Hell Hath No Fury

Happy fucking New Year's Eve, hardboiled crime motherfuckers! Ready to raise the roof tonight? Gonna go drink and drive? Maybe knock off a liquor store? Then get your fat asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chick are hot, the drinks are cold, and the violence bloody ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto the thrilling conclusion to LITTLE GIRL BLUE ... where would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder gets revenge, private eye Carrie Love and her ex-husband/ex-partner Bernie Keko mend fences, and Carrie's little brother Seth gets his girl ... Blue.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION ESTATE - BACK YARD - NIGHT

Gero aims his gun at Blue.

GERO

Hold still or I’ll blow your fucking head off.

CARRIE

Races toward Gero and LEAPS on top of him.

GRABS the gun from his hand. WHACKS him on the head.

Incensed, Blue JUMPS UP. Starts KICKING HIM.

BLUE

MOTHERFUCKER!

BERNIE

RUNS over. Sees what’s going on.

BERNIE

Stop her. She’s gonna hurt him.

CARRIE

Let her get it out of her system.

BLUE

You KILLED MY SISTER.

She continues to wail on Gero.

He raises his hands in protest.

Taking her full wrath.

Seth gets up. Shakes his head. Brushes off the snow.

SETH

(watches Blue)

Whoah. Hell hath no fury.

BERNIE

(to Carrie)

I got a call from Eva.

You’re not gonna believe this --

CARRIE

Try me on for size.

BERNIE

You know the other goon?

CARRIE

That would be Tolly Chill.

The strip club manager.

BERNIE

Your MOTHER shot him. He’s dead.

CARRIE

Holy Oedipus complex.

(beat)

Guess I didn’t fall far from the tree after all.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Nobody MOVE. Or I’ll --

(hiccups)

SHOOT.

FISH

Walks toward the group.

Gun aimed at Carrie and Bernie.

FISH

Let him go.

Blue pulls out her gun and SHOOTS.

Gets him in the belly.

A red stain starts forming on his uniform.

FISH (CONT’D)

You fucking SHOT me.

You’re just -- a GIRL.

She FIRES again.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Gets him in the head.

He falls backwards into the snow.

BLUE

Who you calling a GIRL?

She PUMPS a few more shots in him.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

BLUE (CONT’D)

MOTHERFUCKER.

BERNIE

Think he’s dead now.

CARRIE

Feels good, doesn’t it.

BLUE

It’s a start.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - PRIVATE SECURITY CAR - AT THAT MOMENT

A police cruiser pulls up behind the empty car.

Two UNIFORMED OFFICERS get out.

Walk over and inspect it.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER

(shines a flashlight)

Yeah. It’s empty.

Loud BANGING from the trunk.

GRIZZLED VET OFFICER

What the fuck?

Hot Female goes to the trunk. Opens it.

IN THE TRUNK

Lies Tip. In his underwear.

Trussed up like a pig. Shivering.

TIP

Officers -- boy am I glad to see you.

(weak smile)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - DINING ROOM - DAWN

Some super-cool jazz rendition of a Christmas classic over --

The first rays of light stream in through the windows.

Carrie, Bernie, Seth and Blue sit at the large table.

Also seated are the two cops, and Tip, bundled up in a blanket.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER

This is really nice of you.

GRIZZLED VET OFFICER

Yeah, thanks. Sure smells great.

(smiles)

We’ll take your statements after we eat.

Fuck the chief if he can’t deal with it.

HOT FEMALE OFFICER

Besides, the crime scene techs have a lot of ground to cover.

Eva wheels Margo into the room holding a huge tray of food.

MARGO

This’ll give you guys a start.

I didn’t have enough eggs for everybody --

EVA

So we improvised.

MARGO

Eva added MILK. And CHEESE. Brilliant.

EVA

Old German trick.

They start serving the food. Everyone digs in.

CARRIE

(to Bernie)

About that -- thing that happened in the tunnel --

BERNIE

Never happened. Mum’s the word.

(hands her a plate)

Roll?

She takes one. Smiles. WOLFS it down.

BLUE

(to Seth)

So I was thinking --

SETH

(eating)

Yeah? About what.

BLUE

Well, if we could think of this as our first date,

we could get it out of the way.

SETH

Get what out of the way.

BLUE

This.

PUSH IN ON Blue. She leans over. Kisses him.

They fall into each other’s arms.

And start making out.

FADE TO BLACK

[ Coming next year ... BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES. ]

Hold Still Or I'll Blow Your Fucking Head Off

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. It's time for our 'end of the decade' blowout. You say you're looking for cheap weapons? We got 'em. Cheaper chicks? Check. An open bar? Always. Because when the going gets hardboiled, the hardboiled get going ... to That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we arrive at the exciting, next-to-last installment of our story ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love and would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder, they had just escaped a home invasion on Christmas Eve, and have now they've turned the tables on white slave trafficker Gero Chill ... so what does Blue do? Why, she gets her revenge ... by beating the shit out of him ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - NIGHT

Tolly’s tied to a chair. Looks royally pissed off.

Eva holds a gun on him. Margo naps.

ANGLE ON:

We see that Tolly is loosening the rope on his wrists.

EVA

Shakes her pistol at him. Eyes burning.

EVA

How dare you invade this home.

And on Christmas.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

TOLLY

Shut up, you OLD BAT.

You don’t know nothin’ about NOTHIN.’

EVA

Keep your voice down.

Can’t you see she’s sleeping?

Tolly stands up. RIPS the ropes apart.

TOLLY

I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU.

The noise wakes Margo. She raises her gun.

Tolly LUNGES at Eva. She SHOOTS him.

Gets him in the shoulder.

He STOPS, startled.

LUNGES at Eva again.

Margo SHOOTS him three times in the chest.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

He falls over, dead.

EVA

Oh my god.

MARGO

Holy shit.

They look at each other.

EVA

Nice shooting.

MARGO

(looks at the gun)

I can’t believe I just did that.

EVA

We should call Bernie on the walkie talkie.

MARGO

You call. I’m kinda tired.

(closes her eyes)

Nice shooting yourself.

EVA

You’re not such a tough nut after all.

MARGO

Keep it under your hat.

Now let me get some sleep.

My ears are still ringing.

And she goes out.

Starts lightly snoring.

Eva shake her head.

She picks up the walkie.

Presses TALK.

EVA

Hello, Bernie?

This is Eva.

Are you there?

INT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT

Bernie lifts the curtain, peers out the front window.

Then looks at Seth and Blue, standing by the back door.

He nods. They quietly creep outside.

The walkie SQUAWKS to life. Bernie answers it. Listens.

BERNIE

You WHAT? Really?

Margo did? Holy shit.

(listens)

Stay where you are.

We’ll come get you.

Hold on tight.

OUTSIDE

Gero and Mad Dog huddle by the side of the front door.

MAD DOG

I say we blast the fucking shit out of ‘em.

I’m fucking FREEZING.

GERO

No. No guns. Let me think.

CARRIE (O.C.)

Gee, I dunno. That could be dangerous.

GERO

(looks)

What the -- ?

Carrie stands next to a nearby tree.

Points her gun at them.

CARRIE

Drop your weapons, NOW.

Mad Dog reaches for his piece.

Carrie SHOOTS him in the forehead. BANG.

He goes down. THWUNK.

Gero TAKES OFF, runs around the side of the pool house.

Carrie CHASES after him.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

Goddammit, come BACK HERE.

IN THE WINDOW

Bernie watches.

BERNIE

Shit.

He opens the door. RACES outside.

OUTSIDE IN THE SECURITY CAR

Fish puts down the flask. Cocks his head.

FISH

That was a gunshot. I better go help.

He opens the car door. Gets out. Weaves a little.

FISH (CONT’D)

Damn. I need to eat somethin.’

And he heads off toward the house.

IN THE BACK

Blue and Seth creep around the corner, holding their guns.

Gero RUNS right into them.

They topple over, HIT the ground.

