The Tiny Terror

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of THE DISH, Haven and Jett race into the houseboat to figure out what to do about Haven's slowly dying husband, but get interrupted by midget neighbor Nola Bliss, who knows they're trying to kill him ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Buster comes BOUNDING in.
Followed by Haven. Then Jett.

HAVEN
That’s what I’m telling you. Listen --

We hear low, ANGUISHED MOANING
from upstairs.

JETT
What’s happening to him?

HAVEN
His body is screaming out for insulin,
but he’s not getting any,
so his blood sugar is plummeting.
He’s having seizures. Bad ones.

JETT
How long -- will it take for him to --

HAVEN
A couple hours.
Maybe more. I dunno.
(beat)
They didn’t teach us about this
at the nursing academy.

JETT
What if you gave him a shot of insulin?
Make it look like you tried to save him?
What would happen?

HAVEN
If it’s in time,
it would save his life.
(beat)
So how do I explain not helping him?

JETT
You went to sleep in the guest bedroom.
You weren’t feeling well --

HAVEN
But I can fucking HEAR him.

JETT
Not if you sleep with earplugs. I do.

Another MOAN. This time, LOUDER.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hello, is anybody home?

In walks NOLA.
More than a few sheets to the wind.

HAVEN
Nola, what are you doing here?

Another MOAN.

NOLA
What the fuck am I DOING HERE?
Your husband sounds like he’s
DYING up there.

HAVEN
He’s fine, it’s a new medication --

JETT
We’ve got it handled.

Nola stares. Quivering with anger.

NOLA
I know what’s going on between you too.
I’ve seen you fucking and sucking
like monkeys in the zoo.

HAVEN
You fucking BITCH --

JETT
Haven --

NOLA
And now you’re trying to
KILL him, for what?
The INSURANCE MONEY?
Well, I’ve SEEN THAT MOVIE,
and you’re NOT getting AWAY with it.

She pulls out her cell phone.
Jett races over, GRABS it.

Nola starts POUNDING on her chest
with tiny fists.

NOLA
No, STOP!
Give that BACK!
Give that BACK!

JETT
Quiet, please!
Let me explain!

NOLA
No! I’m gonna call the COPS!

JETT
(sees something)
Haven, NO!

HAVEN
stands behind Nola. Bends down, and
SHOVES a BUTCHER KNIFE in Nola’s back.
The little demon SCREAMS in pain.

NOLA
You STABBED ME! Fucking BITCH!

HAVEN
FUCK YOU! Fucking MIDGET!

Incensed, in shock, Nola turns and
ATTACKS Haven like a wild animal,
BITING, KICKING, SCRATCHING.

Haven tries to fight back,
but she’s no match against
the tiny terror.

NOLA
I’m gonna fucking KILL YOU!

HAVEN
No, STOP!

JETT
Leave HER ALONE!

Jett GRABS Nola.
THROWS her across the room.

She HITS the wall with
a sickening THWUMP.

BANGS onto the floor.
Lights out.

A pool of BLOOD
starts spreading.

HAVEN
Fucking nosy MIDGET --

The Postman Only Rings Once

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce pays an emergency visit to her adulterous lover Jett Targo's joint to get some help ... killing her husband.


EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT
Lit by a gas lamp.

Jett sits at a small cafe
table with a laptop.

A half-dozen empty beer bottles
litter the surface.

She lights a smoke.
Looks intently at the screen.

ON THE SCREEN
we see a scene from
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE.

LANA TURNER, resplendent in a
white one-piece bathing suit,
sashays down the stairs.

Stops.
James Garfield leers.

JAMES GARFIELD (V.O.)
With my brains and your looks,
we could really go places --

JETT
looks at her wistfully.
Takes a pull from her longneck.

JETT
I’ll have to get Haven
one of those.

Her cell phone BRING-RINGS.
She picks it up.

JETT
This is Jett.

HAVEN (V.O.)
It’s me.

JETT
Hello, you.
What’s up?

HAVEN (V.O.)
I need to see you.

JETT
But I thought --

HAVEN (V.O.)
It’s an emergency.
Dart, he --
(beat)
I’m right outside.
Can I come up?

Jett looks, sees --

HAVEN
standing in the driveway
down below.

With Buster on a leash.
Small and scared-looking.

She waves, a hopeful
half-smile.

JETT
My place is a mess.
I’ll be right down.

EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Jett dashes over to Haven. Worried.
Pulls her down the driveway
to where it ends at the canal.

JETT
What’s up?
Did something go wrong?

HAVEN
He went into shock.
He’s having -- an attack.

JETT
That’s good, right?

HAVEN
Yeah, but he’s so -- loud.
I’m scared.
I’m afraid he’s gonna
wake up the neighborhood,
especially fucking Nola.
Can you come back
to the boat with me?

JETT
Isn’t that kinda dangerous?
What about --

HAVEN
It’s one in the morning.
Everyone’s lights are out.
(beat)
And I want to keep it that way --

A Place In The Sun

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of THE DISH, n'er do well meth tweaker Rush Madder convinces adulterous lesbian personal trainer Jett Targo to let him crash on her couch after being up for eight days. Meanwhile, back on her houseboat, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce changes her husband Dart's insulin pump ... with a defective battery ...


EXT. JETT’S APARTMENT BUILDING - NUGHT
Jett pulls out her keys.
Opens her mailbox.

sifts through the envelopes.
Unlocks, opens the front door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Jett --

She WHIRLS around, sees --

RUSH MADDER
in the shadows of the front porch.

JETT
WHAT?
(beat)
Jesus fucking Christ,
you scared the shit out of me.

RUSH
Jett, please -- I need your help.

JETT
I asked you to stay away from me.
I’ll call the fucking cops
if you don’t leave, now.

RUSH
I’ve been -- up for eight days.
I need, need to -- need to crash.

JETT
EIGHT days?

RUSH
Please, Jett.
I just need to -- to crash for awhile.
Then I promise I’ll go. I promise.
(beat)
I need your help. Please.

JETT
Can’t you sleep in your car?

RUSH
In this neighborhood? In MY car?
(off her stare)
I’ll be good. I promise.
I just -- need to sleep.

Pause.

JETT
Goddammit.
(beat)
Give me your car keys.

RUSH
My -- keys?

JETT
Yeah.
So you can’t rip me off
and split in the middle of the night.

RUSH
(weak smile, tosses his keys)
How big is your couch?

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Haven threads a film into the projector.
Dart watches from his bed.
He bites into a small cookie, chews.

DART
A Place in the Sun.
Haven’t seen that picture in years.
(weird smile)
That Liz Taylor -- she was a pip.
A real pip.

HAVEN
Liz Taylor?
Isn’t she a little -- big?

DART
My god, are you dense.
When Liz Taylor was young,
in her prime, she was the
most beautiful woman in Hollywood.

He reaches over to the bedside table.
Grabs another cookie.

HAVEN
(sees this)
That’s your last cookie, Dart.
We don’t want your sugar spiking.

She finishes with the projector.
Pulls a packet of batteries
out of her pocket.

We see the package
has been taped closed.

HAVEN
Okay.
Time to change the battery
on your pump.

DART
Again? So soon?

HAVEN
Silly boy.
You know we change
the battery every Sunday.
And with all the excitement
about your coming home,
I forgot this morning.

Haven goes to Dart,
pulls up his night shirt.

An INSULIN PUMP hangs on
the waistband of his pajama bottoms.

As Haven changes the battery,
Dart grabs another cookie. Hides it.

