Get Your Motor Running

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's almost the end of the year, and once again it's time to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of NOWHERE GIRLS, 'super-spy twins' Cherry Nation and April Street speed down city streets in their 'safe house on wheels' RV being driven by euro-spook-for-hire Serge Reno, on the lam from criminal evil mastermind Honey Almond, when they're joined by April's ex, FBI agent Simon Cain ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A black SUV drives onto the lot,
followed by more vehicles.

They drive up to the hippie buses. Stop.
Sunday and Max hop out of the SUV. Look around.

SUNDAY
Brilliant cover.
Look at those pieces of shit.

MAX
I can smell the patchouli oil
from here --

SUNDAY
We’re one step behind them. SHIT.

A surveillance VAN pulls up near them.
They DART over to it as the door slides open.

Inside we see Horned-Rimmed Glasses Tech
and Bald, Intense Tech. They stare, dour.

SUNDAY
(rolls her eyes)
Great. The return of Frick and Frack.
You have any intel yet?

BALD, INTENSE TECH
SAT-53G has just tracked a
brightly painted recreational vehicle --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Travelling one mile south of here --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
Approaching the vicinity of the Venice pier --

HORN RIMMED GLASSES TECH
You can probably catch up to them --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
If you leave right now.

Sunday and Max nod.
RUN to the car.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge is at the wheel,
cigarette dangling from his lip.

April has taken apart the computer
and has connected the hard drive to the laptop.
Cherry watches her work.

CHERRY
You’re a regular Steve Jobs with this stuff.

APRIL
An I-Mac a day keeps the Geek Squad away.
The question is, how bad was the damage?

Her fingers FLY across the keyboard.
A loud BEEP.

They watch a stream of data
start flying across the monitor.

CHERRY
That’s good, right?

APRIL
So far, so good --

Her cell phone RINGS.
She fishes it out. Answers it.

APRIL
Street here --
(listens)
Simon. Where are you?

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
Simon sits astride a HARLEY DAVIDSON.
Following the camper.

SIMON
Right behind you, doll. Pull over.

APRIL
How did you --
(beat)
Stupid question.
See you in a sec.
(to Serge)
Serge, pull over.
It’s Simon. He’s behind us.

SERGE
Ah -- the cavalry has arrived.

He pulls the vehicle over. Stops.
A RAP-RAP-RAP on the passenger side door.

April goes to the door.
Opens it.

Simon climbs onboard.
Goes to her. They hug.

APRIL
Thanks for coming.

SIMON
That’s me. Johnny on the spot.
(looks at Cherry)
So the Doublemint Twins got
into a bit of a rough scrape, eh?

CHERRY
You could say that.

APRIL
(points at Serge)
This is Serge.

SERGE
(waves)
Hallo.

SIMON
Which agency are you with?

SERGE
(shrugs)
Former DGSE in Paris,
then Interpol in Lyon.
Now freelance.
I am, as they say,
an 'asset for hire.'
(smiles)
I like the weather here.

SIMON
(to April)
So let me get this straight.
ou’re being pursued by the Feds --
AND Honey Almond’s assassins.

APRIL
Yeah. We need to shake the FBI’s tail,
find her, AND get my kids.
And I figured with
your black ops experience --
(looks at him carefully)
You got really banged up --

SIMON
Price of doing business.
(looks at the computer)
You have any intel?

APRIL
Some. Maybe. Still waiting to see
how much we can upload from the mainframe.

SIMON
Okay. Let’s get my bike on board
and head out on the highway.

CHERRY
Looking for adventure --

APRIL
And whatever comes our way --

SERGE
(sings, LOUD)
Like a true nature’s child,
we were born, born to be wild.
We can fly so high,
I never wanna DIE.

Everyone stares.
What the -- ?

SERGE (CONT’D)
What? Just because I’m French
doesn’t mean I haven’t
seen 'Easy Rider' --

Me Kill You Long Time

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of NOWHERE GIRLS, secret agent Cherry Nation gives her sister-spook April Street a hard time for asking her help from her ex, FBI agent Simon Cain. Meanwhile, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond sends yet another assassin after the girls ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge and Cherry survey the damage.
Cherry points to the communication center,
now riddled with bullet holes.

CHERRY
We’re FUCKED. No more intel.

SERGE
It’s not a total loss.
I still have my laptop.

April comes out of the bathroom.
Walks over to them.

APRIL
Simon’s on his way.

CHERRY
The Black Widow scores again.

APRIL
Excuse me?

CHERRY
Well, didn’t you dump HIM?
And now he’s racing to the rescue?

APRIL
Cherry, they have your CHILDREN.
And in case you didn’t notice,
we were almost just KILLED.
We’re the most wanted
women on THE PLANET,
and there’s nothing WRONG
about asking for HELP.

CHERRY
You’re right, I’m sorry.
I guess I’m a little -- stressed.

SERGE
(to Cherry)
It’s human nature to go
to ex-lover for help.
It’s comfortable. Familiar.
(to April)
So while we wait for your friend,
we need to move to another location.
And you two need to transfer the intel
on the hard drive onto my laptop.

APRIL
Are you always so CALM?

SERGE
(shrugs)
I’m French --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT
Honey walks by a row of OPERATIVES
at their work stations,
monitoring intel on their computer screens.

HONEY
(to Nerdy Junior Op)
What do you mean you’ve
LOST CONTACT, Monsterburg?

MONSTERBURG
Bugs doesn’t answer.
Neither does The Bagger.
Complete radio silence.

HONEY
Well, maybe they’re in
the middle of a GUNFIGHT?
Ever thought of THAT?

MONSTERBURG
Yes, Sir.
But I’ve been trying
for over an hour,
and according to my statistics,
the average gun battle lasts
for ten-point-two minutes.
(gulps)
I’m afraid they’ve been terminated, Sir.

HONEY
GODDAMMIT.

She pulls a GLOCK from under her jacket.
Points it at him.

HONEY (CONT’D)
Terminate THIS.

His eyes bug out.
About to faint.

ROCK
Honey, please.
We’re short enough on
man power as it is.

Honey lowers the gun.
Holsters it.

HONEY
(mumbles)
Yeah. I got an email
from HR about that --

ROCK
I think we should send in
another operative.

HONEY
No shit, IDIOT. I’m THINKING.

ROCK
Perhaps we could send -- Shao Lin?

HONEY
Shao Lin? Interesting choice.
Mixed martial arts expert.
Advanced marksman --

ROCK
She finished that op
at the brothel in DC.
Now taking a breather in --
(swipes his I-phone)
Universal City.
Guess she’s doing
the studio tour thing.
(smiles)
She’s right nearby.

HONEY
BRILLIANT. And she still
has the two assistants?

ROCK
Always.
(looks at phone)
Uh -- they’re now incognito
as part of a tour group
of Japanese students,
but they can be deployed immediately.

HONEY
Call her, IMMEDIATELY.
(smiles)
'Death by sweet and sour.'
Has a nice ring to it.

ROCK
(smiles)
Me kill you long time --

Don't Get Your G-String In A Bind

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of NOWHERE GIRLS, FBI agent Simon Cain and his commando squad take down a terrorist cell in a rundown tenement. Meanwhile, his ex-lover, Homeland Security agent April Street is recovering from the attack on her RV 'safe house on wheels,' and is relieved when Simon returns her call for help, but isn't pleased when he starts flirting with her ...


EXT. HOUSING PROJECT - NIGHT
Simon and Brub stand on each side
of the front door. Raise their weapons.

Simon looks over his shoulder.
Sees everyone is in position.
Speaks into the mike on his shoulder.

SIMON
One, two, three -- NOW.

Two COMMANDOS with a battering ram
SMASH it into the door.

It FLIES OPEN. They RACE IN.

INT. SHITTY APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
A dimly-lit threadbare joint
with piece-of-shit furniture.
Radical posters. Stacks of pizza boxes.

A hafl-dozen TERRORISTS sit around
watching some strange Middle Eastern film
on a tiny black-and-white TV.

SKINNY TERRORIST
What was that?

UGLY TERRORIST
The front door.

SKINNY TERRORIST
Everyone TAKE POSITION.

They race around. Grab their weapons.
Uzi-submachine guns. Pistols.
Pipe bombs. Dynamite. Grenades.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Commandos in riot gear with shields
STAMPEDE into the building.

INSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon and Brub RACE up the stairs,
KICKING over trash cans and debris.

They reach the top.
Turn and run down --

THE HALLWAY
They STOMP down the corridor.
Get to the end.

Simon looks behind him.
Sees the commandos filling the hallway.

He approaches the door.
Raises his weapon.

SIMON
This is the FBI.
Come out with your HANDS UP,
or we’ll BLOW YOUR FUCKING HUMPS OFF.

IN THE APARTMENT
A TERRORIST opens the window blinds.

