Wednesday, July 13, 2011

America's Bloodiest Home Videos

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love and her ex, patrolwoman Megan Paul hang out in Carrie's dive bar while she drowns her sorrows. To make matters worse, she then picks a fight with Meg, which ends disastrously ...

An old, dirty, dimly lit dump in a Venice alley.
80’s hair metal plays on the juke.

Carrie and Megan sit
at the bar with cocktails.

LUPE, (40), the bartender,
a curvy fireplug
of Hispanic splendor,
watches a soccer game on a tiny TV.

Can I get another shot, Lupe?

The mix-mistress holds up a finger,
saying "just a minute."

How come we never came here?

I come here to drink.
Do a Garbo.
Consider yourself on the list.

The Latin beauty pounds on the bar.

(at the TV)
Puente, fuckin maricon!
Go back to fuckin' Havana, shit-head!
(calm, to Carrie)
Comin' right up, Legs.
What about your date?
Can I freshen your spritzer, hon?

I -- I'm okay, thanks.

Lupe pours a shot of Jagermeister,
slides it over.
Sets the bottle down on the bar.

(takes it, toasts)
Here's reaching up your skirt.

She slams it down. Shudders.

Carrie, I know you're upset,
but how are we gonna solve this case
if all you do is run to a bar
every time you get scared?

Gimmee a fucking break.
Laura's gone, dead.
I hired one of the killers --
then I fucked one of the killers --
then I saw one of
America's Bloodiest Home Videos.
I think I have the right
to have a couple of cocktails.

I know, but I don't think
getting completely fucked
up is a way to --

And what if I don't care
what you think, huh?
You think I care what you think?
It's not like it was, Meg,
we're just working together.

Ouch. That hurt. Megan stands.
Slides on her jacket.

Oh, so now you're gonna split, huh?
That's okay, go ahead, leave,
I'll be fine by myself.
I'm a big girl, and I'll be
just fine by myself.

I'm outta here.
Gonna leave the big girl
alone with her bottle.
All of a sudden
I feel like a need a shower.

Then why are you still here?

It's called love,
you fucking drunk!
Ever heard of it?
You might wanna check it out sometime!

What the fuck did you just --

Shut up, Carrie, just shut up!
I'm sick of your fucking drama!
(points at the bottle)
You've made your choice.
I hope the two of you are happy.

She whirls around.
Marches toward the door.

(over her shoulder)
I've known all along
that you still wanna fuck me.

Megan stops. Cocks her head.
The bar is riveted.

I know Laura’s big secret.
Some dyke you turned out to be.
I actually thought you had changed.
I felt sorry for you.
Funny. Now I don't.

And she's gone.

Carrie shoots him a look.
He drops his head.

The jukebox dies out.
The crowd cheers softly on the TV.

Carrie takes a sip of beer.
Pours another shot.

The juke click-click-clicks.
The romantic, overwrought 80's classic
ABC’s THE LOOK OF LOVE starts playing.

Lupe looks at Carrie.
Smeary eyes. Not going to cry.

Hey, honey, are you okay?

This was -- our song, Lupe.
Our song.

How could I forget?
I used to have to hose down
the booth after the two of you.

Carrie tries to smile. Can't.

You're Catholic, right?

Bless me father for I have fucked.

So is this how I'm supposed to
pay for my sins?
(lurches, clutches stomach)
I'll be right back,
I don't feel so --

She leaps off her stool.
Races to the head.

A small, crusty, vile latrine.
Carrie RETCHES violently into the bowl.

I know what you're thinking.
God, I thought she was so cool.
Now I'm not so sure.

She SPITS in the sink.
Cups water into her mouth. Rinses.

I might be a lot of things.
But I'm usually willing to admit
when I've fucked up.

she splashes her face.
Looks at herself. What a mess.

And tonight I really fucked up.
Big time --


  1. Oh, Carrie! No!! Oh, hun... you said it! You fucked up big time! Now, what are you gonna do about it... huh? The girl is still mad for you... god only knows why... and you probably just lost your last best friend.

    Not too mention... you got Herr Psycho-Fuckhead coming for you with a chainsaw... or some such instrument of evil...

    Better get your shit together, hun...

    Wow! Cool scene... very, very intense! The dialogue just blows me away...

    You know what? Every time someone mentions Jagermeister, or I hear THE LOOK OF LOVE... I think of you... and Carrie. <3 :)



  2. This scene is where I surprised myself at how dark I could get.

    I've since sworn off Jagermeister for good, for obvious reasons.

    And yes, to this day, whenever I hear THE LOOK OF LOVE, I still can see, smell and taste Laura. It really was 'our song.'



  3. Very dark, indeed! But, very good...

    I can see why you swore off the Jagermeister... lol!

    I love THE LOOK OF LOVE! I'm sure I had heard it before, but I don't think I really listened... then you posted a video on FB... wow!! I see why it is yours and Laura's song... amazing song! <3

    I'm the same way with CRAZY FOR YOU... my first true love... my first heartbreak.... Tara... long, red hair... that was our song.

    You know something? I have never told that to Tina. She knows about Tara... just not every thing. Then again... whenever I hear that song... I kind of "go away"... you know...?

    When Tina and I first met, Alison Krauss was playing over a crappy sound system-funny I still remember that- in this crappy little lounge at Logan International... "WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL is our song... "The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall.."