HAVEN
(CLICKS it in place)
Okay, that -- does it.
(arranges his shirt)
And now it’s show time.

DART
(wistfully)
A Place in the Sun --

Haven shuts off the lights.
Starts the projector.

Gets her cocktail from
the bedside table. Sits.

ON THE SCREEN
we see the film start.
In glorious black and white.

No Stalking On Sunday

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her adulterous lover Jett Targo make a big decision ... to kill Haven's husband Dart later that night ...


EXT. THE SAFE HAVEN - REAR DECK - MORNING
Overcast and foggy.

A bit of a chill.
Wind FLAPS the sails.

Jett trains Haven on the deck.
They both look sad.

HAVEN
Funny.
No Trimmer.
No Nola.

JETT
No stalking on Sunday.
(beat)
What time is he
supposed to get here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
These last three days
have been -- nice.
Really nice.
It went by so fast.

HAVEN
Imagine what it’s going
to be like after he’s --

JETT
I know.
It’s all I can think about.

HAVEN
So when are we going to --

JETT
I don’t know.
Maybe we should wait
a little while.

HAVEN
I can’t wait.
I can’t stand it anymore, Jett.
I don’t wanna have to --
service him anymore.
I want this to be over with,
so we can be together.
(stops lifting)
We have to do it tonight.

JETT
Tonight?

HAVEN
Yeah.
We’ve only known
each other a few days,
so no one will suspect
there’s anything going on.

JETT
That’s true.

HAVEN
(evil smile)
And besides, I’m doing
all the heavy lifting.
(sees something)
There’s the hospital van.
You better get going.

JETT
Okay. Good luck.
I’ll see you tomorrow morning.

HAVEN
I don’t think the grieving widow
should be weight training.
I’ll come see you.

JETT
You’re right.
(turns, eyes well up)
Okay, bye --

Jett hustles off down
the gangplank in the
other direction.

PUSH IN ON Haven.
Looking to her right.
Concerned smile.

HAVEN
Dart, honey!
It’s so good to SEE you.

Wanton Acts Of Illicit Desire

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of THE DISH, after Dart goes to the hospital under doctor's orders to have some tests taken, Haven and Jett are finally alone on the houseboat and can get 'up close and personal.'


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDROOM -
Dart lies in bed, scowling.
Dr. Bing holds a stethoscope on Dart’s chest.
Haven and Jett stand nearby, watching.

BING
Heart rate is a bit high --
(to Dart)
I’d like you to come to St. Luke’s
for a couple of days so I can run some tests.

DART
No hospitals. I hate hospitals.

HAVEN
Can’t you run tests -- here?

BING
I’m sorry, but I want to run a cat scan,
do an MRI, some blood work --

DART
No hospitals, godammit.

BING
Still feisty. That’s good.
You’re a fighter. But I’m sorry,
Dart, I’m going to have to insist.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

BING
Yes. This is Dr. Bing Birmingham.
I have a patient I’d like to admit --

PUSH IN ON Haven and Jett.
Exchanging nervous glances.

A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE
is gripped by red-nailed hands.
The cork POPS.

INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Shades are drawn.
Candles are flickering.
Soft music bubbles.

In bed are Haven,
saucy in red panties and bra.

And Jett, suave in a black tank top.
Cut arm muscles glistening.

A champagne bottle erupts
in a geyser of FOAM.

Haven and Jett try to catch it
with their flutes. LAUGHING.

HAVEN
Shit! It’s getting all over the bed!

JETT
So we’ll wash the sheets.
Who’s gonna complain?

HAVEN
NOBODY!

Jett takes a sip.
Haven GUZZLES hers.

HAVEN
More, more!
(pours another, raises glass)
A toast --

JETT
(raises hers)
A toast --

HAVEN
To three days all by ourselves.

JETT
To wanton acts of illicit desire.

They CLINK. Drink.

HAVEN
That sounds like a line from a movie.

JETT
That Killing Feeling.

HAVEN
The one where two guys rob a bank --

JETT
Farley Granger and Sal Mineo.
With a homoerotic subtext
that gives a new meaning
to the phrase
'riding off into the sunset.'

Haven puts her hand on Jett’s thigh.

HAVEN
Speaking of illicit desire --

Jett leans over. Kisses Haven softly.
Touches her face.

JETT
You are -- so beautiful.

Haven smiles. Thinking.
A storm cloud passes. Bites her lip.

JETT
What’s wrong?

HAVEN
We have to come up with our plan.
Right away. We don’t have much time.
(beat)
We’re being watched.

JETT
You’re right.
(grabs her glass, takes a sip)
I’ve been thinking.
I think I have an idea.
(beat)
What if the battery died
in his insulin pump?

HAVEN
But I change the battery once a week.

JETT
But what if you put in
a defective battery?
By mistake. On purpose.
There would be no suspicion.
If you didn’t change the batteries,
then it would be suspicious.
But if you put in a defective battery,
by mistake --

HAVEN
That’s fucking brilliant.
(beat)
But where do we get a defective battery?

JETT
We drain a new one.
Put one in a flashlight or something.
Leave it on until it’s almost dead.
(beat)
So how long -- would it take?

HAVEN
How long would what take?

JETT
For him to -- you know.

HAVEN
I dunno. A couple hours?
Maybe a little longer.
He’ll go into insulin shock,
which at his age would be fatal.
(beat)
But what am I supposed to do while he’s --

JETT
You screen a movie every night, right?

HAVEN
YES. But, wait -- most of
those movies are short.
A little over an hour.

JETT
So you pick a long one.
I just saw A Place In The Sun,
and it’s over two hours.

HAVEN
Perfect. I’ve never seen it,
and he’ll be impressed I want to.
(thinks)
And if we have little wine,
he’ll fall asleep --

JETT
Then it’s a plan.

They raise their glasses. Toast.

JETT
To -- doing this.

HAVEN
To -- gether.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

They drink.
Drain their glasses.

Jett takes the bottle.
Slowly pours champagne on Haven’s thigh.

HAVEN
Hey! What are you doing? That’s COLD.

Jett smiles, leans down.
Starts licking it off.

Haven writhes in ecstasy.
Little kitty moans.
Jett GRABS the comforter --

JETT (O.C.)
Heh-heh-heh --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Wait, that’s --
(beat)
Yeah, RIGHT THERE.
(beat)
Oh MY GOD.

Houseboat Call

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of THE DISH, while trying to plot Dart's murder, Haven and Jett get interrupted by Haven's neighbor, Nola Bliss a little person actress ... and then Dart's doctor, who arrives to check on his health after his bathroom accident ...


EXT. MARINA DOCK / HOUSEBOAT - DAY

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock in a tiny running suit.
Bottle of imported beer in one hand,
the rest of the six pack in the other.

She pads up the gangplank on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN
Nola.
This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in
the new Jason Statham flick,
The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me.

HAVEN
That’s great.
So you’re, what -- the love interest?

NOLA
I wish.
I’m an assassin.

They look at each other.
Fake smiles.

NOLA
Beer?

HAVEN
Sorry, I’m -- working out.

NOLA
You certainly are.

JETT
(offers her hand)
Hi, I’m Jett.
Her trainer.

NOLA
Nice to meet you.
(gives her the once-over)
Do you have any openings?
I might have to get in shape
for this role.

JETT
My schedule’s pretty full.
But let me check,
and I’ll get back to you.

NOLA
Super.
(to Haven)
So how is your husband?
Is he okay?
That was a pretty nasty fall.

HAVEN
He’s -- fine, thanks.

