What Is This, Austin Powers?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of NOWHERE GIRL, long-sisters Cherry Nation and April Street confront evil criminal mastermind Sledge Crafton in is top-secret headquarters, and fall into his evil clutches ...


INT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - ELEVATOR - NIGHT
April and Cherry arrive at the top floor.
The doors OPEN. They walk out into the corridor.

A LARGE METAL DOOR faces them. No name. No number.
Just a small lit button on a silver panel.

April pulls out her Sig Sauer. Raises it.

APRIL
Ready?

Cherry pulls out her Glock.

CHERRY
Let’s do it.

April presses the button.
The door SLIDES OPEN.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
They walk into the lobby.
We now see that Donner’s desk
is in a bullet-proof glass cubicle
in a corner of the room.

CHERRY
What is this, Austin Powers?

APRIL
He always had a flair for the dramatic.

Donner’s voice comes over hidden speakers.

DONNER
Ladies, glad you could join us.
Mr. Crafton has been expecting you.

April walks over the cubicle.
Stares down Donner.

APRIL
Well, isn’t that a coincidence.

A steel door SLIDES OPENS in the wall.

DONNER
Right through that door, please.
He’ll be right with you.

The girls look at the open doorway suspiciously.

APRIL
How do we know this isn’t a trap?

CHERRY
Cover me, and I’ll go take a look.

APRIL
Okay.

Cherry walks over to the doorway.
Stops. Looks in.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Steel walls. A table with chairs.
Glass window. Shades drawn.

CHERRY
Turns her head.

CHERRY
Looks fine to me.

April marches over, and they walk in.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The door behind them SLAMS shut with a BANG.

APRIL
I KNEW it.
(looks around)
CRAFTON. Show yourself!

The window shade SLIDES UP.
Behind it stands Crafton.

SLEDGE
Ladies.

APRIL
What’s the big idea?
You can’t keep us locked up in here.
People know where we are.

SLEDGE
I’m afraid not. They’re all dead.

APRIL
Then what do you want from us?

SLEDGE
That, my dear,
is the question of the hour.
Please have a seat.
I’ve got a story to tell you.

The girls sit.

SLEDGE
In the early eighties,
I was missing in action in Nicaragua --
and during this period of time
my CRAZY BITCH of a wife put our
lovely two daughters up for adoption --
after she ran off to the UK with a rock star.
(beat)
Those were heady times.
It was pre-AIDS, ecstacy was legal --

APRIL
What’s with the life story?
Get to the fucking POINT.

SLEDGE
The point?
You want me to GET TO THE POINT?
(beat)
Well, like I SAID -- my wife put our
lovely young daughters up for adoption.
Such a sad fate for two little
four-year-old girls.
How tragic would it be
if they were separated?

April and Cherry exchange glances.
What the fuck?

SLEDGE
You know the rest of the story --
because you’ve LIVED it.
(beat)
That’s right -- I’m your FATHER.
I scoured the globe for years tracking you down.
Of course I was incredibly happy to discover
that my little April had become an agent for Interpol.
That little apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.
But, however, I was dismayed to discover that my
little Abby had changed her name to CHERRY,
and had become a PORN STAR and then a STRIPPER.
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
(beat)
Then I decided to find a way in which I could
get you two back together -- in my loving arms.
(beat)
This whole thing has been A TEST.
A MILITARY EXERCISE.
And you both passed --
with FLYING COLORS.
(to April)
I had a hunch -- and I was right --
that if you took Abby under your wing,
she’d grow some balls.

CHERRY
My name is CHERRY, not Abby.

APRIL
You fucking SLEPT with me, you -- MONSTER.

SLEDGE
A momentary lapse, I’m afraid.
(beat)
You ARE the spitting image of your mother.

April LEAPS up. SLAPS the window.

APRIL
What THE FUCK do you want from us?

SLEDGE
(strange smile)
What any father wants
from his darling daughters.
I’ve created a nice little empire, you know.
I’d like you to come work with me --
and live with me.
(beat)
Imagine the possibilities.
(low)
Come to Poppa.

April POUNDS on the window.
Cherry watches, in shock.

APRIL
You’re the most depraved
human being I’ve ever MET.
We wouldn’t work for you if
you were the last person ON EARTH.
(beat)
Daddy.

CHERRY
YEAH. So why don’t you go
FUCK YOURSELF and DIE.

Crafton shakes his head slowly.

SLEDGE
I was hopping you wouldn’t say that.
Can’t blame a guy for trying.

He takes out his cell.
Mumbles something. Hangs up.

SLEDGE
My heart -- is broken.

The window shade CLOSES.
Water starts GUSHING down
from a row of pipes in the ceiling.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

APRIL
Stand back!

April raises her Sig Sauer.
SHOOTS at the door.

The bullets FLY OFF and
RICOCHET around the room.

Cherry aims at the window.
SHOOTS a SPRAY OF BULLETS at it.
They, too BOUNCE of the glass and RICOCHET.

The water swirls around,
now reaching up to their knees.

APRIL
What are we gonna DO?

Give Violence A Chance

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street and exotic dancer Cherry Nation head over to evil criminal mastermind Sledge Crafton's secret lair, hidden above the Capitol Records building, right in the heart of Hollywood ...

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - NIGHT
The truck is RAMMED from behind.
They JERK in their seats.

CHERRY
What the FUCK was that?

APRIL
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
(another BANG)
By a fucking HUMMER.

CHERRY
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.

APRIL
Exactly. Hold onto your tits.

April JAMS on the breaks -- SCREEEEECH.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The Hummer SMASHES into the back of the truck.

IN THE TRUCK
April JAMS it into reverse -- and HITS THE GAS.

ON THE STREET
The truck starts PUSHING the Hummer backwards.
Cars HONK. SWERVE to get out of the way.

IN THE HUMMER
The DRIVER curses.
Pulls out an AUTOMATIC WEAPON.

Sticks it out the window. PUMPS it.

THE TRUCK
Gets SPRAYED with bullets.

IN THE TRUCK
April hands Cherry her Sig Sauer.

APRIL
Here ya go, love --
shoot his fucking nuts off.

CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER.
Cherry takes the gun.
Opens her window. Leans out.

Starts FIRING at the Hummer.
SPRAYS it with bullets.

THE DRIVER OF THE HUMMER
Aims for the truck’s rear tires.
Gets the left. BANG.
Then the right. BANG.

IN THE TRUCK
April SWERVES the wheel.

APRIL
He’s shooting our TIRES. Get HIS!

CHERRY
Leans further out the window.
SPRAYS bullets on the Hummer’s front tires.

THE HUMMER
Swerves.

THE TRUCK AND THE HUMMER
Reach an intersection.
The truck’s wheels SCREECH on their rims,
PUSHING the Hummer into ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

A CITY BUS
SMASHES into the Hummer -- BANG. Bye-bye.

IN THE TRUCK
April pulls the truck over to the curb.
Looks at Cherry.

APRIL
Nice shooting.

CHERRY
Nice driving.

APRIL
You okay?

CHERRY
Well, since you asked --
I feel like I’m gonna puke.
(realizes, turns her head)
Peeler? You back there? You okay?

Cherry swivels in her seat.
Looks in the rear.

THE BACK DOOR
Is open. The compartment is empty.

CHERRY
He’s gone. Story of my life.

APRIL
Welcome to the world of espionage.
The Spy Who Left Me.
(beat)
C’mon, we gotta get new wheels.

EXT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - MORNING
The famous circular landmark gleams
in the morning light.

April and Cherry pull up in a
red Mini Cooper convertible.

INT. MINI COOPER - CONTINUOUS
April shuts off the engine.
They jump out of the car.

EXT. VINE STREET - CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - NIGHT
April looks down at John Lennon’s plaque
on the Walk of Fame.

APRIL
Look. Lennon’s star.

CHERRY
Hey. Give Violence A Chance.

They walk to the front door.
It’s LOCKED.

Cherry peers in the window.
Sees a GUARD sitting at a desk.

CHERRY
I’ve got an idea.

She KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS on the glass.

THE GUARD
Looks up. Shakes his head.
Mouths WE’RE NOT OPEN.

CHERRY
STOMPS her foot. Shouts --

CHERRY
We’re here for the RECORDING SESSION.

THE GUARD
Looks puzzled. What recording session?

CHERRY
POUNDS on the glass.

CHERRY
MICHAEL JACKSON! Hurry up and LET US IN.

THE GUARD
Walks over to the door.
Unlocks it. Opens it a crack.

GUARD
Did you say MICHAEL JACKSON?

CHERRY
Yeah. We’re background singers.
And we’re late.

GUARD
You’re full-a-shit.
There’s no recording here anymore.
And he’s DEAD.

CHERRY
EXACTLY. Quincy Jones is
mixing Michael’s final tracks.
That’s why he’s using the basement studio.
You know how he is about secrecy.

April KICKS the door
into the guard’s face, THWUNK.
He goes down.

