Crazy As A Fox

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of BABY HEISTER, after Kelsey gets expelled from school for beating the shit out of the jock bully that fucked with her, Doc puts his foot down and insists she get a job ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Doc stares at Kelsey.
Pointing at her. Livid.
Beyond upset.

DOC
God-DAMMIT, Kelsey.
How could you get expelled
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?

KELSEY
I told you.
It was self-defense.

DOC
You broke the kid’s NOSE.

KELSEY
He shoved me UP AGAINST A WALL.
Called me a CUNT.

DOC
Then you cursed out THE PRINCIPAL.
What the fuck, Kelsey?
What were you THINKING?

KELSEY
I told you.
I don’t WANNA go to school.
I don’t BELONG there.
I wanna be a HEISTER.

DOC
We’ve already discussed this.

KELSEY
If YOU won’t teach me,
I found someone who WILL.

DOC
Oh?
And who is that?

KELSEY
Ray Stark, that guy at the wake.
Saw him again at
The Lounge last night.
Nice guy.
Offered to help me out.

DOC
I don’t trust him.
There’s something fishy about him.
Nobody at the funeral knew him.
I want you to stay away.

KELSEY
What if I say no?

DOC
If you’re gonna live in MY house,
you stay away from him --
and get a JOB.

KELSEY
A JOB?

DOC
Well, if you’re not
gonna go to school,
you’re gonna have
do SOMETHING.

KELSEY
What kinda job
can I get around HERE?

DOC
Drove by The Stop N’ Gulp today.
Saw a Help Wanted sign.

KELSEY
The Stop N’ Gulp?
Are you fucking CRAZY?

DOC
Crazy as a fox, Kelsey.
(beat)
Crazy as a fox --