NOLA
That’s good. Whew.
(brightly)
Well, I gotta toodle-oo.
Gotta wardrobe fitting.
Ciao, darlings.

She smiles, turns, and
skittles down the gangplank.

JETT
What’s going on here?

HAVEN
Fucking nosy midget.
Spying on me.
(thinks)
We’re going to have to do it soon.
Have you thought of anything yet?

JETT
Yeah. His insulin pump?

HAVEN
What about it?

JETT
I’ve been researching what happens
if it fails --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Top o’ the mornin,’ Mrs. Crayce!

Haven turns, sees --

‘BING’ BIRMINGHAM, MD (70’S).
Tall, hulking with a big gut,
shock of white hair.

Gap-toothed smile
in a soft, doughy face.

Waddling up the gangplank
with his doctor’s bag.

HAVEN
Dr. Birmingham.
Nice to see you.

BING
Gorgeous day for a workout.
I see you’ve hired a trainer.
(offers his hand to Jett)
Bing Birmingham, MD.
But you can call me Dr. Bing.
Everyone does.

JETT
(takes hand, shakes)
Dr. -- Bing. Jett Targo, hi.

PUSH IN ON Bing.
Suddenly serious.

BING
Let’s go see the patient --

Baptism By Water

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of THE DISH, sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz pays another visit to Haven and Crayce at the houseboat and asks how Dart is doing after his accident, which makes them realize he's been spying on them ...


EXT. HOUSEBOAT - THE NEXT MORNING
A gorgeous, perfect, sunshiny morning.
Jett trains Haven outside on the deck.

HAVEN
What was I supposed to say?
You can’t come and examine him
because he might have to
go to the hospital
and then we can’t KILL him?

JETT
What time is he supposed to be here?

HAVEN
Any minute now.

JETT
Shit.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Mornin’, ladies.

Jett and Haven look, see --

TRIMMER WALTZ
on his Sheriff’s boat.
Big ol’ grin on his face.

JETT
(nods)
Deputy.

HAVEN
Trimmer.

TRIMMER
Sure is a gorgeous day.

JETT
Yes, sir.

TRIMMER
(to Haven)
How is your husband doing?
Has he recovered from that nasty fall?

HAVEN
(surprised)
Uh -- he’s fine.

TRIMMER
Lucky for him you were around.
Hate to see anything happen to him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer picks up the receiver.
Listens.

TRIMMER
Holy COW.
I’ll be right there, chief.
(clicks it off, looks at them)
Pregnant lady fell in the drink
at the Fisherman’s Wharf.
Baptism by water.
Heh-heh-heh.
(salutes)
See ya later.
And he ZOOMS away.

HAVEN
What the fuck?

JETT
How did he find out?
You think he’s --

HAVEN
Watching us?

JETT
I dunno, I --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ahoy, mateys!

HAVEN
(turns, looks)
Nola.

JETT
Who is THAT?

HAVEN
Neighbor from hell.

NOLA BLISS
stands on the dock
in a tiny running suit.

Bottle of imported beer
in one hand,
the rest of the six pack
in the other.

She pads up the gangplank
on little feet.
Big smile and a wave.

HAVEN
Nola.
This is a nice surprise.
What’s going on?

NOLA
I’m celebrating.
Just got a role in the
new Jason Statham flick,
The Inter-rogator.
Joe Carnahan HAD to have me --

Blood Gets In Your Eyes

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of THE DISH, B-movie startlet Haven Crayce and her illicit lesbian lover Jett Targo examine Haven's husband Dart after his bathtub accident to make sure he's okay ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - GALLEY ENTRANCE - DAY
Jett follows Haven onto the boat.

JETT
You can’t tell anyone else about us.
If we’re going to -- do this,
nobody can know we’re --
(a whisper)
In a relationship.

HAVEN
You’re right.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t --
(realizes)
Did you say we’re -- in a relationship?

Jett takes Haven’s hand.
Holds it to her heart.

JETT
You make me feel something
I’ve never felt before, Haven.
For the first time
in my life, I feel ALIVE.
Like I can do anything.
Be anyone. Go anywhere.

HAVEN
I’m with you, baby.
(beat)
Straight down the line.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jett and Haven kneel
at the side of the bed.

Watch Dart.
Sleeping peacefully.

JETT
We should wake him.

HAVEN
What should I tell him about you?

JETT
That I’m your personal trainer,
and I know alot about --

Dart’s eyes OPEN. Groggy.

DART
(to Jett)
Who the fuck are you?

HAVEN
This is my trainer, Dart.
She heard what happened,
and wanted to take a look at you,
see if you’re okay --

JETT
Hello, Mr. Crayce.
I’m a big fan.

DART
Trainer? You hired a trainer?
I’m not going to pay for --

JETT
I’m not charging her, Mr. Crayce.
We met walking our dogs.
Haven told me about
having chronic back pain,
and I offered to show her
an exercise routine that would help.

DART
Out of the goodness of your heart.

JETT
Well, sir -- it’s what I do.
I was raised in a good, Christian family,
and I was taught to do unto others --

DART
You said you’re a fan of mine?

JETT
Oh, yeah -- I’m a big movie buff.

DART
What’s your favorite film of mine?

JETT
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.
Bogart and Stanwyck,
together for the first time.
Perfect film.
(beat)
Is it true that the original leads
were Ronald Reagan and Jane Wyatt?

DART
Why, yes -- but, how did you -- ?

JETT
Robert Osbourne.
Turner Movie Classics.
Never miss it.

DART
That Bobby Osbourne.
What a little rascal.
I owe him a lunch.

HAVEN
How are you feeling?
How’s your head?

DART
My head is fine.
It’s my ass that’s killing me.

JETT
No blurry vision?
Heart palpitations?

DART
I’m just fine, young lady.
Now, if you’ll excuse us,
it’s almost time for my dialysis,
and my --

Dart looks at Haven.
A lewd grin.

HAVEN
Physical therapy.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Horrified.

Bound For Pleasure

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of THE DISH, when retired film director Dart Crayce has an accident in the bathroom, his B-movie starlet wife Haven races to get help from her lesbian lover Jett Targo, who's in the middle of weight training a client ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BATHROOM - MORNING
Dart Crayce is in the bathtub.
Bony ass toward us.

He pulls himself up, hanging onto
a chrome handle bolted into the tiles --
which COMES LOOSE with a CRUNCH --

DART
What the -- ?

And he SLIPS!
BANG, he goes down.

CRACKS his head.
BANGS his ass on the cold,
hard porcelain.

HAVEN (O.C.)
Dart, honey?
You okay in there?
We don’t want you to --

She walks in.

HAVEN
Shrivel into a prune --

Sees him. SCREAMS.

HAVEN
Dart!

Races over.
Puts her arms around him.

HAVEN
Honey, are you okay? Dart?
Can you hear me? Honey?

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - OCEAN BOARDWALK - DAY
Jett trains a FAT, SWEATING
VENTURE CAPITALIST (30’s),
a pair of ten-pound
free-weights in his hands.

He raises the right,
then the left.

Rearranging the deck chairs
on the Titanic.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
-- and I closed at five-point-four million.
He didn’t know what the fuck hit him.
Got the cocksucker right where it hurts.
Bang, zoom -- right to the moon, Alice.

JETT
Okay. Let’s do some squats.

Haven appears, with Buster.
Amazing in a bikini top.

Denim Mini.
Six-inch wedgies.
Freaked behind heart-shaped shades.

HAVEN
Jett, I need to talk to you.

JETT
What’s wrong?

