Friday, April 15, 2011
To Catch A Thief
Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 20 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets in a fender-bender on Sunset Boulevard with an irate agent ... and CIA agent Shag Holiday gets whipped by assassin Wendon Swift. Meanwhile, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo find a hiding place to hole up in during the rain storm ...
INT. YELLOW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April ZOOMS west on Sunset Boulevard.
Window down. The wind WHIPPING her hair.
The rain is coming down harder,
getting her wet.
She checks her PDA.
Looks up. Sees something.
Hey, ASSHOLE! You’re in the INTERSECTION!
She HITS the breaks, and the cab SKIDS.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
A BENTLEY SEDAN has pulled out of a mini-mall,
it’s nose in the intersection.
April tries to brake, but she hydroplanes,
and SMASHES into the side of the hood. Metal CRUNCHES.
PUNCHING the car sideways.
April’s cab COUGHS and dies.
The hood FLIES UP.
Steam BILLOWS out of the engine.
The cab driver wakes up.
Starts SCREAMING at April.
What you do to my TAXI-CAB, mother-fucker!
April opens the door, starts to get out.
Turns to him.
Guess you won’t be praising Allah today.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS
The owner of the Bentley,
an IRATE AGENT races over to April.
Gets in her face. SHOUTS at her.
You fucking BITCH.
Do you realize HOW MUCH that car COSTS?!
(WHIPS out his Blackberry)
Just wait till the fucking COPS get here.
(WHIPS out her ID)
Homeland Security, asshole.
Get out of my fucking face.
(looks at it)
Oh, yeah -- right.
What an awful name.
Sounds like an insurance company.
Ooh, I’m scared.
April PUNCHES him in the face, WHAM.
He goes down. She looks around.
Traffic is moving around them.
She pulls out the PDA.
Checks the location.
It’s right around the corner.
And she TAKES OFF on foot, running.
EXT. GARAGE - DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The heavens open up, and it starts POURING rain.
Thunder BOOMS. Lightening CRACKS in the sky.
IN THE DUMPSTER
Wendon is on top of Shag, CHOKING him.
He PRIES her fingers away.
HEAD-BUTTS her, BANG.
She FLIES against
the side of the container, CRACK.
Shag grabs a board,
BANGS it on her head, WHAM.
She goes down.
He starts to KICK her,
but she GRABS his leg,
YANKS him off his feet.
She stands. Pulls out her Sig Sauer.
Fuck this shit.
She FIRES at his chest -- BANG-BANG-BANG.
He FLIES against the wall, flops down.
She HOPS out of the dumpster. Looks.
And she TAKES OFF into the woods.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The wind WHIPS through the trees.
BUCKETS of rain pour down.
Cherry leads Peeler through the woods.
They arrive at the rear
of a huge back yard.
Push through the bushes --
and see the back of an enormous mansion.
We gotta find someplace
where we can dry out for a bit.
My arm is fucking killing me, a
nd my wrist feels like it’s gonna fall off.
What about this place.
It’s got a pool house.
All the lights are out.
Bet they’re out of town.
He starts walking.
CRIES out in pain.
SHIT. I stepped on something.
Peeler lifts his boot.
A large, rusty nail protrudes.
C’mon, lean on me.
We’ll get that taken care of.
(puts his arm around her waist)
Don’t worry. I’m way past
wanting to fuck anyone at this point.
Huh. That’s a shame.
And she leads a hobbling Peeler
toward the pool house.
EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Torrents of rain pour down on --
April, racing up the steep incline
going up into the hills.
She stops for a moment.
Catches her breath.
Fucking -- CRAMP. FUCK.
She massages her leg.
Looks at a house.
A VESPA SCOOTER
is parked in front of the garage.
There is a God.
April RACES up the driveway.
Goes to the scooter.
Opens up the engine manifold.
Finds, strips a pair of wires.
Touches them together. They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.
She hops on. REVS it.
And SPEEDS up the hill.
INT. DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Shag lies in the trash, motionless.
Pelted by the rain.
CLOSE ON --
We see a communications device.
Red light BLINKING.
INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark taps a pencil on her desk.
Listening on her headset.
Shag? You there? Shag?
Opens his eyes.
Slowly, painfully sits up.
Hey. You don’t have to yell.
Thank god. Are you alright?
He opens his flack jacket.
We see three SMASHED BULLETS
in his kevlar vest.
He peels them off.
Was intercepted -- by someone.
Woman. Had real moves.
Vest got a workout.
(shakes his head)
Wonder who she’s with.
What happened to her?
She got away.
Must also be after the case.
Shag gets up,
climbs out of the dumpster.
Well, you at least hurt her, right?
Have no idea.
No time for chit-chat.
I need the new location.
She’s on the move.
Lark looks at her monitor.
Taps a few keys.
She’s about one-hundred yards
away from you, forty-five degrees,
north by northwest.
Like the Hitchcock movie.
After this is over,
let’s go to Paris.
Catch a thief.
And what, steal jewels?
Ooh. You’re so Notorious --