Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Two Heads Are Better Than One



Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking HUMP DAY. And you know what that means, right? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets a little assistance from CIA agent Shag Holiday. Meanwhile, black ops spook Sledge Crafton grills Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas about when 'the package' will be delivered to the terrorists ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION POOLHOUSE - NIGHT
April sits on the couch with her hands cuffed.

Another set connect her ankle
to a leg of the coffee table.

APRIL
Fucking WHORE version of ME.

She raises her wrists to her hair,
pulls out a hairpin.

Puts it in her mouth.
Starts working it on
the cuffs on her hands.

APRIL
(mumbles)
Just wait until I get my hands on her --

Her cell phone starts RINGING
on the floor a few feet away.

APRIL
SHIT.

It RINGS again.

She furiously works the hairpin
on the lock. No luck.

RING-RING.

APRIL
FUCK.

Shag walks through the ruined door,
gun raised. He stops.

Looks at the Vespa. Then April.

RING-RING.

SHAG
CHERRY. You -- changed your hair.

APRIL
I’m not Cherry. I’m April.

SHAG
Jesus, You look just like her.
You could be twins.

RING-RING.
APRIL

So that’s her name. Who are you?

SHAG
Shag Holiday, CIA.
(beat)
She’s my ex.

APRIL
Pleased to meet you.
April Street, Homeland Security.

RING-RING.

SHAG
(nods at the phone)
You want me to get that?

APRIL
Nah. I know who it is.
It can wait. Uncuff me?

SHAG
Yeah. Sure. Hold on --

Shag pulls out keys,
unlocks the cuffs on her wrists.

APRIL
Thanks.

He leans down, uncuffs her ankle.
She stands.

APRIL
Double thanks. So what now?

SHAG
So she was just here?
(off April’s nod)
And she has the nuke?
(off her nod)
Why don’t we team up.
Two heads are better than one.

APRIL
Good idea. She’s really -- volatile.
What’s her deal?

SHAG
Do you have a few hours?

IN THE WINDOW
Wendon peers in. Pulls away.

OUTSIDE
She leans against the wall.
Raises her assault rifle.

WENDON
A two-fer. Nice.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Deserted, except for Avi, sitting at his desk,
facing the floor-to-ceiling windows,
city lights twinkling below.

AVI
(to someone unseen)
Ahhhhh, that’s it, baby -- that’s it.

He picks up the phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Crafton is supervising the interrogation
of an IRANIAN PRISONER,
who is hanging from a steam pipe
by a chain, shirtless, blindfolded --
and quite bloody.

He takes a sip of his tumbler of scotch.
SLAPS the prisoner.

SLEDGE
Tell me, you fucking SAND NIGGER!
Give me his NAME.

IRANIAN PRISONER
I don’t KNOW, I am not TERRORIST,
I am DRY CLEANER!

Crafton nods at a LARGE, SURLY SOLDIER
holding a rose clipper around
the big toe of one of
the prisoner’s bare feet.

SLEDGE
This little piggy went TO MARKET.

Surly SNIPS, CRUNCH,
and the toe FLIES IN THE AIR
like a watermelon seed.

The prisoner SCREAMS.
Blood flows.

Crafton’s cell phone rings.
He fishes it out of his pocket.

SLEDGE
(to the prisoner)
Hold that thought.
(beat)
Crafton here.

AVI
It’s Avi. I wanna know
what the fuck’s going on with the --
(beat)
Shipment --
(beat)
Crafton.

Avi leans back in his chair,
rolls his head slowly.

SLEDGE
Do I have to fucking
SPELL IT OUT for you?
The rogue courier
is being TERMINATED,
and her replacement
is delivering the package.
We have it HANDLED.

AVI
Goddammit, Crafton --
your fucking rogue killed my best man.
I’m not sure I -- trust you anymore.

He closes his eyes.
In some kind of ecstacy.

SLEDGE
Trust ME? Now you listen to me,
you fucking TOWELHEAD --
you’re lucky we don’t fucking
SHUT YOU DOWN.
I represent THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT --
and this is a BUSINESS DEAL -- FOR MONEY.
Haven’t you heard of IN GOD WE TRUST?
(dramatic)
The buyer will get THE PACKAGE.

AVI
Okay -- okay --
(moans)
Ahhh --
(beat)
AHHHHHHHHHH --

His body JERKS.
He smiles, peaceful.

SLEDGE
Abbas? You there?

A TALL BLONDE pops up from under the desk.
Wipes her mouth with a tissue.

Avi SNAPS his fingers.
Points. She leaves.

AVI
Yeah -- I’m here.

He lights a cigarette. Inhales.
Blows a lazy smoke ring.

AVI
Just make sure it happens -- soon.
We don’t want the buyer to get upset
and cause an incident.

SLEDGE
I’m not worried.
They’re in fucking Hollywood.
Why do you think we chose that location?

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