Fat’s cell phone RINGS.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
(to Jett)
Hold on a sec, I gotta take this --
(into the phone)
It went down HOW MUCH?

He waddles away, out of ear shot.
Waving his arms madly.

HAVEN
Dart fell in the bathtub.
Banged his head.

JETT
Why didn’t you call me?

HAVEN
I don’t have your number.

JETT
Did you call 911?

HAVEN
He wouldn’t let me.
He doesn’t like doctors.

JETT
But -- is he okay?

HAVEN
Oh, sure. Three Advils,
couple a hits off one of his
Bobby Mitchum joints,
and he’s sleeping like a baby.

JETT
But he might have a concussion.
Maybe we should call his doctor.

HAVEN
Are you kidding?
He might have to go to the hospital,
and then we’re FUCKED.
He might not ever come back!

JETT
But if he has a concussion,
and he’s sleeping --

HAVEN
Oh, shit.

JETT
Oh, shit is right.
C’mon, let’s go --

They start walking away.
Fat ambles over.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Hey, where are you going?
What about the rest of my workout?

JETT
Sorry, uh -- family emergency.
We gotta end early today.
Go home and do thirty minutes
on the Stairmaster.
I’ll see you on Wednesday.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
Okay, sure.
(looks at Haven)
Hey. Haven’t I seen you somewhere before?
Are you an actress?

HAVEN
Why, yes I am.
What did you see me in?
Wishcraft IV?
Spring Break Babylon?

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
No --
(SNAPS his fingers)
That’s it.
Bound for Pleasure.
Bondage flick.

HAVEN
As if. Pervert.
(to Jett)
Come on, honey.
Let’s go back to my place --
and do naughty things.

JETT
(whispers)
Haven.

FAT, SWEATING VENTURE CAPITALIST
You two are -- ?

HAVEN
(laughs, evil)
That’s right.
And no, you can’t watch.
So why don’t you go home, jerk off
and think about what I’m going
to do to your TRAINER.

PUSH IN ON Fat, Sweating.
Beady eyes flickering.

A Simple Plan

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of THE DISH, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her lesbian lover Jett Targo make a pact to kill Haven's husband Dart and run off together with his life savings ...


INT. HOUSEBOAT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jett goes to the bar.
Looks at the framed pictures of Dart
with various Hollywood stars of old.

DART AND CARY GRANT
playing golf.
Cary and GRACE KELLY watch him put.

WITH JANE GREER
directing her and Robert Mitchum.
She’s behind the wheel
of a big Cadillac.

He’s got a gun.
They’re all laughing.

DART AND FRANK SINATRA
at a swanky nightclub in Vegas
with Dean, Sammy, Joey and Peter.

Watching him blow out
birthday candles on a big cake.

IN DART’S BEDROOM
he lies in bed, eyes closed.

Haven’s arm is under the covers,
slowly going up and down.
Her face a dark storm cloud.

IN THE MAIN CABIN
Jett goes to a cabinet.
Opens a door, revealing --

An OSCAR. Best Director.
Coated with a thin layer of dust.

She gingerly picks it up.
Blows on it. Raises it up.

Does an arm curl. Stops.
Looks at her reflection in the glass.

JETT
(softly)
I’d like to thank the Academy --

HAVEN (O.C.)
Thank god you’re still here.

Jett quickly puts the Oscar back,
embarrassed.

JETT
Sorry, I --

HAVEN
You know how many
times I’ve wanted to
smash him over the head
with that goddamn Oscar?

JETT
(scared)
You shouldn’t --
say things like that.

HAVEN
You shouldn’t do a lot of things, Jett.
But it’s all I can think about.
I have to get out of here.
I’m going insane.
(goes to Jett, grabs her)
He’s rich, Jett.
Filthy, stinking rich.
Think about what you and I
could do with all that money.
Go away somewhere.
Start a new life.
Be together. Be happy.
(tears in her eyes)
I haven’t been happy
in a long time, Jett.
And then I met you.
And then everything started
to fall into place.
I could see daylight
after so much darkness.
(a sob)
So much darkness --

Haven buries her face
in Jett’s chest. Softly sobs.

Jett comforts her.
Looks around the room.
Clearly confused.

JETT
So -- how much is he worth?

HAVEN
(pulls away, excited)
Then you’ll do it?

JETT
How much?

HAVEN
A few million.
He’s got about --
eight hundred thousand in the bank.

JETT
Eight hundred thousand?

HAVEN
So you’ll do it?

JETT
I need to -- think about it.

But Haven won’t take
no for an answer.

She slides off her top.
Presses her chest against Jett’s.
Sucks on her ear.

HAVEN
Please, Jett.
I need you.
Don’t you want to be with me?

JETT
(swimming)
Y-yes -- I do --

HAVEN
(kisses her neck)
Aren’t you tired of training
fat, rich, yuppie assholes?

JETT
God, yes.

Haven’s hand slides down
to Jett’s zipper.
Slowly rubs it.

HAVEN
And do you want me to keep
JERKING OFF the sonofabitch?
EVERY DAY?

JETT
(delirious)
Of course not!

HAVEN
Then will you do it? For me?
(beat)
For us?

JETT
(closes her yes)
I’ll do it.
(beat)
I’ll do it.

Haven SQUEEZES Jett, embraces her.

HAVEN
Ohmigod, YES.
Thank you, baby. Thank you.

JETT
But it has to be perfect.
We have to plan this carefully.
Everything is at stake.
One little mistake --

HAVEN
We’ll be careful.

JETT
(realizes, looks at watch)
Oh, shit -- I’ve got another client.
I’m going to be LATE.

HAVEN
(kisses Jett)
Then go, baby.
I’ll see you -- tomorrow?

JETT
(smiles)
Tomorrow.
(goes to the door)
We’re -- really doing this.

HAVEN
(eyes flashing)
Together.

Jett smiles. Turns.

JETT
Together.

And she’s gone.

The Love Boat

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of THE DISH, after making love, Haven reveals to Jett that her husband keeps her a virtual prisoner on the houseboat, and that she'd like to kill him ...


INT. HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - DAY
He lies in bed.
Breakfast tray on his lap.
Watching TV.

ON THE SCREEN
we see a biography of Humphrey Bogart.

ROBERT OSBOURNE (O.C.)
Bogart got his big break on High Sierra,
co-starring Ida Lupino.
It was in this picture that Bogart,
playing an escaped convict,
was able to show his soft side,
when he takes a shine to a crippled girl,
and pays for an operation that will --

IN THE MAIN CABIN
Jett and Haven lie on the couch.
In each other’s arms.

HAVEN
I’m sorry that was so fast.
I haven’t --
(beat)
Made love in a while.

JETT
How -- long?

Haven BURSTS into tears.
Hangs onto Jett for dear life.

JETT
(puts arms around her)
Hey, now -- it’s okay.
I’m sorry I asked.
It’s none of my business.

Haven JERKS away.
Eyes full of fury.

HAVEN
We haven’t had sex in FOUR YEARS,
since his diabetes got worse
and we moved onto this fucking BOAT.
I was his nurse, see --
and then he married me.
I thought it would help my acting career --
but then he got sick, and, and --
it got all FUCKED UP.

JETT
I know all about that.
Sometimes you have to do
whatever it takes to
get what you want.
But sometimes it just --
doesn’t work out.
(beat)
And then you’re fucked.

Haven stares at her. Blinking.