She pushes it open.
Walks in. Cherry follows.

INT. CAPITOL RECORDS BUILDING - LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
April and Cherry drag the guard over to his desk.
Prop him up in his chair.
Dash over to the elevator banks.
Push UP.

A SECURITY CAMERA
On the ceiling moves in their direction.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - LOBBY - AT THAT MOMENT
A FEMALE OPERATIVE (20’s) sits at a desk
in the lobby of Crafton’s suite of offices
watching video monitors.

She dials a number. Listens.

FEMALE OPERATIVE
Chief? We’ve got company.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CRAFTON’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton WHIRLS his chair around.
Leans into his speakerphone.

SLEDGE
Who is it Donner, Street?

DONNER
Yeah. And she’s got someone with her.
Some chick dressed like a go-go girl.

SLEDGE
I had a feeling.
Put them in the interrogation room.
Tell them I’ll be right there.

DONNER
Yes, sir.

Sledge WHIRLS around in his chair.
Faces a table behind his desk.

He leans over. SNORTS a line of coke.
Then ANOTHER.

SLEDGE
(rubs his nose)
Alright, ladies -- it’s SHOWTIME.

Hold Onto Your Tits

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking HUMP DAY. And you know what that means, right? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street and stripper Cherry Nation make their escape in a bomb squad truck, where April gives Cherry the bad news about the death of her ex, CIA agent Shag Holiday.


INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - NIGHT
Cherry and April wear bomb squad gear with helmets.
April GUNS the engine. The vehicle starts moving.

CHERRY
Go, go, go --

APRIL
We’re OUTTA HERE.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT
The truck ROARS down the road.

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - NIGHT
April shakes her head slowly. Thinking.

APRIL
Something’s not right.
They were acting like they
WANTED the nuke to go off.
(beat)
Unless they weren’t told it was live.

CHERRY
Why would the agency do that?

APRIL
I don’t know, unless --

An earth-shattering EXPLOSION rocks the truck.
April stops. She and Cherry poke their heads
out their windows, look.

A MASSIVE FIREBALL ERUPTS in the sky.

THE TRUCK
Continues on down Queens Road.

APRIL
That was no nuke.
Crafton was ripping off the terrorists.
Why am I not surprised?

CHERRY
So where are we going?

APRIL
We’re gonna pay him a little visit.

CHERRY
(turns her head)
Hey. You okay back there?

PEELER
Sticks his head out from the rear.

PEELER
Well, let’s see.
I’ve lost a lot of blood,
I’m dizzy from hunger,
and I just shit my pants.
I’m having a ball.

INT./EXT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Avi sits in the back as the limo
cruises south on the 405.

He pulls out his cell.
PUNCHES in a number.

AVI
Yeah, hi. I’d like to reserve a ticket
on the next flight to Caracas --

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.

AVI
What the fuck?

The driver’s window SLIDES DOWN.

DRIVER
I wasn’t speeding.

AVI
Goddammit.

EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LIMOUSINE - CONTINUOUS
The limo pulls over.
A MOTORCYCLE COP pulls up behind it.
Stops. Parks. The cop dismounts.
Walks over to the window.

DRIVER
What seems to be the problem, officer?

The cop pulls out his SERVICE REVOLVER
and SHOOTS him. BANG.

IN THE REAR
Avi hears the shot. JUMPS.

AVI
SHIT.

The cop appears in the divider.

AVI
NO, WAIT!

And SHOOTS him. BANG.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - DAWN
A beautiful sunrise.
FIRE TRUCKS and PATROL CARS
make their way up into the hills.
NEWS CHOPPERS fly overhead.

INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April punches in a number on her cell. Listens.

APRIL
Lark? You there?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE
Lark sits at her workstation,
blowing on her hundredth cup of coffee.
Dark circles under haunted eyes.

LARK
Barely.

APRIL
I need Crafton’s location.

LARK
I can’t --

APRIL
I thought this line was encrypted.

LARK
It is, but -- I can’t --

APRIL
Wait a minute.

LARK
What.

APRIL
You never sent back-up
because you’re working
for him, AREN’T you.
You’re a fucking MOLE.
(beat)
My GOD am I STUPID.

A FIGURE IN BLACK SHADES
Appears at the end of the row of cubicles.

APRIL
And you got Shag killed.

LARK
NO. That wasn’t -- my fault.

APRIL
Give me his location. NOW.

THE FIGURE
Starts walking toward Lark’s workstation.

APRIL
You’re a disgrace to your flag.
You KNOW that? This is your chance
to prove that not ALL American agents
are corrupt.

LARK
Shag wasn’t corrupt!

APRIL
But you got him KILLED.

Lark GASPS. Her eyes fill with tears.

LARK
Crafton’s HQ is in
the Capitol Records building.
He’s got the whole top floor.

The figure reaches Lark’s cubicle.
He raises a 9mm Baretta with a silencer,
and SHOOTS her in the head -- THWIP.

APRIL
Good girl, now you’re talking -- thanks.
(listens)
Lark?
(beat)
Lark?
(to Cherry)
She hung up.

She looks at Cherry, white as a ghost.

CHERRY
Shag’s DEAD?

APRIL
One of Crafton’s assassins.
I’m sorry, love.
I didn’t know how to tell you.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

CHERRY
Poor Shag. My god.
(beat)
He drove me crazy, you know?
But he meant well, he was --
such a great guy,
I don’t know what I’m gonna --
(beat)
SHIT, my KIDS.
Can I borrow your cell phone?

April hands it over.
Cherry PUNCHES in a number. Listens.

CHERRY
Hello, Jamie? It’s mommy.
(listens)
I miss you, too.
I’m sorry I woke you --
(listens)
I’m so glad you’re having fun.
You love your Nanna, don’t you?
(listens)
I have good news.
I might be coming home
sooner than I thought.
(listens)
I love you, too.
Go back to sleep.

She clicks the phone shut. Relieved.
APRIL
Thank god for small miracles, huh?

CHERRY
Yeah.

The truck is RAMMED from behind.
They JERK in their seats.

CHERRY
What the FUCK was that?

APRIL
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
(another BANG)
By a fucking HUMMER.

CHERRY
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.

APRIL
Exactly. Hold onto your tits --

My Sister, The Spy

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. You say you're tired, angry. Mad as hell, and you're not gonna take it anymore? Then why not take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when Homeland Security agent April Street arrives at the terrorists' Hollywood Hills mansion while former Special Forces op Renny Quick tries to defuse the suitcase nuke -- and learns the big secret about her relationship with stripper Cherry Nation.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Renny opens the case. Studies the bomb.
Scratches his chin.

CHERRY
Well, what are you waiting for?

RENNY
I haven’t done this in -- ten years.

CHERRY
What?

RENNY
Chill out.
It’s all about shutting off the power.
Wiring is wiring.
(beat)
I’m gonna need pliers,
or a pair of scissors,
something like that.

Hamad looks at the guards,
who are now conscious.

HAMAD
You. Go look in the kitchen.

They RACE OFF.

RENNY
(looking at the wiring)
The red and the blue -- or the yellow --

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Homeland Security! Nobody MOVE.

APRIL
Walks into the room.
Automatic weapon trained on Renny.

APRIL
(to Renny)
Put your hands in the air
and step away from the device.

CHERRY
He’s DISARMING the device, bitch.

APRIL
Who you calling a bitch?

HAMAD
(looks at them)
Are you two -- sisters?

KAMAL
They look a lot alike.

RENNY
Will everyone please SHUT UP?
I’m trying to CONCENTRATE here.

Renny pulls out another pair of wires.
Wipes his forehead.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 4:15.

APRIL
(to Cherry)
Where were you born?

CHERRY
In the UK. I was adopted.
My parents moved here I was four.

APRIL
I was adopted when I was four.
(beat)
I had a sister --
but they only took me.

CHERRY
I had a sister, too -- but --

APRIL
OMIGOD --

CHERRY
OMIGOD --

APRIL
That explains --

CHERRY
Why we --

APRIL
THAT’S why I hate your guts.

CHERRY
And that’s why I hate YOURS.
(beat)
My sister, the spy.

APRIL
My sister, the --
(appraises her outfit)
Stripper?

CHERRY
Exotic dancer. Soon to be former.

The girls are GRABBED FROM BEHIND.
Saad has Cherry in a choke-hold.

Mohammed THROWS April to the floor.
Straddles her.

Both aims Uzis at their heads.

SAAD
Don’t move or I’LL SHOOT.

MOHAMMED
Go ahead. Give me REASON.

HAMAD
American women TALK TO MUCH.
Take them downstairs and shoot them.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Federal Marshall!
Put your HANDS IN THE AIR!

AN OPERATIVE
In bomb squad gear comes into the room,
assault rifle aloft.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 3:45.

RENNY
Looks at the Fed.

RENNY
Don’t shoot! This is a nuclear device.

OPERATIVE
Step away from case. NOW.