Gets SHREDDED by machine-gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

The other men look. SCREAM. Start firing at the door.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

OUTSIDE IN THE CORRIDOR
Simon and Brub FIRE into the apartment.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

They RACE into --

THE APARTMENT
Where they see A SUICIDE BOMBER
with dozens of EXPLOSIVES wrapped around his body.
Gripping a detonator for dear life.

SUICIDE BOMBER
(in Pakistani, with subtitles)
Praise ALLAH. Eat shit and DIE,
YANKEE MOTHERFUCKERS.

SIMON
WHIRLS around. YELLS at his men.

SIMON
SUICIDE BOMBER. MOVE IT.

And they all RUN away.
Simon goes to the window
at the end of the hall.
SMASHES it with his rifle.

IN THE APARTMENT
The terrorist HITS the button.

SUICIDE BOMBER
Seventy-one virgins, HERE I COME.

And the room EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.

OUTSIDE THE BUILDING
Simon JUMPS out the window.
Lands in a dumpster, BANG.

He SLAMS the lid down.

The fireball WHOOSHES out the window
as the building FLIES APART,
raining down wood, concrete,
glass, body parts.

The dumpster is PICKED UP by the blast
and THROWN against the building next door -- BANG.

The rain of smoke and fire slowly stops.
Pieces of burning wood lie on the ground.
Billowing smoke.

FBI techs starts searching through the rubbish,
looking for survivors.

The dumpster’s lid OPENS.
Simon climbs out.

Bruised and battered, but okay.
He brushes himself off.

Fishes out his cell phone.
Dials a number. Puts it to his ear.

SIMON
April?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - BATHROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
April sits on the loo. Answers her cell.

APRIL
Simon. How’d it go?

SIMON
Great. Little fuckers blew themselves up.
Saved us the trouble.
Speaking of trouble,
what the fuck have you
gotten yourself into, April?

APRIL
They kidnapped my CHILDREN,
blew up my HOUSE,
and then set us up --

SIMON
Holy shit. Are the kids okay?

APRIL
I DON’T KNOW.

SIMON
What’s your location?

APRIL
Venice.

SIMON
I’ll be there in fifteen.
(beat)
Be nice to see you again --

APRIL
Simon. I’m having a crisis here.
This is no time for flirting.

SIMON
Don’t get your g-string in a bind.
I’m on my way.

APRIL
HURRY.
(beat)
Thanks, bye.

She clicks her cell phone shut.
Simon closes his.

Puts it in his pocket.
Smiles wistfully.

SIMON
Damn, she’s hot
when she’s scared shitless --

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. Hope you had a happy Xmas. But enough holiday cheer, because now it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of NOWHERE GIRLS, the shit hits the fan when super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street start to make their getaway in black op spook Serge Reno's RV 'safe house on wheels,' when they're suddenly attacked by 'Assassin To The Stars' The Bagger and his evil henchwoman Lemon LeBon ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
April CLICKS her phone shut.
Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op.
Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister
FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.

HITS the floor.
A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB.
We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER.

Serge turns the wheel,
turns off onto the shoulder. Stops.

OUTSIDE ON THE FREEWAY
The Bagger pulls over behind them.

BAGGER
Got you now, me pretties --

IN THE MOTOR HOME
The compartment has filled with GREEN SMOKE.
April and Cherry CHOKE on the fumes.
Serge holds a handkerchief to his mouth.

CHERRY
What the fuck IS THIS?

SERGE
It’s CHLORINE GAS.
It’ll KILL US.
Open THE WINDOWS.

GAGGING and CHOKING,
they go to the windows.

Serge YANKS one open.
The gas starts to escape as --

Lemon FLIES DOWN from the ceiling,
HITS the floor wearing a gas mask.

A BEAM OF LIGHT on her rifle
starts sweeping through the smoke.

LEMON
Yippee-kai-yay, tuna-FUCKERS.

April sees her, DUCKS.
ROLLS across the floor.

GRABS her by the ankles.
She FALLS OVER, THUD.
Starts FIRING blindly.

Bullets PING-PING-PING around the trailer.
POP. ZZZZZZT. The plasma screen bites the dust.

Cherry RACES over.
PUNCHES her in the stomach, OOF.
RIPS the mask off her face.

LEMON
(choking)
GAAAAA -- NO.

The Bagger LEAPS through a open window,
also in a gas mask.
He raises an Uzi --

BAGGER
Faster, pussycat -- KILL, KILL.

And starts blindly SHOOTING
through the fog in a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

Serge RACES up behind him.
GRABS him a bear hug.

Cherry GRABS Lemon,
WHIRLS her around so she’s
facing The Bagger.

Her body gets SPRAYED.
JERKING like a rag doll.

Serge HEAD-BUTTS The Bagger.
He TRIPS, falls over.

April RACES OVER. GRABS his gun.
CRACKS him on the head with it.

But Bagger’s one vicious thug.
He tries to GRAB it from April.

They HIT the floor, roll around,
fighting for control.
PUNCHING, KICKING, HITTING each other.

Serge pulls out a Walther PPK.
Tries to take aim at his head,
but can’t get clear a shot.

April and Bagger continue fighting.
Get near Cherry, who’s got her Glock out,
also trying to get a shot.

Cherry STOMPS on the floor
with the heel of her boot.

A ten-inch steel blade
FLIES out of the toe --

And she SHOVES it in his face
with a sickening CRUNCH.

He stops moving.
A pool of blood starts
forming on the carpet.

APRIL
(wide-eyed)
Where did you get THAT?

CHERRY
(RIPS it out of his head)
Sorry. Forget to tell you --

She wipes the blood off
on Bagger’s shirt.

KICKS the floor with her heel.
It SHOOTS back in the boot.

CHERRY
Beta test, from Apple.
(smiles)
The 'I-Blade.'

The Spy Who Dumped Me

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of NOWHERE GIRLS, things really start to heat up when super-spy April Street calls her ex, black ops spook Simon Caine for help, just as their 'safe house on wheels' is attacked. Meanwhile, FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo are closing in on their location ...


EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - CRIME SCENE - NIGHT
Sunday and Max walk up to a PANEL TRUCK.
Sunday knocks on the window.
The side door OPENS. They peer in.

MAX
You get the location yet?

IN THE TRUCK
A pair of SURVEILLANCE TECHS
turn and look at them.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
Yeah, we did, but --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
We lost the signal.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
They realized we could track them --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
And then destroyed the phone.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
They were in Venice Beach.
But they’re probably now in transit --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
They were in a parking lot --

BALD, INTENSE TECH
Inside a hippie motor home --

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Painted all crazy, you know,
like the Partridge Family.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
(sings, monotone)
I think I love you,
so what am I so afraid of?

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Great karaoke number.

The techs look at each other.
Nod. Sip their coffee.

SUNDAY
You two should take your act on the road.

HORN-RIMMED GLASSES TECH
Oh, gosh, no. Strictly against regulations.

BALD, INTENSE TECH
(to Horn-Rimmed)
Are you sure about that?

MAX
ENOUGH. Just gimme the address.

Bald, Intense scribbles on a scrap of paper.
Hands it over. Max SNATCHES it out his hand.

MAX (CONT’D)
You two outta get out more often.

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge drives, cigarette dangling on his lip.
Cherry rides shotgun.
Watches the scenery out the window.

April sits on a built-in couch on the wall behind them.
Pulls out her cell. Punches a number. Listens.

APRIL
Feets don’t fail me now --
(listens)
Simon, it’s me, April. Pick up.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. HOUSING PROJECT - AT THAT MOMENT
A group of COMMANDOS IN BLACK
take position around the perimeter
of a burned-out apartment block.

Looks abandoned, except for a dim light
glowing on the second floor.

Leading the charge is a tall, rugged,
good-looking bloke.

Meet SIMON CAINE (30), Brit ex-pat.
If Clive Owen and Daniel Craig
had a love child, he’d be it.

Lady killer deluxe.
Three-day stubble.
Piercing blue eyes glint
with machismo smarts.

Right now he’s checking his weapon.
SHOVES in a clip, CHINK.

His cell VIBRATES in his pocket.
He pulls it out.

SIMON
(whispers)
Shit. Not now --
(looks at the number)
Great.
(answers it)
April. It’s not a good time --

APRIL
Sorry to bother you, Simon --
but it’s an emergency --

SIMON
I know. I saw it on the news.
What the fuck?
(sighs)
I’m in the middle of something.
Call you back in fifteen.

APRIL

You’re on an op?
SIMON
About to take out a terrorist cell.

APRIL
Shit. Where?

SIMON
Compton.

APRIL
Compton? Taliban in the Hood?

SIMON
Don’t have time for witty banter, babe.
Call you back.

He CLICKS his phone shut.
The commando next to him smiles.

GRINNING COMMANDO
Don’t tell me. Your ex?

SIMON
Bitch left me, but won’t leave me alone.

GRINNING COMMANDO
The spy who dumped me.