HAVEN
EXACTLY.
And now he treats me like shit,
orders me around,
won’t let me have any friends,
won’t let me LEAVE.
Everything is delivered.
I can only go out to walk the dog.
I’m a fucking PRISONER.
I’m SUFFOCATING, and I can’t
TAKE IT anymore.
(low, urgent)
I wish he would DIE.

JETT
Shhh.
You shouldn’t talk like that.

The bell RING-RING-RINGS.

HAVEN
(looks at her watch)
Shit, it’s time.

JETT
Go see what he wants.
I’ll wait here.

HAVEN
(slowly gets up, stands)
I know what he wants.
(beat)
It’s time for his -- hand job.

JETT
His what?

HAVEN
Right before we start
the dialysis machine,
I have to jerk him off,
so he’ll fall asleep.
He says it relaxes him.
(beat)
Fucking Viagra.

JETT
Every day?
How old IS he?
Haven goes to the door.

HAVEN
Too old to live.
(beat)
Don’t go?
(off Jett’s nod)
Think about what I said --
(scowling)
And think about what
I have to go do right now.

And she’s gone.

PUSH IN ON Jett’s face.
Scared to death.

Like A Virgin

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of THE DISH, personal trainer Jett Targo guides B-movie starlet Haven Crayce through her first workout on the deck of her houseboat, which she really loves -- and so Nola Bliss, her little person neighbor who watches them through binoculars ... but things get really interesting when sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz stops by ...


EXT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - ROOF DECK - MOMENTS LATER
A roof deck outside the bedroom doors.
With an old, oak hot tub.

Steam rises from the bubbling black water.
Haven steps in. Her perfect, naked body
listening in the moonlight.

HAVEN
(lowers herself in)
Ahhh --

She angles her waist at
one of the jets of water.
Lowers a bit.

Finds the right spot.
Arches her back, a cat in heat.

Closes her eyes.
Bites her lip. Shudders.

HAVEN
Sweet mother of Jesus --

IN JETT’S BEDROOM
She climaxes quietly.
Earth-shattering spasms of pleasure.

IN THE HOT TUB
Haven reaches a shuddering crescendo.

EXT. NEARBY HOUSEBOAT - ROOF DECK
In the moonlight we can see a female
LITTLE PERSON looking at the
Crayce boat through binoculars.
Sipping a can of beer.

Meet NOLA BLISS (30), four-foot-tall
elfin star of stage and screen.

A blue-eyed redhead.
And a nosy, foul-mouthed party girl.

She lowers the binoculars.
Lights a smoke.

NOLA
What a fucking waste.

EXT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - REAR DECK - DAY
A brilliant, blindingly gorgeous
morning on the marina.

A workout machine has been set up.
The kind that can be adjusted so
someone can pull weights
from different angles.

Right now Haven is sitting on the seat,
pulling the handles out,
away from her chest.
The weights CLANK-CLANK.

HAVEN
This feels SO GOOD -- I LOVE IT.

The handles go back in.
Haven PULLS OUT on them again.

JETT
(touches Haven’s shoulder)
That’s because we’re opening up
your chest muscles.

After years of being clenched tight,
bent over -- that’s why it feels so good.
(showing off a bit)
We’re doing low weight, lots of reps.
We don’t want any bulk,
just a nice definition.

Haven stops.
Looks at Jett’s hand.
Then down at her chest.

HAVEN
Do you think I have a -- nice definition?

JETT
(pulls hand away)
Uh, yeah.
(looks at watch)
Let’s stretch you out.

HAVEN
I like the sound of that.

Jett lays down a towel.
Haven gets off the machine.

Lies down on her back.
Looks up at Jett.

HAVEN
Promise you’ll be gentle?

JETT
(trying to contain herself)
Of course.

Jett kneels. Takes Haven’s foot,
places it on her shoulder.

A gold anklet glistens in the sunlight.
Jett stares it.

HAVEN
Like my anklet?

JETT
It’s -- nice.

HAVEN
Ever see Double Indemnity?

JETT
Sure.
(tries to compose herself)
Okay, just relax.
I’ll go slowly --

Jett carefully raises Haven’s glorious,
gleaming leg, until she hears
her give out a little moan.

JETT
That’s good, that’s good.
Just breath into it --

A horn HONKS. Haven looks, sees --

TRIMMER WALTZ
in his Sheriff’s boat.
Right nearby. He waves.

HAVEN
Deputy Waltz.

TRIMMER
(big smile)
Please, I told you -- call me Trimmer,
all my friends do. Who’s your chum?

HAVEN
This is Jett.
She’s my personal trainer.

JETT
Hello, officer.

TRIMMER
Hey, there.
Not TOO personal, I hope.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Haven stares. Eyes burning
with barely disguised contempt.

TRIMMER
How’s your husband doing these days?
He feeling okay?

HAVEN
Just peachy.
Eight hours of dialysis,
and he’s fit as a fiddle.

TRIMMER
He’s awfully lucky to have
a gal like you look after him.

The radio SQUAWKS.
Trimmer gets it. Listens.

TRIMMER (CONT’D)
Copy that, I’m on my way -- Roger and out.
(shakes his head)
Got trouble on one of the luxury yachts.
Yuppie bastard set the galley on fire.
See you later, Haven.

And he cruises away with a ROAR of his engine.

HAVEN
Goodbye, asshole.

JETT
He likes you.

HAVEN
Well, I don’t like him.
(a whisper)
I like -- you.

Jett blushes.
Haven gets closer.
Their bodies touch.

HAVEN
Do you -- like me?

JETT
Like you -- how?

HAVEN
Like this --

Haven softly kisses her.
Pulls back. Surveys the damage.

JETT
(hoarse whisper)
Like that --

Jett kisses back.
They melt into each other.

Jett’s hands stroke Haven’s curves,
slowly, carefully. Like a virgin.

HAVEN
(quiet)
You make me -- shiver.

And their passion takes off
like a blowtorch to dry kindling.

Hands, arms, lips everywhere
in a tornado of sin.

Haven STOPS. Looks around.
Grabs Jett’s hand --

HAVEN
Not out here.
Come with me.

And pulls her inside the boat.

ON THE BOAT NEXT DOOR
Nola watches with binoculars
through her main window.

She lowers them.
Shakes her head. Wow.

NOLA
The little minx --

Straight Down The Line

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of THE DISH, Rush hangs out at the beach in his car doing coke outside Jett's apartment building, Jett gets busy with a vibrator in bed, Haven watches DOUBLE INDEMNITY in her houseboat, and we meet marina sheriff's deputy Trimmer Waltz, gliding by Haven's window in his boat ...


EXT. VOYAGE STREET - MOMENTS LATER
An ancient, ruined VW bug.
Engine idling.
Facing the beach.

INSIDE THE CAR
we see Rush.

SNARFING up a big,
fat line off the dashboard.

He SHAKES his head.
Takes a drag of his smoke.
Shudders.

INT. JETT’S APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Jett lies in bed
in a white tank top.

Opens a drawer
on the bedside table.

Takes out a vibrator.
Leans back.
Flicks it on.

It disappears under the sheets.
She closes her eyes.

EXT. MARINA - NIGHT
A SHERIFF’S PATROL BOAT
skims across the water soundlessly.

At the wheel is deputy
TRIMMER WALTZ (28).

Fit. Clean-cut.
Impossibly good-looking.

With a bright gleam
in his eye.

Either brilliant or demented.
Maybe a combination of the two.

The skiff glides by the houseboat.
Trimmer hears the film.

TRIMMER
Every night with the old movies.
(toasts with a flask)
Someday, Haven -- I’m going
to rescue you from
that watery prison.