Gero PISTOL WHIPS Seth.

He GRABS Blue.

GERO

I’ve got you NOW, little girl.

Blue tries to FIGHT back,

but Gero GRABS her wrists in one hand.

Holds his gun to her head in the other.

GERO (CONT’D)

Hold still or I’ll blow your fucking head off.

CARRIE

Races toward Gero and LEAPS on top of him.

GRABS the gun from his hand.

WHACKS him on the head.

Incensed, Blue JUMPS UP.

Starts KICKING HIM.

BLUE

MOTHERFUCKER!

BERNIE

RUNS over. Sees what’s going on.

BERNIE

Stop her. She’s gonna hurt him.

CARRIE

Let her get it out of her system.

BLUE

You KILLED MY SISTER.

She continues to wail on Gero.

He raises his hands in protest.

Taking her full wrath.

Seth gets up. Shakes his head.

Brushes off the snow.

SETH

(watches Blue)

Whoah. Hell hath no fury.

Two Guns, No Waiting

Happy Tuesday, crime fucks. Made any New Year's resolutions yet? 'Not gonna rob any more banks?' 'No more ruthless kidnappings?' You're maybe not gonna drink so much? And make sure your gun is oiled and cleaned at all times? Then it's time to get your turkey-stuffed asses over the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we continue to race toward the exciting conclusion, in this, the third-to-last chapter ...

Homicide dick Bernie Keko, college coed/would-be stripper Blue Wonder and private eye Carrie Love's brother Seth have escaped into Carrie's family estate pool house, and white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons are right outside, about to break in. Meanwhile, Carrie is quietly sneaking up behind them ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS ESTATE - POOL HOUSE - NIGHT

Gero stands at the door. BANG-BANG-BANGS on it with his gun.

GERO

GIVE IT UP, we’ve got you OUTNUMBERED.

Open the door, or we’re COMING IN.

INT. POOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Seth and Blue crouch behind the sofa, guns aimed.

Bernie leans against the wall near the door.

BERNIE

BULLSHIT. There’s three of US and two of YOU.

It’s a STALEMATE, motherfucker.

OUTSIDE

Mad Dog looks at Gero.

MAD DOG

Shit. What are we gonna do, boss?

GERO

I’m thinking, I’m thinking.

INSIDE

Bernie looks at Seth and Blue.

BERNIE

What are they doing?

Why aren’t they shooting at us?

SETH

Because gunshots will call attention to them.

Somebody will call the cops.

BLUE

I’ve got an idea.

BERNIE

YOU’VE got an idea.

BLUE

Yeah, listen -- there’s a back door.

Why don’t Seth and I sneak around and surprise them?

BERNIE

No way. Do you know how dangerous that is?

BLUE

Duh. You got a better idea?

SETH

I say let’s do it.

BERNIE

I can’t let you do that. It’s crazy.

You’re the one they’re after.

BLUE

That’s why they won’t expect it.

You keep them distracted,

and we’ll sneak up behind ‘em.

(beat)

Saw it in a Lifetime movie.

BERNIE

Well, if it was in a Lifetime movie.

IN THE BACK YARD

Carrie moves from tree to tree

on her way toward the pool house.

She sees Gero and Mad Dog.

Hears them shouting.

CARRIE

Here goes nothing.

(checks her gun)

Two bullets, no waiting.

The Pleasure's All Yours, Asshole

Happy 'The Monday After', crime slicksters. I don't know about you, but I'm glad the madness is over and done with, so we can return to what's really important in life. Enough joy and merriment. It's time for murder and mayhem, as we return to the dark side ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we're racing to the exciting conclusion of our story ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she and her family and friends had successfully fought off a home invasion on Christmas Eve in her mother's house in Beverly Hills during a freak snow storm. They've escaped through underground tunnels, and are now fighting back with blood, bullets ... and family ties ...

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - NIGHT

Tolly faces Margo, Eva and Layla. Points his gun at them.

Watches Margo sleeping peacefully. The IV drip.

TOLLY

What’s wrong with the old broad?

EVA

Carrie’s mother had a stroke.

Please don’t hurt her.

TOLLY

That’s her MOTHER?

I’ve died and gone to HEAVEN.

(laughs)

Best hostage I ever had.

PUSH IN ON Margo.

One eye opens a tiny bit. Then closes.

EXT. POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT

It’s stopped snowing. All is quiet.

Bernie races toward the pool house.

Seth and Blue come outside. See him.

They run toward each other.

BERNIE

You’re okay.

BLUE

Where’s Carrie?

SETH

And my mom and Eva?

BERNIE

(to Seth)

They’ve been captured.

But Carrie’s on her way to save them.

Don’t worry, they’ll be okay.

BLUE

Holy SHIT.

SETH

Don’t WORRY?

BERNIE

You don’t know Carrie.

If you saw the look on her face --

(motions to the pool house)

C’mon, let’s go inside.

I have a feeling we’re about to expect company.

GERO AND MAD DOG

Appear at the end of the property. See them.

GERO

You there! Stay where you are or we’ll SHOOT.

BERNIE, SETH AND BLUE

Hear him. Look.

BERNIE

LET’S GO.

And they DASH into the pool house.

INT. POOL HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Blue and Seth RACE in, followed by Bernie.

He SLAMS the door. Locks it.

Pulls out his gun. Seth holds up his rifle.

BERNIE

(to Seth)

You cover the door. I’ll check the windows.

BLUE

But I don’t have a gun.

Bernie reaches into his boot.

Pulls out a small 22 caliber.

BERNIE

Now you do.

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie stands in the tunnel entrance. Looks at Tolly.

His semi-automatic weapon aimed at her mother. Eva. Layla.

TOLLY

Detective Love. I’m so glad you could join us.

CARRIE

The pleasure’s all yours, asshole.

TOLLY

Now is that any way to greet someone on Christmas?

CARRIE

Ho fucking ho, fuck-face.

(pulls out her gun)

You touch one hair on my mother’s head,

and you’re getting a lump of coal up your ass.

Tolly walks over to Layla.

Places the gun against her head.

LAYLA

(freaking out)

No, PLEASE. Please don’t SHOOT ME.

TOLLY

(to Carrie)

Drop the rod, or I blow Selma Hayek’s brains out.

CARRIE

You blow her head off, I blow off yours.

LAYLA

NO.

EVA

Carrie --

Tolly WHIPS another gun out of his pocket.

Aims it at Carrie.

TOLLY

Forgot to mention I’m ambidextrous.

Drop it, hot stuff -- NOW.

Carrie drops her gun. It CLATTERS to the floor.

Tolly SHOOTS Layla in the head. BANG.

Blood SPRAYS. She HITS the floor.

Eva SCREAMS.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

Now kick the fucking gun OVER HERE.

Carrie KICKS the gun across the floor.

Tolly watches it SPIN.

In a flash, she KICKS him in the crotch, OOF.

He doubles over in pain.

He FIRES his gun. BANG. Misses her.

Eva SCREAMS again.

Margo opens her eyes, and deftly JAMS her stun gun in Tolly’s side.

BZZZZZZZZZZ! 300 watts of electricity ROAR through his body.

He dances like a marionette.

Carrie SOCKS him in the jaw with a hard left. CRACK.

He HITS the floor, THWUNK. Out cold.

CARRIE

Motherfucker.

Everyone stares at Tolly. Then Layla.

EVA

Oh my god. That -- poor girl.

MARGO

I’ve never seen someone -- shot before.

Carrie picks up her gun. Puts it in her waistband.

Gets Tolly’s. Hands one to Eva. The other to Margo.

EVA

What are we supposed to do with these?

CARRIE

(gets his walkie)

I’ve got to go see if Blue is okay.

You two keep him covered.

If he does ANYTHING, don’t hesitate to shoot.

(hands it her)

Call Bernie on this if anything happens.

He has another one.

MARGO

Why don’t we just shoot the bastard now?

CARRIE

It’s against the law.

