chews on his unlit cigar.

CAL

She could be asleep.

DR. BING

Then why bother her now?

CAL

Element of surprise.

DR. BING

So -- you suspect her?

CAL

Insulin pump didn’t malfunction.

(puffs)

Battery was dead.

DR. BING

But she said she changed --

CAL

Exactly.

INT. THE SAFE HAVEN - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Haven kneels in front of the window.

Slowly pulls back the curtain a tiny bit.

Peers out.

HAVEN

(sees them outside)

Shit. Fuck. Goddammit.

She goes to the mini bar. Pours a stiff one.

Grabs a prescription bottle. Shakes out a couple pills.

Gulps them down. Chases it with a slug of her drink.

She pulls out her cell phone. PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAVEN (CONT’D)

Hey, it’s me.

(listen)

It’s done?

The doorbell RINGS.

HAVEN (CONT’D)

Shit --

(listens)

It’s fucking Dr. Bing and that fat fucking cop --

(listens)

All the lights are off --

(listens)

No, it’s too dangerous.

Who knows how long they’ll be out there.

Just sit tight. I’ll call you tomorrow after I go to the bank.

The doorbell RINGS again.

HAVEN (CONT’D)

I’ll gonna have a bubble bath, listen to my Ipod.

If they come in, I’ll say I couldn’t hear the doorbell with the music on.

(listens)

Yeah. We’re almost there.

(listens)

Me too, baby. Straight down the line.

PUSH IN on Haven. Eyes burning with fire.

EXT. OCEAN FRONT DRIVE - MORNING

A POLICE IMPOUND VEHICLE is parked behind Rush’s VW bug,

clamped to its towing winch. The DRIVER starts the truck,

and slowly pulls away, to reveal --

On the windshield, a mass of PARKING TICKETS.

INT. LAW FIRM - CONFERENCE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Haven sits alone at the end of a long, long conference table.

At the other end are a trio of STONE-FACED ATTORNEYS.

Also at the table are Dart’s FIRST WIFE (80’s),

a haggard-looking vulture of a woman. Beady eyes flickering.

Needless to say, the air is thick with anticipation.

Haven picks up a cut-glass goblet of water. Takes a tiny sip.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY

(reading from the will)

-- and I bequeath my entire estate to my second wife, Haven.

Haven blinks rapidly. The slightest trace of a smile cracks.

Nasty First Wife BANGS the table with her fist.

NASTY FIRST WIFE

That’s NOT FAIR. I was with him for FIFTY YEARS.

I was there when we was STARVING.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY

Quiet, please.

NASTY FIRST WIFE

(stands, SLAPS the table)

NO! I will NOT be QUIET! There must be some MISTAKE!

(points)

There’s no way in HELL he left all his money to that WHORE!

Haven stares at her. Blank-faced.

OILY ATTORNEY

Please, Ma’am. I don’t want have to call security.

Nasty PULLS OUT her chair. RACES over to Haven.

Oily picks up the phone. Speaks softly into it.

Nods. Hangs up.

NASTY FIRST WIFE

(gets in Haven’s face)

HARLOT. SLUT. You just married him for his MONEY.

HAVEN

Get the fuck out of my face, you old bag.

NASTY FIRST WIFE

(spits on Haven’s face)

Fucking CUNT.

Haven JUMPS UP. SMACKS Nasty on the face, HARD.

A pair of BEEFY SECURITY GUARDS race in. GRAB her.

NASTY FIRST WIFE (CONT’D)

Let GO OF ME. You CAN’T DO THIS.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with us.

The guards drag her out, KICKING and SCREAMING.

Haven takes out a handkerchief. Wipes her face.

HAVEN

I’m sorry for that -- outburst a moment ago.

I, I -- lost my temper.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY

I think you showed remarkable restraint.

OILY ATTORNEY

Indeed. I thought you were going to deck the bitch.

PUSH IN ON Haven. The barest hint of a smile.

HAVEN

I can’t imagine what he ever saw in her.