SIMON
Funny, Brub. C’mon, let’s do this.
(pulls out his walkie)
Green Fox, you in position?
(listens)
Roger that.
(to Grinning)
Let’s take the towel-heads to the cleaners,
whattaya say?

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
April CLICKS her phone shut. Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op.
Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister
FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.

HITS the floor.
A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB. We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER --

Fast, Cheap And Horny

Happy X, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of NOWHERE GIRLS, the shit is about to hit the fan when 'Assassin To The Stars' The Bagger and his junior hitwoman Lemon LeBon get ready to attack super-spies Cherry Nation and April street, now in their mobile safe house on wheels. But first he checks in with his boss, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond, who right now is getting 'up close and personal' with her aide de camp Rock Vargas ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge sits at a workstation against
one wall of the main room.

Looks at a computer monitor,
which is flashing rows of data.

Cherry and April crowd around and watch.

SERGE
These are all the calls
she made in the last month.

APRIL
(points)
Look. Alot of the numbers are the same.

CHERRY
How much you wanna bet that’s Honey’s number?

SERGE
Exactly.
(punches on the keyboard)
Problem is, the location is encrypted.
So, I need to decipher it.
I’ve got a copy of this Al Qaeda program
on the black market that --

APRIL
Al Qaeda? REALLY?

SERGE
Yes. It’s state-of-the-art.
Developed by the Russians.
It can decrypt almost any --

He closes his eyes. Sighs.

CHERRY
What’s wrong?

SERGE
I just realized.
The only copy I had
is back at the safe house.

APRIL
SHIT. I just realized something --

CHERRY
What?

APRIL
OUR location can be tracked on Bibi’s PHONE.

SERGE
MERDE.

He GRABS the phone.
THROWS it to the floor.
SMASHES it with his boot. CRUNCH.

CHERRY
I hope we were in time.

APRIL
Let’s not stay around long enough
to find out, okay?

SERGE
Oui. It is time, as they say,
to get out of Dodge.

EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger and Lemon carefully approach the parking lot.

BAGGER
We go in through the roof. Air vent.

LEMON
I’ll go in first, because I’m smaller --

BAGGER
Not to mention lemon-fresh.

LEMON
You wish.

BAGGER
Shit. I better check in.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Ducks down behind a old pickup truck.
Dials a number. Lemon joins him. Crouches down.

BAGGER (CONT'D)
Hello, chief. It’s the Bag-man.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - PRIVATE OFFICE - NIGHT
The blinds are closed.
She’s sitting on the desk,
skirt up around her waist,
being serviced by Rock.

A red phone on her desk RINGS.

HONEY
Shit.

ROCK
Ignore it.

HONEY
(looks)
I can’t. It’s 'The Assassin To The Stars.'
And he’s due for a REAMING.

He stops. Looks crestfallen.
She grabs the receiver.

Motions for him to continue.
He shakes his head 'really?'

Then starts thrusting HARDER. FASTER.

HONEY (CONT'D)
(into the phone)
You fucking -- ASSHOLE.
How could you LET THEM ESCAPE?

She GASPS. Approaching liftoff.

BAGGER
But it’s okay, I’ve --

HONEY
Shut the fuck and LISTEN to me --
(gasps)
If you don’t GET THEM, PRONTO --
it’s your ASS IN A SLING, GOT IT?

BAGGER
I got it. But I know where they are,
I followed them --

HONEY
(moans, starting to climax)

Uhhhhhh --
(shakes her head)
What did you say?

BAGGER
I said I FOLLOWED THEM.
They’re holed up in a camper at Venice Beach.
I’m about to approach.
(cups the phone, to Lemon)
I think she’s having sex --

HONEY
Then fucking GET THEM, Bag --
(gasps)

Ah, ah, ah, AHHHHHHH --
She lets out an EAR-SPLITTING SHRIEK of pleasure.
The Bagger holds the phone up to Lemon.
She smiles. Gives a thumbs-up.

BAGGER
Boss? You there? Everything okay?

Rock dismounts. Pulls his pants up.
Triumphant. Honey lights a cigarette.
Smiles dreamily. Exhales a big cloud of smoke.

HONEY
Never better. I was being defiled.
(beat)
Uh, debriefed. I was being debriefed --

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge gets behind the wheel.
April slides into the passenger seat.
Cherry stands behind them.

APRIL
So where to?

SERGE
Hollywood. The area code is three-two-three.
Then we work on decrypting her location.

CHERRY
(pushes out her chest)
Hollywood or BUST.

APRIL
Wait a minute. I just had an idea.
I could call my ex --

CHERRY
What ex? You haven’t told me about him.

APRIL
No, I -- broke his heart.
(sighs)
It’s a long story. He’s black ops, NSA.
We were always on opposite ends of the globe.
It was great, but I only got to see him
a couple times a year, if that,
and it just kinda -- tapered off.

CHERRY
But I thought absence
makes the heart grow fonder.

APRIL
If you live in Kansas, maybe.
But not when you’re in deep cover
with a terrorist cell in Budapest --

OUTSIDE THE RV
The Bagger and Lemon approach
the back of the vehicle.
Which starts to roll away.

LEMON
Shit, it’s MOVING.

BAGGER
Quick, catch up with it.
Climb up on the roof.
I’ll follow in the car.

LEMON
Okay --
She DASHES OFF after it.
GRABS onto the steel rungs on the back.
Starts climbing up.

Stops, turns, blows Bagger a kiss.

The Bagger looks.
Starts quickly walking toward the SUV.

BAGGER
What a doll. Just how I like ‘em.
Fast, cheap and horny.

It Only Hurts When I Punch Someone

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of NOWHERE GIRLS, it's the calm before the storm when black ops spook Serge Reno escorts covert ops Cherry Nation and April Street into their new Winnebago safe house on wheels. Meanwhile, 'assassin to the stars' The Bagger and junior hitman Lemon LeBon are hot on their tail, as are FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BOARDWALK - NIGHT
Deserted at this hour. Except for a few piles
of humanity wrapped in rags, dozing peacefully.

Serge, Cherry and April walk briskly
toward the parking lot at the north end.

APRIL
(to Cherry)
How’s your leg?

CHERRY
Don’t think I’ll be dancing anytime soon.
How’s your arm?

APRIL
It only hurts when I punch someone.

SERGE
We’re almost there.

They get to the lot.
There’s a few old, trashy MOTOR HOMES
parked at the end.

Ratty, painted with crude bright colors.
Blacked out windows. Graffiti.
Weird shit piled on top.

Serge walks up to the largest one.
It has a sign on the window.
JESUS WAS HOMELESS.

SERGE (CONT’D)
And here we are.
Be it ever so humble --

He looks around.
Satisfied that no one is following them.
Unlocks the door. Opens it. Beckons them inside.

SERGE (CONT’D)
Entre, s’il vous plait.

Cherry and April exchange glances.
Shrug. Start up the steps.

INT. MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS
Breathtakingly beautiful. Plush carpet.

Giant plasma screen. State-of-the-art
communications and computer technology.
New galley. Comfy furniture. The works.

CHERRY
Wow, this joint is THE BOMB.

APRIL
We be riding in STYLE.

Serge closes the door.
SPINS a wheel, LOCKS it, CLICK.

SERGE
We have rations for a month.
Global satellite tracking.
A complete arsenal,
including heat-seaking missiles.
(smiles)
And it sleeps two comfortably.
Three is a bit of a squeeze,
but I think we can manage.

Cherry blushes.

APRIL
No time for shenanigans, kids.
We’ve got to get on the stick, pronto.
Uncle Sam wants our ass like grass.
(to Serge)
C’mon, let’s upload Bibi’s phone data
and check out her intel.

Serge pulls Bibi’s cell out his pocket.
Holds it up. Smiles.

SERGE
Let your fingers do the spying --

EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT
Down the street, Bugs’ SUV comes to a stop
where the street ends at the boardwalk.

INT. BUGS SUV - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger leans out the window,
looks through binoculars.
Turns and looks at Lemon.

BAGGER
Bingo. They went into that motor home.

LEMON
(looks)
One of those shitty homeless RV’s? Ew.

BAGGER
No, it’s brilliant. Perfect cover.
(opens the door)
C’mon, let’s go open us a can of vagina.
(turns to Bugs)
You come, too. The more the merrier.

BUGS
(big smile)
Let’s rock-n-ROLLA.
(pulls out his weapon)
Lock, stock and two smoking BARRELS.

They pile out of the vehicle.

EXT. STREET CORNER - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger pulls out a 9MM Baretta with a silencer.
SHOOTS Bugs in the head. THWIP.
He falls into a row of shrubs, THUD.

LEMON
What did you do THAT for?

BAGGER
I fucking HATE Guy Ritchie --

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
It’s a madhouse. Medical techs are
taking away dead FBI agents on stretchers.

Crime scene techs are sifting
through the rubble looking for evidence.