SAAD
Put your gun down
or I shoot THE WOMAN!

MOHAMMED
Put down or we SHOOT!

The Fed SHOOTS Renny.
BANG-BANG-BANG.
He HITS the floor.

CHERRY
Hey!

APRIL
What are you DOING?
He was DISARMING IT.

Two more FEDS in bomb squad gear
BURST IN from the kitchen
and start SHOOTING.

Saad’s and Mohammed’s heads EXPLODE.

LARGE FED
Ladies, outside, NOW.

April and Cherry exchange glances.

CHERRY
What’s going on here?

APRIL
They WANT the nuke to go off?

LARGE FED
I said NOW.

Cherry GRABS the case with the money,
and they start RUNNING.

CLOSE ON:
The LCD reads 2:25.

EXT. FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
Two Feds in protective gear with helmets
stand in front of bomb squad truck.
They start walking toward Cherry and April.

APRIL
(whispers)
I don’t trust them.

CHERRY
Let’s kick their ass.

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark takes a sip of her water bottle.
Touches her headset.

LARK
But I don’t understand.
You WANT it to go off?
But what about -- collateral damage?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT
Sledge Crafton stands at the bar.
Mixing a cocktail.
Speaking on his hands-free.

SLEDGE
Too many people know.
It’s a big mess.
Better to start again
with a clean slate.
And it’s not a real nuke,
it’s an old Russian piece of shit
pipe bomb with a timer, that’s all.
We’ll find some patsy
and nail it on them,
like we did in Oklahoma City.

He leans down over the bar.
SNORTS a line of coke.

LARK
But what about April Street --
and the other girl?

SLEDGE
They’re being evacuated.
I have special plans for THEM.
(beat)
Don’t tell me your getting soft on me.
You’re one of the best moles I’ve ever had.
I’d hate to have to retire you, too.

LARK
But what about the agents on-site?

SLEDGE
They don’t know the bomb is live.
(beat)
Like you said, 'collateral damage' --

Who's Dick Is Bigger?

Hey there, crime kids. You say you don't like Mondays? Well, we've got the cure for what ails ya. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of NOWHERE GIRL, all hell breaks loose when stripper Cherry Nation delivers the suitcase nuke to the terrorists -- and they discover it's been activated -- and then when former Special Forces op Renny Quick joins in the fray, things turn ugly, quick.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler are at the front door.

CHERRY
Go hide in the bushes over there
by the window and watch.
If something goes wrong, call 911.

PEELER
Okay. Better hide your gun.

CHERRY
Shit, yeah.
She tucks it in her skirt waistband
in the small of her back.

PEELER
So, uh -- in case anything -- happens,
I just want you to know that,
despite all this scary shit --
I’ve had the best time I’ve ever had tonight.

Cherry’s touched.
She kisses him on the cheek.

CHERRY
Me, too. Now go, scoot --
we gotta save the world.
(beat)
And then maybe grab some breakfast.

He nods, limps off into the bushes.
Cherry RINGS the bell.

CHERRY
Here goes nothing.

The door OPENS. It’s Kamal.
He sees the case. Big smile.

KAMAL
Greetings. We’ve been expecting you.

CHERRY
Sorry for the delay.

KAMAL
Not to worry. Please, come in.

INT. MANSION - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Kamal leads Cherry toward the living room.

CHERRY
(looking around)
This place is -- amazing.

KAMAL
Vulgar American conspicuous consumption.
(beat)
Can’t wait to blow it up.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kamal leads Cherry into the room, where Hamad,
the guards and Renny are watching a ball game
on the big screen plasma TV.

KAMAL
Hamad. Our package has arrived.

Hamad looks. Smiles.
Gets up. Walks over to them.

HAMAD
Very good. Excellent.
(gestures at the case)
May I?

CHERRY
You have the money?

RENNY
Sits in his chair watching the game.

Behind his back,
we can see him loosening his ropes.

HAMAD
Cocks an eyebrow. Nods. Looks at Kamal.

HAMAD
Give her the money.

Kamal nods. Walks over to a table.
Grabs an attache case. Brings it over.

Sets it down on a chair near Cherry and Hamad.
Flips open the lid to reveal it’s STUFFED WITH CASH.

KAMAL
One million dollars. As promised.

Cherry’s eyes BUG.
She’s never seen that much money.

In a daze, she hands Hamad the briefcase.
He takes it.

Sets it down. Opens it.
Sees the LCD DISPLAY.

HAMAD
It’s been ACTIVATED.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

The next few moments happen
in a BLUR OF SPEED --

RENNY’S
Ropes FLY OFF.
He GRABS the guards by their heads
and CRACKS them together.

SNATCHES their weapons.
SMACKS one on the head, THUMP --
then the other, THWACK. They GO DOWN.

CHERRY
GRABS the money.

HAMAD
GRABS Cherry.
Points his gun at her head. CLICK.

KAMAL
Points his gun at Renny. CLICK.

HAMAD
(to Cherry)
What THE FUCK is going on here?
Is he with you?
CHERRY
Hell, no!
(to Renny)
Don’t shoot!
I’m with the government!

She WHIPS out her gun.
Points it at the case.

CHERRY
(to Hamad)
Let me the fuck go,
or else I’ll blow us all to kingdom come.

Hamad releases her. Looks around.
What THE FUCK.

RENNY
That’s really a -- n-nuke?

HAMAD
YES. And it’s going to go off
in NINE MINUTES.

Renny’s eyes dart back and forth.
He licks his lips.

RENNY
I used to be Special Forces.
I think I can disarm it.

CHERRY
You THINK you can disarm it?

RENNY
Well, it’s been a few years --

EXT. MANSION - FRONT YARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Peeler watches the action through the window.
Panicked.

PEELER
This doesn’t look good.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s the tricky part
about being a Peeping Tom.

APRIL
Steps into view.
Aiming her Sig Sauer.

PEELER
Oh, h-hi. I’m with Cherry,
the girl with the nuke, remember?

APRIL
Of course -- you’re the guy
that fucking handcuffed me.

PEELER
Sorry about that.
Listen, some serious shit
is about to go down.
Cherry is in there
trying to do the deal --
and the nuke has been,
like -- ACTIVATED.
We’ve got, like --
I dunno, nine, ten minutes?

APRIL
WHAT?
She touches her hands-free.
Speaks into it.

APRIL
You get all that?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark sits at her desk.
CHOKES on her coffee.

LARK
Yeah. Hold tight,
I’m going to send
every agent we have in the area.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad looks at Cherry. At Kamal. Then Renny.

HAMAD
And how am I supposed to believe you?

RENNY
Well, we can go back and forth like this
while the clock is ticking --
or you can take a chance
on saving your fucking lives.
Your choice, Bin Laden.

HAMAD
WHAT did you call me?

RENNY
You heard me,
you fucking terrorist.
You think you can just
waltz into our country
and buy a NUKE?

HAMAD
It was your CORRUPT GOVERNMENT
that SOLD it to us, IMBECILE.

CHERRY
SHUT UP, both of you.
While you’re playing
'who’s dick is bigger' --
we’re running out of TIME.

EXT. MANSION - FRONT YARD - NIGHT
Peeler sits on the ground.
April looks in the window.

APRIL
I’m going in. You stay put.

PEELER
Sure thing.
I’ll just sit here
and watch my life
flash before my eyes --

Your Hostage Or Mine?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. And you know what THAT means -- it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really heat up when the terrorists assassinate the rich homeowner they're keeping hostage, stripper Cherry Nation accidentally sets off the suitcase nuke, and Homeland Security agent April Street reveals her true identity ...


INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Renny sits on the couch next to Rich Husband.
The two guards stand behind them with
weapons pointed at their heads.

Kamal stands nearby,
hands clasped behind him.

Hamad holds Rich’s cell phone.
SMASHES it. STOMPS on it, CRACK.

HAMAD
You called private security!
After I specifically told you
not to FUCK AROUND.
Do you know what we do to people
who don’t FOLLOW ORDERS?

RICH HUSBAND
I’m sorry, I guess I -- panicked.

Hamad pulls out a REVOLVER with a silencer.

RICH HUSBAND
No, wait, wait, wait!
I’ve got a shitload of money upstairs!
In my safe! You can have it! All of it!
There’s a couple hundred thousand.
It’s behind the mirror on the dresser
in the master bedroom.

Kamal walks over.
Hands him a piece of paper and a pen.

KAMAL
If you would kindly give us the combination.

Rich scribbles it down.
Relieved. Kamal takes it.

Nods at Hamad.
Hamad raises his gun, takes aim --

RICH HUSBAND
WAIT, I thought --

And SHOOTS Rich in the forehead -- THWIP.
Rich’s body SLUMPS over. Dead.

Renny’s eyes dart madly, heart racing.

