Don't Ask, Don't Smell

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April street have their final showdown at the Kodak Theater in Hollywood with evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond ... their mother.

INT. KODAK THEATER - RAFTERS - NIGHT

HONEY
Stops. Looks down. Smiles.
Pulls out twin guns. Takes aim.

HONEY
Is that any way to speak to your MOTHER?

And she FIRES at them.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Duck. Bullets PING on the floor around them.
They return FIRE wildly in the direction of the shots.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

Silence.

HONEY
RACES up the steps.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Look up.

APRIL
Can’t see a thing.

CHERRY
(sees something)
Hey. I’ve got an idea.
(points)
You go up the stairs and follow her,
and I’ll go up on that and head her off
on the other side --

ANGLE ON --
A small PLATFORM ELEVATOR on wheels.

APRIL
What is it?

CHERRY
It goes up, for hanging the lights --
(off her stare)
I did summer stock theater.

APRIL
Okay. Let’s do it.

April DASHES over to the stairs.
Starts climbing up.

Cherry races over to the mini-elevator, jumps on.
Grabs the control box.

Flips a switch -- and the platform starts rising.

UP IN THE RAFTERS
Honey walks on the runway, hands on the railing.

APRIL
Gets to the top of the stairs.
Starts looking for Honey.

CHERRY’S
Platform reaches the top. Stops.

She carefully climbs off,
steps onto the runway at the other end.
Clicks her walkie.

CHERRY
(into the walkie)
I’m on the other side.

APRIL
(into hers)
So am I. Ready when you are --

CHERRY
Honey Almond, we’ve got you SURROUNDED.

APRIL
Throw your gun down so we can
take you in peacefully.

Honey looks the shadows.
Sees April at one end.

Cherry at the other. Sighs.
Looks down. Shakes her head.

HONEY
We could have had so much fun.
Complete world domination.
A real family-run organization.
(beat)
But NO. You REJECTED me. Your own MOTHER.

CHERRY
You don’t deserve to be called a MOTHER.
You’re a MONSTER. You kidnapped my CHILDREN.

HONEY
Well, if you’re going to nitpick --

She starts FIRING at them.

April DUCKS, returns FIRE.
Cherry gets down, pulls out her gun.
Starts SHOOTING.

But it’s hard to see in the dark.
Bullets PING, PING, PING off the rafters,
the cement walls.

Suddenly Honey JUMPS off the platform --
and PLUMMETS down.

ON THE STAGE FLOOR
Honey lands on what we now see is a large TRAMPOLINE.

She HITS the rubber with her feet, and FLIES BACK UP --
FIRING both guns at Cherry and April.

They DUCK down.
Start SHOOTING back at her.

APRIL
What is this, the fucking CIRCUS?

CHERRY
Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey BUTT-FUCK.

Bullets PING-PING-PING
into the rafters as Honey SOARS.
SHOOTING both guns at them.

She reaches the top, FIRES again,
then PLUMMETS back down.

April and Cherry stop firing.
Watch her go down.

April picks up her walkie.
Clicks it on.

APRIL
Cherry, pick up. I’ve got an idea.

CHERRY
(answers hers)
I’m all ears --

APRIL
You have any of those fire bombs?

CHERRY
I’ve got one left.
(realizes)
The TRAMPOLINE.

APRIL
Exactly. DO IT, NOW --

ON THE STAGE
Honey HITS the rubber again,
goes FLYING back up.

CHERRY
Pulls a small grenade-looking
steel ball out of her pocket.

HURLS it down.
It WHIZZES through the air.

HONEY
Reaches the rafters again.
Starts FIRING again.

But the girls lay low,
bracing themselves for the explosion.

HONEY
Come out, come out, wherever YOU ARE --

THE BOMB
HITS the trampoline. It EXPLODES. BANG.
The rubber mat goes FLYING in tiny pieces.

HONEY
Hits the top. Begins her descent. Looks down.

HONEY
NOT good --

She PLUMMETS, and HITS
the stage floor, SPLAT. Lights out.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Look down at Honey’s ruined body.
Laying at an odd angle,
like a broken rag doll.

A pool of blood forms around her.

APRIL
Night, mother.

CHERRY
Hasta la vista, parental unit.