Sunday and Max stand nearby, watching.
Sipping coffee. Sunday is listening
to someone on her cell phone. She nods slowly.

SUNDAY
(on the phone)
Excellent, York. You get a gold star.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Put it in her pocket.

MAX
It would seem that our plucky lasses
escaped by the skin of their teeth.

SUNDAY
Not so fast, super sleuth.
I just received word from HQ
that La Salle’s cell phone is still active.

MAX
Then that means --

SUNDAY
They’ve got it.
And we can track their tight,
little asses with it.

MAX
I like the sound of THAT.

SUNDAY
Thought you might.

MAX
Well, I’m actually more of a leg man --

Long And Hard

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of NOWHERE GIRLS, an FBI commando squad starts a full-on assault to covert op Bibi LaSalle's safe house, and deep stealth agents Cherry Nation and April Street narrowly make their escape. Meanwhile, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond gets 'up close and personal' with her aide de camp, Rock Vargas ...


INT. BIBI'S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT
The back door EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL -- BANG.

Two FBI AGENTS IN BLACK stand in the doorway.
Weapons aimed.

IRATE FBI AGENT
FBI, NOBODY MOVE --
YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.

Bibi WHIPS her weapon at them and start FIRING.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Their bodies get SPRAYED with bullets.
HIT the ground. THWUMP, THWUMP.

Serge YELLS at them,
half-way down into the tunnel.

SERGE
C’mon, LET’S GO.

The front door EXPLODES.
Three more AGENTS storm in.

Start FIRING at them in a SPRAY OF MACHINE GUN FIRE.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Cherry and April LEAP behind the couch. Return fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

Bibi RACES for the trap door,
but gets SHREDDED with bullets.

Her I-phone SKITTERS across the floor.
Serge GRABS it. Ducks.

A tear gas SMOKE BOMB
flies across the room.

Lands at the girls’ feet.
Starts BILLOWING poisonous gas.

APRIL
SHIT.

The room starts filling with SMOKE.
The girls continue FIRING.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

April sees the bag on the couch
where Serge got the Uzis.

She leans over, opens it.
Pulls out a GRENADE.

APRIL
Come to MOMMA.

Cherry sees it. Eyes grow wide.
April pulls out another.

CHERRY
Thank you baby JESUS.

APRIL
(hands one to Cherry)
You hit the back,
I’ll get the front.

She raises her Uzi,
fires at the front door,
keeping the agents at bay.

Two more AGENTS rush in the back door,
step over the bodies.

Red high-beams on their weapons
searching through the smoke.

The girls NOD. Pull the pins.
THROW them. DUCK.

CHERRY’S GRENADE
Lands at the feet
of the agents in the back. BOOM.

A massive FIREBALL engulfs them.
Wood and metal goes FLYING.

A pipe BURSTS.
Starts SPRAYING a fountain of water.

APRIL’S GRENADE
HITS the agents at the front door. BOOM.

Their bodies EXPLODE in a red mist.
SPRAYING the wood and metal that goes FLYING.

APRIL AND CHERRY
Look at each other. Nod.

Race toward the open trap door,
and FLY down the ladder.

IN THE TUNNEL ENTRANCE
Standing on the ladder,
PELTED with debris,
April GRABS the trap door,
and YANKS it shut. BANG.

They both exhale. Climb down into --

INT. TUNNEL CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
Serge stands there, waiting, cradling his Uzi.
Smiles grimly.

SERGE
Good work.
(beat)
Where’s Bibi?

CHERRY
Bibi bit the bullet.

APRIL
GODDAMMIT. She could have led us
to Honey Almond’s location.

SERGE
(holds up the I-phone)
Not to worry. I have her phone.
(swipes it with his finger)
Have all the information you need, on demand.

APRIL
Now THAT’S what I call an App --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey sits at her desk,
watches a stream of data on the computer monitor.
Pours a shot of whiskey. DOWNS it.

Rock Vargas stands in the doorway.

ROCK
I have some -- news, chief.

Honey WHIRLS around. Stares at him.
Eyes burning brightly.

HONEY
What the FUCK happened?

ROCK
Please. Don’t shoot the messenger --

HONEY
What the fuck HAPPENED? TELL ME.

ROCK
The FBI -- beat us to the target.

HONEY
WHAT? How did that HAPPEN?
(to herself)
Fucking Bagger. Perverted sonofabitch --

ROCK
Bugs texted me.
It seems Bag-man picked up
an assistant on the way,
which slowed down his approach --

Honey LEAPS up.
GRABS a paperweight off the desk.

THROWS it at the wall. Rock DUCKS.
It HITS the plaster, CRACK.

HONEY
That LOSER. GODDAMMIT.

ROCK
I know, I know, I know --

HONEY
So tell me the fuck what HAPPENED.

ROCK
Uh, Bibi got shredded
into chunks in sauce --
and Street and Nation got away.

Honey stops. Cocks her head.
Eyes blinking madly.

HONEY
Well, at least it’s not ALL bad news.

ROCK
I’ve taken the liberty of
diverting The Bagger onto Street and Nation --
(beat)
Just wanted you to know.

HONEY
(throaty)
Close the door.

Rock does. Looks at her. Quizzical.

ROCK
What did you want to talk about, chief?

Honey walks over to him.
Puts her hand on his crotch.

HONEY
Shut the fuck up, Jason Bourne
and give me your ultimatum.
Long and hard.

Two Hooters, No Waiting

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of NOWHERE GIRLS, the shit is about to hit the fan when notorious assassin The Bagger and FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo both converge on our hero's safe house. Meanwhile, inside, covert agents Cherry Nation, April Street and Bibi LaSalle prepare for battle ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT
Sunday and Max sip cups of coffee.
Huddle in the corner.
Watch the other FBI agents
scurry about.

MAX
You gotta say it was a brilliant op.
Using a tall blond with big tits --

SUNDAY
Idiots are in jail, and now
fielding offers from three networks
for a fucking REALITY SHOW.
Our great nation is going in the TOILET.
They should be fucking SHOT.
(sips coffee)
All that crap on TV makes me sick --

MAX
I dunno. I kinda like JERSEY SHORE.
(chuckles)
The Situation --

STRANGE-LOOKING OP (O.C.)
I’ve GOT IT.

Sunday and Max WHIP their heads
in the direction of --

STRANGE-LOOKING
Standing at his desk. Fist pumped.

STRANGE-LOOKING OP (CONT'D)
I got their address.
It’s fifteen minutes from here.

SUNDAY
(races toward him)
Good work, York. If this pans out,
you’ll get a condemnation.
(to the room)
ALRIGHT everybody, let’s MOBILIZE.
Let’s GET THOSE FUCKING BITCHES.

An older, tired-look agent looks at Max.
Shakes his head.

OLDER, TIRED-LOOKING AGENT
She always so -- feisty?

MAX
You should see her after
she’s had a couple of cocktails.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Bibi, Cherry and April sit on the couch
with cups of coffee.

Serge looks at the door.
Thinking.

SERGE
Coffee break is over.
We have to get moving.

BIBI
What do you mean?
The tracking device has been disabled.

APRIL
He’s right. The Feds will be here any minute.
We’re talking the state-of-the-fucking-art
spy satellite tracking, heat-seeking surveillance,
the works.

SERGE
(nods)
I have a motor home
parked not far from here.
It will be a little snug,
but it can be our temporary
base of operations
until we find somewhere else.

CHERRY
I like the sound of 'snug' --

APRIL
Down, girl.

EXT. BUNGALOW - SIDE ALLEY - NIGHT
The Bagger and Lemon creep carefully in the darkness.
Walk up to a side window. Try to peer in.

BAGGER
Damn blinds. Can’t see a fucking thing.

LEMON
Maybe we should go to the front door?

BAGGER
Which ruse, 'naughty census taker?'

LEMON
At this hour? In this outfit?
Nah. Was thinking Stripper-gram.

BAGGER
(nods)
Element of surprise. Distract ‘em.

LEMON
(opens her jacket)
Two hooters, no waiting.

The Bagger hears something.
Turns his head.

BAGGER
What was that?

LEMON
I heard it too --

BAGGER
(finger to lips)
Shhhh --

They quietly start creeping
toward the house next door.

BAGGER (CONT'D)
Smells like G-men --

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A dozen FBI AGENTS in flak jackets pile out
of tricked-out SUV’s carrying submachine guns.
Start approaching the house quietly, surrounding it.

Sunday and Max get out of their vehicle.
Watch the action. Sunday lights up a smoke.

SUNDAY
I love the smell of estrogen in the evening.

MAX
So, uh -- do you ever let anyone -- join in?

SUNDAY
I laugh on your lapel, G-man.
In your DREAMS. Keep it up,
and I’ll report you for sexual HARASSMENT.
I’ve got Gloria Alred on SPEED-DIAL.