(takes a breath)

Okay. I gotta go.

MARGO

Be careful, Carrie.

CARRIE

I always am.

She goes to the tunnel. Stops. Turns.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

I love you, mom.

PUSH IN ON Margo. In shock.

MARGO

I -- love you, too.

No One Fucks With Me On Christmas

Happy Christmas cluster-fuck, crime slicksters. The presents have been opened. The eggnog is but a hungover memory. The stockings have been well-hung, and visions of sugar dum-dum bullets are dancing in your holly jolly heads ... at a Very Special Hardboiled Christmas at ... That Killing Feeling.

Onto todays joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we race toward the exciting conclusion ...

After a brutal home invasion on Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills during a freak snowstorm, private eye Carrie Love, her family, college coed Blue Wonder and homicide dick Bernie Keko have escaped into underground tunnels ... while white slave trafficker Tolly Chill, his father Geo, and their merry band of vicious killers are hot on their trail ...

INT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL - NIGHT

Carrie and Bernie get to the end.

See a flight of stairs leading up to an oblong door on the ceiling.

BERNIE

(gestures)

Ladies first.

CARRIE

(gestures)

After you.

BERNIE

You always were a contrarian.

CARRIE

You always were a male chauvinist pig.

They stare at each other. He leans in. Kisses her.

She responds. GRABS him passionately. They go at it.

Then pull away from each other.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

Nah. Bad idea.

BERNIE

Kinda scary.

(beat)

Worth a try, though.

CARRIE

Temporary insanity.

(beat)

Follow me.

And she starts up the stairs.

INT. NORTH TUNNEL - AT THAT MOMENT

Layla pushes Margo in the wheelchair.

Eva follows, rifle on her shoulder. Marching.

LAYLA

The agency never told me about this.

EVA

Always something going on with this family.

(beat)

You have anyone expecting you home tonight?

LAYLA

Just my cat, Pepe.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Stop right where you are, or I’ll fucking SHOOT.

The women turn, look.

Tolly walks toward them, gun in hand.

TOLLY

Drop the rifle, Blondie, and put ‘em where I can see ‘em.

Eva drops the gun.

It hits the floor, CLACK. Puts ‘em up.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

(points at Layla)

You too, Chiquita Banana.

(beat)

What’s up with the old broad?

EXT. BACK YARD - AT THAT MOMENT

A manhole cover opens up in the ground.

Out comes Seth, then Blue.

They look around, shivering in the cold snow.

BLUE

It’s FREEZING.

He takes off his hoodie. Puts it on her.

SETH

This should warm you up.

BLUE

Th-thanks.

SETH

(points)

The pool house is over there. Follow me.

He grabs her hand, and they DASH off in the snow.

INT - POOL HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT

A door opens up in the floor. It’s SHOVED to the side.

Hits the floor with a THUD.

Carrie, then Bernie come up the stairs. Stop. Look around.

CARRIE

This is the pool house.

BERNIE

How do you know?

CARRIE

I was here earlier tonight.

(beat)

God, that seems like a year ago --

Carrie’s walkie talkie CRACKLES to life.

TOLLY (O.C.)

Detective Carrie Love --

CARRIE

That you, Chill?

TOLLY (O.C.)

Better get your ass back here.

Got some old broad in a wheelchair with me.

Hate to see anything bad happen to her.

CARRIE

Don’t TOUCH HER.

(whispers to Bernie)

He’s got my mother.

BERNIE

Shit.

TOLLY (O.C.)

Got a couple of other ladies, too.

But no Little Girl Blue. She with you?

CARRIE

She’s GONE, asshole. You’re too late.

She went down the other tunnel.

TOLLY

Aha. Well, my associates will catch up with her soon.

(beat)

Now get your ass back to the basement,

if you know what’s good for you.

And the old lady.

CARRIE

Don’t you DARE touch a hair on her HEAD.

I’m on my way.

(clicks it off, to Bernie)_

You go find Blue and Seth.

BERNIE

I should come with you.

CARRIE

BERNIE. That YOUNG GIRL and MY BROTHER are out there.

You gotta find them, make sure they’re okay.

(hands him the walkie)

Here, take this. I’ll get that asshole’s walkie after I kill him.

BERNIE

You’re awfully confident.

CARRIE

He’s got my MOTHER.

(beat)

And NO ONE fucks with me on CHRISTMAS.

To Protect And Swerve

Happy holidaze, crime motherfuckers. Have your stockings been hung without care? Still looking for the last minute Xmas present for someone you really don't like? Then why not give the gift that keeps killing? A big, steaming slice of hardboiled noir, served cold ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, as we race toward the exciting conclusion of our story ...

All hell has broken loose on Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills during a freak snowtowm ... private eye Carrie Love, college coed Blue Wonder, homicide dick Bernie Keko and Carrie's family escape white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons through underground tunnels below the Love estate ... problem is, Carrie's mom just had another stroke, and the cops that were on the scene are now dead ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - NIGHT

Margo jabs a finger at Eva. Layla looks alarmed.

EVA

Don’t point your finger at me. It’s not polite.

MARGO

You cheated me out of what was MINE.

EVA

I didn’t ask him to change his will, Margo.

MARGO

Bull-SHIT.

LAYLA

Shhhh, calm down.

MARGO

I WILL NOT calm down. This whore got ALL HIS MONEY.

FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS. I got SQUAT.

EVA

How DARE you call me a WHORE. I loved my husband.

Maybe you should take a cue from your daughter,

and stop with the drinking and drugging.

Maybe if you were SOBER,

you’d see what a BITCH you are.

MARGO

A BITCH?

EVA

Yeah, A BITCH. I’ve been nothing but nice to you.

I even invited you to the funeral.

MARGO

You fucking CUNT.

It wasn’t YOUR PLACE to invite ME

to my HUSBAND’S FUNERAL -- it was --

Margo’s body SPASMS. She starts having another seizure.

LAYLA

SHIT.

EVA

NO.

Layla reaches into her bag.

Pulls out a syringe and a small vial.

Starts preparing an injection.

EVA (CONT’D)

What are you giving her?

LAYLA

Ten cc’s of dilaudid, like before?

EVA

(feels Margo’s pulse)

Better make it twenty.

INT. BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT

Tolly and Mick cup their ears against the wall.

TOLLY

It’s them.

MICK

Yeah, but there’s no door.

TOLLY

So we make one. Knock down the fucking wall.

GERO (O.C.)

You fellas down here?

GERO

Appears at the top of the stairs, with Mad Dog.

TOLLY

Down here, pop.

They start coming down.

GERO

Goddammit. You drag me out of bed on Christmas Eve --

TOLLY

Relax, pop -- we found ‘em.

They’re there in the next room.

Heard em arguing.’

MICK

There’s no door, so we gotta bust in.

GERO

Great. Fucking great.

(to Mad Dog)

Go back to the car and get the sledge hammer.

(to Tolly)

If you wanna get something done right, you gotta do it yourself.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - AT THAT MOMENT

Fish is wearing Tip’s uniform. It’s a bit tight on his bulky frame.

He SLAMS the trunk. Gets in the car.

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - CONTINUOUS

He sees the flask on the seat next to him.

FISH

Nice.

(takes a hit, raises it)

Here’s looking at you, kid.

(a sip, winces)

Cheap shit --

A KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK on the window. Fish rolls it down.

It’s a POLICE OFFICER. Red lights flashing on his cruiser.

Looks pissed off. Having to work on the holiday.

ANGRY COP

You call in the 10-25?

FISH

The ten-what?

ANGRY COP

Home invasion. Private cop called it in.

FISH

Wasn’t me. Everything’s quiet here.

I mean, shit -- it’s Christmas Eve.

ANGRY COP

Fucking kids.

FISH

(holds up the flask)

Wanna belt?

ANGRY COP

What the fuck.

He takes a long pull. Gives it back.

FISH

To protect and swerve, huh?