HAMAD
(big smile)
Not to worry, my big, strapping
American emergency services worker.
We still need hostages --
who know how to behave.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - FRONT DRIVE - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler walk up
the long driveway in the moonlight.
The lights of the city twinkle below
in the distance.

CHERRY
I think I’m gonna pee my pants.
(beat)
How’s your leg?

PEELER
It’s really starting to hurt.
I’m really looking forward to
getting a chance to sit down for a second.
How’s your arm?

CHERRY
It’s throbbing like a motherfucker.
Look, why don’t we take a breather
before we go in, plot our strategy.

He nods.

She leads him over to the garage,
which is open.

They sit on the hood of a sleek Rolls.
Cherry rubs her wrist.

PEELER
Ohmigod is that good.

CHERRY
Simple pleasures.

She puts the briefcase on her lap.
Fiddles with the clasp.

PEELER
What are you doing?
Didn’t you tell me the guy said y
ou’d die if you opened it?

CHERRY
Yeah, he did --

Cherry closes her eyes.
Winces. FLIPS IT OPEN.

Nothing happens.

CHERRY
But he was LYING. Ha, I KNEW it.
(looks inside)
So THAT’S what a suitcase nuke looks like.
Looks like any other bomb to me.

PEELER
And you’ve seen a lot of bombs --

CHERRY
In the movies, silly, on TV.

She examines the interior.
Points at a small clock.

CHERRY
This must be the timer.

PEELER
Cherry, I really don’t think
you should fuck around with that.
It’s been a really long night,
and I really don’t feel like
getting blown up.

CHERRY
Chill, dude. I’m not gonna --

Her nose twitches -- and she SNEEZES.

CHERRY
A-CHOO!

Which causes her finger to
JERK against the side of the clock,
and SPIN a small knob.

CHERRY
(looks)
NO -- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

PEELER
WHAT’S WRONG?

INSIDE THE BRIEFCASE
A small, red LCD screen reads ENGAGE IN: 15:00 --
with the numbers reeling backwards.

PEELER
GODDAMIT, Cherry!
What the FUCK are we gonna do NOW?

CHERRY
We got fifteen minutes to figure it out.
Let’s get the fuck IN THERE.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NEARBY - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April JOGS up the hill, talking on her hands-free.

APRIL
You can send backup -- I’m not C-6!

INTERCUT WITH:
INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark watches April’s progress on her monitor
as it nears the location of the nuke.

LARK
I know that.
Shag said you were Homeland Security.

APRIL
No, that was the cover C-6 gave me.
I’m a MOLE -- I’m Interpol --
I’m gonna bring down C-6,
the terrorist cell, AND Avi Abbas.
NOW, given how things have progressed,
I’d love a little help at this point.

LARK
Why didn’t Interpol ask for our help
in the first place?

APRIL
Don’t take this personally,
but The Company doesn’t have
the greatest reputation in the
global intelligence community
since nine-eleven.
I mean -- your BOSS told you
not to interfere with C-6.

LARK
I -- see what you mean.

APRIL
C-6 is totally rogue --
their ops are for profit.
They broker arms deals
around the world.
Remember the CONTRAS?
They’ll sell to anybody --
rebels in Darfur,
revolutionaries in Somalia,
the Tibetan Army
-- state of the art weaponry,
sold to the highest bidder.
(beat)
Kinda like Ebay.

A MESSAGE BOX
Pops up on Lark’s monitor.

LARK’S
Fingers fly across the keyboard.

LARK
April, we’ve got a situation in Israel.
I gotta call you back.

Lark hangs up. April stops running.
Taps her headpiece.

APRIL
What? Hello? You there?
(beat)
What about my BACK-UP?

Bitch Is Good

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo share a tender moment. Meanwhile, the shit hits the fan when assassin Wendon Swift attacks Homeland Security agent April Street and CIA spook Shag Holiday ... in a fight to the death.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - WOODED AREA - NIGHT
It’s stopped raining. Cherry and Peeler
walk up the incline though sparse foliage.
They reach a narrow, winding road.

CHERRY
Thank fucking god.
I’m cold, I’m wet -- and I’m fucking TIRED.

PEELER
(points at the sign)
Check it out. We’re almost there.

They start walking up the steep incline.

CHERRY
After this is done, I can’t wait
to have a stiff drink and a long, hot shower.

Cherry trudges on.
White knuckles gripping the briefcase.

PEELER
So listen, I was wondering --
when this is all over, would you like to,
you know -- go have coffee or something?

CHERRY
(does a take)
You mean like a -- date?

PEELER
No, not a DATE.
You know, just -- hang out.
You know, coffee. Maybe grab a burger --

CHERRY
(faint smile)
That’d be -- nice.

A tear runs down her cheek.
She stops. GRABS him.

Gives him a long, lingering kiss.

PEELER
What was that for?

CHERRY
Not sure. But I kinda liked it.
(kisses him again)
Yeah. That’ll work.

INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April watches Shag communicate with base.

SHAG
(touches his ear)
Lark. I need new coordinates.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark swerves in her chair, fingers
CLACK-CLACKING on her keyboard.
She peers into the monitor, grim.

LARK
She’s nearing the top of hill, Shag --
you better get your ass in gear.

SHAG
Don’t worry, we’re on our way.

LARK
'We,' 'our?'

SHAG
April Street from Homeland Security
is also in pursuit.
We’re pooling our resources.

Pause.
LARK
As long as that’s ALL your 'pooling.'

The front windows EXPLODE in a SHOWER of GUNFIRE.
Glass SHATTERS, goes FLYING.

Shag and April LEAP to the floor.
Shag ROLLS over behind the couch.
Pulls out his weapon.

April LEAPS behind the open side door.
Takes out hers.

Silence.

APRIL
What the fuck?

Gloved hands THROW a wire around April’s neck
and start GARROTTING her.

She GRABS the wire, starts GAGGING,
SPUTTERING, THRASHING, eyes BULGING.

We see the attacker.
It’s WENDON. Smiling. Having a ball.

Shag LEAPS UP, RACES OVER to April.
GRABS Wendon’s hands.

She KICKS Shag in the balls.
He goes DOWN, OOF.

Curls into the fetal position.
That girl can KICK.

April struggles, eyes fluttering,
her face turning red.

She leans forward,
raising Wendon off the ground --
and then with all her might,
SLAMS her into the wall, THWUMP.

She lets go of the wire.
HITS the floor.

April FIRES a blast of rounds into her chest
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

Nothing. Must be SOME kind of vest.

Wendon smiles. Reaches for her automatic.
April GRABS a lamp and SMASHES it on her head.
She blinks. LEAPS UP --

And KICKS April,
who goes FLYING BACKWARDS onto the floor.

Shag GRABS a chair --
SAILS IT across the room at Wendon.

It HITS her in the stomach,
sends her FLYING.

She ROLLS behind the bar.
POPS up, and starts FIRING.

Shag and April LEAP out of the way,
get behind the couch.
Start RETURNING FIRE.

SHAG
Bitch is GOOD.

APRIL
I’ve got an idea.
You cover me, I’ll go outside
and go in through the window in the kitchen.

SHAG
Let’s do it.

Shag SHOVES in another clip.
Pulls out a smoke bomb.

APRIL
Why didn’t you use that before?

SHAG
Uh, we’ve been a little BUSY?
(beat)
When I commence firing.

He leans around the corner.
TOSSES the bomb at the bar, starts SHOOTING.

Smoke starts BILLOWING.

Wendon keeps FIRING,
starts gagging on the fumes.

April ROLLS along the floor.
Bullets PING and SPLINTER the wood
as she FLIES out the door.

AT CIA HEADQUARTERS
Lark listens in on Shag’s hands-free,
which is still on.

LARK
Shag! What’s going on? Are you OKAY?
(beat)
SHAG.

OUTSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
April races around to the back.
Gets to the window.

She looks in, but SMOKE is filling the room.
She can’t see ANYTHING.

APRIL
FUCK.

She SMASHES the window with her gun.
Starts climbing in.

INSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
It’s World War III. GUNSHOTS.
Smoke everywhere. The bar is ON FIRE.

Wheezing and CHOKING,
April makes her way through the room,
where she sees, on the floor --

Shag and Wendon, each with a hand
gripping the other’s neck,
the other hand fighting for control
of Wendon’s Sig Sauer.

April takes aim, and
SHOOTS the gun out their hands, PING.

Wendon SCREAMS, pulls out a HUNTING KNIFE,
and JAMS it in Shag’s NECK.
Blood starts PUMPING like a GEYSER.

APRIL
NO!

She FIRES at Wendon’s head --
which EXPLODES in a red mist.

RACES over to Shag.
CLAMPS her hands on his neck.

APRIL
Hold on -- it’s gonna be okay,
it’s gonna be okay.

SHAG
(eyes fluttering)
You get the -- bitch?

The light flickers, then goes out.

April cradles his head in her arms.
Blood everywhere.

APRIL
I HATE this part.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark types furiously on her keyboard,
looks at the monitor,
trying to get a read on the situation.