MAX
Jeez. Alright, okay --
(beat)
Don’t get your panties in a bind.
(smiles)
I mean -- briefs.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Serge hands the girls Uzi submachine guns
and extra clips.

SERGE
Here. You’re going to need these --

APRIL
For me? You shouldn’t have.

CHERRY
The gift that keeps shooting.

BIBI
(examines it)
Oooh. This is the new model --

Serge goes to a spot in the floor.
Pulls aside a rug, revealing a trap door.
He gets down, opens it. Looks at them.

SERGE
Good to have, just in case --

The back door EXPLODES
in a massive FIREBALL -- BANG.

Two FBI AGENTS IN BLACK
stand in the doorway. Weapons aimed.

IRATE FBI AGENT
FBI, NOBODY MOVE -- YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.

Take Me To Your Honey Pot

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Hump Day! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRLS, this really start to heat up when 'Assassin To The Stars' The Bagger and his henchwoman Lemon Lebon start tracking Homeland Security agents April Street's and Cherry Nation's location at interpol agent Bibi LaSalle's safe house -- but before they get too near, Serge removes the GPS tracking device that had been planted in Bibi's neck ...


INT. BUGS’ SUV - NIGHT
Bugs sits behind the wheel.
Looks at The Bagger quizzically.

BUGS
Did you clear it with Honey?

BAGGER
Hell, no. Mind your own business.
You’re the DRIVER, that’s it.
So if you know what’s good for you,
zip the lip. This is MY op.

BUGS
But --

A soft RAP-RAP-RAP on the tinted window.
Bagger rolls it down, revealing -- Lemon.
She leans in the window.

BAGGER
Hey there, worker bee.
Ready to dive bomb the hive?

LEMON
Take me to your honey pot.

She opens the rear door.
Hops in. Looks at Bugs.

LEMON (CONT’D)
Wow. This must be big.
We’ve got a driver and everything.

BUGS
I’m not a DRIVER.
I’ll have you know
I’m clearance level six.
(to The Bagger)
You can’t expect me to believe
Lady Gaga here is an OPERATIVE.

BAGGER
My dear boy, this is Lemon LeBon.
She can kill a man in six languages.

LEMON
Seven, actually.

She reaches forward,
PINCHES a spot on Bugs’ neck.

LEMON (CONT’D)
Umrijeti.

He HOWLS with pain.
SWATS her hand away.

BUGS
OW. What the fuck was THAT?

LEMON
Sibenik death grip.
All the rage in Croatia.
Don’t leave eastern Europe without it.

BAGGER
Enough foreplay.
Let’s rock the fucking ROLL.
We have terrorists to seduce.
VAGINAS to capture.

Bugs puts the car in gear.
Switches on the GPS.
Starts driving. Mutters to himself.

BUGS
I just HAD to leave the CIA --

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Bibi lies on the couch on her side.
Serge has drawn a red circle on her neck.
He sterilizes the scalpel in alcohol.

SERGE
Ingenious. They disguised the
entry wound as a birthmark.

BIBI
No. That is real birthmark.
They took it off, then put it back on.

SERGE
Like I said. Ingenious --

IN THE KITCHEN AREA
Cherry huddles with April,
looks white as a ghost.
The enormity of what’s happening
is finally sinking in.

APRIL
How you holding up?

CHERRY
I’ve been better --
(beat)
If that bitch hurts my kids, so help me god,
there’s gonna be HELL to pay.

APRIL
We’ll gonna get this Honey Almond
character, trust me.

CHERRY
But how?

APRIL
(looks at Bibi)
Well, Bibi DOES know her location. Hello.

CHERRY
That’s RIGHT. Shit.
I’m not TOO distracted --

SERGE (O.C.)
That’s it, all done. As good as new.

The girls turn, look.
Bibi sits on the couch
with a bandage on her neck.
Smiles at the girls brightly.

BIBI
(sings, off-key)
I’m fucked with Band-Aid,
and Band-Aid’s fucked with me --

INT. BUGS’ SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
The crunchy snarl of The Sex Pistols’ SUBMISSION over --

Bugs and the gang cruising down
Pacific Avenue in Venice.

He glances at the GPS.
Turns white. Looks at The Bagger.

BUGS
The signal. It STOPPED.

BAGGER
WHAT?

BUGS
(points)
It stopped blinking.

BAGGER
Somebody disabled the tracking device?

BUGS
But according to Honey,
it was implanted UNDER HER SKIN.

BAGGER
Shit, piss, fuck, COCKSUCKER.
(beat)
How close were we before it went out?

BUGS
Just a couple of blocks.

BAGGER
Pull over, NOW.

Bugs does. Sighs. Looks at Bagger.

BUGS
Okay, what now?

BAGGER
You stay in the car.
Lemon and I will search door-to-door.

LEMON
Ooh, goody. Like Halloween.

The Bagger pulls out a snub-nosed
Uzi submachine gun out of his coat.
Raises it. Grins.

BAGGER
Except this time, the trick IS the treat --

Jesus Fucking Christ On A Stick

Hello, Ruby Tuesday, will they hang a noose on you? Happy TUESDAY, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of NOWHERE GIRLS, after black op spook Serge Reno finishes bandaging Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation's and April Street's gunshot wounds at rogue agent Bibi LaSalle's safe house, Bibi makes an unexpected -- and horrific confession. Meanwhile, FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo get a little 'hot under the collar' ...


INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT
April’s now sitting on the couch.
Serge is dressing and bandaging
the wound on her arm.

The girls sit on a sofa facing them.
Bibi picks up a remote. CLICKS on the TV.

BIBI
Let’s see if ze media’s picked it up yet.

ON THE GIANT PLASMA-SCREEN
We see a SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR (20’s)
in a tight, shiny, mini-suit
standing in front of the White House.

SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR
-- where two impostors
crashed tonight’s State Dinner,
one of whom was wearing what
was later discovered to be a fake bomb vest.
The President has ordered a review
of security procedures to find out
exactly how this happened.
(cocks her head with importance)
What makes this story even more scary
is the fact that two federal agents were involved.

A PICTURE OF CHERRY AND HOLLY
Fills the screen.

SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Homeland Security agents
Cherry Nation and April Street
are now wanted fugitives
in connection with this attack.
If you see them, please notify
your local authorities immediately.
But be warned, they are
armed and considered EXTREMELY dangerous.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Everyone stares at the screen,
open-mouthed. Except Serge.

CHERRY
Jesus fucking Christ on a stick.

APRIL
Holy fucking shit. We’re FUCKED.

SERGE
Not to worry. You are safe with us.

Bibi looks at Serge guiltily.

BIBI
I’m afraid I’m going to need more
of your surgical experience, mon cher.

SERGE
What for? You have no -- gunshot wound?

BIBI
I’ve got something worse, I’m afraid.

Bibi turns green.

BIBI (CONT’D)
In all the excitement,
I completely forgot about it.
It was years ago --
(swallows)
When I went deep cover
in Honey’s operation two years ago,
she had me microchipped.

APRIL
What the fuck?

CHERRY
Like a DOG?

BIBI
Oui.
(beat)
And we need to cut it out NOW,
or else her people will be here ANY MINUTE.

Serge sticks his hand into his surgical bag.
Pulls out a scalpel. Smiles grimly.

SERGE
Then I guess we’d better cut to the chase.
(beat)
So to speak --

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT
The muster room has been
converted into a command post.

Rows of FBI AGENTS man workstations
with laptops and LED screens showing data.
Spy satellite footage. News feeds.

Sunday watches a monitor with Max.

ON THE SCREEN
We see the boat the girls
were in earlier hit the shore,
then disappear under the Venice Pier.

SUNDAY
Points at the screen.

SUNDAY
Street and Nation are in Venice.

MAX
(squints)
That’s them alright.
Do we have their exact location?
And who’s the chick with them?

SUNDAY
Not yet.
(shakes her head)
I don’t know WHO that is --
(to the room)
Anybody track where the car went yet?

A STRANGE-LOOKING NERD AGENT
looks up from his laptop.

STRANGE-LOOKING NERD AGENT
Almost. Another minute or two.
Checking Sat fifty-four-twelve --

SUNDAY
Well, hurry the fuck up.
(to Max)
They stole a VW bus,
but then drove out of range.
(to another agent)
How we doing with the ID
of the third person?

A SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
jerks her head toward Sunday.

SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
Searching databases. Nothing yet.

SUNDAY
Are you checking domestic AND foreign?

SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
Uh, domestic --

SUNDAY
HEL-LO? Get your ass in gear,
agent Lacy, PRONTO.

AGENT LACY
Y-yes, Ma’am.

She ducks down, fingers furiously
flying across the keyboard.

Max nods at Sunday.
They move off to the side
away from the group.

Sunday sips her coffee.
Eyes glinting.

MAX
Op getting you worked up?

SUNDAY
I love the smell of the hunt.
Gets my blood pumping.