And he takes a drink to that.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - DART’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Dart is fast asleep.
Mouth open, like a child.

Haven watches the end
credits go by. Thunderstruck.

HAVEN
(quoting dialog)
Straight down the line.

PUSH IN ON Haven’s face.
Thinking.

HAVEN
Ankle bracelet --

American Tweaker

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of THE DISH, drugged-out meth addict Rush Madder pays an unwanted visit to Jett, who blocks him from entering her apartment building. Meanwhile, B-movie starlet Haven Crayce and her retired film director husband Dart settle in for a home screening of DOUBLE INDEMNITY ...


EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
An old apartment building between
two three-million dollar homes.

On the cheap side of the
Grand Canal’s Silver Strand.

Jett stands on the front stoop.
Fishes out her keys.

Unlocks the door.
Starts to push it open, when --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Where have you been?
I’ve been waiting for over an hour.

Jett WHIPS AROUND to see --

RUSH MADDER (25). Blonde. Ghostly.
Jittery. Bloodshot eyes.

Pierced eyebrows.
Skinny black jeans.

The all-American tweaker.
With that never-scrubbed
‘up for three days’ look.

JETT
Rush. What are you doing here?

RUSH
(wipes his nose)
I thought we could hang out.

JETT
It’s over, Rush.
I told you.
I don’t want to see you anymore.
(starts to push the door closed)
I’m sorry, goodbye.

Rush GRABS the door.
Eyes flashing.
Menacing sneer.

RUSH
Don’t close the fucking door on me!
I drove all the way
from Long Beach to see you,
and this is the thanks I get?
(beat)
I brought you a gift.
Check it out.

He pulls out a glass vial.
Holds it up. Sickly smile.

Jett SLAMS the door on Rush’s foot.
He SCREAMS in pain.

RUSH
OW, Fuck! That HURT --

Jett KICKS Rush’s foot out.
BANGS the door closed. LOCKS it.

JETT
(through the glass window)
I asked you to stay AWAY from me,
and I tried to be NICE about it,
but OBVIOUSLY that
doesn’t WORK with you.
I don’t want to SEE YOU anymore.
STAY AWAY from me.

RUSH
What did I do?
I never did anything to hurt you.
C’mon, Jett -- please.

JETT
GO AWAY!

She turns on her heel
and races up the stairs,
two at a time.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - AT THAT MOMENT
Dart is propped up in bed.
Natty in a smoking jacket and ascot.

Haven sits in a chair by the bed,
resplendent in a fancy gown.

But no red carpet.
Just thick, brown shag.

DART
I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.

HAVEN
So I’m seeing it now.

DART
Shhh.

ON THE SCREEN
we see titles: DOUBLE INDEMNITY.

DART (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Listen to that score.
They don’t compose ‘em
like that any more --

Sponge Bath And A Movie

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of THE DISH, we meet Haven's invalid husband Dart, a retired film noir director, now a bedridden nasty piece of work. After Haven tends to his needs, she goes back downstairs to where Jett is waiting for her with baited breath ...


INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY
A large room which takes up
the entire third floor.

Hospital bed faces
a giant movie screen.
Shades drawn.

Dimly lit by a
single bedside lamp.

We see movie memorabilia
in the shadows.

In bed lies DART CRAYCE (88).
Skeletal. White-haired, gimlet-eyed.
Sunken, ruined skin.

Right now he’s hooked up
to a dialysis machine,
hoses like tentacles.
The machine HUMS.

DART
What took you so long?

HAVEN
What are you talking about?
I came right away.

DART
I heard voices.
Who’s down there?

HAVEN
Someone I met walking Buster.
She wanted to see the boat.

DART
A woman --

HAVEN
Of course, silly.
You’re the only man for me.

DART
Bring me a diet Vernor’s.
And it’s time to set up
the picture for tonight.

HAVEN
Right away.
I’ll be back in two shakes
of a -- of a --

DART
LAMB’S TAIL.
And tell your guest to leave.
You need to set up the projector.

HAVEN
Sure thing.

She turns, leaves.

ON THE STAIRS

HAVEN
(to herself)
Nasty old fuck.

IN THE GALLEY
Jett is looking at a framed picture
of Dart with Humphrey Bogart
and Barbara Stanwyck.
Smiles all around.

HAVEN (O.C.)
That was taken on the set of
Blood Gets In Your Eyes.

JETT
I know.
It’s one of my favorite films.
Barbara Stanwyck’s first time with Bogie.

HAVEN
You’re a personal trainer, right?

JETT
Yeah. How did you know?

HAVEN
I’ve seen you training people
on the beach.
(beat)
I’m all seeing and all knowing.

Pause.

JETT
Do you want me to -- train you?

HAVEN
I need -- training.
(beat)
Shall we make it tomorrow morning,
say around ten?

JETT
I think I can squeeze you in.

HAVEN
It’s a date.
(kisses Jett on the cheek)
Thanks for coming by.
I’ve gotta go take care of hubby now.
Sponge bath and a movie.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
About to explode.

JETT
Sounds like -- fun.

Blood Gets In Your Eyes

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of THE DISH, things get more than a little hot and heavy when B-movie starlet Haven Crayce gives personal trainer Jett Targo a tour of her houseboat ...


EXT. MARINA - DOCK - DAY
Haven and Jett stand on the dock.
Looking at the SAFE HAVEN.

JETT
You live on it?
Year round?

HAVEN
Unfortunately.

JETT
I’d love to live on a boat like this.

HAVEN
Would you like a tour?

PUSH IN ON Jett. Nervous.
Approaching excited.

JETT
Sure.

INT. CRAYCE HOUSEBOAT - MOMENTS LATER
Haven leads Jett into a living room
area with a galley.

Buster goes to the water bowl.
Tina sniffs around.

HAVEN
This is where we do
most of our entertaining.

JETT
We?

HAVEN
My husband and I.

JETT
Oh.

HAVEN
Don’t look so disappointed.
I married the old fuck
for his money, and for my career.

Haven walks over to Jett.
Gets close. Jett stares.
The chemistry is palpable. Electric.

HAVEN
You know Dart Crayce, the director?

JETT
Sure.
He directed all those
classic film noirs --
That Killing Feeling,
The Dead Don’t Cry,
Blood Gets In Your Eyes --

Haven takes Jett’s hands in hers.
A clock TICK-TICK-TICKS.

HAVEN
That’s him.
(beat)
And now he’s very old --
and very sick.

Haven closes her eyes.
Leans in for a kiss.

JETT
I don’t think --
this is a good --

But Haven’s warm,
soft mouth is too fast.

She kisses Jett.
It’s delicious.

The world stops for a moment.
We sigh.

A bell RING-RING-RINGS.
Haven JUMPS.

HAVEN
Shit.

JETT
What was that?

HAVEN
(angry, eyes flashing)
That’s him.
(beat)
The old bastard’s bed-ridden.
It’s a fucking nightmare.
He’s a diabetic fuck,
and I’m a prisoner on
the good ship insulin.
(come hither)
Stay here.
Be right back.

And she dashes off.

PUSH IN ON Jett.
Inflamed. Confused.

The Stuff Of Pinup Dreams

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Tuesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 1 of THE DISH, more than sparks fly at the LA marina when B-movie actress Haven Crayce and and recent Kansas-transplant personal trainer Jett Targo meet cute walking their dogs ...


EXT. MARINA - DUSK
A cool, crisp evening.
Magic hour tequila sunset
smears orange on blue water.

Wind whips through a line of
luxury sailboats gently bobbing.