LARK
(into her headset)
SHAG, come in Shag, are you alright?
(to herself)
GODDAMMIT, I should have sent BACKUP.

April hears something.
Looks at Shag’s earpiece.

Grabs it. Wipes it off.
Puts it in her ear. Listens.

APRIL
Hello, is anybody there?

LARK
Hello! Who is this? Where’s Shag?

APRIL
This is agent Street.

LARK
Agent Street? Thank GOD.
What happened? Is he okay?

Pause.

APRIL
I’m sorry.

LARK
(eyes tearing)
I see.
(beat)
Are you -- o-okay?

APRIL
Reasonably. I’m alive.
(beat)
Kinda -- freaked out.

LARK
We were -- seeing each other.

APRIL
Shit.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

LARK
(wipes her eyes)
Let me give you the coordinates.
There isn’t much time left.
She’s almost there.

APRIL
Okay.
(beat)
Are you okay?

LARK
I’ll have to --
get back to you on that.

Two Heads Are Better Than One

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking HUMP DAY. And you know what that means, right? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets a little assistance from CIA agent Shag Holiday. Meanwhile, black ops spook Sledge Crafton grills Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas about when 'the package' will be delivered to the terrorists ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION POOLHOUSE - NIGHT
April sits on the couch with her hands cuffed.

Another set connect her ankle
to a leg of the coffee table.

APRIL
Fucking WHORE version of ME.

She raises her wrists to her hair,
pulls out a hairpin.

Puts it in her mouth.
Starts working it on
the cuffs on her hands.

APRIL
(mumbles)
Just wait until I get my hands on her --

Her cell phone starts RINGING
on the floor a few feet away.

APRIL
SHIT.

It RINGS again.

She furiously works the hairpin
on the lock. No luck.

RING-RING.

APRIL
FUCK.

Shag walks through the ruined door,
gun raised. He stops.

Looks at the Vespa. Then April.

RING-RING.

SHAG
CHERRY. You -- changed your hair.

APRIL
I’m not Cherry. I’m April.

SHAG
Jesus, You look just like her.
You could be twins.

RING-RING.
APRIL

So that’s her name. Who are you?

SHAG
Shag Holiday, CIA.
(beat)
She’s my ex.

APRIL
Pleased to meet you.
April Street, Homeland Security.

RING-RING.

SHAG
(nods at the phone)
You want me to get that?

APRIL
Nah. I know who it is.
It can wait. Uncuff me?

SHAG
Yeah. Sure. Hold on --

Shag pulls out keys,
unlocks the cuffs on her wrists.

APRIL
Thanks.

He leans down, uncuffs her ankle.
She stands.

APRIL
Double thanks. So what now?

SHAG
So she was just here?
(off April’s nod)
And she has the nuke?
(off her nod)
Why don’t we team up.
Two heads are better than one.

APRIL
Good idea. She’s really -- volatile.
What’s her deal?

SHAG
Do you have a few hours?

IN THE WINDOW
Wendon peers in. Pulls away.

OUTSIDE
She leans against the wall.
Raises her assault rifle.

WENDON
A two-fer. Nice.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Deserted, except for Avi, sitting at his desk,
facing the floor-to-ceiling windows,
city lights twinkling below.

AVI
(to someone unseen)
Ahhhhh, that’s it, baby -- that’s it.

He picks up the phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Crafton is supervising the interrogation
of an IRANIAN PRISONER,
who is hanging from a steam pipe
by a chain, shirtless, blindfolded --
and quite bloody.

He takes a sip of his tumbler of scotch.
SLAPS the prisoner.

SLEDGE
Tell me, you fucking SAND NIGGER!
Give me his NAME.

IRANIAN PRISONER
I don’t KNOW, I am not TERRORIST,
I am DRY CLEANER!

Crafton nods at a LARGE, SURLY SOLDIER
holding a rose clipper around
the big toe of one of
the prisoner’s bare feet.

SLEDGE
This little piggy went TO MARKET.

Surly SNIPS, CRUNCH,
and the toe FLIES IN THE AIR
like a watermelon seed.

The prisoner SCREAMS.
Blood flows.

Crafton’s cell phone rings.
He fishes it out of his pocket.

SLEDGE
(to the prisoner)
Hold that thought.
(beat)
Crafton here.

AVI
It’s Avi. I wanna know
what the fuck’s going on with the --
(beat)
Shipment --
(beat)
Crafton.

Avi leans back in his chair,
rolls his head slowly.

SLEDGE
Do I have to fucking
SPELL IT OUT for you?
The rogue courier
is being TERMINATED,
and her replacement
is delivering the package.
We have it HANDLED.

AVI
Goddammit, Crafton --
your fucking rogue killed my best man.
I’m not sure I -- trust you anymore.

He closes his eyes.
In some kind of ecstacy.

SLEDGE
Trust ME? Now you listen to me,
you fucking TOWELHEAD --
you’re lucky we don’t fucking
SHUT YOU DOWN.
I represent THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT --
and this is a BUSINESS DEAL -- FOR MONEY.
Haven’t you heard of IN GOD WE TRUST?
(dramatic)
The buyer will get THE PACKAGE.

AVI
Okay -- okay --
(moans)
Ahhh --
(beat)
AHHHHHHHHHH --

His body JERKS.
He smiles, peaceful.

SLEDGE
Abbas? You there?

A TALL BLONDE pops up from under the desk.
Wipes her mouth with a tissue.

Avi SNAPS his fingers.
Points. She leaves.

AVI
Yeah -- I’m here.

He lights a cigarette. Inhales.
Blows a lazy smoke ring.

AVI
Just make sure it happens -- soon.
We don’t want the buyer to get upset
and cause an incident.

SLEDGE
I’m not worried.
They’re in fucking Hollywood.
Why do you think we chose that location?

It's A Fucking Nuke

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street and stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke get into a catfight over the control of the nuke. Meanwhile, former Special Forces op, now security guard Renny Quick pays a little visit to the terrorists holed up in the Hollywood Hills, with deadly results ...

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Just then, the side door BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.
Splintered wood goes FLYING --

And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.

PEELER
Holy shit!

CHERRY
NOOOOOO!

Cherry SCRAMBLES to get her gun,
but April is TOO FAST.

She JUMPS off the scooter,
races over and TACKLES her.

Pins her arms to the floor.

Peeler JUMPS on top of April,
tries to pull her off Cherry.

April HEAD-BUTTS Peeler --
and he FLIES backwards,
blood POURING out of this nose.

April sits astride Cherry.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.
You’re under arrest.

CHERRY
FUCK you.

APRIL
(SLAPS her)
What the FUCK were you DOING?
Did you really think you could
get AWAY with it?
It’s a fucking NUKE.

CHERRY
Go fuck yourself, BITCH.

April takes out her gun.
Points it in Cherry’s face.

APRIL
Don’t fucking move.

She pulls out keys,
unlocks Cherry’s cuffs.
Looks at her.

CHERRY
Incredible. You could be my twin.

Peeler goes to the bar.
Gets a towel for his nose.

PEELER
So I guess we’re in a lot of trouble.

APRIL
Unlawful flight with a
concealed nuclear device?
I would say so.

Peeler inches over to
Cherry’s handbag on the bar.

PEELER
I would imagine that’s --
a lot of time in prison.

APRIL
Try life without parole.
(beat)
If not the death penalty for TREASON.

April gets off of Cherry. Stands.

APRIL
Roll over. On your stomach.

CHERRY
Fuck you.

April KICKS cherry in the side.

CHERRY
OW!

APRIL
DO IT. NOW!

A gun safety CLICKS.

PEELER
Stands behind April.
Pressing it into the back of her head.

PEELER
I’m really sorry to do this,
but we’re not going to prison.

APRIL
Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
You’re just gonna make it
a hell of a lot WORSE.
Drop the gun,
and I promise you won’t get hurt.

PEELER
(JAMS it into her head)
SHUT UP.

Cherry gets up. Goes to April.
GRABS her gun.

CHERRY
Okay, bitch -- give me your cuffs.

April does a slow burn.
Takes them out. Cherry SNATCHES them.

CHERRY
Hands behind your back.

Peeler steps away. Still aiming.

Cherry walks over,
CLICKS the cuffs on April.
Then SHOVES her on the couch.

CHERRY
THAT’S for fucking KICKING me,
fucking BITCH.

APRIL
You’ll never get away with this.
The area is swarming with agents.

CHERRY
We’ll take our chances.
(to Peeler)
Ready to go?

PEELER
Yeah.

He goes over and gets the case.
Hefts it.

PEELER
Heavy.

CHERRY
It’s a fucking NUKE.
Of course it’s HEAVY.

EXT. MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Driver and Renny stand at the front door.
Their car’s lights FLASH behind them in the driveway.

RENNY
(to Driver)
Ring it again, Carlos.

