The Swinging Detective

Happy Thanksgiving, crime slicksters. Welcome to our special holiday edition, where it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of LEGS, the shit hits the fan when private eye Carrie love and stripper-heiress Dina Daerr sneak inside the Cheetah Lounge to rescue homicide detective Bernie Keko and capture white slave trader Cor Chirac ...


EXT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - REAR PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Carrie’s car pulls into the lot. Parks.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - NIGHT
Carrie shuts off the engine.
Leans over. Unlocks Dina’s cuffs.

Dina rubs her wrists.

CARRIE
The back door.
What does it lead to?

DINA
The kitchen.

CARRIE
How many in the kitchen?

DINA
Just Paco, the cook.

CARRIE
Can I take him?

DINA
Hell, yeah. He’s a dwarf.

CARRIE
That’s what I call a 'short order cook.'

EXT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - BACK DOOR - NIGHT
Carrie stands on one side of the door.
Dina on the other.

She pulls out her 9MM Baretta.
Shoves in a new clip.

DINA
You got an extra gun?

CARRIE
(nods)
Strapped to my ankle.

DINA
Can I borrow it? I’m scared.

CARRIE
No. It’s against the law.

DINA
I promise I won’t --

CARRIE
NO GUN.

DINA
But --

CARRIE
I said NO, and I MEANT no.
So zip it.

DINA
Alright, alright.
(beat)
Jeez.

Carrie SIGHS.

CARRIE
Okay. You go in first.
Distract him. He’ll recognize you.
Then I’ll race in and grab him. Okay?

PUSH IN ON Dina’s face.
Nodding. Now scared.

INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A small transistor radio
softly plays meringue music.

A small grill area.
Big sink nearby.
Pots and pans hanging above.

PACO (30’s), a Mexican dwarf,
stands on a box,
busily flips burgers,
cigarette dangling on his lip.
Concentrating.

The back door OPENS.
In walks Dina. Big smile.

DINA
Hey, Paco. Smells good.

PACO
Mees Dina.
You come back to work here?

DINA
Maybe. I’m here to see Cor.
Is he around?

PACO
(nods)
In da office --

Carrie walks in.
Big smile on her face.

CARRIE
Looks great. Got an extra burger?

PACO
Sorry. These are for the customers.

She pulls out her Baretta.
CRACKS him on the head with it.

CATCHES him before he falls over.
Dina watches in horror.

DINA
You didn’t have to --

CARRIE
Yes, I did.
Grab that laundry cart over there.

She nods. Wheels it over.
Carrie dumps Paco in it.

Goes the grill.
Scoops up the burgers.
Tosses them in the trash.

CARRIE
Okay. Which way to Cor’s office?

Dina starts for the doorway.

DINA
This way. Follow me --

INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - BACK CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Dina leads Carrie down the hallway.
Carrie nods at a door.

CARRIE
Where does that lead?

DINA
The basement. Bimbo cold storage.

CARRIE
(nods, points)
And that one?

DINA
Storage closet.

CARRIE
(stops)
Hold on a sec.

She pulls out her phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

From the other side of the door,
we hear a soft RINGING.

CARRIE
He’s in there --

She puts her hand on the knob.

A GUN WITH A SILENCER
Appears next to Carrie’s head.
The trigger CLICKS.

COR (O.C.)
So glad you could join us, Ms. Love.

COR CIRAC
Stands behind her.
Holding the gun.
Ridley beside him.

COR
(to Ridley)
Take the package downstairs.
I’ve got the swinging detective.

Ridley GRABS Dina by the arms.
Carrie DUCKS.

Tries to overpower Cor,
but he CRACKS her on the head
with his piece.

She goes down, THWUMP.

COR
(shakes his head)
American women are so -- feisty.