EXT. KODAK THEATER - FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
Cherry and April walk out the front door.
See a SWARM of FBI agents. COPS. MEDIA.
A crowd of ONLOOKERS behind barricades.

Sunday and Max approach them
with the girls.

Aura and Amber break free
and RUN into Cherry’s arms.

CHERRY
My little angels --
(beat)
Was the FBI lady nice to you?

AURA
Yeah. She only said the F-word once.
SUNDAY
(turns red)
Sorry about that.
I’m -- not around kids that much.

MAX
(to April and Cherry)
Honey’s dead?

APRIL
Doornail-city.
You can send in the clean-up crew.

SUNDAY
You two should be proud.

CHERRY
Yeah, well --
it’ll be nice to go out with a bang.

MAX
Sorry?

APRIL
She wants to quit the agency.
Maybe you can help me talk her out of it.

CHERRY
There’s NOTHING anybody can say
that’s gonna change my mind.

Sunday’s phone RINGS.
She answers it.

SUNDAY
Sparks here --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - CLINT RUFF’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Clint stands, holding his cell phone.
Looks out the window.

CLINT
Just got the news.
Good job, Sparks.

SUNDAY
Thanks, chief.
(grins)
Oh, and by the way --
your secret’s safe with me.

CLINT
What -- secret?

SUNDAY
Your extracurricular activities?
No wonder the marriage didn’t work out.
(off his silence)
We’ve been uploading all her files.

CLINT
God-DAMMIT --

SUNDAY
Don’t worry.
I still believe in
'don’t ask, don’t smell.'
IF I get a promotion.

CLINT
Consider it done --
(realizes)
Oh, shit.
I’ve got the President on the line.
He wants to speak to Street and Nation.

SUNDAY
Hold on. I’ll get them.

She cups the phone.
Looks at April and Cherry.

SUNDAY
I’ve got someone that
wants to speak to you.

APRIL
Can you take a message?
We’re kinda wiped out
from saving the free world.

SUNDAY
(shrugs, into the phone)
I’m sorry, Mr. President,
but they’re tied up at the --

CHERRY
THE PRESIDENT? Gimmee that --
(GRABS the phone from Sunday)
Hello, Mr. President?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
The President lies in bed in his bathrobe.
CNN is on with the sound off.

THE FIRST LADY is next to him,
fast asleep.

THE PRESIDENT
Ms. Nation? Or is this Ms. Street?

CHERRY
Cherry Nation, Mr. President.

THE PRESIDENT
Please. Call me Buck.

CHERRY
Okay, Buck --

BUCK
Can you put your sister
on the phone, too?

CHERRY
Uh, yeah -- sure.
(to Cherry)
He wants to talk to you, too.

April nods. Comes over.
Puts her ear next to Cherry’s.

CHERRY
She’s here --

APRIL
Hey.

BUCK
I’d like to thank you two
for taking care of the threat
against the security of the White House --
(beat)
And I’m going to give you
The Congressional Medal of Honor.

APRIL
Really?

CHERRY
Holy SHIT. I mean -- thank you.
(beat)
Sorry --

BUCK
(laughs)
My office will call you back
and make the arrangements, okay?

CHERRY
Yes, sir, Mr. -- Buck.

BUCK
Thank you again.
Have a good night.

CHERRY
Yes, sir. Thank you. Bye.

She hangs up. In awe.
Hands the phone back to Sunday.

CHERRY
They’re gonna give us
The Congressional Medal Of Honor --

APRIL
Still want to quit?

AMBER
Mommy, you CAN’T quit.
Nobody likes a QUITTER.

AURA
We need you to keep the world SAFE.

APRIL
From the mouths of babes --

Pause.
CHERRY
Alright, okay. You guys win.
HAPPY NOW?
(to April)
But I’m taking A LOT of time off.
Got it?

APRIL
Got it.

CHERRY
A month, at least.

APRIL
Take two --

CHERRY
You know what, I just might --
(thinks)
And I need some counseling.
I mean, we just killed our MOTHER.
That’s intense shit.
Does our medical cover that?
(off her nod)
And another thing.
I REALLY need to get laid --

Their voices fade as they
continue sparring, as we --

FADE TO BLACK