ANGRY COP

Yeah, thanks. You have a good one. Try and stay warm.

(winks)

But not dry.

The cop goes to his cruiser. Drives off. Fish watches.

FISH

And you try and stay stupid --

INT. BASEMENT - MAIN ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Mad Dog SWINGS the sledge hammer against the wall, BANG.

The wood CRACKS, pieces go FLYING.

MAD DOG

Piece a cake.

He swings again, BANG. The exposed drywall CRACKS.

MAD DOG (CONT’D)

We’ll get through in no time.

GERO

This is a real mess.

TOLLY

I know, pop. I said I was sorry.

GERO

Sorry’s not good enough.

Now you’ve dragged me into this shit --

I’m TOO FUCKING OLD for this, and on CHRISTMAS.

(beat)

I’m thinking of grounding you.

TOLLY

But I’m -- 35, pop.

What are you gonna do, bend me over your knee?

GERO

Don’t tempt me, sonny.

Never too old for corporal punishment.

INT. BASEMENT - SECRET ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Eva and Layla watch with horror as the wall starts to buckle with each BANG.

Margo’s asleep, drugged to the gills.

LAYLA

What are we gonna DO?

EVA

We’ve got two choices.

We can either stay here and fight them --

or we can escape into one of the tunnels.

BANG. The wall SHUDDERS.

LAYLA

I say we get THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

EVA

What about MARGO?

LAYLA

She’s on wheels --

EVA

Let’s get the hell out of here.

BANG. The wall CRACKS.

Layla grabs the back of Margo’s wheelchair.

LAYLA

Which tunnel, left or right?

EVA

Left -- the way Carrie and Bernie went. You go first.

Layla nods, pushes Margo into the tunnel. Eva follows.

The fireplace slides back into place behind her.

BANG. A big hole in the wall COLLAPSES in a cloud of plaster and dust.

Mad Dog crawls in the opening. Then Tolly and Gero.

They stand up. Brush themselves off. Look around.

GERO

What the fuck?

TOLLY

I heard them, they were IN HERE.

MAD DOG

They ain’t now.

GERO

Goddammit to HELL. You fucking IDIOT.

(goes to the fireplace)

I’m gonna bash your SKULL IN.

(grabs the poker)

FUCK-HEAD.

The fireplace slides open. Revealing the tunnels.

TOLLY

Holy fucking shit.

GERO

Open Sesame.

(pulls out his gun)

Tolly, you take the left tunnel,

Mad Dog and I’ll take the right.

TOLLY

(takes out his)

Let’s get ‘em.

They race down the tunnels.

INT. NORTH TUNNEL - AT THAT MOMENT

Seth and Blue walk down the tunnel.

SETH

So these guys killed your sister?

BLUE

Yeah. Carrie thinks Tolly did.

Jonna must have found out about what he does.

SETH

What does he do?

BLUE

He’s a white slave trafficker.

They were auctioning off underaged Romanian girls at the party.

Pause.

SETH

After this is -- over with, I was wondering if --

(beat)

If you’d like to -- go on a --

BLUE

A DATE?

SETH

We could just -- go for coffee.

BLUE

Gee. I’d prefer dinner and a movie.

They stop.

SETH

Really?

BLUE

Really.

She leans over. Kisses him on the cheek.

He gently puts his hands on her shoulders.

Leans in to kiss her, and --

MAD DOG (O.C.)

How much farther do you think this goes?

GERO (O.C.)

Oh, so you’re TIRED? I’m the old man, and I’m FINE.

Seth and Blue stare at each other.

SETH

Someone’s coming.

BLUE

RUN.

And they TAKE OFF down the tunnel.

Somebody Kill Me Now

Happy holidaze, crime slicksters. Looking for an alternative to all the good cheer and glad tidings? Feeling like mowing down all those 'smart shoppers' at the mall? Then you've come to the right place, where good girls go bad, and bad boys get lucky ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we start to race toward the exciting conclusion of this violent, bloody holiday tale of one one family's horrific yule tide.

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she and her family and friends were defending themselves against a brutal home invasion on Christmas Eve. They've now escaped into secret underground tunnels beneath their Beverly Hills home ... and Carrie and her ex share a 'tender' moment ...

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - NIGHT

Tip smiles. Takes a hit of his flask. Toasts.

TIP

I’m gonna be a hero.

He reaches for his walkie talkie. Then sees something.

TIP (CONT’D)

Oh, shit -- I better warn them.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - MAIN CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT

Tolly and Mick walk through the house, checking each room.

TOLLY

(on the walkie)

Look, they’re hiding, okay?

We’ll find ‘em. It’s a big fucking house.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GERO’S LIMO - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Gero curses under his breath.

GERO

Well, then why don’t one of you two Einsteins

COME OUTSIDE and LOOK for us?

(looks out the window)

There’s no one else around here.

TOLLY

In the fucking snow?

Just look for our car. It’s in the driveway.

DRIVER

Sir, there’s a private patrol car outside.

What should I do? You want me to whack ‘em?

GERO

(on the walkie)

I’ll call you back.

(to the driver)

See what he wants.

Tell ‘em we’re from out of town, and we’re lost.

The driver rolls down his window. Tip pokes his head in.

TIP

Good evening. Just wanted to warn you.

There’s a bunch of criminals in the neighborhood.

Home invasion. And there’s more on the way.

You live around here?

Gero leans forward. Aims a gun at his head.

GERO

Thanks for the update, sport. Now get in.

The back door opens. Strange-Looking Goon beckons him in.

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

Come on in, we got egg nog.

INT. BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie looks at a door at the end of the bar.

CARRIE

Where does this go?

MARGO

Into the regular basement.

But you can’t see it from the other side.

CARRIE

Gotcha. And the tunnels?

MARGO

Go to the fireplace.

Pull on the first poker on the left.

Carrie walks over.

Grabs the poker, pulls it like a lever.

The fireplace SLIDES TO THE LEFT,

revealing a pair of tunnels that split off at forty-five degree angles.

CARRIE

Holy shit.

MARGO

Hey, if it was good enough for Capone.

CARRIE

Where do they go?

MARGO

God, I can’t remember -- it’s been so long.

I think one goes to the pool house,

and the other to the back end of the property --

(beat)

I think.

BERNIE

Are they safe?

MARGO

Hell if I know. I’ve never gone in them.

CARRIE

I say we break up into two groups and check them out.

(to Bernie)

Bernie and I will check out the one on the left,

and Seth and Blue can check out the one on the right.

Sound like a plan?

BERNIE

Can’t wait.

SETH

(looks at Blue)

Fine with me.

BLUE

(looks at Seth)

Yeah.

EVA

What about me?

CARRIE

You stay and protect Margo.

EVA

Okay --

MARGO

Somebody kill me now, because I’m already in hell.

EXT. GERO’S LIMO - NIGHT

Tip sits between Strange-Looking and Ugly, Muscled in the back seat.

Strange has a gun on him.

TIP

I’m not telling you.

Strange CRACKS him on the head with the gun.

TIP (CONT’D)

OW!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

So you wanna PLAY, huh?

Alright, let’s play. WHAT’S THE ADDRESS?

He WHACKS him again.

TIP

1600 Sunset Boulevard!

Please don’t HIT ME again!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

See? That wasn’t so hard.

And I don’t have to hit you no more.

Gero picks up the walkie. Speaks into it.

GERO

Tolly, you there?

TOLLY (O.C.)

Yeah, pop. What’s up?

GERO

We got the address, found ourselves a rent-a-cop.

Got him in the car, for insurance.

TOLLY (O.C.)

Nice. Hurry on over.

Come in the front door, it’s open.

INT. BASEMENT - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

Tolly’s at the top of the stairs with Mick.

TOLLY

(on his walkie)

We’ll be down in the basement.

Think we got ‘em trapped down there.

IN THE LIMO

Gero turns to Strange-Looking.

GERO

Fish, you put on Bozo’s uniform and drive his car.

