Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Fresh-Squeezed


Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of FILLMORE, at the behest of his father to keep him out of trouble, Clarence gets a job working on a fruit and vegetable cart and discovers he has a natural gift for sales, but finds it boring, so when he gets a job at a pharmacy making deliveries to a whore house, he finds that the 'world's oldest profession' is more to his liking ...


EXT. SMALL TOWN - NOON - DAY
An old HORSE-DRAWN WAGON drives down the street.

It’s driven by MR. FAUST (50’s)
a lanky, smiling German fellow.

The wagon is loaded with vegetables and fruit --
and Clarence.

CLARENCE
(sing-song)
Vegetable Man, it’s the Vegetable Man.
Get your fresh fruit and vegetables,
as fast as you can --

Someone’s front door OPENS.
The wagon stops.

CLARENCE
Apples, oranges, juicy ripe pears --
apples, oranges, juicy ripe pears --

A SMILING WOMAN (30’s) comes up to the wagon.

SMILING WOMAN
Good morning, Mr. Faust.

He smiles. Nods. Tips his hat.

CLARENCE
Good morning, Mrs. Baker. Step right up.
What can we get for you today?

MRS. BAKER
My, but don’t you look handsome today, Clarence.
I’ll take five apples, please.

CLARENCE
(puts them in a bag, hands them to her)
An apple a day makes the beautiful women
keep comin’ my way --

MR. FAUST
I swear, Clarence.
I never sold so much so quickly.
We’re gonna be great team.

He hands Clarence a dollar bill. Clarence takes it.
Tries hard not to show his disappointment.

CLARENCE
I’m sorry, Mr. Faust, but this ain’t for me.
It’s just a stop along the way.
I’m gonna be a blues singer.

MR. FAUST
You sing the blues?
Then sing us a SONG, Clarence.

Clarence nods excitedly.
Starts CLAPPING his hands.

CLARENCE
(sings)
Momma's got a chicken, called it a duck,
put it on the table with his feet sticking up --

Another WOMAN (19), Miss Emily,
a fine young thing, walks up to the wagon.

We hear a CAR ENGINE. Both women look.
It’s Blues Guitarist, slowly cruising by
in his candy-apple red Cadillac convertible.

BLUES GUITARIST
Miss Emily. Feel like goin’ for a ride?

Miss Emily smiles. DASHES over.
Jumps in. They drive off.

PUSH IN ON Clarence’s face. Watching them go.

EXT. WHORE HOUSE - DAY
A ramshackle farm house on the outskirts of town
with a smattering of small bungalows next to it.

Clarence walks up to one of them
carrying a brown paper bag.

KNOCKS on the door.
A GORGEOUS HOOKER (18) opens it. Sees Clarence.

GORGEOUS HOOKER
Wow, that was fast.

CLARENCE
No problem, Daisy. We aim to please.
(hands her the bag)
Milk, bread, and a dozen eggs.

DAISY
(takes it)
Thank you.
(beat)
Uh -- what about my change?

CLARENCE
There ain’t none.

She laughs. Shakes her head.

CLARENCE
What’s so funny?

DAISY
No change? You’re acting just like a pimp.
(beat)
I swear --

INT. PHARMACY - DAY
An old-time drug store. The PHARMACIST (60’s),
a tall, incredibly skinny white man
with an egg-shaped head stands behind the counter.
Hands Clarence a white paper bag.

PHARMACIST
Please take this to Tilly Sackler
on Peachtree Lane, Clarence.
And don’t dilly-dally.
needs this prescription right away. Okay?

CLARENCE
Don’t you worry, Mr. Magid.
I’ll be there faster than a jackrabbit.

EXT. TILLY SACKLER’S HOUSE - DAY
A nice, if plain, white clapboard house
in the good part of town.

Clarence stands on the stoop.
RINGS the doorbell.

The door OPENS. Out comes TILLY SACKLER (30’s)
a busty brunette right out of the movies.

CLARENCE
Mornin,’ Miss Sackler.
I’ve got your order from the pharmacy --

TILLY
(takes the bag)
Thanks, Clarence.
(meaningfully)
It’s awfully hot out today, isn’t it?

CLARENCE
Yes, ma’am. Sure is.

TILLY
Would you like to come in
and have a glass of lemonade?
I made it myself.
(whispers)
Fresh-squeezed.

CLARENCE
Yes, ma’am --

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