Danger Is My Middle Name

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of NOWHERE GIRLS, 'stripper with a nuke' Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Marlo need new wheels, so they follow a film geek leaving the theater and swipe his ride. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street gets a call from Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas, who wants a status report on the delivery of the nuke to the terrorist cell ...


EXT. SUNSET BLVD - ARCLIGHT THEATER - NIGHT
Cherry and Peeler watch a crowd of people
filing out of the theater.
Chatting about the movie they just saw.

CHERRY
Let’s find a film nerd.

PEELER
And follow him.

As if on cue, a fuzzy-faced FILM GEEK (20)
walks away from the crowd.
Talking on his cell phone.

FILM GEEK
It was INCREDIBLE.
Charlie Kaufman is a GENIUS.
I have to see it again,
there are so many layers --

CHERRY
Follow me.

They fall into step behind him.
He walks down the sidewalk,
turns onto a cross street.
Cherry and Peeler follow.

DOWN THE SIDE STREET
Film Geek reaches his car.
A piece of shit ‘79 Toyota Celica.
Covered with bumper stickers.
PETA. PHISH. PANAVISION.

He puts his key in the door.
Opens it. Cherry walks over.

CHERRY
Excuse me.

FILM GEEK
C-can I help you?

CHERRY
Give me the keys to your car.

FILM GEEK
I -- d-don’t understand.

Cherry pulls out her GUN.
Aims it at him.

CHERRY
I said GIVE ME THE KEYS.

Peeler appears.

PEELER
Give her the keys, dude.
Chick is DANGEROUS.
(whispers to Cherry)
Where’d you get the gat?

CHERRY
That agent chick dropped it back at Jumbo’s.

Geek hands her the keys.
Looks like he’s gonna cry.

CHERRY
Hey, lighten up.
We’re not going to hurt you.
We just need your car.

GEEK
I drove all the way from SYLMAR.
How am I supposed to get HOME?

PEELER
We could take him with us.

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding me?
We’d be putting him in a lot of danger.

GEEK
Don’t worry about me.
I’ll sit in the back seat
and be real quiet, I promise.
It’s okay. D-d-danger is my middle name.
(beat)
I’m Stan, by the way.

PEELER
(to Cherry)
C’mon. We’re taking the dude’s wheels.

CHERRY
Goddammit.
(beat)
Okay.
(to Stan)
Stay in the back, be quiet --
and no questions. Got it?

STAN
G-got it.
(beat)
Oh, SHIT.

CHERRY
What’s wrong NOW?

STAN
Shit my pants --

INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset,
passes the Arclight Theater.
Looks at her PDA. Scowls.

APRIL
Now they’re moving again. Shit.

She PUMPS the gas,
starts SWERVING through traffic.

Her cell phone RINGS.
She picks it up, listens.

APRIL
Avi.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi sits at his desk,
looks at data on his computer monitor.

AVI
You fucking BITCH.
First you fuck up the drop,
and then you KILL my employee?

APRIL
Your EMPLOYEE gave the package
to the WRONG PERSON.
I was about to GET THE PACKAGE from her,
and he fucking MESSED IT UP.
And then tried to KILL ME.
(beat)
Do me a favor and hold onto your dick, ALRIGHT?
I’m gonna get the package and deliver it,
before dawn. GOT IT?

Pause.

AVI
How do I know I can trust you?

APRIL
My god, you Palestinians
are fucking PARANOID.
Will you just let me DO MY JOB?

AVI
Okay, okay, okay.
(beat)
You’ll call me after the drop?

APRIL
Yeah.

AVI
Then maybe --
we could grab a little --
early breakfast?

April CLICKS her phone shut.

APRIL
As if.

Gossip Girl

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of NOWHERE GIRL, things heat up when CIA agent Shag Holiday races to rescue stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation. Meanwhile, Sledge Crafton's black ops spook Yuri Vlaovic gives the cops the license number of the car Homeland Security agent April Street is driving, so they can help him catch her ...


EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - NIGHT
A Corvette convertible RACES up the coastline.

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag’s behind the wheel. Talking on his cell.

SHAG
Thanks again for watching the kids, mom.
(beat)
No, I told you -- she’s not in trouble.
She just -- needs some help.
(beat)
Love you, too.

He ends the call.
PUNCHES another number. Listens.

SHAG (CONT’D)
Hey there, Gossip Girl.
It’s your favorite rogue agent.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - NIGHT
Lark sips a mug of coffee. Smiles into her headset.

