From Dusk Till Dungeon

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of LEGS, homicide detective Bernie Keko goes undercover at The Cheetah Lounge strip club looking for clues to the disappearance of murder suspect Dina Daerr. Meanwhile, private eye Carrie Love sits at the bar of Club Fuck, waiting for her 'mystery date,' porn star Laura Wood ...


INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - NIGHT
Some glam-metal snap-crackle-CRUNCH over --

A GLOSSY BLONDE STRIPPER (20’s)
whirls around a pole onstage.

Descending like a silicone spider.
She HITS the stage. Does a SPLIT.

The crowd ROARS.
Money goes FLYING.

Bernie’s at the bar watching.
The CREEPY BARTENDER appears.

CREEPY BARTENDER
What can I get you -- officer.

Bernie turns his head. Startled.
Pissed. Looks at his watch.

BERNIE
You got Maker’s Mark?

CREEPY BARTENDER
(nods)
Classy --

BERNIE
A triple, on the rocks. Please.

He turns around.
Starts making the drink.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I hope nothing is -- wrong.
We made our payment this month.

Bernie turns, sees --

COR CIRAC
Seated on the stool next to him.
Smiling. Sipping a drink.
Devouring him with twinkling eyes.

BERNIE
Payment?
(realizes)
Oh, no -- I’m not --

COR
Thank heavens.

Creepy serves Bernie his drink.
He pulls out his wallet.

COR
Put that away.
Your money is no good here.

BERNIE
Thanks.

COR
I myself am big fan of law enforcement.
Are you here for business or pleasure?

BERNIE
(sips his drink)
Business. One of your former employees
is wanted for questioning in connection
with a homicide earlier tonight.

COR
Oh, dear. Which employee?

BERNIE
Dina Daerr.

COR
Ah, yes. Sweet girl --
(sighs)
Quit on me with no notice.
But then, in this business --

BERNIE
Well, she’s disappeared.
We’ve talked to her roommate,
who has no idea where she went.
Do you know where she’s from?
Where her family is?

COR
I’m sorry. I wish I did,
but the girls come and go so quickly --
(beat)
I wish I could help you.
(beat)
Tell you what.
You must be going off-duty soon.
Stay awhile, as my guest.
On the house. Enjoy yourself. Please.

BERNIE
Don’t mind if I do.

COR
Splendid.
(gets up)
Now if you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got something
I need to take care of.

BERNIE
Okay. Thanks again --

Cor bows.
Then glides off into the darkness.

OILY DJ (O.C.)
Ladies and gentlemen,
The Cheetah Lounge is pleased to present,
all the way from Las Vegas, the incredible,
edible star of over five-hundred adult films --
please give it up for CHERRY NATION.

PUSH IN ON Bernie.
Sips his drink.
Eyes glued to the stage.

BERNIE
Wonder if I can get overtime for this --

INT. CLUB FUCK - NIGHT
Some naughty, sleazy go-go groove over --

A seedy, cozy, dark, dank den of depravity.
Monitors and screens show porn loops.
Cartoons. Psychedelic images.

Carrie sits at the bar
surrounded by a motley crew of
male, female and everything in between CLUB KIDS.
Nursing a drink.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I felt like Dorothy at the Texas Chainsaw Club
off to see the Wizard of Jizz.
Roger Corman, eat your heart out.
From Dusk Till Dungeon --
(takes a sip)
What the fuck was I doing here?
I should be mourning my father’s death,
but instead, here I am, trying to get laid --
(beat)
Story of my life.

Suddenly BRIGHT LIGHTS COME ON.
People at the bar cower like bats set to STUN.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s it, people. Show’s over.
Time to take it somewhere else.
Thanks for COMING.

Carrie gets off her stool.
Looks at a GOTH COUPLE making out next to her.
Pin-Head shoving his forked tongue
down the throat of the Bride of Frankenstein.

CARRIE
Kids these days --