CARLOS
(presses the buzzer)
This is bullshit.
Let’s get the fuck outta here.
Go hit Fatburger.

RENNY
Hold on. Not so fucking fast.
Something’s not right.
I can smell it.
All the lights are on --
and they don’t answer the door?

The front door SWINGS OPEN.
Revealing Rich Husband,
with a big, weird smile on his face.
Eyes full of terror.

RICH HUSBAND
Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting.
What seems to be the problem?

IN THE FOYER, AGAINST THE WALL
Kamal stands out of sight,
holding an Uzi on Rich.

IN THE DOORWAY
Rich blinks, raises his eyebrows expectantly.

CARLOS
We received over a dozen 911 calls
from a number at this address.

RICH HUSBAND
From this address? Are you sure?

CARLOS
Yeah. We can track where a call comes from.
It was this address.

RICH HUSBAND
I don’t know what to say.
No one here called you -- perhaps your --
tracking made a mistake.
(beat)
Oh, wait a minute --
maybe it’s my son’s phone --
but he’s not home right now.
Please be assured that I will
discipline him for this.
And please accept my apologies.

RENNY
Could I please use your bathroom?
I hate to ask, but it’s kind of an emergency.

Renny holds his crotch.
Does that ‘I gotta pee’ dance.

Rich looks startled, looks to his left.

RENNY
I thought so.

He PUSHES his way past Rich,
and runs straight into Kamal.
Aiming his Uzi at Renny’s stomach.

KAMAL
Gentlemen. This is most unfortunate.
Please come in and make yourselves --
our hostages.

Renny LEAPS at Kamal,
grabs for control of the gun.

It SHOOTS WILDLY,
MOWING DOWN Carlos.

The GUARDS run in and GRAB Renny,
PISTOL-WHIP him into submission.

KAMAL (CONT’D)
(looks at the body)
Hurry up and bring it in.
Put the car in the garage.
And then tie up our visitor.
(beat)
Let’s have some fun --

Here's Looking At You, Kid

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation tends to hipster Peeler Mardo's wounds in the safe house, but gets startled by a 'surprise visitor.' Meanwhile, Bel Air Security arrives at the terrorist's hideout in the Hollywood Hills ... in the middle of a 'trophy wife gang-bang' ...


INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Cozy. Very hunting lodge.
Fireplace. Stocked bar.

Cherry and Peeler enter the room.
She guides Peeler over to the couch.
He PLOPS down.

PEELER
Thank god.
(beat)
I’m freezing.

Cherry goes to the heater.
Turns it on.

CHERRY
We’ll get warmed up in a jiffy.
(looks around)
Better leave the lights off.

She find some towels. Grabs one.
THROWS it at Peeler.

PEELER
(catches it)
Thanks.

They dry themselves.
She notices the bar.

CHERRY
A little brandy should do the trick.
Then let’s take a look at your foot.

She pours two snifters.
Takes them to the couch. Sits.

CHERRY
(hands one to Peeler)
Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

PEELER
Yeah.
(takes a sip)
Listen to that rain.

CHERRY
Yeah.

She leans over.
Kisses him on the cheek.

PEELER
What was that for?

ANGLE ON --
Cherry’s hand grabs the end
of the rusty nail. YANKS it.

PEELER
YELLS out in pain.

CHERRY
Distraction.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The squad car makes its way down the long, long driveway.

INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The guys check out the lux digs.

DRIVER
Shit, look at this joint.
It’s bigger than my high school.

RENNY
Hurry up and park.
I gotta take a piss.

INT. MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Unbelievably opulent. Huge.
With a giant circular bed.

Trophy’s wrists have been tied
to the bedposts with rope.

Hamad is on top of her,
slowly humping away.

Her face is streaked with tears.
Eyes closed, softly whimpering.

HAMAD
(grunts)
American pussy --
(beat)
Smells like STRAWBERRIES.

Downstairs, the doorbell RINGS.

HAMAD
Go away.

He moves faster,
really goes at it.

HAMAD
You need to MOVE HIPS.

He SLAPS her. She CRIES out.
Starts humping him.

HAMAD
That’s more LIKE it.

Kamal comes to the door.
Averts his eyes.

KAMAL
Hamad.

Hamad keeps humping,
reaching his crescendo.

HAMAD
Ah -- ah -- ah --

KAMAL
HAMAD. Sorry to interrupt, but --

Hamad COMES like a bull on steroids.
ROARS like a tiger.

HAMAD
Praise ALLAH!
Fuck AMERICAN PUSSY!

The doorbell RINGS again.

KAMAL
There is someone at the door.
An ambulance. What should we do?

Hamad gets off Trophy Wife.
Pads over to Kamal.

HAMAD
Let them in.
Take husband with you.
Tell him we hurt wife
unless he cooperates.

KAMAL
Okay.
(beat)
How was she?

HAMAD
No pubic hair. Outrageous.
(beat)
But incredible turn-on.

INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler sit on the couch
watching the rain coming down outside.
It’s letting up a bit.

PEELER
So what next.

CHERRY
Well, since our tour guide
got his fucking HEAD blown up,
I think I better call the dude
and get directions.

Cherry pulls out her cell phone.
Tries to dial the number.
But the battery is DEAD.

CHERRY
SHIT.

She FLINGS it against the wall -- CRACK.

CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER!

PEELER
Hey, calm down. It’s okay.
(pulls out his phone)
You can use mine.

CHERRY
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

Just then, the side door
BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.
Splintered wood goes FLYING --

And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.

PEELER
Holy shit!

CHERRY
NOOOOOO!

To Catch A Thief

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. Are you ready for the weak-end? Then it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets in a fender-bender on Sunset Boulevard with an irate agent ... and CIA agent Shag Holiday gets whipped by assassin Wendon Swift. Meanwhile, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo find a hiding place to hole up in during the rain storm ...


INT. YELLOW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April ZOOMS west on Sunset Boulevard.
Window down. The wind WHIPPING her hair.

The rain is coming down harder,
getting her wet.

She checks her PDA.
Looks up. Sees something.

APRIL
Hey, ASSHOLE! You’re in the INTERSECTION!

She HITS the breaks, and the cab SKIDS.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
A BENTLEY SEDAN has pulled out of a mini-mall,
it’s nose in the intersection.

April tries to brake, but she hydroplanes,
and SMASHES into the side of the hood. Metal CRUNCHES.

PUNCHING the car sideways.
April’s cab COUGHS and dies.

The hood FLIES UP.
Steam BILLOWS out of the engine.

APRIL
SHIT.

The cab driver wakes up.
Starts SCREAMING at April.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
What you do to my TAXI-CAB, mother-fucker!

April opens the door, starts to get out.
Turns to him.

APRIL
Guess you won’t be praising Allah today.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS
The owner of the Bentley,
an IRATE AGENT races over to April.
Gets in her face. SHOUTS at her.

IRATE AGENT
You fucking BITCH.
Do you realize HOW MUCH that car COSTS?!
(WHIPS out his Blackberry)
Just wait till the fucking COPS get here.

APRIL
(WHIPS out her ID)
Homeland Security, asshole.
Get out of my fucking face.

IRATE AGENT
(looks at it)
Oh, yeah -- right.
'Homeland Security.'
What an awful name.
Sounds like an insurance company.
Ooh, I’m scared.

April PUNCHES him in the face, WHAM.
He goes down. She looks around.

Traffic is moving around them.
She pulls out the PDA.
Checks the location.

APRIL
It’s right around the corner.
Fuck it.

And she TAKES OFF on foot, running.

EXT. GARAGE - DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The heavens open up, and it starts POURING rain.
Thunder BOOMS. Lightening CRACKS in the sky.

IN THE DUMPSTER
Wendon is on top of Shag, CHOKING him.

He PRIES her fingers away.
HEAD-BUTTS her, BANG.

She FLIES against
the side of the container, CRACK.

Shag grabs a board,
BANGS it on her head, WHAM.
She goes down.

He starts to KICK her,
but she GRABS his leg,
YANKS him off his feet.

She stands. Pulls out her Sig Sauer.

WENDON
Fuck this shit.

She FIRES at his chest -- BANG-BANG-BANG.
He FLIES against the wall, flops down.

She HOPS out of the dumpster. Looks.

WENDON
Wimp.

And she TAKES OFF into the woods.

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The wind WHIPS through the trees.
BUCKETS of rain pour down.

Cherry leads Peeler through the woods.
They’re soaked.

They arrive at the rear
of a huge back yard.

Push through the bushes --
and see the back of an enormous mansion.

CHERRY
We gotta find someplace
where we can dry out for a bit.
My arm is fucking killing me, a
nd my wrist feels like it’s gonna fall off.

PEELER
What about this place.
It’s got a pool house.

CHERRY
All the lights are out.
Bet they’re out of town.

PEELER
Let’s go.

He starts walking.
CRIES out in pain.

CHERRY
What’s WRONG?

PEELER
SHIT. I stepped on something.
Ow, FUCK.

