Friday, April 8, 2011
The Spy Who Fucked Me
Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 15 of NOWHERE GIRL, when stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation's car stalls out in the Hollywood Hills, she heads off on foot to deliver 'the package' to the terrorists. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street is abducted by her arch nemesis, black ops spook Yuri Vlaovik ...
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan pile out of the Celica.
Start walking up into the Hollywood Hills.
Cherry looks at the houses.
Look at the size of THAT joint.
Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
She gets it. Listens.
Shag? What’s wrong?
Are the kids okay?
INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives east on Sunset.
Passes The Beverly Hills Hotel.
The kids are fine.
I was just calling to see if --
everything was okay.
Why do you keep checking up on me?
You’re driving me fucking CRAZY.
I know what’s going on, Cherry.
And I want to help you.
What’s GOING ON?
You know WHAT’S GOING ON?
Uh, I don’t THINK SO.
Do you realize how dangerous
a nuclear device is? How unstable?
What the FUCK? How did you --
I’m CIA, Cherry.
I couldn’t tell you before --
for obvious reasons.
And I’m sorry. It fucking killed me.
So let’s just forget everything that happened
and concentrate on getting you out of this mess.
So you don’t sell shower heads. I KNEW it.
All the secret phone calls, the long trips,
the injuries -- GODDAMMIT, Shag.
I know. I know.
I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon.
How do you know where I --
Aerial satellite thermal tracking.
You’re carrying plutonium, Cher.
I told you not to CALL ME THAT anymore!
You, you -- ARRRRGHH!
(clicks the phone shut)
Shag -- is the ex?
Yeah. And the fuck-head’s following us.
Bastard’s a fucking SPY.
Shit. What are we gonna do?
LOUD ROCK MUSIC starts playing nearby.
Cherry looks at the house they’re in front of.
It’s smaller, ranch-style.
And the music is coming from the garage.
I’ve got an idea --
INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset.
Starts to approach the strip.
She looks at the GPS.
A red dot BLINKS on the screen.
I’ve got ya, baby.
A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind her.
An ANGRY VOICE comes over the loudspeaker.
MALE VOICE (O.C.)
This is LAPD! Pull over, NOW!
She turns the wheel. Pulls over.
Stops at the curb.
An OFFICER appears on either side of the car.
Put your hands where I can see them,
and step out of the car, NOW.
I’m a federal officer.
I said RAISE YOUR HANDS
AND GET OUT OF THE CAR, NOW.
Okay, okay --
She puts them up. Opens the door.
Carefully gets out.
(reaches in her pocket)
I’m just gonna get my ID --
The cop GRABS April, WHIRLS her around --
and SLAMS HER against the car.
Yuri walks over. Lights a cigarette.
Surveys his prize.
(to the cop)
Don’t cuff her. She’s mine.
We meet again, Ms. Street.
(whips her head around)
Lucky for you I wear stainless steel cup --