LARK
Hey, there. Ready to rock and roll?

SHAG
Thanks for helping me.
You could lose your job.

LARK
I can always get another job.
(beat)
But I can’t get another you.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler run down the alley behind Jumbo’s.

CHERRY
We gotta get wheels, fast.

PEELER
Maybe we should -- I dunno, turn ourselves in.
I mean, she’s a FEDERAL AGENT.
We’re in serious shit.

CHERRY
We’re in this too far to quit now.
(beat)
And besides, I though you wanted to fuck me.

Peeler’s face turns RED. What the -- ?
Cherry pulls out a GUN. Evil smile.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
C’mon, let’s go get us a car.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Intruder lies on the floor. He raises his head.
OW, that HURTS. He pushes himself up
by his arms into a sitting position.
Looks around. April is gone. This is NOT good.

Stripper Bartender STOMPS over to him.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Get the FUCK outta my bar.
You scared away all the fucking CUSTOMERS.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Intruder takes off the motorcycle helmet.
Pulls out his ID.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m federal agent, Ma’am.
This is matter of national security.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
You mean --

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m one of good guys.

Meet YURI VLAOVIC (40), Croatian ex-pat.
Another agent under Sledge’s employ.
Expert assassin. Strictly old-school.

Two COPS come racing in. Weapons drawn.

ANGRY COP
LAPD! Stay where YOU ARE!

UGLY COP
Don’t MOVE!

Yuri sighs. Shows them his ID.

YURI
Homeland Security.

Angry looks at his credentials. Holy cow.

ANGRY COP
He’s Homeland Security.

UGLY COP
With that accent?

Yuri’s cell phone RINGS.
He gets up slowly. Answers it.

YURI
Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me.
(into the phone)
Is Yuri --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Sledge sits in an easy chair by the window sipping a scotch.

SLEDGE
You get her yet?

YURI
She, uh -- got away, sir.

SLEDGE
You let her GET AWAY?

YURI
Don’t worry, I get her.
She is driving car of employee of Avi.
I have license number.
Every cop in city will be on her ass
if I tell them she is terrorist.

Pause.

SLEDGE
I knew there was a reason
we paid big bucks to get you on board.
Go get ‘em, and report to me
as soon as anything happens.
(beat)
This one’s personal.

YURI
Yes, sir. Over and under.

He clicks shut the phone.
Smiles strangely. Looks pensive.

Angry Cop stares at Yuri.

ANGRY COP
You’re chasing a TERRORIST?

YURI
Yes. She is very dangerous.
We have to apprehend her immediately.

UGLY COP
And you have her license number? Give it me.

Yuri pulls a notebook out of his pocket.
Scribbles on it. Hands it to Ugly.

YURI
I believe term is 'APB?'

I Love The Smell Of Napalm On A Stripper Pole

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street follows stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo to Jumbo's Clown Room strip club, where she's attacked by a mysterious stranger in black, which allows Cherry and Peeler to escape ...


INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives the car slowly on the right-hand side,
checks the hand-held PDA.

APRIL
They’re right near here --

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry pays the BARTENDER (40), an ex-stripper.

CHERRY
Keep the change.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
Thanks, doll.

Stripper Bartender ambles away, goes behind the bar.

PEELER
What now?

CHERRY
I’m gonna call the guy.
Then we’re gonna see the guy.
Get the money.
(looks down)
And then I can finally
get this thing off my wrist.
It’s fucking killing me.

She pulls out a piece of paper.
Her cell. PUNCHES a number.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Wish me luck.

PEELER
Luck.

CHERRY
(into the phone)
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad, Kamal and the rest sit and watch
DEAL OR NO DEAL on a huge plasma-screen.

KAMAL
It’s ridiculous. Greedy Americans. There is no GAME.

HAMAD
Look at number twenty-seven. She looks Persian.

Kamal’s phone RINGS. He gets it. Listens.

KAMAL
Hello, Avi?

CHERRY
No, this is Cherry Nation. Who’s Avi?

KAMAL
What is Cherry -- Nation?

CHERRY
I’M Cherry Nation. And I have your briefcase.

KAMAL
(to Hamad)
It’s the girl with the package.
(to Cherry)
Where are you?

CHERRY
I’m on my way to see you. You have the money?

KAMAL
Of course.
(to Hamad)
She doesn’t know who Avi is.
This smells funny. I don’t like it.

HAMAD
(eyes on the TV)
Not to worry. If it goes wrong, we kill her.
Then we go visit Avi.

CHERRY
You still there?

