Houseboat Call

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In Chapter 13 of THE DISH, while trying to plot Dart's murder, Haven and Jett get interrupted by Haven's neighbor, Nola Bliss a little person actress ... and then Dart's doctor, who arrives to check on his health after his bathroom accident ...


EXT. MARINA DOCK / HOUSEBOAT - DAY

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock in a tiny running suit.
Bottle of imported beer in one hand,
the rest of the six pack in the other.

She pads up the gangplank on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN
Nola.
This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in
the new Jason Statham flick,
The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me.

HAVEN
That’s great.
So you’re, what -- the love interest?

NOLA
I wish.
I’m an assassin.

They look at each other.
Fake smiles.

NOLA
Beer?

HAVEN
Sorry, I’m -- working out.

NOLA
You certainly are.

JETT
(offers her hand)
Hi, I’m Jett.
Her trainer.

NOLA
Nice to meet you.
(gives her the once-over)
Do you have any openings?
I might have to get in shape
for this role.

JETT
My schedule’s pretty full.
But let me check,
and I’ll get back to you.

NOLA
Super.
(to Haven)
So how is your husband?
Is he okay?
That was a pretty nasty fall.

HAVEN
He’s -- fine, thanks.

NOLA
That’s good. Whew.
(brightly)
Well, I gotta toodle-oo.
Gotta wardrobe fitting.
Ciao, darlings.

She smiles, turns, and
skittles down the gangplank.

JETT
What’s going on here?

HAVEN
Fucking nosy midget.
Spying on me.
(thinks)
We’re going to have to do it soon.
Have you thought of anything yet?

JETT
Yeah. His insulin pump?

HAVEN
What about it?

JETT
I’ve been researching what happens
if it fails --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Top o’ the mornin,’ Mrs. Crayce!

Haven turns, sees --

‘BING’ BIRMINGHAM, MD (70’S).
Tall, hulking with a big gut,
shock of white hair.

Gap-toothed smile
in a soft, doughy face.

Waddling up the gangplank
with his doctor’s bag.

HAVEN
Dr. Birmingham.
Nice to see you.

BING
Gorgeous day for a workout.
I see you’ve hired a trainer.
(offers his hand to Jett)
Bing Birmingham, MD.
But you can call me Dr. Bing.
Everyone does.

JETT
(takes hand, shakes)
Dr. -- Bing. Jett Targo, hi.

PUSH IN ON Bing.
Suddenly serious.

BING
Let’s go see the patient --