Super-Size It

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, the shit hits the fan when Rommy goes to Times Square to meet Jool and run away with her ... and tangles with the newly-infected undead ...


EXT. TIMES SQUARE - DAY
Rommy stands in front of what
used to be the Disney Store.

Most of the signage is gone.
Now reads ‘Di_sey S_ore.’

And, underneath it, HOT LESBIAN NURSES
in flashing red neon.

A crowd of HOMELESS PEOPLE, HOOKERS and
various other FREAKS parade past him
like something out of a John Waters film.

ROMMY
(sings softly to himself)
Everybody wants some,
I want some TOO --

A VICIOUS-LOOKING HOMELESS MAN
IN RAGS approaches him.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Everybody wants some, how ‘bout YOU?
(sees him, steps back)
Excuse me.

VICIOUS-LOOKING HOMELESS MAN IN RAGS
Hungry. Need to -- EAT.

Rommy pulls out some change.
Offers it to him.

ROMMY
Here you go --

But Vicious-Looking ignores it.
He GRABS Rommy’s arm, YANKS it
to his mouth and CHOMPS on it.
Blood SQUIRTS in the air.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
OW, HEY --

Suddenly Vicious-Looking’s head
EXPLODES IN A RED MIST,
drenching Rommy with blood and goo.

A pair of COMMANDOS IN BLACK
appear out of nowhere with shotguns.

Watch Vicious-Looking’s
body crumple into a heap.

ROMMY (CONT’D)
Holy SHIT.

The Taller Commando pulls out a scanner.
Waves it across Rommy.

It VIBRATES and HUMS.
He reads the meter.

TALLER COMMANDO
Infection level three.

BULKY COMMANDO
Already? DAMN.
Let’s bag ‘em, Marko.

ROMMY
Bag ‘em? No, WAIT.
I’m waiting for my --

In the blink of an eye Taller
WHIPS OUT a giant black body bag
from his backpack --
and Bulky SHOVES Rommy into it.

ROMMY (CONT'D)
(muffled screams)
Hey, let me OUT OF HERE.
You can’t DO this.
I’m supposed to meet my --

Marko PUNCHES the bag --
THWUMP. Silence.

MARKO
Don’t get mad. Get Glad.

BULKY COMMANDO
(looks at his watch)
Let’s drop him off right away.
If we hurry, we’ll have time
for a meat log afterward --

And they carry him away.
Just then Jool appears.
Out of breath.

She scans the passing
crowd of filth. No Rommy.
She looks at her watch. Puzzled.

JOOL
Where IS he?

A DISGUSTING, TOOTHLESS
OBESE BAG LADY passes by.
Stops. Smells Jool.

Her hideous, deformed,
face a rictus of death.

DISGUSTING, TOOTHLESS OBESE BAG LADY
Mmm. Someone smells -- clean.

JOOL
(starts backing away)
Stay AWAY from me --

Disgusting gets in her face.
Pushes her into an alcove.

DISGUSTING, TOOTHLESS OBESE BAG LADY
Is that SOFT SOAP?

JOOL
I said GET AWAY FROM ME --

DISGUSTING, TOOTHLESS OBESE BAG LADY
Wanna NECK?

Jool LASHES out at her, SWIPES
her nails across Disgusting’s face.

Disgusting SCREAMS, RAKES
hers across Jool’s face.

Jool HEAD-BUTTS Disgusting, who
REELS back. Momentarily stunned.

Another PAIR OF COMMANDOS
appears and GRABS Disgusting.
One of them waves a scanner over her.

REPULSED COMMANDO
Holy fucking SHIT.
Infection level SIX.

Jool slides around them.
Then RUNS away.

FREAKED-OUT COMMANDO
Piece of shit’s gonna
turn ANY MINUTE.

The commandos pull out ASSAULT RIFLES.
Stand back. Aim their weapons at Disgusting --
just as she starts MORPHING into a
hideous, screeching, chattering ZOMBIE.

They OPEN FIRE and SHRED the
repulsive creature into a frappe’
of blood, bones, puss, brains and goo.

REPULSED COMMANDO
Talk about super-sized --

FREAKED-OUT COMMANDO
I’m gonna get sick.
(realizes)
Hey. Where’d the girl go?

REPULSED COMMANDO
Fuck it.
I’m not chasing after her.
They don’t pay us enough.
(looks at the mess)
I mean look, now we gotta
CLEAN UP this shit --