MAX
Speaking of 'pumping,'
what do you say we catch some
R and R after we nab the ultra-vixens?
I know this great little dive bar nearby --

Sunday turns white.
GRABS Max by the balls.
SQUEEZES. HARD.

SUNDAY
Now you listen to me, OLD-TIMER.
Homey don’t play that way, GOT IT?

She lets go. Max gasps. Holds his crotch.

MAX
G-got it.

SUNDAY
And if I WAS into guys,
it sure as HELL wouldn’t be
a burned out old FUCK like YOU.
Capish?

MAX
Y-yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry.
I -- get worked up, too.
That was totally unprofessional,
and I feel like a total jackass.
Accept my apology?

SUNDAY
(cocks her head)
Oh my god. Did you hear that?

MAX
Hear what?

SUNDAY
Hell. It just froze over --

You Got A Stick Up Your Ass?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Monday. Say you're bored? Dreading the work week? Well, it's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo, who have just commandeered the Santa Monica police headquarters as their base of operations on their quest to catch April Street and Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, The Bagger calls his favorite assistant assassin, Lemon LeBon, who's right now shakin' it at Club Cherry in West Hollywood ...


EXT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A quaint, almost run-down
building near City Hall.

The front drive is jammed
with black SUV’s.

INT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
A swarm of FBI AGENTS IN BLACK SUITS
are clustered around the front desk.

A FEMALE AGENT (20’s), hot-as-hell,
severe in Armani, blonde and blue-eyed,
SHOUTS at the bug-eyed DESK SERGEANT.

GORGEOUS AGENT
I could give a SHIT
about RULES OF PROCEDURE.
This is a matter
of NATIONAL SECURITY.
We’re taking over the
station, UNDERSTAND.
We’re FBI, and NO ONE
fucks with us. GOT it?

Meet SUNDAY SPARKS (30’s),
task force chief. Ruthless. Vicious.
Hell of an agent. Great legs.
And, hey -- nice rack.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
(reaches for his phone)
Let me call the chief --

A shorter, older AGENT (40’s)
eyes burning with fire,
POUNDS on the desk with his fist.

OLDER AGENT
Now listen to me, you dumb FUCK.
Two rogue federal agents
were just involved in a
security breach at THE WHITE HOUSE.
We haven’t got time to FUCK AROUND.
Now show us a room where we can
fucking SET UP OUR EQUIPMENT,
or I’ll have you checking parking meters
in a SKIRT.

Meet MAX CARGO (50’s), senior agent.
Brusque. No-nonsense.
And right now, ready to
punch someone’s lights out.

Scared Desk Sergeant gets up.
Points down the corridor.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
R-right this way.

SUNDAY
You got a stick up your ass?
MOVE IT.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
(nods, starts walking)
Yes, sir. Uh, ma’am -- uh --

INT. SLEAZY CLUB - NIGHT
David Bowie/T-Rex 70’s rock
at an EAR-SHREDDING volume.

Very glam, very glitter.
The packed club is jamming.

Smoke machines. Mirrored balls.
Go-go dancers on pillars.

Boys, girls and everything inbetween
writhe with abandon.

A COOL GUY (25) and a HOT CHICK
twist and shake it.

The babe, (23), mod, waifish,
vibrates like a woman possessed.

THE CHICK
Stops dancing. Opens her eyes.
Pulls out her BlackBerry.

CLOSE ON --

The LCD display.

THE GEESE ARE IN FLIGHT.
PACK YOUR LIPSTICK. LOVE, MOM.

THE CHICK
YELLS something in the guy's ear.
BOLTS for the door.

EXT. SLEAZY CLUB - CONTINUOUS
She FLIES down the outside staircase.
Six-inch platforms CLATTER,
BANG-BANG-BANG down the metal steps.

ON THE SIDEWALK
She fingers a number on her cell.
Jumps into her red Mazda Miata convertible.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. OCEAN AVENUE - NIGHT
Bugs’ Black Porche SUV idles curbs side.

INT. BUGS’ SUV - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger sits in the passenger side,
talks on his cell. Winks at Bugs.
Fires up a smoke.

BAGGER
Lemon. It’s Poppa Bear.

LEMON
This is awfully
last-minute notice, Baggy.
I’m wired on coke,
completely shit-faced
and I’m wearing six-inch heels.

BAGGER
The clock's running, girlie-girl,
no time to worry about that.
You pack the trunk?

LEMON
Honey, my trunk is always packed.

BAGGER
Solid. Then let’s make some lemonade.

Your Birka Or Mine?

Hey there, crime kids. TGI-fucking-F. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet black ops spook Honey Almond's assassin-for-hire, The Bagger, who has been sent to eliminate super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street. Meanwhile, at interpol agent Bibi LaSalle's safe house in Venice Beach, her compatriot Serge Reno takes care of Cherry's bullet injury, as well as her heart ...


EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A VW BUS chugs along up the coastal thoroughfare.

INT. VW BUS - CONTINUOUS
Bibi’s behind the wheel. April sits next to her.
Cherry sits behind April, shivering in the cold.

CHERRY
I’m fucking freezing. Are we almost there?

BIBI
Oui. Just another couple of blocks.

APRIL
So what’s the deal with Honey Almond?
Why is she setting us up?

BIBI
You must have hurt someone close to her.

APRIL
Well, that only narrows it down
to a few hundred people.

EXT. VENICE CAFE - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger sits at an outdoor table
with a cup of coffee. Fingering his I-Phone.
Stares at the tiny monitor.

BAGGER
(reads)
'Eat at Mohammed’s?'

ON THE SCREEN
We see a porno website. GIRLS OF AL QAEDA.
Captions under pictures of HOT IRANIAN WOMEN
read ONE HUMP OR TWO. WANNA GO TO PARADISE?
COME ENTER MY WAILING WALLS. YOUR BIRKA OR MINE?

THE BAGGER
Shakes his head with wonder.

BAGGER (CONT’D)
Be still my mosque --

A MAN IN BLACK (20’s) approaches the table.
Tall, rugged, in shades. Textbook Langley.

He takes a seat. Removes his shades.
Cold, humorless blue eyes stare at him.

MAN IN BLACK
Ms. Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes a sip of coffee. Stares back.

BAGGER
It’s 'Miss' Otis, fool.

Man in Black looks around furtively, then --

MAN IN BLACK
(whispers)
That’s not what you’re supposed to say.

BAGGER
I KNOW that. But you got it WRONG.
It’s MISS Otis, NOT MS.

Pause.

MAN IN BLACK
MISS Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes another sip of coffee.

BAGGER
If music be the food of love, rock on.

MAN IN BLACK
(nods)
Hare, sir. Reporting for duty.

BAGGER
HAIR? What kind of name is THAT?

HARE
No, sir. H-a-r-e, like the rabbit.

BAGGER
Well, I’m not going to call you HARE.
What’s your first name?

HARE
Howard, sir. But most people call me Bugs.
The cartoon. You know --

The Bagger stares at him. Stone-faced.

HARE (CONT'D)
(low, conspiratorial)
It’s a real honor, sir.
I’ve heard the stories about your work.
Is it true about --
(looks around, then whispers)
Michael Jackson?

The Bagger takes another sip. Smiles silkily.

BAGGER
Michael Jackson died of an overdose
of Propofol, a powerful anaesthesia.
The coroner determined that his death
was not the result of foul play.

HARE
But isn’t that your M-O?
To make it look like an accident?

BAGGER
Well, you know that Elvis Costello song?

HARE
Uh, no --

BAGGER
'Accidents Will Happen.'

EXT. CONCRETE BUNKER - NIGHT
A small, grey building without windows.
Old, faded lettering on the side reads GOLDS’ GYM.
The VW bus is parked in front.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
A modern, comfy, glossy work/living space
with state-of-the art everything spread out
in one big loft space.

April and Bibi sit at the bar,
facing the kitchen, sipping coffee, looking at --

Cherry, lying on the sofa,
her pant leg ripped off,
exposing the gunshot wound on her thigh.

She’s being attended to by SERGE RENO (40’s),
tall, rugged, unshaven, Euro-cool.

Bibi’s dark-haired, blue-eyed Interpol counterpart.
The notches on his belt have notches.

Right now he’s holding a
pair of forceps over the wound.
About to dig for the bullet.

SERGE
Try to relax.
I’m afraid this is going to hurt a bit.

CHERRY
(big smile, staring)
I’m okay. Just get it on. Out. Get it out.

Serge looks at her, amused.

SERGE
Hold on --

He starts digging in the wound, searching, probing.

CHERRY
GAAA --

April holds her arm. Looks away.

APRIL
(to Bibi)
I feel like I’m at the dentist
waiting for my turn to be tortured.

BIBI
Have no fear. Serge is very gentle.
(smiles)
And he’s good at getting out bullets.

APRIL
He IS very good-looking --

BIBI
Is first time agency has used
a male ‘honey trap.’
Results have been very good.
Just look at your sister,
she is completely,
how you say, smitten.