Put him in the trunk. This way we’ve got someone

on the outside to watch out for us.

TIP

Hey, wait a minute --

Ugly, Muscled PUNCHES Tip in the face, CRUNCH.

He goes out.

FISH

(to Ugly)

Thanks, Mad Dog.

MAD DOG

Don’t mention it. Tis the season.

IN THE BASEMENT

Tolly puts the walkie in his pocket. Starts down the steps.

TOLLY

They’re on their way. C’mon, let’s check it out.

INT. TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

Carrie and Bernie walk down the corridor.

Wood panelling. Linoleum tiles.

They both wave flashlights.

CARRIE

Check out the craftsmanship, must of cost a fortune.

BERNIE

So listen, can I -- ask you something?

CARRIE

Sure.

BERNIE

I guess cause it’s Christmas, you know --

gets a guy thinking --

(beat)

Now that you’ve stopped drinking,

I was wondering if you’d like to --

have coffee or something?

CARRIE

I’m sorry, Bernie. It was over A LONG time ago.

BERNIE

We had a lot of fun, though --

CARRIE

Oh, yeah. A lot of fun. Too much fun.

(beat)

We’ll always be friends. You know that.

BERNIE

Friends that call you on Christmas Eve and ask for help?

CARRIE

Something like that.

Pause.

BERNIE

So are you still into girls, or was that because you were --

CARRIE

Drunk most of the time?

(off his look)

I’m still into girls.

But now I’m just a little more -- picky.

(smiles)

But I still like guys.

BERNIE

Not too confusing.

CARRIE

Welcome to my life.

Call Me Ishmael

Happy Tuesday, crime-fucks. Did you miss me yesterday? Had some hardboiled computer problems, but we're back in action today. So pour yourself a fresh cocktail, load up your favorite piece, and get your asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, and you better hold onto your seats, kids, cause this one's a doozy ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she was defending her family and friends against white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his band of goons ... who have invaded her mother's home on Christmas Eve during a freak snowstorm. The gang has escaped into a secret basement room, but the mobsters are hot on their trail ... but just when all seems lost, Carrie's mother reveals a secret tunnel ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BASEMENT - NIGHT

Carrie walks over to the bookcase. Scans the titles. Finds it.

Pulls it out by the spine --

and the bookcase SLIDES open,

revealing a staircase going down.

CARRIE

Geraldo Rivera eat your heart out.

(to Blue)

Why don’t you help Layla get mom into the wheelchair.

(to Bernie and Seth)

And you guys help me move the desk in front of the door.

It should buy us some time.

EVA

What can I do?

CARRIE

Why don’t you go down first, look around. Be our scout.

EVA

(nods)

You know, if I wasn’t scared shitless,

I’d say this is the most fun I’ve had in years.

INT. UPSTAIRS BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Tolly and Mick stand in front of Porkpie’s dead body.

MICK

The fucking bitch.

TOLLY

And they got his gun. SHIT.

MICK

So what now?

TOLLY

Let’s go down the chimney --

(KA-CHINKS the gun magazine)

And deliver the presents.

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS

Carrie and Bernie push the desk against the door.

Layla wheels Margo to the steps.

Bernie races over. Grabs a handle.

BERNIE

(to Seth)

Let’s carry her.

SETH

(grabs the other)

Got it.

POUNDING on the door.

TOLLY (O.C.)

Hey, YOU IN THERE.

Open the door RIGHT NOW, or we’ll start SHOOTING.

CARRIE

Hurry up, let’s go.

(to Margo)

How do you close it again?

MARGO

There’s a switch on the wall.

CARRIE

(at the door)

Get THE FUCK out of my MOTHER’S HOUSE.

ON THE OTHER SIDE

Tolly looks at Mick.

MICK

I say we fuckin’ blast ‘em.

TOLLY

Let’s DO IT.

IN THE STUDY

The door ERUPTS in MACHINE GUN FIRE. Wood SPRAYS.

CARRIE

Move it, move it, move it --

Bernie and Seth carry Margo down the stairs.

Blue follows, then Layla. And Carrie.

The panel closes. THWUNK.

The top half of the door above the desk is SHREDDED by bullets.

A confetti of wood SPRAYS into the room.

It falls over. BANG.

Tolly and Mick step up onto the desk.

Walk in the room.

TOLLY

What the fuck? GODDAMMIT.

They were just HERE. I HEARD her --

MICK

Where the fuck did they GO?

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - AT THAT MOMENT

Tip talks on his cell phone.

TIP

Yes, on the walkie talkie.

The woman said she and her family were being attacked.

It’s a HOME INVASION.

(listens)

I told you, I DON’T KNOW the address.

She got cut off --

(listens)

Just send some officers,

and we’ll figure it out when they get here.

(listens)

THANK YOU.

He hangs up. Picks up the flask. Takes a drink. Toasts.

TIP (CONT’D)

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening --

INT. BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS

A large, dusty room. Dim light from a single light.

The joint looks like an old-time saloon.

Carrie, Bernie, Blue, Seth, Margo and Layla huddle together.

Seth flicks on a light switch. Nothing.

SETH

I thought Diego changes the lights.

MARGO

He does, in the main basement.

This is a secret room.

He doesn’t know about it.

Carrie walks around, inspecting the walls.

CARRIE

So I imagine there is at least one secret tunnel.

MARGO

There are two, actually.

Bonus points if you can find them.

CARRIE

You’re gonna make this as difficult as possible, aren’t you.

SETH

Well, we wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t been followed here.

BERNIE

You got THAT right.

BLUE

Oh, no -- it’s all my fault, you guys.

CARRIE

Everybody shut up.

(to Margo)

Mom, I’m sorry if I didn’t live up to your expectations --

but I’m my own person now, I’m an ADULT,

and I deserve to be treated with respect.

I help people for a living,

and I seem to remember you

fell in love with my father because HE did.

(to Seth)

Little brother, I’m sorry if you think I abandoned you

after I joined the police force,

but in case you didn’t know it,

DEAR MOTHER here forbade me from contacting you.

Said I was a bad influence.

SETH

Mom?

CARRIE

Let me finish.

(to Bernie)

And you, my dear ex-husband and former partner.

(points at Blue)

As I seem to remember when we joined the force,

we were sworn to protect and serve the public --

and that’s all I’m trying to do for this girl.

Her sister was MURDERED,

and she was about to be, too --

so PARDON ME for saving her life.

(to everyone)

So NOW you know why I’ve been avoiding coming home.

Because THIS SHIT follows me WHEREEVER I GO.

So let’s stop bickering.

It’s gonna be Christmas tomorrow morning soon,

and there’s no way in HELL I’m gonna spend it in a funeral home.

Carrie’s walkie talkie CRACKLES to life.

GERO (O.C.)

Tolly, you there?

She motions everyone to be quiet.

TOLLY (O.C.)

I’m here, pop.

GERO (O.C.)

We’re nearby. What’s the address?

TOLLY (O.C.)

I told you, I don’t know.

GERO (O.C.)

Goddammit.

(beat)

That broad still on this thing?

She changes the frequency to the other one she used before.

CARRIE

Hey, you -- private security guy, you still there?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Tip picks up his walkie. Speaks into it.

TIP

The Name’s Tip. I’m here.

Is this the lady whose house is being invaded?

CARRIE

The one and only. Call me Ishmael.

So listen, the invaders have backup, and they’ve just arrived.

They’re circling the area because the idiots don’t know the address.

Keep an eye out for ‘em.

Probably the only car out in this neighborhood in the blizzard.

TIP

Gotcha. Will do.

CARRIE

The cops on their way?

TIP

Yeah. But I didn’t get your address. We got cut off.

CARRIE

1600 Sunset Boulevard.

TIP

Great. I’ll alert them and then I’m on my way.

Are you all okay?

CARRIE

Yeah, thanks. It’s a long story, but we’re safe right now.

We’ve killed two of them, and there’re two left.

TIP

Holy shit. Keep me posted, Ishmael.