Peeler lifts his boot.
A large, rusty nail protrudes.

CHERRY
C’mon, lean on me.
We’ll get that taken care of.

PEELER
(puts his arm around her waist)
Thanks.
(beat)
Don’t worry. I’m way past
wanting to fuck anyone at this point.

CHERRY
Huh. That’s a shame.

And she leads a hobbling Peeler
toward the pool house.

EXT. QUEENS ROAD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Torrents of rain pour down on --

April, racing up the steep incline
going up into the hills.
She stops for a moment.
Catches her breath.

APRIL
Fucking -- CRAMP. FUCK.

She massages her leg.
Looks at a house.

A VESPA SCOOTER
is parked in front of the garage.

APRIL
There is a God.

April RACES up the driveway.
Goes to the scooter.

Opens up the engine manifold.
Finds, strips a pair of wires.

Touches them together. They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

She hops on. REVS it.
And SPEEDS up the hill.

INT. DUMPSTER - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Shag lies in the trash, motionless.
Pelted by the rain.

CLOSE ON --
His EAR.
We see a communications device.
Red light BLINKING.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark taps a pencil on her desk.
Listening on her headset.

LARK
Shag? You there? Shag?
(beat)
Shit.
(listens)
SHAG?

SHAG
Opens his eyes.
Slowly, painfully sits up.

SHAG
Hey. You don’t have to yell.

LARK
Thank god. Are you alright?
What happened?

He opens his flack jacket.
We see three SMASHED BULLETS
in his kevlar vest.
He peels them off.

SHAG
Was intercepted -- by someone.
Woman. Had real moves.
Vest got a workout.
(shakes his head)
Wonder who she’s with.

LARK
What happened to her?

SHAG
She got away.
Must also be after the case.

Shag gets up,
climbs out of the dumpster.

LARK
Well, you at least hurt her, right?

SHAG
Have no idea.
No time for chit-chat.
I need the new location.
She’s on the move.

Lark looks at her monitor.
Taps a few keys.

LARK
She’s about one-hundred yards
away from you, forty-five degrees,
north by northwest.

SHAG
Like the Hitchcock movie.

LARK
After this is over,
let’s go to Paris.
Catch a thief.

SHAG
(starts jogging)
And what, steal jewels?
Climb rooftops?

LARK
Ooh. You’re so Notorious --

Dick Cheney, Eat Your Heart Out

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. Do you know where your children are? Your parents? Well, they're all right here, taking a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and the gang gets blindsided with bullets in the Hollywood Hills, courtesy of Cherry's ex-boss' latest assassin, black ops super-killer Wendon Swift.


INT. HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
A BRUNETTE (20’s) in shades
and black leather is behind the wheel.
Hair back in a sleek ponytail.

Meet WENDON SWIFT, gorgeous,
curvy killing machine.
And Sledge’s new hire.

WENDON
(on her cell)
I’m almost there.
(listens)
Not to worry. I always deliver.
(listens)
Thirty minutes or less?
You flirt. BAD boy.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton hangs up. Raises his cocktail in a toast.

SLEDGE
I always deliver.
(beat)
I think I’m in love.

And he downs it.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - RANCH HOUSE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Brody leads Cherry, Peeler and Stan through the back yard.

They walk into a wooded area behind the house.
A light RAIN starts falling.

CHERRY
Great. Now it’s fucking RAINING.

She pulls her hoodie up over her head.
Her Blackberry VIBRATES in her pocket.
She pulls it out.

THE SCREEN READS
Reminder: Take your meds.

A finger presses a button.
The LCD reads ERASE.

BRODY
turns his head. Looks at Cherry.

BRODY
Can I ask you something?

CHERRY
What.

BRODY
If, let’s say, somebody
wanted to get into porn --

CHERRY
(looks at him)
YOU? Are you fucking kidding me?

BRODY
What. I’m not THAT bad-looking.

CHERRY
No, it’s just that --

BRODY
I’ve got eleven inches.

CHERRY
You DO?

PEELER
Wow. Shit.

STAN
What, you didn’t notice?
(off their stares)
So I’m gay. Big fucking deal.
It’s 2011. Deal with it.

GUNSHOTS SPRAY at them.
Stan GETS HIT in the chest.

Brody gets one in the leg.
So does Peeler.

Cherry’s arm is grazed.
They hit the ground.
Start crawling into the bushes.


BRODY
I’ve been SHOT.

Bullets WHIZ through the bushes.

Cherry gets behind a tree.
Pulls out her gun.

CHERRY
FUCK. I don’t see anyone.
(to Peeler)
Peeler, are you okay?

Peeler peers out behind a row of bushes.

PEELER
I got shot in the leg, but I’m okay.
But I think Stan is dead.
(sees her arm)
Cherry!

CHERRY
It’s okay. It just grazed me.

BRODY
My leg -- is fucking fucked.

He tries to get up into a crawling position.

CHERRY
STAY DOWN.

But he doesn’t listen. Sits up.

BRODY
I’m getting the fuck outta --

His head EXPLODES in a red mist.

PEELER
Ohmigod, we’re gonna DIE, we’re gonna DIE!

CHERRY
STAY DOWN!

EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Wendon kneels on the tiles.
Cradling a sniperscope rifle.

She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK.
Takes aim. Sneers.

WENDON
Dick Cheney eat your fucking heart out.

Hands suddenly GRAB her by the neck.
She GAGS.

Gets pulled back.
Her rifle CLATTERS onto the tiles.

Wendon GRABS the hands,
and viciously YANKS them off.

She WHIRLS around and faces --

SHAG. Aiming a Sig Sauer at her.

SHAG
Hands in the air!
I’m a federal agent!

Wendon smiles. Raises her hands.

WENDON
So am I, asshole.

SHAG
Get on your knees. NOW.

She arches an eyebrow.
Then WHIRLS like a top
and KICKS Shag in the face -- CRACK.
He FLIES BACKWARDS -- OOF.

She LEAPS into the air
and lands on top of him, THWUMP.

He GRABS her by the waist,
and they ROLL across the tiles --

FLY off the edge of the roof,
and BANG into a dumpster.

IN THE WOODS
Cherry puts down her gun.
Looks at Peeler.

CHERRY
They stopped shooting.
How’s your leg? Can you walk?

He gets up.
Puts his weight on it.

PEELER
Yeah. But it really hurts.

Cherry takes off her jacket.
RIPS off one of the arms.

Then the other.
Ties them together.

Then wraps it around the wound,
pulls it TIGHT.

Puts the armless jacket back on.

CHERRY
There. That should hold it for awhile.
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here.

PEELER
Where did you learn how to do that?

CHERRY
Hey, just because
I take my clothes off
for a living doesn’t mean
I wasn’t a Girl Scout --

Hooray For Bollywood

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Hump Day. You know that means, right? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of NOWHERE GIRL, CIA agent Shag Holiday tries to track down his ex, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, Bel Air Security guards head over to the terrorist's hideout ... and Homeland Security agent April Street gets caught in the rain and commandeers a Middle-Eastern taxi cab driver.


INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives into the heart of the Sunset Strip.
Talks on his hands-free Bluetooth.

SHAG
She hung up on me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark turns away from her laptop.
Touches her headpiece.

LARK
Angry?

SHAG
You might say that.

LARK
You blew your cover.

SHAG
Yeah. It was stupid, I know.
I just --
(looks at the dashboard)
I’m getting close.
I’d love to get some backup.

LARK
You know I can’t do that, Shag.
The boss gave strict orders --
this one’s off-limits.
It’ll raise red flags that go
way beyond me losing my job.
(beat)
Apparently the guy that runs C-6
has A LOT of pull.

SHAG
Then connect me to C-6.

LARK
I don’t have the number.
Black ops? Hello?

SHAG
Lark, give yourself some credit.
You told me you could gather ANY intel.

LARK
I’ll call you when I have something.

SHAG
That’s my girl.
(looks out the window)
I’m here. Gotta go.

LARK
Good luck.

SHAG
Yeah, right.
You’ve never met Cherry.

EXT. BELL AIR SECURITY - ENTRANCE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A SECURITY SQUAD CAR pulls out of the building.

INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The DRIVER turns to the SECURITY GUARD
sitting next to him.

DRIVER
Weatherman says it’s gonna rain.

SECURITY GUARD
Oh, it’s gonna rain, alright.

Meet RENNY QUICK (30’s).
Big and burly, former Special Forces.
Retired early due to injuries on the job.

RENNY
My knee is fucking killing me.
It’s DEFINITELY gonna rain.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A light RAIN starts falling.

April stands across the street
from the Crazy Horse.

Watching the swarm of COPS,
the ambulance. A group of GAWKERS.

APRIL
Shit, it’s raining.
I need wheels, pronto.

A YELLOW CAB pulls up to the curb
in front of her.

Two DRUNK PARTY GIRLS spill out.