A GULL flies by.
CAW-CAW-CAWS.

CAMERA finds a HOUSEBOAT.
Ghostly. Shades drawn.

Old and peeling. Dark wood.
Brass fixtures.

We see the vessel’s name
on the stern in cracked, gold cursive.

SAFE HAVEN, indeed.

A WOMAN (25) appears on the deck.
We GASP, as she is
heartbreakingly beautiful.

The kind that makes you
ache with longing.

A curvy cocktail
with mile-high legs.

Meet HAVEN CRAYCE.
Blonde, blue-eyed.
The stuff of pinup dreams.

Right now she’s in a killer
black cocktail dress
and five-inch heels.

Pulls a JACK RUSSELL TERRIER
on a leash.

HAVEN
(puts on shades)
Come on, Buster.

And the dog TAKES OFF like a rocket.
YANKS the leash, as Haven CAREENS
down the gangplank,
heels CLACK-CLACK-CLACKING.

HAVEN
Buster, GODAMMIT.

EXT. MARINA CHANNEL - PARK - AT THAT MOMENT
Another WOMAN (28) walks a small, black DOG.
Tall and lanky, like a jock.

Pretty in that clear-eyed Midwestern way.
Chestnut mane in a boyish bob.
Sweats, denim and leather.

Meet JETT TARGO.
Recent transplant from Kansas.

Buff, in shape, but there’s a
vague hint of wild Saturday nights.
Secret debaucheries.

She gives TINA a doggie treat.

JETT
Good girl.

They start ambling down the sidewalk.
Watching the boats in the channel.
It’s bucolic.

Then why does Jett look pensive?

HAVEN comes into view,
pulled by Buster. She stops.

Sees Jett.
Lowers her sunglasses.
Gets a better look.

Jett sees Haven.
Jerks to a stop.

If we could see up close,
we’d notice the hairs standing up
on the back of her neck.

HAVEN
Cute dog.
What is she?

JETT
She’s, uh -- a Cocker Spaniel-
King Charles mix.

My neighbor’s dog.
I walk her sometimes as a favor.

HAVEN
Buster’s a Jack Russell.
(rubs the dog’s head)
Aren’t you, Mister Man?
(offers her hand)
I’m Haven.
Haven Crayce.

JETT
(takes it, shakes)
Jett Targo.
This is Tina.
(beat)
Haven Crayce.
Sounds exotic.

HAVEN
Jett Targo.
Sounds athletic.
Which way are you walking?

JETT
(points)
That way.
We were -- going to
go look at the boats.

HAVEN
Great.
Me, too.

JETT
You like boats?

HAVEN
Not really.
(beat)
I live on one --

True Romance

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In the final chapter of AFTERHOURS, the shit hits the fan when a SWAT teams invades the night club and takes no prisoners ... and when the smoke clears, a sole survivor remains ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - DAWN

MARKO
Tell you what I’ll do.
If you let me escort the officers
out of here, I’ll go ask my boss.

DANNY
Sorry. The officers stay.

Marko stares at him.
Then at the others. Thinking.

MARKO
I’ll just be a few minutes.

He leaves.

CASEY
Jesus Christ.
That guy’s fucking weird.

SKY
You think they’re gonna let us go?

BETTIE
Of course they are.
They’re not gonna shoot celebrities.

DANNY
I wouldn’t be too sure of that.

Suddenly we hear DRILLING from above.

CASEY
What the fuck’s THAT?

DANNY
They’re coming in.

LUTHER
Fuck this shit.
I’m getting the fuck OUTTA here.

He shoots Danny in the belly.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Sky SHOOTS Luther in the chest,
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Luther slumps against the bar,
SLIDES off his stool,
HITS the floor, THWUMP.

DANNY
(holding his stomach)
Motherfucker that hurts.

Casey rushes over.
Tries to stop the bleeding with her hands.

CASEY
Shit, shit, shit --
(gasps)
GODAMMIT.

The drilling gets LOUDER.
A circular piece of the ceiling FALLS,
hits the floor, BANG.

Grey GAS starts BILLOWING
out from the hole.
Starts filling the room.

SKY
SHIT. What do we do?

BETTIE
They can’t DO this. We’re FAMOUS.

DANNY
Guess the joke’s on you.

MIA
I’ll go see if I can break
a window in the bathroom.

She RACES out of the room.
The smoke starts getting THICKER.

Everyone starts CHOKING.
Blood burbles out of Danny’s mouth.

DANNY
(to Casey)
They’re gonna be coming in any second.
Save yourself.

CASEY
No fucking way.
I’m not leaving you.

DANNY
You wanna fucking DIE?
You got your story. Go. NOW.

CASEY
But there’s NOWHERE TO GO.

DANNY
VIP room. Separate ventilation.
For cigars --

CASEY
But, but --

DANNY
GO.

Casey looks into his eyes.
Bites her lower lip.

CASEY
I don’t wanna leave you.

DANNY
That makes two us.

CASEY
What we had was -- nice, wasn’t it?

DANNY
It was True Romance, baby.
But you gotta go now.
(off her look)
Do it for me. Tell my story.

She gets up.
Wipes her nose with a bloody sleeve.

CASEY
I promise I’ll do you justice.

DANNY
(softly)
I know you will.
Now please, get the fuck outta here.

A tear trickles down her cheek.
She turns, RACES out of the room --
just as the door EXPLODES off it’s hinges.

Two dozen SWAT COMMANDOS wearing
full body armor and ventilators
STORM into the room
FIRING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.

Sky and Bettie try to RUN,
but get CUT DOWN in their tracks.

Danny’s body gets SHREDDED with bullets,
his body JERKING around like a puppet.

LEAD COMMANDO
CLEAR.

They STORM toward the back.

INT. VIP ROOM - EARLY MORNING
Even plusher than the rest of the joint.
We see Tough-Looking Female Cop,
tied and gagged. Still out cold.

A pile of bodies in the corner.
Easy. Angel. Mickey. Vin. Harry. Pub. Ned.
And undereath them, Casey, eyes closed.

The door gets KICKED IN.
A pair of COMMANDOS RACE in.

See the carnage.
Pull off their masks. Walk over.

TALL COMMANDO
Holy shit.

BULKY COMMANDO
I think one of ‘em’s still alive.

A GIANT COMMANDO walks in.
Sees them. The bodies.

GIANT COMMANDO
We’re clear.
(sees the bodies)
Jesus fucking Christ.
And I thought the dead chick
in the bathroom was fucked.

Tall Commando bends down.
Feels Casey’s pulse.

She opens her eyes.
Looks at them.

TALL COMMANDO
Hold on miss, we’ll get you outta here.

BULKY COMMANDO
(to Tall)
Smart girl. Pretended she was dead.

TALL COMMANDO
(nods, to Casey)
Someday you’re gonna have a
great story to tell your grandchildren.

Casey stares at him a beat.
Her eyes flicker.

CASEY
Make a great movie, don’t you think?

Dog Day Afternoon

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of AFTERHOURS, things take a surprising turn when Danny and the celebrities let a very strange hostage negotiator into the club ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - EARLY MORNING

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Open the door RIGHT NOW,
OR WE’LL BREAK IT DOWN.

Danny races over to the door. SHOUTS.

DANNY
You might not want to do that.
I’ve got seven hostages.
Three celebrities, three cops
and a bartender.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Three celebrities and three COPS?

DANNY
That’s right. So I certainly hope
you’ve got one hell of a hostage negotiator.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
He’s on his way. Who are the celebs?

