Monday, September 20, 2010
You Can Piss Yourself For All I Care
It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 5 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street grills stripper Cherry Nation about the briefcase she's been handcuffed to, and reveals the big secret about what's in it. Meanwhile, one of the terrorists from the Al Qaeda sleeper cell that the case is supposed to be delivered to gives April a call ...
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MANSION - NIGHT
A glass and steel monstrosity right outta ENTOURAGE,
high on a cliff, jutting out into the sky on stilts.
INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The very definition of ritzy. The room is fucking HUGE.
An amazing view of Los Angeles twinkles below.
Seated in front of a roaring fire is HAMAD KHARRAZI,
head of this particular Al Qaeda sleeper cell.
His second-in-command, KAMAL AESEFIJ,
stands before him.
Both wear ‘Hollywood casual’
jeans and polo shirts with jackets.
We have heard nothing yet, sir.
FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
I told you to be SILENT.
CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal --
The homeowners. A RICH HUSBAND (50’s)
and his TROPHY WIFE (20’s).
Seated on another sofa across the room.
Right now being held at gunpoint by
TWO AFGHANI TERRORISTS with Uzis.
Dressed in hip-hop baggies and baseball caps.
I’m sorry, but I, I --
need to use the -- ladies’ room.
Stay where you are!
You can piss yourself for all I care!
I have an idea.
And what is your IDEA?
Well, as you know,
I am a bit of what they call
a 'tech-head' here in the states.
Yes, I know. You went to university.
Ball State, sir.
Excellent humanities and science programs.
I am growing impatient, Kamal --
Well, since she called us on the cell phone,
we can return the call with the push of a button.
But of course, it’s stored on the phone.
I suggest we -- call her.
Find out what the story is.
BRILLIANT. Call her IMMEDIATELY.
Kamal smiles. Pulls out his cell.
Punches a button. Listens.
It’s ringing --
INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April holds her gun against Token’s head.
It was an honest mistake.
She looks just like you.
I said PUT THE GUN DOWN, NOW.
I will if you do.
Please don’t shoot me.
He won’t shoot you,
not when you’re carrying a suitcase nuke.
A suitcase wh-what?
Why did you TELL HER?
April’s phone RING-RINGS in her pocket.
Token moves on April.
She PISTOL-WHIPS him. THWUMP.
Stay RIGHT THERE.
April WHIPS out handcuffs,
CUFFS him to a chair, CLICK-CLICK.
While she’s busy, Peeler tip-toes away.
She pulls out her cell. Answers it.
This is Street.
There’s been a delay. I’m on my way.
From behind, Peeler SMASHES
April on the head with a lamp.
She reels, and goes down, THWUMP.
NICE. Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.
Maybe we should -- call the cops?
Are you fucking kidding?
(holds up the case)
You know how much this is WORTH?
I say we deliver it ourselves.
And what, take the money?
Won’t that be -- kinda dangerous?
PUSH IN ON Cherry.
Dollar signs in her eyes.