Merry Christmas.

CARRIE

Yeah. If you say so.

(shuts it off, to everyone)

Okay, the private security guy is gonna give the cops the address,

and they should be on their way soon.

But I think we should check out the tunnels.

Whataya say?

Geraldo Rivera, Eat Your Heart Out

Happy Friday, hardboiled crime motherfuckers. You say you're fed up? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then slip on your shoulder holster, load up your favorite piece, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming slab of action, courtesy of LITTLE GIRL BLUE ...

Now that white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his henchmen have invaded private eye Carrie Love's family's Beverly Hills mansion on Christmas Eve, Carrie and the gang fight back, and kill two of Tolly's goons ... but the survivors are still on the attack, so Margo reveals a secret way to escape ...

INSIDE THE STUDY

Eva sees the doorknob turning.

The door opening --

EVA

The DOOR.

She SHOOTS. BANG.

Blue SHOOTS. BANG.

The rifle KNOCKS her shoulder.

She JERKS.

Seth FIRES OFF a BLAST OF ROUNDS -

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Tolly reaches around, AND FIRES into the room.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

INSIDE THE STUDY

Everybody DUCKS. HITS the floor.

Eva and Blue reload.

Seth FIRES again.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. Eyes on fire.

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Gunshots RING OUT from downstairs.

No one moves.

Porkpie holds his gun on Carrie.

Listening. Concentrating.

Carrie looks at Bernie.

Her eyes flicker. He slightly nods.

Confused, Porkpie moves his gun from Carrie to Bernie.

Carrie SHOOTS him in the head.

BANG. He goes down. THWUMP.

CARRIE

(picks up the walkie)

Haven’t used that one in a long time.

BERNIE

Like old home week. Grab his gun.

CARRIE

(takes it)

Let’s go downstairs. Join the party.

BERNIE

Better take the service stairs.

CARRIE

Service with a smile.

BERNIE

Don’t get carried away.

I’m still mad at you.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Tolly stands next to the door.

Looks at the holes in it.

TOLLY

Gotta go get Mick.

He turns, and RACES up the stairs to the second floor.

INT. SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Tolly races into Carrie’s room.

Sees Aldo’s dead body.

And Mick. All tied up.

MICK

Took you long enough.

TOLLY

(starts untying him)

Shut the fuck up.

(beat)

They’ve all got guns. Goddamit.

He finishes. Mick’s free.

Tolly takes his Uzi.

MICK

What now?

TOLLY

(raises the Uzi)

We go the fuck downstairs and get the bitches.

MICK

Where’s Porkpie?

TOLLY

I thought he was -- here, upstairs.

MICK

Don’t look at me.

I’ve been a little tied up.

INT. STUDY - CONTINUOUS

Bernie and Carrie dash into the room.

Close the door.

SETH

Carrie. What happened?

CARRIE

We killed another one of them.

Got his Uzi. Have more firepower.

BERNIE

They’re now down to two.

And one of ‘em is tied up.

BLUE

Wow.

SETH

One of them was out there,

but we shot at them,

and now he’s gone.

CARRIE

Where?

Seth shrugs.

BERNIE

(looks at Carrie)

Okay, so what now?

Margo opens her eyes. Blinks.

Looks around the room.

MARGO

We could go down to the basement.

It’s probably a lot safer.

LAYLA

Mrs. Love?

MARGO

I told you, call me Margo.

LAYLA

I gave you enough Dilaudid to knock out A-Rod.

MARGO

Honey, please.

You should see my medicine cabinet.

CARRIE

What do you mean downstairs?

The door to the basement

is at the other end of the house.

MARGO

Your father never wanted you kids to know,

but there’s a secret door

in this room that leads down there --

left over from Prohibition.

There’s all kinds of tunnels down there.

CARRIE

And you’re just telling us this NOW?

MARGO

I would have before --

(points at Layla)

But this one keeps pumping me full of drugs.

LAYLA

Excuse me for doing my job.

BERNIE

So how do we get down there?

MARGO

Go to the bookcase. Pull out Moby Dick.

Carrie walks over to the bookcase.

Scans the titles. Finds it.

Pulls it out by the spine --

and the bookcase SLIDES open,

revealing a staircase going down.

CARRIE

Geraldo Rivera eat your heart out.

That Fucking Bitch Is So Close I Can Smell Her

Happy Thurdsay, crime fighters. Are you ready for another trip to the dark side? Ready for a swift kick in the balls? Then it's time once again to head on out to the hippest harboiled joint in cyberspace, where the action is steamin' ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming slab of action, courtesy of LITTLE GIRL BLUE ...

Where private eye Carrie Love is defending her family and friends against a home invasion on Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills during a freak snowstorm ... and so far, they've been successful at keeping out Tolly Chill and his goons ... when, just in the knick of time, Tolly's father arrives ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Tolly and Porkpie huddle.

TOLLY

You check the rest of the rooms on this floor.

I’ll go downstairs.

That fucking bitch is so close I can smell her.

PORKPIE

Okay.

(beat)

Really? You can smell her?

TOLLY

It’s an expression, you idiot.

C’mon, move it.

They start for the door.

IN THE STUDY

Seth, Blue, Eva and Layla watch Margo sleep.

LAYLA

It’s working.

EVA

You can thank the Polytechnic Institute of Berlin.

BLUE

(to Seth)

What do you think’s going on upstairs?

SETH

I don’t know.

Margo opens her eyes.

Looks dazed. A weak smile.

MARGO

Well, isn’t this a lovely reunion.

BLUE

Mom. How do you feel?

MARGO

Just -- fabulous.

For some reason I feel like --

listening to the Grateful Dead.

(looks at Eva)

Eva. How wonderful to see you.

You’re looking lovely as usual.

Everyone exchanges glances.

EVA

Sometimes the combination of medications

can strip away the patient’s inhibitions.

A soft THUMP outside the door.

SETH

What was that?

He walks over to the door.

Puts his ear against it. Listens.

SETH (CONT'D)

Someone’s out there.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - FRONT DRIVE - AT THAT MOMENT

Gero and TWO GOONS stand in the driveway.

His LIMO pulls up in front of them.

They get in. It pulls away.

INT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Gero sits in the back, with who we now recognize as

Strange-Looking Goon and Ugly Goon from the party.

DRIVER

Where to, sir?

GERO

Go down to Sunset and turn right.

I’ll let you know when we get there.

IN THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM

Carrie argues with Tip on the walkie talkie.

CARRIE

Now listen to me, asshole. This is for REAL.

I’m a private detective, and a FORMER COP.

I need you to call the REAL COPS,

and send a couple units over here.

I’m here with my family,

and we’re BEING ATTACKED by INTRUDERS.

PORKPIE (O.C.)

Put down the walkie, NOW.

PORKPIE

Walks into the room. Gun on Carrie.

She DROPS it. CLANK.

Bernie WHIPS out his gun.

Points it at Porkpie.

BERNIE

You shoot and you’re DEAD.

PORKPIE

You shoot and SHE’S dead.

CARRIE

Fellas, fellas -- let’s calm down here.

INT. TIP’S SECURITY VEHICLE - AT THAT MOMENT

He listens to the walkie. Presses ‘talk.’

TIP

Hello, are you still there?

I believe you, I believe you --

I need your address.

(listens)

Hello?

(beat)

Shit.

He puts down the walkie.

Picks up his cell phone.

PUNCHES a number. Listens.

TIP (CONT’D)

911? I’d like to report a crime in progress.

(beat)

A home invasion.

(beat)

Yes, I’ll hold.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Seth grabs his gun. Aims it at the door.

SETH

There’s someone out there.

BLUE

Shit.

EVA

(aims hers, whispers)

Let’s get ‘em.

MARGO

We have company?

LAYLA

Shh.

Layla adjusts the drip.

Margo goes out like a light.

EVA

We know you’re OUT THERE,

and we’ve ALL GOT GUNS.