DANNY
Sky Masters, Bettie Black and Casey Montana.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Who’s Casey Montana?
(to someone else)
Already?
(to Danny)
Negotiator’s here.
Get away from the door.
He’s coming in.

Danny unlocks the door.
Moves away from it. The door OPENS.

In walks MARKO MAISEL (50’s), medium-height,
buff, balding and fierce-looking.

Wearing a skin-tight black jumpsuit.
Red-tinted shades.

He smiles brightly,
eyes burning with menace.

MARKO
Did somebody order a hostage negotiator?
(off his look)
You’re the crazed gunman, I take it?

DANNY
I wouldn’t use the word ‘crazed.’

MARKO
Marko Maisel, LAPD, at your service.
(nods)
Wish I could say I was pleased to meet you,
but given the circumstances,
this being work-related and all --
(examines him)
But still, you look like
a fairly decent fellow.
No frothing at the mouth --

DANNY
Haven’t frothed in years.

MARKO
And you have a sense of humor.
That’s good. Might just save your life.
(beat)
Do you know how long I’ve
been a hostage negotiator?

DANNY
No, but I’ve got a funny feeling
you’re gonna tell me.

MARKO
Twenty-five years.

DANNY
That’s a lot of hostages.

MARKO
Do you know how many I’ve
lost in all those years?

DANNY
Let me guess. None?

MARKO
Smart lad. I like that. Smart.
(sighs)
If only you’d applied yourself
in a different field, who knows
what you could have accomplished.

DANNY
Guess we’ll never know.

Marko looks at everyone at the bar.
Sees their guns.

MARKO
I was told there were celebrities in here,
but I didn’t believe it.
(looks around)
This is a nightclulb, I take it.
Open kind of late -- or should I say early?

DANNY
After-hours club.

MARKO
(sees Biff)
There’s one officer --
(looks at Luther)
And there’s another one.
(looks at Danny)
Where’s the third?

DANNY
In the VIP room getting a table dance.

MARKO
I must say, that’s quite impressive.
You’ve kept three hostages at bay
and overpowered three cops all by yourself?

DANNY
When I came in, I had a partner.

MARKO
Where is he now?

DANNY
I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.

MARKO
But still, three cops. I’m impressed.

DANNY
Let’s just say I’m resourceful.

CASEY
He had some help.

BETTIE
We’re not hostages. He’s our friend.

SKY
He’s not a bad person
once you get to know him.

CASEY
He was upset.
The guy slept with his wife.
His partner was the one
that did all the shooting.

Marko stares at them.
Slowly nodding his head. Thinking.

DANNY
So what happens now?

MARKO
Well, this is the point where
I ask you to give yourself up
and come with me quietly,
tell you I’ll try to get you
the best deal I can --
(beat)
But somehow I don’t think
you’re gonna go for that.

DANNY
That would be correct.

MARKO
Then I assume you have demands?
You’d like transporation out of here?
Safe passage so you can
make your escape? Maybe a pizza?

DANNY
No thanks.
I’ve seen Dog Day Afternoon.
We’ve got our own tranporation.
Just want you to back off and let us split.

MARKO
I see.

MIA
They’re taking my car.

MARKO
You must be the bartender.
That’s very generous.
I assume you’re also generous
with your cocktails?

MIA
(half-smile)
Sometimes.

Pause.

MARKO
Tell you what I’ll do.
If you let me escort
the officers out of here,
I’ll go ask my boss.

DANNY
Sorry. The officers stay.

Marko stares at him.
Then at the others. Thinking.

MARKO
I’ll just be a few minutes.

He leaves.

CASEY
Jesus Christ. That guy’s fucking weird --

Cash And Carry

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of AFTERHOURS, just as crazed gunman on the run Danny Peel starts to split the loot with would-be rogue cop Luther James, more cops arrive and start pounding on the door ...


INT. THE EXIT ROOM - MAIN LOUNGE - EARLY MORNING
Everybody sits around the bar.
Looks at the giant stack of cash
sitting on it.

CASEY
Isn’t it beautiful?

LUTHER
You underestimated.
Two-point-three million.
That means I get one-point-one-five.

DANNY
Check out the math major.

The police radio SQUAWKS to life.

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Attention, all units.
The perp is holed up at Croci’s
boutique in Sunset Plaza,
one-five-oh-one Sunset.
All available units respond.

LUTHER
(under his breath)
Shit.
(into the radio)
Copy that.
We’re on our way.
Are units on the scene yet?

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Roger that.

LUTHER
How’d they find him?

POLICE DISPATCHER (O.C.)
Homeless person found a ‘help’ note
in the window well outside.
Wanted to know if there was a reward.
(chuckles)
Maybe we should hire him.
Did a better job than our guys did.

LUTHER
Copy that. Over.

He clicks the radio off.

LUTHER
You’re fucked.

DANNY
So are you.

POUNDING on the door.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
POLICE, OPEN UP.
WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE.

CASEY
Shit.

SKY
Fuck.

BETTIE
Motherfucker.

DANNY
Okay, everybody.
Calm down.
Let me think.

LUTHER
Think?
They’ve got the place surrounded.

DANNY
But I have hostages.

LUTHER
You got co-conspirators.

DANNY
But they don’t know that.
(smiles)
And I’ve got you.
Gimme your weapon.

LUTHER
Are you fucking kidding me?

DANNY
If I’ve got your weapon,
they’ll think you’re a hostage,
not a co-conspirator.

ANGRY COP (O.C.)
Open the door RIGHT NOW,
OR WE’LL BREAK IT DOWN --

A Little Help From My Friends

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of AFTERHOURS, gunman on the run Danny Peel tries to convince patrolman Luther James to help him escape by giving him half the loot ...


INT. AFTER HOURS CLUB - EARLY MORNING
The buzzer RINGS.

DANNY
Places, please.
Aim at the door.

MIA
Don’t I get a gun?

DANNY
Get behind the bar, Mia.

She frowns.
Starts walking toward the bar.

Danny goes to the door.
Leans into it.

DANNY
Come in nice and slow.

The door slowly opens.
In walks Sergeant LUTHER JAMES (20’s),
African-American, tall, good-looking,
holding his weapon in a two-handed grip.

Danny points his sawed-off at him.

LUTHER
Looks like a standoff, cop killer.

DANNY
Not quite.

Casey, Sky and Bettie come into view,
weapons aimed.

DANNY
I get by with a little help
from my friends.

LUTHER
Wait a minute.
Sky Masters?

SKY
Yippee-kai-yay, motherfucker.

LUTHER
And Bettie Blue?

BETTIE
Helter Skelter, baby.

LUTHER
(to Casey)
You’re that writer.

BETTIE
(nods)
The sword is mightier than the pen.

LUTHER
(to Danny)
You’re trusting your
hostages with guns?
What, they go Patty Hearst
on your ass?

DANNY
You’ll have to ask them.

LUTHER
Where’s my partner?
Show me he’s okay.

DANNY
(nods behind him)
In the corner there.
He’s out, but he’s okay.

LUTHER
(sees him, nods)
Where’s the money?

DANNY
Behind the bar in a duffle.
Feel free to count it.

LUTHER
How exactly do you propose
I get you outta here?

DANNY
In your car.
Take me to a motel
and you’re a rich man.

CASEY
I’m coming with him.

LUTHER
What?

CASEY
He’s gonna need someone
to check him in and then
go out for supplies and shit.

LUTHER
You’re gonna jeopardize
your career for him?

CASEY
You got that backwards.
He’s gonna save it --