KAMAL
You have the address?

CHERRY
Yeah, I’m on my way.

She hangs up. The reality of all of this
is finally sinking in. Freak-out time.
Peeler puts his hand on top of Cherry’s.

PEELER
You okay? You look -- scared to death.

CHERRY
Of course I’m fucking scared to death.
Aren’t you?

PEELER
Shit, yeah.

CHERRY
Thanks for doing this with me.
You know, you’re not such a --

The front door BANGS OPEN. In walks April.

APRIL
Everybody FREEZE. I’m a FEDERAL OFFICER.

April sees Cherry. Starts walking toward her.

APRIL (CONT'D)
You gave me quite the little goose-chase, girlie.
You’re under arrest, both of you.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the doorway
wearing a motorcycle helmet.
He raises a sawed-off SHOTGUN.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. NO GUNS ALLOWED!

April WHIPS her head around. Sees the intruder.

APRIL
Shit, DUCK!

Cherry and Peeler HIT the floor.
April FLIPS over the table,
and they all get behind it.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Don’t fucking MOVE. Stay here.

The shotgun BLASTS.
The table top SPLINTERS.

April ROLLS across the floor.
Gets behind the bar, where
Stripper Bartender trembles on the floor.

She pulls out her Sig Sauer,
FIRES a hail of BULLETS.
They BOUNCE off his kevlar vest.

THE FIGURE
BLASTS again at the bar.
Bottles SMASH. Glass goes FLYING.

APRIL
Returns fire. Aims for his head.
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!
But the bullets BOUNCE off the helmet.

BEHIND THE TABLE
Cherry whispers to Peeler.

CHERRY
Let’s get the fuck out of here.

PEELER
I’m right with you.

They scuttle across the floor
to the back door. Push it open.

The shotgun BLASTS.

BEHIND THE BAR
Bottles and glass are FLYING.
Booze is pouring everywhere.

April finds an intact bottle.
Opens it. Pours it on a cleaning rag.
Stuffs it in the bottle.
Pulls out a lighter.

APRIL
I love the smell of napalm on a stripper pole.

And LIGHTS IT.
A ROAR of flames WHOOSHES straight up.

She HEAVES IT at the figure.
He CATCHES IT in a gloved hand.

INTRUDER IN BLACK
Sorry, baby. Fire-resistant.

He TOSSES it out the front door,
where it EXPLODES, taking out a parked car
in a BALL OF FLAME.

APRIL
Who THE FUCK are you?!

INTRUDER IN BLACK
I’m from human resources.
And this is your severance package.

He PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
April DUCKS behind the bar.

INTRUDER IN BLACK (CONT’D)
Come out, come out, whereever you are.

Another BLAST. It hits a tap.
A geyser of beer WHOOSHES up.

BEHIND THE BAR
April looks around.
Sees an aluminum baseball bat. GRABS it.

APRIL
Deja vu all over again.

THE INTRUDER
Walks toward the bar. PUMPS the gun. FIRES.
And, as he reaches it,
he leans over, pushes the shotgun down --

And April FLIES UP, SWINGS the bat,
and SMASHES it into his head with a CRACK.
He weaves a little. Stunned.

April JUMPS OVER the bar.
CRACKS him in the crotch.

He goes down, reeling in pain.
She GRABS his gun.

KICKS him in the stomach. The HEAD.
He goes out like a light.

APRIL (CONT'D)
I’m filing a claim for HARASSMENT.

She GRABS him by the leg.
DRAGS him over to the stripper pole.
Pulls out handcuffs.
CLICKS him to the brass rail.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry and Peeler are gone. Shit.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Fuck.

A SIREN wails outside.
She dashes toward the back.

STRIPPER BARTENDER
HEY. Who’s gonna pay for this MESS?

She stops. Turns.

APRIL
Write your congressman.

Till Death Do Us Part

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of NOWHERE GIRL, things really start to heat up when we learn that 'stripper with a nuke' Cherry Nation's ex Shag Holiday, who we learn is secretly a CIA operative, finds out about the mess she's gotten herself into, and decids to get involved and help her ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A lovely 100-year-old Craftsman
on a leafy walkway street.

Lit by old-fashioned lampposts.
Steps away from the sand.

INT. BUNGALOW - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Two cute little GIRLS (5) and (7) sleep peacefully.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A MAN rummages in the fridge. Looking for a snack.
He pulls out his cell phone. PUNCHES a number.

Meet SHAG HOLIDAY (35), who if you remember,
is the person we heard Cherry speaking to
at the top of the story.