So why don’t you GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

SETH

(looks at her)

Eva --

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Tolly steps away from the door.

Pulls out his gun.

TOLLY

What the fuck?

He puts his hand on the doorknob.

Slowly turns it. Pushes --

INSIDE THE STUDY

Eva sees the doorknob turning.

The door opening --

EVA

The DOOR.

Be It Ever So Humble

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. You say you're slogging through another dreary work week, inching toward Friday fun? Well, why not get your hardboiled pulp groove on, and high-tail it over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where the action is fast and furious ...

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she was defending her family against a home invasion in Beverly Hills on Christmas Eve during a freak snowstorm ... and now Tolly's Chill's goons have made their way inside the house ... where the bullets are flying, and the shit is hitting the fan ...

Deck the halls, indeed.

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - GUEST ROOM - NIGHT

Carrie and Bernie listen at the connecting door.

She gives him a look that says ‘you hear anything?’ Bernie shrugs.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. CARRIE’S ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Mick presses his ear against the door. Breathing heavily.

CARRIE

looks at Bernie. Points.

Mouths he’s right there.

She grabs the doorknob.

Nods with her head toward the room.

He nods.

She steps to the side --

and YANKS the door open.

Mick FALLS into the room, BANG.

HITS the floor.

She CRACKS him on the head with her gun.

LEAPS on top of him.

CARRIE

Get his GUN!

Bernie reaches for it,

but Mick THROWS Carrie off.

She FLIES across the room,

hits the wall with a THWUMP.

He WHIRLS AROUND,

and PUNCHES Bernie in the stomach, OOF.

ENRAGED, he stands up.

Points his pistol at Bernie.

MICK

Prepare to die, COCKSUCKER.

Carrie comes up behind him,

and BASHES him on the head with a chair. CRACK.

He goes down like a ton of bricks.

BERNIE

Like old times.

CARRIE

Always were a great team.

Carrie sees his walkie talkie on the floor.

She picks it up.

CARRIE (CONT’D)

This should come in handy.

(nods at Mick)

What should we do with him?

BERNIE

Tie him up and take him downstairs

where the others can keep an eye on him.

CARRIE

Take him hostage?

BERNIE

I’m an officer of the law,

placing him under arrest.

CARRIE

More like house arrest.

BERNIE

Hey. Be it ever so humble --

INT. GERO’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Gero lies in bed watching an old gangster movie on TV.

GERO

They’re sure taking their sweet time.

He picks up the phone.

Dials a number. Listens.

GERO (CONT’D)

Shit. Must be the weather.

Gero gets out of bed.

Pads over to the dresser.

Picks up his walkie talkie.

CLICKS it on.

GERO (CONT’D)

TOLLY, where the fuck are you?

What’s going on?

You get the broad yet?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Tolly speaks into his walkie.

TOLLY

Hey, pop.

Fucking snowstorm’s a bitch.

But we made it. We’re here.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GUEST BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie holds the walkie. Looks at Bernie.

CARRIE

Hey there, scumbag.

Snowstorm’s a bitch, and SO AM I.

GERO

Who the fuck is THAT?

TOLLY

YOU. How’d you get on this line?

CARRIE

Well, let’s see -- Paulie Walnuts is dead,

and we’ve got the Mick tied up in knots.

Why don’t you come join the party?

GERO

What the fuck?

TOLLY

Send more men, Pop.

We’re in Beverly Hills, on Sunset Boulevard.

GERO

What’s the address?

TOLLY

Shit. I -- left the GPS thing in the car.

CARRIE

Now that’s what I call a well-oiled machine.

TOLLY

Fuck you, bitch.

(to Gero)

I’ll call you back later.

When we’ve got some PRIVACY.

He CLICKS off the walkie.

Looks at Porkpie. Pissed off.

Gero shuts off his. Incensed.

CARRIE

Looks at Bernie.

CARRIE

We’ve got a lifeline.

We can call for help.

She switches the frequency.

Punches the TALK button.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

Hello, can anyone hear me?

It’s an emergency.

We’re being attacked by intruders --

TIP (O.C.)

Hey, you kids -- get off this line,

it’s for emergencies only.

CARRIE

I’m not a kid, this is for real.

TIP (O.C.)

Yeah, right -- and I'm Pee Wee Herman.

A Stitch In Time

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday ... will they ever hang a noose on you? Welcome back to the scene of the crime, cyber-hipsters, where the action is hot, the chicks are hotter, and the hardboiled violence is smokin' ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where the shit is now hitting the proverbial fan.

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she was defending her family against a home invasion on Christmas Eve in Beverly Hills in the middle of a freak snowstorm, but now her mother is having another seizure, more goons are making their way into the house, and the drunken local private security patrol has just been informed that there have been 'shots fired' ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - STUDY - NIGHT

Margo is having another SEIZURE. Layla holds her hand.

Increases the dosage on her drip.

LAYLA

We need a doctor, NOW. I don’t know what else to do.

(looks at everyone)

I’m just a NURSE.

SETH

(rushes over to her)

Mom, are you okay? Can you hear me?

(to Layla)

You gotta DO something.

Can’t you give her anything?

BLUE

Ohmigod.

She rushes to Seth.

Collapses in his arms.

He comforts her.

SETH

(to Eva)

Can’t YOU do something?

You were a doctor.

EVA

I was a doctor -- back in Germany.

But here in America, they don’t acknowledge my degree.

She looks off into space.

A bitter memory.

Stares at Margo.

Something resembling concern flashes on her face.

EVA (CONT'D)

(to Layla)

Do you have any morphine?

Something to knock her out?

LAYLA

I have Dilaudid --

EVA

Perfect. Give her 10 cc’s.

LAYLA

But that might -- put her in a coma.

EVA

Not that much.

And it would stop any brain damage.

(smiles)

It’s a European method.

Not used here in the States.

Simple, but effective.

Give her the Dilaudid,

and then a blood thinner.

The combination of the drugs --

something to stop the seizures,

and then something to open up

the artery to the brain -- can work.

SETH

(to Layla)

Go ahead, do it.

Layla crosses herself.

Pulls a small bottle out of her bag.

INT. SECURITY PATROL CAR - AT THAT MOMENT

Tip is fast asleep. He snores lightly. The radio SQUAWKS.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.)

Base to Unit Three, come in.

But he’s really sawing wood.

Dead to the world.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.) (CONT'D)

BASE TO UNIT THREE, do you COPY?

Tip SNORTS. Must be a great dream.

BITCHY DISPATCHER (O.C.) (CONT'D)

UNIT THREE, ARE YOU THERE?

He stirs. Opens his eyes.

Looks at the radio.

Reaches over, grabs the transmitter.

TIP

This is Unit -- Three. Whassup?

BITCHY DISPATCHER

Have a nice nap?

TIP

I wasn’t sleeping.

(rubs his eyes)

Is that you, Dick?

You sound -- different.

BITCHY DISPATCHER

NO, it’s not DICK. This is Germaine.

TIP

Gare-main?

GERMAINE

I’m a temp.

TIP

Oh. So what’s up?

GERMAINE

Got a call. Shots fired.

Sixteen hundred block of Sunset.

Probably a crank,

but you should check it out.

TIP

It’s Christmas Eve, for Chrissakes.

It’s a crank.

GERMAINE

Better check it out. A stitch in time.

TIP

Gee. Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.

GERMAINE

I don’t think I like your attitude.

TIP

That makes two of us, fella.

GERMAINE

Asshole.

TIP

FREAK.

He shuts off the radio. Pissed off.

He starts the engine.

TIP (CONT’D)

Well, that’ll wake you up --

EXT. MARGO’S MANSION - BACK YARD

It’s really coming down now. Snow drifts everywhere.

The joint is now like a white shroud.

Tolly and Porkpie stand on the ladder,

now up against another window.

Porkpie’s at the top. Looks down at Tolly.

TOLLY

Try to open it. Slowly. Don’t make any noise.