CHERRY
Stares at Serge as he continues
to dig for the bullet.

CHERRY
So you’re --
(GROANS)
French? How long have you --
(GASPS)
Worked with Bibi?

Serge ignores her, working the instrument.
He GRABS something. Smiles.

SERGE
Shhh. I’ve almost got it --

He tries to grasp the bullet,
but it’s slippery with blood.

Tries again. But it slips.
Once again -- and GETS it.

SERGE (CONT’D)
A-HA.

Serge pulls out the bullet.
Drops it in a paper cup
on the coffee table. CLICK.

CHERRY
Thanks. Whew.
(looks at the cup)
Hey. Aren’t you supposed to
drop the bullet into a metal
cup like they do in the movies
so it makes that 'clang' sound?

He smiles at her. Raises an eyebrow.

SERGE
Jean luc Goddard once said --
all you need for a film is a girl and a gun.
(smiles)
But he left out one thing.

CHERRY
What’s that?

SERGE
This.

He leans over.
Kisses her softly on the lips.

Like White On Lice

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spies Cherry Nation and April Street follow rogue black op Bibi LaSalle to her safe house in Venice Beach. Meanwhile, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond greets her new hire, notorious assassin 'The Bagger,' also known as 'the hitman to the stars' ...


INT. LAX - TAXI STAND - NIGHT
A taxi sits idling at the end
of a long line of cabs.

A MAN IN BLACK LEATHER (60’s)
stands nearby, smoking a cigarette.

Meet VINCENT BAGGER, aka 'The Bagger.'
Tall, thin, acne-scarred in shades.

The worlds most notorious hit man.
Has taken out royalty. Presidents.
Dictators. And a pop star or two.

He walks up to the last cab.
Opens the passenger-side door.
Slides in.

INT. GYPSY CAB - CONTINUOUS
The SOUTHERN REDNECK DRIVER stares at The Bagger.

SOUTHERN REDNECK CAB DRIVER
Hey. If you wanna ride,
you haveta git in the back.

The Bagger pulls out a black
9MM Baretta with a silencer.

BAGGER
(British accent)
Hay is for horses, cowboy.

He SHOOTS him in the head, THWIP.
Opens the door. PUSHES him out.

Slides over into the seat.
JAMS the car into gear.

BAGGER
(giggles)
And you can leave the driving to us.

And he ROARS away.

EXT. VENICE BEACH - NIGHT
We see the boat grounded on the sand
under the Venice Pier.

April, Cherry and Bibi walk on the sand.
April limps, has a tourniquet on her leg.

Cherry has a rag tied around her arm.
Bibi leads them toward the parking lot.

BIBI
Come, follow me.
We, how you say, ‘jack some wheels.’

APRIL
Sounds like somebody’s
been watching a lot of TV.

BIBI
Oh, yes. Back home we watched
Jake and the Fat Man every Friday night.

April and Cherry exchange glances.
What the hell?

CHERRY
Okay --

INT. CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
The Bagger drives along the coast.
Talks into his cell.

BAGGER
Hello, Mary Lou?
The Beagle has landed.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey paces back in forth in front of
a giant plasma screen monitor
that shows a view of the street outside.

HONEY
(into her headset)
Good evening, bag-man.
So glad you could join us.
I hear Palestine is beautiful
this time of year.

BAGGER
That shithole?
I’m still trying to get
the sand out of my crack.

HONEY
Then you should be glad
I pulled you off the job in Dubai.

BAGGER
No shit.
You ever tried humping a camel?

HONEY
Too much information,
my perverted one.

BAGGER
Sorry, chief.
Color me jet-lagged.
(beat)
So what’s the op?

HONEY
Bibi La Salle, a former asset.
She is interfering with an --
operation of mine.

BAGGER
Isn’t that the French filly
you used to play
'spin the croissant' with?

HONEY
That’s strictly on a
need-to-know basis.

Enough chit-chat.
I need you take her out,
IMMEDIATELY.

BAGGER
Intel on her location?

HONEY
Not a problem.
We had her microchipped.
(motions to a staffer to come)
Get your ass over to Venice Beach.
We’ll have an op waiting
for you at the Mao’s Cafe with a GPS.
I’ll text you the coordinates.

BAGGER
I’m there like white on lice.

HONEY
Oh, and Bagger?

BAGGER
Yeah?

HONEY
Try not to kill
too many innocent bystanders.
We don’t want a repeat
of the thing at Fort Hood, okay?

Shredded Tuna

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spies April Street and Cherry Nation's home is attacked by a squadron of black ops commandos, and, along with rogue agent Bibi LaSalle, they must fight for their lives ...


EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - ROOF - NIGHT
A black BLACK HAWK CHOPPER hovers over the house.
A dozen COMMANDOS fly down on ropes,
LAND on the roof like angry spiders on speed.
STOMPING in formation across the deck.

IN THE HOUSE
The girls look up.
Hear the stomp of footsteps.

BIBI
Too late. They’re HERE.

APRIL
Yeah, but are they the Feds or Honey Almond?

CHERRY
Does it make any fucking DIFFERENCE?
C’mon, into the basement, NOW.

They RACE into --

THE KITCHEN
Cherry opens a door.
They DASH down the stairs into --

THE BASEMENT
Where they RACE to a metal door.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
The commandos FLY down the side of the house on ropes.
SWING BACK, SHOOT OUT the windows,
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT,
and FLY into the house.

IN THE BASEMENT
April tries to open the door.

APRIL
Shit. Locked.

BIBI
Where does this go?

CHERRY
OUTSIDE.
(pats her pockets)
And I don’t have my keys.

APRIL
Neither do I.

CHERRY
Shit. Shit.

APRIL
Fuck. Fuck.

UPSTAIRS
Commandos RUN, STOMPING through the house, weapons aimed.
FLYING around corners, going from room to room. Searching --

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls out a mini-Uzi. Raises it --

BIBI
Stand back.

APRIL
But that won’t --

And SPRAYS the lock with bullets.
They FLY OFF the door, ricochet in a dozen directions.
The girls DUCK.

APRIL (CONT’D)
I tried to tell you.
It’s bulletproof.
(beat)
I mean, we ARE spies.

BIBI
Is there any way else out of here?

CHERRY
NO.

UPSTAIRS
A pair of commandos STOMP into the kitchen.
A radio CHIRPS.

SHRILL COMMANDO (O.C.)
Upstairs is clear. Over.

ANGRY COMMANDO
(into the radio)
Roger that.

The other, SHORTER COMMANDO
sees the door to the basement.

ANGRY COMMANDO (CONT'D)
They’re DOWNSTAIRS. C’MON.

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls a GRENADE out of her bag.
Holds it up. Smiles.

BIBI
Never leave home without it.

The door into the basement EXPLODES with gunfire.
The commandos CHARGE down the stairs.
Start FIRING blindly.

BIBI (CONT’D)
DUCK.

Cherry and April hit the floor.
Bibi pulls the pin, and THROWS the grenade at the intruders.

BANG. The room SHAKES.
The staircase and the commandos EXPLODE
in a massive fireball. BOOM.

Bibi JUMPS out of the way.
Hides behind a chest of drawers.

The fireball WHOOSHES through the room,
straight at the door,
and BLOWS it off its hinges, BANG.

The doorway reveals a path down to the beach.
The ocean waves roll in the moonlight.

The intruders’ boat from the opening
of the story gently bobs in the water.

Cherry and April get up.
Grab their backpacks. Stare at Bibi.

APRIL
That was fucking awesome.

CHERRY
Remind me not to piss you off.

BIBI
It is, as you say, all in ze day’s work.
But we cannot rest on laurels.
We have to MOVE, NOW --
(looks)
Is that your boat out there?

APRIL
It is now. C’MON --

And they RACE outside.

EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - NIGHT
The entire joint is ON FIRE.
The helicopter starts circling the yard,
looking for survivors.

A SPOTLIGHT moving across the house,
the yard --

Revealing the commando’s dead bodies,
burning in the flames.

IN THE CHOPPER
The PILOT, Tom Cruise on steroids,
YELLS at his copilot.

ANGRY CHOPPER PILOT
I don’t fucking BELIEVE IT.
Those GIRLS killed ALL OF THEM.

The IRATE COPILOT grabs an AK-47 submachine gun.
Yells at the commando behind him working the spotlight.

IRATE COPILOT
FIND THEM, so I can shove some HOT LEAD
up their fucking SNATCHES.

EXT. OCEAN SHORE - AT THAT MOMENT
The girls JUMP in the water.
Start swimming to the boat.

The Spotlight SWEEPS across the beach
in a zigzag pattern.
Machine gun fire SPRAYS across the sand.

APRIL
(looks behind her)
Shit, HURRY.

THE SPOTLIGHT
Hits them. The girls swim faster.
Bullets SPRAYING into the waves.
They go under the surface. Continue swimming.

