Bromancing The Stone

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of ZOMBIE & JULIET, Rommy finds Merk at his hideout with Brick Cosmo and the no-longer infected revolutionaries thanks to Merk's vaccine, but when he asks him to make some more, he's horrified to discover that first they have to invade the Republic of Manhattan and find a chemistry lab ...


EXT. NEW JERSEY - BURNT-OUT WATERFRONT - DAY
Rommy comes TEARING ASS
down the street pursued by a
HORDE of DROOLING, RABID ZOMBIES.

They’re getting closer and closer.

He gets to an intersection,
DASHES around the corner.

DUCKS into a dark doorway.
The zombies FLY BY.

Breathes a sigh of relief.
Peeks out. Sees they’re gone.

ROMMY
(whispers)
Holy shit.

Looks around.
Doesn’t know what to do.

Then hears something.
Puts his ear to the door.

INT. BOARDED-UP CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Everyone sits around the big table.
Brick and Merk are examining a large map.

BRICK
A fire truck?

MERK
Yeah.
It’s a few blocks away.
We fill the water tank with gas.
Spray the fuckers.

BRICK
Nice.
So then with the missile launcher,
we’ll have a real convoy --

MERK
How much gas do you have?

BRICK
Well, it takes each of us
about a week to scavenge
a couple of gallons from old cars
and the occasional gas station.
We probably have enough
in our reserves to fill
the water tank about half-way.
And then we’ll need enough
in the gas tank to get us
into the republic.
(to Monster)
How much gas is in
the missile launcher?

MONSTER
We’re good.

BRICK
And Jag’s got the Uzi
in case of an emergency --
(to Jag)
How much ammo you got left?

JAG
Two clips.

A KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK on the door.

RENO
Someone’s at the door --

JAG
I got it.

He goes to the door.
Opens a peephole.
Looks. Turns around.

JAG
It’s a young kid.
Looks newly infected.

BRICK
Let him in --

Jag undoes a series of dead-bolts.
Opens the door.

Rommy walks in.
Looking relieved.
Breathes a sigh of relief.

ROMMY
Ohmigod, thanks.
I was being chased by a bunch of --
(sees Merk)
MERK?

MERK
ROMMY?

Merk rushes over to him.
They hug.

BRICK
Check out the bromance.

MERK
What the fuck HAPPENED?

ROMMY
Jool and I were
gonna run away together.
We were gonna meet
in Times Square,
but I got infected
before she got there, and --
(sighs)
My life is over.
Could one of you
just shoot me?
(sees Gaga)
GAGA?

GAGA
(waves)
Hey, there.
Welcome to the jungle.
We’ve got fun and games.

Rommy looks at everybody.
Realizes.

ROMMY
Wait a minute.
The vaccine --

MERK
Yeah, it works.
We’re all back to normal.
Whatever THAT means --

ROMMY
Do you have any more?

MERK
No, I’m sorry.
But I can make some.

ROMMY
How soon?

MERK
Well, first we have to
invade the republic.
Then we can find
a chemistry lab.

ROMMY
How in the hell are you
going to INVADE the republic?

MERK
Have a seat.
We’ll fill you in.

ROMMY
You have a plan?

BRICK
Does a zombie
shit in the woods?