Monday, December 26, 2011
Like White On Icicles
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Boxing Day. I don't know about you, but I'm really glad the holidays are almost over. Enough with the emotional baggage -- it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 15 of LITTLE GIRL BLUE, it's Christmas Eve, and private eye Carrie Love arrives at her parent's house with her client Blue Wonder and her ex, homicide dick Bernie Keko, just as the freak snowstorm gets bad ... but little do they know that the bad guys Carrie rescued Blue from are about to coming knocking on the door ...
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Tolly’s SUV travels slowly in the snow.
It’s blinding now.
INT. TOLLY’S SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The windshield wipers are pumping furiously
as the snow gets heavier.
Tolly strains to see as he’s driving.
I love it. It’s like we’re back in Jersey.
Oh, yeah? I’m fucking freezing.
So turn up the fucking heat.
A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind them.
(looks in the rearview mirror)
Shit, it’s a cop.
He pulls the car over. Stops. Shifts into ‘park.’
The COP appears in the window. Tolly rolls it down.
Can I help you, officer?
License, registration, and proof of insurance.
And keep your hands where I can see ‘em.
Sure thing, sure thing.
(leans over to get them)
How about this weather, huh?
(hands them over)
What did I do wrong, officer?
(looking at documents)
You left the scene of an accident.
Please step out of the vehicle.
Porkpie pulls out a SIG SAUER and FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG.
The officer FLIES backwards into a snow bank, THWUMP.
Jesus FUCKING CHRIST.
What the FUCK did you do THAT for?
I ain’t goin’ to jail on CHRISTMAS.
Goddammit. Now we gotta get rid of the BODY,
and the fuckin’ BIKE. Everybody OUTTA THE CAR.
Ah, shit -- it’s snowing.
Yeah, boss, can’t we just --
I said OUTTA THE FUCKING CAR, NOW.
It’s a winter wonderland. Get used to it.
INT. MARGO’S MANSION - FOYER - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie, Bernie and Blue stand in the doorway.
Carrie. Great to see you.
Hey there, little brother.
You remember Bernie --
Hey. You sure got tall.
Nice to see you, too. You look -- the same.
He lies as good as you do.
And is this is Blue. Blue Wonder.
Seth and Blue lock eyes. Instant chemistry.
H-hi. Nice to -- meet you.
Earth to Seth, Earth to Seth --
Let’s -- go see Mom.
Cue the warm and fuzzy.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - AT THAT MOMENT
Tolly watches the boys drag the cop’s body in the woods.
Watches for oncoming traffic. Talks on his cell phone.
Hey, pop. We’re almost there.
Because the GPS thing stopped moving.
They’re in one of these big joints on Sunset.
We’re right down the block.
INT. GERO’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gero lies in bed watching TV,
eating a bowl of ice cream.
They’ve arrived at their destination?
No problem. Piece of cake.
I’m on it like white on icicles.
He watches the boys drag the motorcycle into the foliage.
Well, hurry it up.
No worries. I’ll call you when got her.
Okay. And just bring the girl.
Whack the detective. She knows too much.
Don’t worry. I’ll deck her fucking halls.
INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT
The gang’s all here. Margo lies in her hospital bed
near the fireplace.
Seth and Blue sit on a love seat, making goo-goo eyes.
Carrie, Blue and Bernie sit on the couch.
Well, if this isn’t the family reunion from hell.
Nice to see you, too Mom.
I don’t mean to be rude,
but we can only stay for a minute --
it’s kind on an emergency --
(nods at Bernie)
Why is HE here?
I thought you gave him the heave-ho.
We’re still friends. He’s -- helping me.
Nice to see you again, Mrs. Love.
Call me Margo.
I haven’t been a Mrs. Love in a long time.
Looks like you’ve put on some weight.
(looks at Blue)
Who’s the cupcake?
This is my client, Blue Wonder.
'Blue Wonder?' You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Sounds like a stripper.
But she looks -- too innocent.
Thanks. I try.
Seth smiles at Blue. She smiles back.
You bring your -- cutting thing?
(pulls them out of his pocket)
What the hell are THOSE for?
Blue puts her foot on the coffee table.
Flashes a long, lean leg.
Seth almost has a heart attack.
Before Carrie rescued me --
the bad guys put this cuff on me.
Bernie’s gonna cut it off.
Well, hurry it up, then.
Then we’ll have some egg nog.
We can’t stay, Mom.
Bernie leans over Blue’s ankle.
Starts cutting off the band around the cuff.
It -- tickles.
The doorbell RINGS.
Who the hell could that be?
I’ll get it.
He starts for the door. Carrie gets up.
Let me come with you.
(off his look)
Just in case.