Buff and cut. Too good-looking
to be a shower head salesman.

Which is why he is actually a CIA operative.
Oh, and he’s also Cherry’s recent ex.
He RIPS off a turkey leg. Listens.

SHAG
Hey, it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
A seedy stripper hangout on the Sunset Strip.
Weird psychobilly on the jukebox.
A sign reeds NO TOP, NO SERVICE.

Cherry sits in a booth with Peeler.
Both have the remnants of burgers
and coffee on the table.
Cherry talks on her cell.

CHERRY
Shag.
(beat)
Ohmigod, I forgot to call you.

SHAG
It’s okay. I just wanted to
make sure you were -- okay.

CHERRY
Are you checking up on me AGAIN?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -- it’s been --
(looks at Peeler)
Quite an evening.

SHAG
Something happen?

CHERRY
You could say that.

SHAG
What, your flight get delayed?

Pause.

CHERRY
There was a -- luggage incident.

SHAG
'A luggage incident?'
What happened? Are you okay?

CHERRY
I’m fine. Someone gave me a briefcase
by mistake and then split.
Then it turned out that some people want it --

She looks at Peeler. He shrugs. Go for it.

SHAG
Someone gave you a briefcase -- by MISTAKE?
What have you gotten yourself into?
Are these people chasing you now?

CHERRY
No, no, no. I’m -- delivering it to them.
Then I’m on a plane, promise.
Gotta be at the club tomorrow.
(brightly)
How are the girls? Did you tuck them in?

SHAG
The girls are fine.
Don’t deflect, Cherry.
I need to know what you --

CHERRY
NO, YOU DON’T. This is MY life, Shag.
Thank you for watching the kids, I owe you one.
But what we had is OVER, and you have NO RIGHT
to give me the third degree.
I’ll call you tomorrow, BYE.

INT. JUMBO’S CLOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cherry hangs up. Looks at Peeler. Rolls her eyes.

PEELER
That was your ex.

CHERRY
It was that obvious.

PEELER
Hey. Universal language of love.
(beat)
So he’s mad at you?

CHERRY
He was always mad at me.
A real sweetheart, but overprotective much?
Always keeping tabs on me.
Knew every move I made. Fucking creepy.

INT. BUNGALOW - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Shag sits at the table with his snack.
Takes a pull on his longneck.
Punches another number on his cell.

SHAG
(listens)
It’s Holiday.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A maze of dimly lit cubicles and workstations.
Despite the hour, the joint is abuzz
with OPERATIVES and TECHNICIANS.

A BLONDE OPERATIVE (25) takes the call at her desk.
Crosses her long, amazing legs. Leans back.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Holiday? What’s up? I thought you were --
(chuckles)
On holiday.

SHAG
Funny. Listen.
I need you to check surveillance at LAX.
Something went down tonight,
and I need to know what happened.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Comin’ right up.

She WHEELS AROUND to a bank of nearby monitors.
Fingers CLACK-CLACK-CLACK across her keyboard.
The screens SPRING TO LIFE, showing images at the airport.

BLONDE OPERATIVE (CONT’D)
Do you have any intel? Airline?

SHAG
Not sure. Flight was going to Vegas.
The subject was supposed to be on it.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Who’s the subject?

Pause.

SHAG
Cherry Nation.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
The bipolar ex.

SHAG
Don’t remind me.

BLONDE OPERATIVE
Hold on.

SHAG
Thanks, Lark.

Lark PUNCHES IN more information.
A list of airline flights and passenger manifests
FLY ACROSS her computer screen.

LARK
Here we go --
Cherry Nation, Sky Blue, flight to Vegas,
departing at gate 115 at 9PM.

She WHIRLS AROUND in her chair,
goes back to the monitors.

LARK (CONT’D)
Okay, let’s go back to say, 8:30.

Lark PUNCHES IT in.

THE SCREEN
Shows the airport bar.
The windows EXPLODING with GUN FIRE.

LARK (CONT'D)
Oh, yeah -- that’s right.
I was briefed about this.
Jesus, I need more coffee.

SHAG
What the fuck happened?

LARK
Nothing much. A suitcase nuke
that was meant for an Al Qaeda sleeper cell
was mistakenly given to the wrong person.

SHAG
Do they say WHO?

LARK
Was supposed to be an undercover operative
from Homeland Security --
but they’re really C-6, that’s just a cover.
They were acting as the broker
between the supplier and the cell.

SHAG
What the fuck is C-6?

