Cue The Warm And Fuzzies

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In Chapter 21 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love and her family make a tentative peace on the way to her father's funeral, when in the car, they make a most unexpected discovery ...


EXT. MALIBU BEACHFRONT MANSION - DRIVEWAY - DAY
Todd Senior’s joint.
A giant home right on the sand.

Gleaming chrome and glass.
Out of a coffee table book.

CARRIE (V.O.)
After my meltdown,
cooler heads prevailed.
The evil superpowers reached detente.
Eva got to have her cremation,
and Todd got to have his funeral.
Half of my father’s ashes
would be buried in the cemetery,
and the other half would be
sprinkled into the ocean.
I’m sure he would have loved it.
Two services for the price of one.
(beat)
Cue the warm and fuzzies --

ANGLE ON:

Standing in the driveway are
Carrie, Margo, Nate and Todd.

Decked out in funeral black.
Stiff. Somber.

They regard Todd Senior’s
humongous Mercedes Benz.

CARRIE
He finally bought a black car.
After all those years of brown.
Always brown --

NATE
Brown is the only color
in Dad’s rainbow.

They look at each other.
Smile at their private joke.

TODD
We might as well take Dad’s car.
It’s the right thing to do.

NATE
Symbolic --

CARRIE
Not to mention 'event-appropriate'.

Nate stifles a giggle.
Todd shoots Carrie a look.

Margo stomps out her cigarette.
Shudders.

MARGO
Let’s get this show on the road.
I’ve got my book club at three.

Todd goes to the driver’s-side door.
Opens it.

TODD
I’ll drive.

CARRIE
(low)
Thanks, dad --

TODD
What was that?

CARRIE
Nothing.

NATE
(mumbles)
Sorry, dad --

TODD
WHAT did you say?

MARGO
Children, KNOCK IT OFF.
Get in the car.
We’re supposed to be IN MOURNING.

INT. MERCEDES BENZ - MOVING - DAY
Todd drives. Margo sits shotgun.
Carrie behind Todd.

Nate sits next to her.
They look out the windows.
Pensive. Silent.

TODD
How about a little music
to lighten the mood?

MARGO
That would be nice --

Todd holds up a CD.

TODD
Bryan Ferry okay?

CARRIE
Yeah, sure.

NATE
Cool.

MARGO
Who’s a fairy?

Todd tries to slide
the CD in the player.
But it won’t go in.

Everybody sees. Realizes.
The last CD he was listening to
is still in there.

A pregnant pause.
Everyone exchanges glances.

CARRIE
Go ahead. Play it.

Todd takes a deep breath.
Places his index finger on the button.
Presses PLAY, and --

The sickly-sweet sounds of Julio Iglesias’
TO ALL THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED BEFORE
floods the car at a DEAFENING VOLUME.

CARRIE
Oh MY GOD.

NATE
HA, HA, HA --

Everyone erupts into WILD LAUGHTER.

EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
Carrie and her family walk toward
the crowd of mourners around the grave site.

Trying not to smile.
Stifling giggles.

CARRIE (V.O.)
And for the first time in a long time,
we actually resembled a normal family.
It only took staring death in the face
to bring us together.
(beat)
At least for a little while --