PORKPIE

Fucking snow. Ladder is slippery.

Hold my ankles, willya?

Tolly does. Porkpie reaches up.

Holds onto the bottom of the window.

Gives it a push. It opens.

PORKPIE (CONT’D)

Hey. Look I found under the tree.

TOLLY

So make like Saint Nick and get the fuck in there.

Scene of the Crime

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Did you have a great weak-end? Feeling the holiday spirit ... of evil? Ready to get back into the hardboiled crime groove? Then get your winter wonderland asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where the action is kicked up a notch ...

It's complete mayhem at private eye Carrie Love's mother's house, where she and her mother Margo, her brother Seth, college co-ed Blue Wonder and Carrie's ex homicide detective Bernie Keko are fending off mobster Tolly Chill and his goons, who are trying a little 'Christmas Eve home invasion.' Shots are fired, blood flows, and there's just no time for eggnog ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION -NIGHT

Tolly climbs ladder. Gets near the window.

Stops. Looks down at Porkpie.

TOLLY

Wait a minute.

PORKPIE

What?

TOLLY

Why don’t we leave them up there --

and then you and I go in ANOTHER window?

PORKPIE

That, boss -- is why you’re the boss.

Fuckin’ brilliant.

They start climbing back down.

Aldo sticks his head out the window.

Sees them.

ALDO

Hey, where are you guys goin’?

TOLLY

(loud whisper)

You guys stay up there, hold ‘em off for a bit.

Make ‘em think you’re trapped in there.

We’re gonna go in through another window.

ALDO

That’s fucking brilliant.

PORKPIE

That’s what I said.

ALDO

Mick got one in the leg,

but it’s only a flesh wound.

We’ll hold ‘em off for a while.

TOLLY

Tell Mick to hang tight.

Reinforcements are coming.

Aldo nods. Goes back in.

Tolly starts climbing back down.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

Gonna get that fucking bitch.

NO ONE gets away with disrespecting Tolly Chill.

IN THE HALLWAY

Eva pokes her head out of the door.

EVA

The shooting stopped.

CARRIE

They’ve barricaded themselves IN there.

Go down and tell everyone what’s going on.

Make sure my mom’s okay,

then come back up and join us.

This isn’t over yet.

EVA

Will do.

She dashes toward the stairs.

BERNIE

So what do we do now?

CARRIE

We wait them out.

Come up with a plan.

(thinks)

Oh shit, I just remembered.

BERNIE

What?

CARRIE

The connecting bathroom.

BERNIE

Shit, that’s right.

Between your room --

CARRIE

And the guest room, yeah.

The scene of our crimes.

Come on, let’s go check it out.

IN THE STUDY

The door opens.

Layla SHOOTS in.

Closes it behind her.

SETH

Are you okay?

LAYLA

I stayed in the bathroom.

BLUE

It’s quiet now.

Maybe they got them.

SETH

NO --

BLUE

I meant maybe Carrie and Bernie got THEM.

The door OPENS. In comes Eva.

EVA

It’s okay, everyone.

Carrie and Bernie have the bad men trapped in her room.

SETH

She DOES?

BLUE

Holy SHIT.

Margo opens her eyes, groggy.

Looks at Eva.

EVA

(brightly)

Margo. How are you feeling?

MARGO

What the fuck are you doing with my rifle?

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT

Aldo helps Mick tie a tourniquet around his leg. TIGHT.

MICK

So what now.

ALDO

There’s another door.

Let’s check it out.

MICK

But boss said to sit tight.

ALDO

And if he told you to jump off a bridge, would you?

MICK

Fuck you. At least we’re warm.

I say we stay here.

ALDO

My point IS, dummy --

that if there’s another door,

they could come IN.

MICK

Oh. Right.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM

Carrie and Bernie walk in.

Tip-toe over to the connecting door

into where Mick and Aldo are. Listen.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM

Mick and Aldo go to the same door. Listen.

Mick looks at Aldo. Shrugs.

Aldo screws his face up.

He’s about to sneeze.

Mick CLAMPS his hand on Aldo’s mouth.

But it’s no good.

He let’s a LOUD ONE RIP --

ALDO

A-CHOOO!

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM

Carrie and Bernie OPEN FIRE.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM

Aldo gets HIT in the chest.

Falls to the floor, THWUMP.

Mick ROLLS away to the side.

Starts PUMPING SHOTS at the door.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

IN THE ADJOINING ROOM

Carrie and Bernie JUMP on either side of the door.

CARRIE

(whispers)

I got one of ‘em.

You hear that ‘thump?’

BERNIE

What about the other one.

CARRIE

Let’s wait and find out.

IN CARRIE’S ROOM

Mick sits on the floor, under the window.

Holds his right hand.

It’s bleeding pretty bad.

MICK

God-DAMMit.

He goes to the bed.

Pulls off a pillow case.

RIPS off a strip of fabric.

Starts winding it around his hand.

MICK (CONT’D)

Fucking BITCH is gonna PAY.

The Dysfunctional Family Picnic

Happy Friday, crime-busters. You ready for some pulse-pounding, ass-kicking hardboiled thrills? Then you've come to the right place, where you can all the cheap, pervy kicks you want ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's action-packed joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where private eye Carrie Love is right now in the middle of defending her family against a home invasion on Christmas Eve ...

INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Glass SHATTERS. A big THUD. CRASHING noises behind the door.

Bernie, Carrie and Eva exchange horrified looks.

EVA

Oh my GOD.

BERNIE

It’s THEM.

CARRIE

And they’re in MY ROOM.

Carrie CLICKS the safety on her Glock.

Moves to the left of the door.

Signals to be quiet.

Bernie SHOVES a clip in his Baretta.

Moves to right side.

BERNIE

(whispers to Eva)

Go down the hall, around the corner.

Wait for us.

EVA

(CRACKS the rifle bolt)

Screw that. I’ll cover you.

She opens the door across from them. Goes in the room.

Closes it until all we see is the barrel of her rifle.

IN THE STUDY

Seth and Blue pull apart.

BLUE

What the FUCK was that?

SETH

Someone’s trying to get in.

They grab their guns.

Seth goes to the door. Listens.

UPSTAIRS

Carrie leans toward the door.

CARRIE

We know you’re IN THERE.

Come out with your HANDS UP

and we won’t KILL you.

BERNIE

We’ve got you SURROUNDED.

You’ll never make it out of here ALIVE.

INT. CARRIE’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Still as it was when Carrie was a teenager.

Cute. Colorful.

Mick and Aldo stand in the middle of the room.

Guns aimed at the door. They exchange looks.

They start FIRING at the door.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

EXT. MANSION - BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS

Tolly and Porkpie look up at the window. Hear the firing.

PORKPIE

They’re thugs.

No finesse -- no stealth.

Just go in blasting.

TOLLY

You want something done right,

you gotta do it yourself. C’mon.

He starts climbing up the ladder.

Porkpie follows him.

IN THE HALLWAY

Carrie and Bernie watch the door get BLOWN TO BITS.

Chunks of wood go FLYING.

They both LEAN IN, start FIRING.

IN THE BEDROOM

Mick gets SHOT in the LEG.

SCREAMS in pain.

MICK

MOTHERFUCKERS.

He goes to the bureau.

Start SHOVING it toward the doorway.

MICK (CONT’D)

C’mon, HELP ME.

Aldo races over, starts PUSHING it with him.

They wrestle it in front of the doorway.

MICK (CONT'D)

Jesus fucking Christ.

He didn’t say nothing about them having GUNS.

ALDO

The private dick, remember?

MICK

Yeah, but who’s the GUY?

ALDO

Hell if I know.

IN THE HALLWAY

Carrie peers around the doorway.

CARRIE

They’ve blocked it with the dresser.

BERNIE

That’s fucking weird.

Normally WE’D be trying to keep them OUT

while they try to come IN.

CARRIE

They didn’t know what they were up against.

BERNIE

Yeah. The dysfunctional family picnic.