Two Outta Three Ain't Bad

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love gets a little visit from a certain porn star, and then more than sparks fly ...


INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DUSK
Carrie walks over to the stereo.
Looking hot in black.

Sipping a giant cocktail
of something strong.

CARRIE (V.O.)
People mourn in different ways.
Some just lie around the house
feeling miserable.
Some people get drunk.
(beat)
Others get laid.

She goes to the mini-stereo.
Presses PLAY.

The Supreme Beings of Leisure’s sexy, Euro-croon
THE LAST GIRL ON EARTH fills the room.

Carrie slinks away,
in time to the music,
sipping her potion.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Hey, two outta three ain’t bad.

INT. CARRIE’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Carrie checks out her reflection.
Touches up her lipstick.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I can’t remember when
I’d been so excited about a date.
I even got out the real perfume.

She squirts a cloud of scent.
Walks into it. COUGHS.

IN THE LIVING ROOM
The CD starts SKIPPING.
Carrie picks up the remote.
Presses a button.

On shuffle, it starts playing
ABC’S pop-magic-confection
THE LOOK OF LOVE.

Big smile. She lights a joint.
Inhales. Closes her eyes.

Goes off somewhere to the music,
dancing, swirling --

The doorbell RINGS.
Carrie tenses.

Walks to the door,
opens it to reveal --

A tall tumbler of intoxication.
Laura in a tight,
sheer ankle-length number
with buttons all the way up the front.

With five, maybe six buttoned.
Nothing else on underneath.

LAURA
Oh my god.
That’s my favorite song --

Their eyes lock.

CARRIE
(heart THUMPING)
It’s -- my favorite song, too.

Laura TOSSES her handbag.
GRABS Carrie.

LAURA
How in the hell did I find you?

And they kiss.
Swimming in passion.
Fall to the floor.

Laura on top,
insinuating her splendor
into Carrie’s grass.

CARRIE
The -- yellow pages?

The phone BR-RINGS.

LAURA
(devouring her, throaty)
Let the machine get it.

CARRIE
(under water)
It’s -- broken.

BR-RING. BR-RING.

LAURA
Godammit.

She WHIPS off a shoe.
FLINGS it at the intruder.
CRASH.

LAURA
(starts biting her neck)
Now -- where was I?

CARRIE
You were -- uh --

Laura gently cups Carrie’s breasts.

LAURA
(throaty)
That’s right.
I was claiming what’s mine.

Carrie MOANS with pleasure.

EXT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - NIGHT
We see her living room window.
Open. Light spilling out.

CARRIE (V.O.)
That’s it for now, folks.
Time for me to head off
into the sunset.
And time for you
to get back to your
happy, shiny little lives.
Time to go walk the dog,
read a book before bed --
or, if you’re really lucky,
make love to that certain someone
that makes your head spin.

From inside, we hear something CRASH.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Me? I’ll be right here,
playing craps with my heart --
and spinning the roulette wheel of love.