Smooth As Silk

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, on the lam from the cops, private eye Carrie Love hides out in a Venice beach dive bar, where she hooks up with an off-duty stripper. Meanwhile, Christian producer Ken Rice pitches widow Gay Flender his 'gay incest' TV movie pitch, with disastrous results ...


INT. THE HORSE HEAD - NIGHT
Unbelievably dank and dark.
Broken ceiling fan.

Scary-looking BARTENDER watches a ball game
on a shitty little black-and-white.

Two DRUNK LOCALS sit nearby
nursing their beers.

The jukebox spills out
The scuzzy guitar shards of
Urge Overkill’s SISTER HAVANA.

An off-duty CURVY STRIPPER
drinks and twists, oblivious.
Celebrating some private party.

Carrie slides onto a bar stool.
Eyes Curvy’s moves.

CARRIE
(to herself)
I’m in a Roger Corman movie --

The BARTENDER leans over.
Glares. Barely whispers.

SCARY BARTENDER
What’ll it be?

CARRIE
Heinekin, double shot of bourbon.
Kessler’s, if you got it --

SCARY BARTENDER
(nods, grim)
Kessler’s. Smooth as silk.

He turns to get her order.

HISPANIC MALE VOICE (O.C.)
How ya doin,’ mommy?
Haven’t seen you in here before --

Carrie looks left.
Then down, at --

A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR
near her stool.
The wannabe lothario grins, wolfish.

Takes a slurp of beer.
Looks up. Beady eyes leering.

CARRIE
Sorry, Mack.
I don’t do the ‘Coming Home’ thing.
But slide me your digits,
and I’ll give ‘em to Jane Fonda.

Scary returns with the drinks.
Sees Wheelie-Boy.

SCARY BARTENDER
Leave the babe alone, Rodriguez, okay?

Carrie SLAPS down a ten-spot.
Slides off her stool.

CARRIE
Watch my change, will ya?
(to Rodriguez)
What do you call someone
who’s HIV-positive in a wheelchair?
Roll-AIDS.

She turns, walks toward Curvy.
Scary ROARS with laughter.

Downs her shot.
Sips her beer.
Moves to the music.

Curvy senses Carrie’s presence.
Turns. Stares.

Likes what she sees.
Starts dancing for her.

CARRIE
Where’s a pole when you need one?

CURVY
Can I get a hit offa that?

Carrie hands her the beer.
Curvy takes a long, luxurious swallow.
Holds the bottle against her forehead.

CURVY
Thanks. I needed that.

CARRIE
Makes two of us.

Curvy smiles.
The deal is closed.
Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.

CARRIE
Hold that thought.
(answers it, listens)
Jenny.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT./EXT. JENNY’S APARTMENT - BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Jenny leans on the railing with a stiff cocktail.
Looks at the canal.

She turns toward us.
We see she has a black eye.

JENNY
(into the phone)
How are you? You -- okay?

CARRIE
Yeah. Hold on a sec.
(covers the phone, to Curvy)
Be back in a sec.
Business call.
Why don’t you go warm up
a bar stool for me?

Curvy smiles.
Trots off to the bar.
Carrie sits at a table.

CARRIE
I’m back.

JENNY
(jittery)
That’s just -- just great.

CARRIE
What’s going on?
You sound -- strange.

JENNY
Modi and I got into a big fight
and he fired me,
I went to his place after work
to try and get my job back,
we argued some more, he hit me,
and I pushed him, and he, he --
(beat)
Fell.
He hit his head.
He’s, unconscious.

CARRIE
No way.

JENNY
C-can you come over?

CARRIE
(looks off camera at Curvy)
Shit.
(sighs)
Be right there.
(clicks the phone shut)
Damn.
Stripper-interruptus.

INT. YAVO/FLENDER FILMS - CONFERENCE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Gay sits at the head of the giant table.
POSTERS of her husband’s movies dot the walls.

Disaster flicks. Cheesy biopics.
Heartwarming holiday stories.
Chick flicks, lite.

Across from her sits
Ken Rice and David Nance.
Smiles all around.

Gay sips from a bottle of water.
Nods, listening.

KEN
-- a spiritual awakening,
so he goes to confession
and renounces his sins.
(beat)
And then, over the closing credits,
we see him go up the front steps
of his house -- and ring the bell.
(dramatic flourish)
And we fade to black.

GAY
I like it.
I like it ALOT.

DAVID
You do?
I mean -- great, that’s great.

KEN
(to David)
What did I tell you?
I knew she’d get it.

GAY
It’s bold. Daring. Edgy.
(off their smiles)
But we gotta change
the young guy to a girl.
And she can’t be his daughter.

KEN
Excuse me?

DAVID
(Soto voce)
I told you --

GAY
The gay incest thing?
No network is gonna buy it, Ken.
Hel-lo-o. Get a grip on yourself.
We make safe, bland pabulum for basic cable.
What do you think this is, HBO?

DAVID
Certainly not.

KEN
This is my passion project.
Dedicated to the memory of my POPPA.
(strangely)
He was VERY SPECIAL to me --
(POUNDS the table)
And I’m NOT changing a THING.

GAY
(stands)
Then I suggest you go
peddle your passion somewhere
where they give a fuck.

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK on the door.

GAY
Who the fuck IS IT?

Fleming sticks his head in. Tentative.

FLEMING
Hub Flower is on three.
Says it’s urgent.

GAY
Poor baby’s probably having a hard time
a crack whore at the Four Seasons --