IN THE CHOPPER
The copilot looks out the window with night goggles.

IRATE COPILOT
GODDAMMIT. They went underwater.

IN THE OCEAN
The GIRLS make it to the boat. Climb aboard.

THE SPOTLIGHT
Hits them. April races to the front deck.
Starts the engine.

CHERRY
Hurry up, they SEE US.

IN THE CHOPPER
Irate copilot aims his weapon.
Licks his lips.

IRATE COPILOT
Anyone want SHREDDED TUNA?

And he starts FIRING.

IN THE BOAT
The girls DUCK, bullets FLYING over their heads.
Pieces of wood SPLINTER, go flying.

Just as April starts to turn the wheel,
a bullet HITS her in the arm. THWIP.
She GRABS it, reels backwards.

APRIL
GODDAMMIT.

CHERRY
I’ll get it --

Cherry RACES to the front.
Grabs the controls.
Starts gunning the engine.
She gets hit in the leg. CRACK.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
OW.

She FLIES backwards, hits the deck.
Struggles to get back up.

Bibi searches the rear storage bin.
Pulls out an ANTI-AIRCRAFT ASSAULT WEAPON.
A giant bazooka-looking joint.

She cradles it in her arms.
Takes aim. Grimaces.

BIBI
Bye, bye, birdie --

And she fires.
A missile SHOOTS out the barrel.

THE CHOPPER
Flies toward the boat.
Gets HIT with the rocket, BANG.
EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.
Slowly rotates in a lazy circle,
then PLUMMETS into the water, SPLASH, and sinks.

ON THE BOAT
The girls watch.

CHERRY
Black hawk DOWN.

APRIL
(turns to Bibi)
Thanks for the rockets red glare.

BIBI
(smiles)
You’d do the same for me. How’s your arm?

APRIL
Hurts like a motherfucker.

BIBI
(to Cherry)
How about your leg?

CHERRY
Uh, can I get another order of
‘hurts like a motherfucker?’

BIBI
We go to safe house I know, down in Venice.
Fix you two up.

APRIL
Take me to Muscle Beach, baby.

The Asset Twins

Hello, Ruby Tuesday, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of NOWHERE GIRLS, things heat up when the suicide bomber gatecrashers at The White House State Dinner are finally apprehended. Meanwhile, just as super-spies Cherry Nation and April Street plot their escape from imminent capture by the Feds, their house is invaded ...


INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - ADJOINING ROOM - NIGHT
A SECURITY TECH (30’s) sits at a workstation,
punching buttons on a laptop.
Stares at the screen.

ON THE MONITOR
We see in black the outline of
Akyab’s body swimming
in a sea of grey wavy lines.

Red and orange smears show his internal organs.
The explosive packages glowing in acid green.

SECURITY TECH
The balls on that bastard --

He picks up a phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

IN THE BALLROOM
Chief of Staff’s cell phone rings.
He touches his earpiece.

CHIEF OF STAFF
(whispers)
Yes?

SECURITY TECH
The explosives are FAKE.

CHIEF OF STAFF
You sure?

SECURITY TECH
Yeah.

CHIEF OF STAFF
Because if you’re wrong --

SECURITY TECH
Like I wanna die.

CHIEF OF STAFF
Okay. Just making sure. Thanks.

Chief of Staff points his finger at Akyab.

CHIEF OF STAFF
You sir, are a FRAUD.
(to The President)
I’ve just received word
that the bombs are fake, sir.

THE PRESIDENT
Really?

CHIEF OF STAFF
Yeah, you know we can scan that shit.
(beat)
Sir.

THE PRESIDENT
(to Secret Service agents)
Take both of them into custody immediately.

Two agents GRAB Akyab by the arms.
Start cuffing him.

AKYAB
Wait a minute.
I was told this was being filmed.
Like Punked, you know?
I’m just trying to get my SAG card.

A pair of agents GRAB Vicki. Cuff her.

VICKI
You thought this was REAL?
We were told this was a new reality show.
I want to call my LAWYER.
(struggling)
OW. Careful with that,
it’s a Cartier --

The two of them are hustled away.
Vicious-Looking Spook approaches The President.

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
We traced the call, Mr. President.
Special Forces are on their way. ETA is --
(looks at watch)
Two, three minutes.

THE PRESIDENT
Good work. Any intel yet?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Believe it or not,
the call was made by April Street,
one of our Homeland Security agents.

CHIEF OF STAFF
No shit.

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
She and her sister Cherry Nation
work as a team, if you might recall.

THE PRESIDENT
Ah, yes -- The Asset Twins.
Do you think they’ve gone rogue?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Hard to tell, sir.

THE PRESIDENT
Do Special Forces have orders
to bring them in alive?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Certainly.
(smiles)
If they can --

INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April each wear
large military backpacks.
Bibi stands by the front door.

BIBI
Come, LET’S GO.
They’ll be here any --

The DEAFENING ROAR of a helicopter
THUNDERS above them.

EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - ROOF - NIGHT
A black BLACK HAWK CHOPPER
hovers over the house.

A dozen COMMANDOS fly down on ropes,
LAND on the roof like angry spiders on speed.
STOMPING in formation across the deck.

IN THE HOUSE
The girls look up.
Hear the stomp of footsteps.

BIBI
Too late. They’re HERE --

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of NOWHERE GIRLS, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond finds out about black ops spook Bibi LaSalle going rouge, and fires the spook who advised her in a most violent way. Meanwhile, super-spies April Street and Cherry Nation are forced to call the White House and make demands of the President in order to protect Cherry's kidnapped children ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT
Sultry Female Operative JERKS her head.
Listens to her headset. Turns pale.

SULTRY FEMALE OP
Chief, we have a problem --

Honey looks up from her laptop.
Grimaces.

HONEY
WHAT?

SULTRY FEMALE OP
It’s Bibi. She’s on the line
with Cherry and April.
And she just exposed the whole op.

HONEY
WHAT THE FUCK?

SULTRY FEMALE OP
What do we do now?

HONEY
What do we do NOW? Stupid bitch.

She pulls out a Walther PPK.
Aims it at Sultry.

SULTRY FEMALE OP
Hey. Don’t shoot the messenger.

She FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Sultry falls over, dead.

HONEY
Whoops. No golden parachute --
(turns, looks at Rock)
The Bagger still on the Gaza Strip?

ROCK
He’s done there.
Now on a flight to Dubai.

HONEY
Those camel jockeys can wait.
Divert his flight.
Have him take out that French tart.

ROCK
What about Cherry Nation and April Street?

HONEY
Don’t worry. They’re about to get caught
in a shit storm that’ll make nine-eleven
look like a Sarah Palin photo op.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
A group of SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
stand in a circle around Akyab and Vicki.
Weapons aimed at them.

AKYAB
Stupid fools.
If you shoot, we all die.

VICKI
Yeah. That would kinda suck,
wouldn’t it?

The President, the VP
and his Chief of Staff stand nearby.

THE PRESIDENT
Tell us your demands. Please.
We’ll do anything you say.

AKYAB
I told you.
We are waiting for phone call.

A phone RINGS in the President’s pocket.
He pulls it out. Looks at it, astonished.

THE PRESIDENT
How did they get my --
(answers it)
Hello?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April sit on the couch.
Lean into the speakerphone.
Look at each other. Bug-eyed.

APRIL
Mr. President?

THE PRESIDENT
Yes. Who is this?

VP and Chief of Staff listen on their phones.
VP nods at a VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
who is furiously PUNCHING commands
on his I-phone. He nods back. Smiles, grim.

APRIL
My name isn’t important.
Let’s just say that I’m a
member of the intelligence community.
The people behind this have kidnapped my children,
and are forcing me to make this call --

THE PRESIDENT
Do you expect me to believe --

APRIL
PLEASE. I know you’re tracing this call,
and I’ve gotta make this fast --

Cherry looks at her watch.

THE PRESIDENT
Go on, then --

APRIL
(reads from a sheet of paper)
You are to immediately release
all prisoners at Guantanamo Bay --

CHERRY
(whispers)
Five seconds --

APRIL
And pull all troops out of the Middle East.

CHERRY
NOW.

APRIL
Thanks, Mr. President -- BYE.
(beat)
Sorry --

She hangs up. Gasps.
Looks at Cherry.

CHERRY
One second over.

APRIL
Shit. We better get the fuck outta here.

The girls JUMP off the couch.
Then hear the CLACK-CLACK-CLACK
of stiletto heels in the foyer.
They turn their heads.

BIBI LA SALLE
Walks into the room. Imperious. Regal.

BIBI
Bon jour, mon ami.

CHERRY
You must be -- Bibi.

BIBI
(nods)
You have bag packed for emergency exit?

APRIL
Of course.
But how did you get here so fast?

BIBI
Trade secret. Come, we must hurry.
We only have a couple minutes
before this joint becomes hurt locker --