Mystery Date

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LEGS, the shit really hits the fan when we learn that stripper Jonna James isn't what she appears to be, and when private eye Carrie Love arrives at her motel room, she's in for a BIG surprise. Meanwhile, homicide detective Bernie Keko reaches the climax of his lap dance ... and gets an even BIGGER surprise ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Jonna sits on the threadbare bed.
PUNCHES another number on her cell. Listens.

JONNA
C’mon, pick up, pick up --
(listens)
Cor, it’s me --
(listens)
Yeah. She’s on her way --
(listens)
It’s time. Reel ‘em in.
(listens)
Don’t HURT him. He’s a COP.
We’ll figure out what
to do with him later --
(listens)
That’s a good boy. Later.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Smiles. Evil.

Walks over to the closet.
Opens it, revealing --

DINA (20’s). Tied and gagged.
Bright eyes blinking madly.
Small and lithe, very pretty.
And right now, scared shitless.

JONNA
How’s my little heiress doing?
Ready for your mystery date?

Dina THRASHES
against her restraints.

A muffled SCREAM
from behind the duct tape.

JONNA
Keep that up and the neighbors
will think we’re on our honeymoon --

INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - VIP ROOM - NIGHT
Gorgeous Asian Stripper
continues to work on Bernie,
now in the throws of ecstasy.

She writhes. WHIPS her hair around.
Leans over. Works her knee on his crotch.

He closes his eyes.
COMES like a bull on steroids.

BERNIE
G-YAHHHHHH --

His body SPASMS. JERKS.
Then goes limp.

Gorgeous Asian smiles. Turns.
Sees something. Then dashes off.

Bernie opens his eyes.
Sees her leave. Quizzical.

BERNIE
Was it something I said?

Cor steps into the room.
Silky smile.

COR
I trust everything was satisfactory?

BERNIE
(embarrassed)
Uh, yeah --

A GIANT BEARDED THUG appears.
Holding a semiautomatic weapon.

A dead ringer for the dude
that was trashing Dina’s joint.

BERNIE
Who the fuck are YOU?

COR
This is Ridley.
He’s very upset about
what you did to his brother.

RIDLEY
(walks toward him)
I’m very upset.

BERNIE
HEY.

Bernie goes for his piece,
but Bearded is faster.

He PISTOL-WHIPS him
on the head, CRACK.
He hits the floor, THWUMP.

RIDLEY
And he’s a COP?

COR
(looks at him)
Well, he DID just come in his pants.

EXT. THE SAFARI MOTEL - NIGHT
A touristy-tacky dump
in the cheap seats
on Hollywood Boulevard.

A sign in the window
proclaims FREE HBO.

Carrie stands in front of room twelve.
Softly KNOCK-KNOCKS.

No answer.
Knock-knocks again.

She tries the knob.
It’s unlocked.

She opens the door.
Peers in.

INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Carrie walks in. Looks around.

CARRIE
Hello?

JONNA LEAPS OUT from behind the door.
SWINGS a steel pipe.

CRACKS Carrie on the head, THUNK.
She blinks. Weaves.

CARRIE
Hey, that really --

And hits the floor, THWUMP.

JONNA
Hurt? No SHIT, detective.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I felt a crack on my head.
Then I saw stars.
But they were pretty stars,
almost comforting.
I decided I wanted to
stay there awhile
and get some rest.
And I fell down, down, down
into a black hole,
swimming, under water,
the current pulling me
into a whirlpool of darkness --
(beat)
Until I was gone.

INT. THE CHEETAH CLUB - BASEMENT STORAGE ROOM - NIGHT
Dark. Filled with supplies.
Cleaning shit.

The usual basement crap.
Bernie sits in a wooden chair.
Still out like a light.

Ridley ties his
ankles and wrists to a chair.

Cor stands in the doorway. Watching.

COR
Make sure it’s good and tight.

RIDLEY
So what are we gonna do with him?

COR
I dunno. I’ve never dealt with
this kind of -- merchandise before.

RIDLEY
I’ve got some ideas --

COR
We’ll worry about that later.
Hurry up. You need to get ready
to receive Jonna’s package.

He’s finished. Stands up.
Smiles at Cor. Nods.

RIDLEY
'For when it absolutely,
positively has to be there' --