Karma Chameleon

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of BLUE HOTEL, hooker Alona Tal visits hippie hotel front desk clerk Bunky Mertz to borrow a hack saw so she can cut up the dead bodies in her room. Meanwhile, homicide dick Bernie Keko and officer Danette Day get a room so they can do surveillance ... and have a 'quickie.'


INT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Alona glides up to the counter.
Bunky smiles toothily.

ALONA
What’s up, Bunky?

BUNKY
Cops, that’s what up.
Did you see on the news about
that 'who killed his wife?
Well, he checked in here tonight,
so I gave ‘em a call --
‘an when they got here,
they found him dead in the alley.
Impaled on a fence post.
Guess he knew they were
comin’ for ‘em and took a dive.

This SOCKS Alona in the gut.
She hides her shock.

ALONA
Holy shit.
(weird smile)
I guess that -- makes it
easier for them, huh.

BUNKY
It’s karma, man.
What goes around, comes around.
(beat)
You’re up late.
Whatcha need?

ALONA
Well, it’s kind of embarrassing --
(beat)
My boyfriend and I were
playing with my -- handcuffs,
and I -- lost the key.

BUNKY
(big grin)
And now you wanna saw ‘em off.

ALONA
(nods)
Yeah.
You have anything I can use?

Bunky gets up.
Walks over to a beaten-up,
old bureau on the side wall.
Opens a drawer.
Rummages around in it.

BUNKY
Old Bunky got everything
in his bag o’ tricks.
Hold on a sec.
(pulls out an enema bag)
You into water sports?

Alona rolls her yes.
Bunky chuckles.
Puts it back.

Roots around in the drawer.
Pulls out a giant HACKSAW.

BUNKY
Here we go.
Industrial-sized.
(hands it to her)
Got it from a butcher,
believe it or not.

ALONA
Wow. Thanks.

BUNKY
Bet you could cut up a dead body
real easy with that sucker.

ALONA
(pales)
Wh-what?

BUNKY
Just joshin’ with ya.
You have a good night, now.

ALONA
(flirty)
I will, thanks.
(beat)
Hey, could you do me a favor?

BUNKY
Name it.

Alona sticks her chest out.
Dark nipples straining against
the pale, gauzy fabric.
Bunky gets an eyeful.

ALONA
Beggar’s going out of town
for a couple weeks,
and this is our last night
together for awhile.
If anybody comes looking for me,
would you tell them I’m not around?
It would mean a lot to me.

BUNKY
(in a daze)
Sure thing --

ALONA
Thanks, baby.

She blows him a kiss,
turns and dashes up the stairs.

BUNKY
(sighs)
Haven’t seen a rack like that
since The Dead at the
Fillmore West in seventy-two.

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - SIDE ALLEY - NIGHT
CRIME SCENE TECHS swarm over the scene.
Gill’s body is carried away on a gurney.

Kenny stands on the boardwalk,
off in the distance.
Keeping onlookers away.

Danette and Bernie stand
next to the fence post,
dark with dried blood.
Inspecting the scene.

DANETTE
A stakeout?
More like a hook-up --

BERNIE
No, listen.
I think you’re right,
the murders are connected,
and the killer is in the hotel --
it might even be that young girl, Holly.
So we get a room and stake it out.

DANETTE
Kill two birds with one stone.

BERNIE
So to speak.

Danette reaches over.
Gently touches the tip of the spike.

DANETTE
Freud would have a field day
with this, don’tcha think?