APRIL
Ask and ye shall receive.

MESSY PARTY GIRL
(to the cabbie)
Keep the change!

WASTED PARTY GIRL
(tugs on Messy’s arm)
C’mon, let’s GO. It’s RAINING.

They skitter away down the sidewalk,
laughing. April goes to the cab.
Opens the passenger-side door. Gets in.

INT. YELLOW CAB - CONTINUOUS
The CABBIE, Middle-Eastern,
sporting a turban and a giant mustache,
turns and looks at her, startled.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I’m soddy, meess, but eye’m on call.
I cannot pick yoo up.

April WHIPS OUT her ID and gun.

APRIL
Federal agent, Homeland Security.
Get in the back seat.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
I WILL NOT. This is RACIAL PROFILING.
I am AMERICAN CITIZEN.

APRIL
This has nothing to do with you, Bollywood.
It’s a matter of national security.
GET IN THE BACK SEAT, NOW.

MIDDLE-EASTERN CABBIE
You cannot DO THIS.
I know my RIGHTS.

April PISTOL-WHIPS him, CRACK.
He goes out like a light.

She GRABS him,
THROWS him in the back seat.
Makes a face.

APRIL
Why does everybody I meet tonight
fucking STINK?

Hair Metal Motherfuckers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets into a tussle with black ops spook Yuri Vlaovic, with deadly results. Meanwhile, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation gets a little help from the lead singer of 'Skull Bong' ...


EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Yuri chats with the cops.

April leans against the SUV,
her wrists tied in front
with one of those twist-ties.

Cheap. Light. Easy. Effective.
And PAINFUL.

YURI
Thanks for help, fellas.

CRAZED COP
You want us to escort you?
That bitch is dangerous.

YURI
I’ve got it, thanks.

The cops shrug,
go back to their car and get in.

Yuri GRABS April by the wrists.
Points his gun at her.

Opens the door. SHOVES her in.
Slides her over to the
front passenger seat.

YURI
(gets in)
Sit tight. No talking.

APRIL
Can you loosen it a bit?
It’s cutting off my circulation.

YURI
I said NO TALKING.

Yuri starts the engine.
Pulls out, enters traffic.

Driving one-handed,
the other pointing his gun at April.

APRIL
Where are you taking me?

He CRACKS her in the head
with his piece.

April REELS back.

YURI
You American broads WON’T LISTEN.
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.

They drive down the strip.
Pass by shops and restaurants.

YURI
Look at all this
fucking tourist crap.
(beat)
Crafton wanted me to bring you in.
(turns, smiles)
But I told him I have better idea.
We get to play game.

APRIL
What kind of --

She shuts up.
Doesn’t want to get hit again.

YURI
Ah, you want to know what kind of game?
Well, you see, back in Russia
we have special method to get information.
Way that make Gitmo look like Camp David.
(hisses)
Waterboarding. For BABIES.
(beat)
I pride myself in being able to
keep detainee alive for WEEKS,
sometimes MONTHS.
(nasty laugh)
We’re going to have
lot of fun, babushka.

The car stops at a light.
Yuri turns his head. Sees --

EXT. CRAZY HORSE STRIP CLUB - CONTINUOUS
A trio of HOT, FLASHY STRIPPERS
come out of the club, laughing.
All hair, legs and boobs.

IN THE CAR
Yuri watches them.
Puts his tongue between two fingers,
wriggles it like a snake.

ON THE SIDEWALK
Tall, curvy does a take.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
EW. Did you see what that guy just DID?

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
(walks over, SLAPS handbag against the window)
Mother-FUCKER.

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Me love you NO-TIME.

IN THE CAR
April takes advantage of the distraction.
PIVOTS in her seat, curls into a ball,
raises her boots, pulls them back, and --

SLAMS them into Yuri’s head,
CRACKING it into the window.

APRIL
Take THAT, motherfucker!

She KICKS again, HARDER, BANG --
squishing his head like a grape.

Blood SPRAYS. The window CRACKS.

ON THE SIDEWALK
The strippers FREAK.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
Holy fucking SHIT!

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
OhmiGOD!

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

And they TAKE OFF, high-heels
CLATTERING on the pavement.

IN THE CAR
April surveys the damage. Sniffs.

APRIL
Fucker smells like CABBAGE --

She leans over,
rummages in Yuri’s pockets.

Finds a knife. Puts it in her mouth.
RIPS apart the wrist-tie.

APRIL
Thank GOD.

April rummages around.
Finds the tracking device.
Shoves it in her pocket.

Takes Yuri’s gun.
Looks at all the blood.

APRIL
Too conspicuous.
And the cops have
the license number.
Better split.

She eases out the passenger door side,
softly CLICKS it shut.

INT. GARAGE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Lead Singer stares at Cherry’s gun.
Rapidly sobering up.

LEAD SINGER
Dude. That’s a real gun.

DRUMMER
(to Lead Singer)
Chill, Brody.
She’s not gonna hurt us.
(to Cherry)
Right?

BASS PLAYER
That’s a Sig Sauer, man.
Wicked piece.

CHERRY
Shut up, all of you.
I just need someone to help me find --
(pulls out piece of paper)
1155 Queens Road.
And we need to go, NOW.

BRODY
Wait a minute. I recognize you --
you’re La Cienega Boulevard.

DRUMMER
SHIT, you’re right.

BASS PLAYER
Who?

BRODY
The porn star, dude --
La Cienega Boulevard.
(to Cherry)
Why’d you retire?
You were THE BEST.
So fucking HOT.

STAN
(to Peeler)
I thought she looked familiar.

CHERRY
(lowers her gun)
I got sick of it.
And I make a lot of money
feature dancing on the road.
I’ll be quitting that soon, too --
if I make it out of this alive.
(raises it)
So which one of you
hair metal motherfuckers
is gonna show us the way?

BRODY
I will. It’s my band.
(beat)
And we’re not 'hair metal,'
we’re DEATH metal.

Babe Alert

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. Hope you had a nice weak-end. But now it's time to get back to business. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of NOWHERE GIRL, Bel Air Security has been alerted by a 911 call from the hostages the terrorists are holding captive in their Hollywood Hills mansion. Meanwhile, further on down the hill, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation decides to get some help ... from a heavy metal band.


INT. BELL AIR SECURITY HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of cubicles, mostly empty.

A pair of FEMALE DISPATCHERS
sit side-by side at adjacent work stations.

KANEESHA (35), a big, beautiful
African American woman
with long, curled nails
turns toward her coworker.

KANEESHA
I just got another one.

MIRASOL (25), a hot, young Latina
takes a sip of coffee.

MIRASOL
Another what.

KANEESHA
Another call from the same number.
But they don’t say nothin’.
They’ve called four times
in the last half-hour.

MIRASOL
Where they at?

KANEESHA
Caller ID says they be
in the Hollywood Hills.

MIRASOL
Maybe he be havin’
a heart attack or somethin’.

KANEESHA
Maybe it’s his kid
playin’ a practical joke.

MIRASOL
Maybe not.

KANEESHA
I been on this job
over ten years,
and I think I KNOW
when it’s a real call.

MIRASOL
Suit yourself.
(beat)
I’m just sayin.’

KANEESHA
(looks at her monitor)
Shit. There it is again.
Fuck it. I’m sendin’ a car.

EXT. RANCH HOUSE GARAGE - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan
walk up to the door.

The music grows LOUDER.
Big, thick slabs of heavy metal.

PEELER
Decent band.

STAN
Sounds kinda like Sabbath.

CHERRY
Let me do the talking.

INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Small and dark, with soundproofing
on the walls and ceiling.

Four HAIRY MUSICIANS,
all early 20’s,
are rocking out
at a DEAFENING VOLUME.

Meet SKULL BONG.

The LEAD SINGER
faces a mirror,
singing to his own image.
Practicing his moves.

LEAD SINGER
'And when Satan sings,
the blood will flow,
and the HELL-MOUTH
will open for YOU' --

The side door OPENS.
In walks Cherry,
Peeler and Stan.

The band doesn’t notice,
lost in it’s dark reverie.

Cherry walks over
to the circuit breaker.
SHUTS OFF the power.

The music DIES.
Lights go OFF.

LEAD SINGER (V.O.)
DUDE. What the FUCK.

BASS PLAYER (V.O.)
I told you not to
turn the Marshall
all the way up.

DRUMMER (V.O.)
It’s Satan, dude.
And he’s PISSED.

The lights SNAP
back on.

Cherry points her gun
at the band.

LEAD SINGER
(sees her)
Whoah. BABE alert.

CHERRY
Sorry to interrupt
the concert, boys --
but I’ve been cuffed
to a suitcase nuke,
my car just died,
my ex-lover, the CIA
and Homeland security
are hot on my trail,
and I gotta go visit
some Middle-Eastern
terrorists up the hill.
(CLICKS the hammer)
So which one of you
Ozzy-wanabes is gonna
be my tour guide?