LARK
(low)
It’s a new black ops unit. Very hush-hush.
That’s all I know. You didn’t hear it from me.

Shag stands. Starts pacing. Head reeling.

SHAG
Cherry said someone gave her a briefcase by mistake.
SHE HAS THE NUKE.

LARK
FUCK. When did you last talk with her?

SHAG
Just now. Shit.
Let me give you her cell number,
you can triangulate her position.

LARK
We’re supposed to back away from this one, Shag.

SHAG
She’s my EX. And I’m WATCHING HER KIDS.

Pause.

LARK
Give me the number.

SHAG
Till death do us part, huh?

On A 'Need-To-Blow-Up' Basis

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street, after being given a burn notice by her former boss black ops spook Sledge Crafton, is now under attack by his ops, and must defend herself to the death ...


INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard west, into Hollywood.
She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA. She FLICKS it on.
Looks at the screen.

APRIL
Bingo. They’re only a mile or two away.

As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.

Her focus momentarily away from the road,
she doesn’t see it, and the cars
SIDESWIPE each other with a CRUNCH.

The other car pulls over. April keeps going.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Shit, shit, shit.

A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.

IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.

APRIL
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Great. Just great.

A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.

GRIM OFFICER
License, registration
and proof of insurance, please.

April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.

APRIL
I realize leaving the scene of an accident
is a serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter of national security.
(low, urgent)
I need to retrieve a runaway suitcase nuke.

He takes the ID. Inspects it. Hmmm.
April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.

Then she notices the tattoo on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.

GRIM OFFICER
Would you please step out of the car, Miss?

APRIL
Sure thing, officer.

She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.
He BUCKLES, hits the ground.

April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head
with a CRACK. He goes down.

April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the officer’s fist.

The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.

April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Sledge didn’t waste any time.

A HELICOPTER appears overhead. April looks up.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.

She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.

BOOM. It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.

April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around under the driver’s seat.

APRIL
Let’s hope he’s got some samples of the merchandise.

She pulls out a huge TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Bingo.

April GUNS THE ENGINE.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of warehouses,
soundstages, strip malls. The grungy part of Hollywood.

The car HITS a hard right at an intersection,
tires SCREECHING, and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.

A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.

ANGRY WORKER
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.

SURPRISED WORKER
Shit! She’s got a gun!

The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.

APRIL
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!

She runs into the alley,
and FIRES up at the helicopter --
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!!!

UP ABOVE
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball
of flames and smoke.

It CRASHES on the roof
of a nearby building, which IMPLODES.

April lowers her weapon.
Smiles grimly.

EXCITED WORKER
A hot chick like you is Homeland Security?

SMILING WORKER
Where those terrorists?

APRIL
Sorry, fellas.
That’s on a 'need-to-blow-up basis.'

Like Wet Camel In Hot Sun

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street has to defend herself against black ops spook Token Ware in a fight to death. Meanwhile, the Al Qaeda sleeper cell terrorists are enjoying life in the Hollywood Hills mansion they've taken over while they await delivery of 'the package' ...


EXT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April comes out the front door,
walks to the curb.

Sees Token’s big, black SUV.
Takes out his keys, presses a button,
and THWIP, the doors open.

APRIL
He won’t mind if I
borrow it for a little while.

The front door FLIES OPEN,
and Token RACES toward April,
carrying the chair she cuffed him to.

She JUMPS IN. LOCKS the doors.
Token POUNDS on the window.

TOKEN
Open the fucking DOOR, BITCH!

APRIL
(pulls out her gun)
Back off!

He raises the chair, and SMASHES it
into the driver’s side window, SHATTERING it.
Glass SPRAYS.

April FLINGS the door open,
LEAPS OUT, and KICKS him, WHACK!

He FLIES backward. THUD.
He gets up, chair now gone,
holding his chained wrists apart,
like a weapon.

TOKEN
I’m gonna KILL you.

April SHOOTS him in the head. BANG.
It EXPLODES in a cloud of red mist.

APRIL
Not if I kill you first.
(beat)
Asshole. Now I gotta clean this up.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Hamad sits at the bar, sips from a cut-glass rock glass.

HAMAD
(to the husband)
Excellent scotch.
(holds up the bottle)
Glenlivet.
(to Kamal)
Make a note of it.

Kamal nods.
He starts pacing, looks worried.

Hamad opens up a cigar box.
Takes one out. Sniffs it.

RICH HUSBAND
Cuban. Help yourself.

He GRABS a fistful.
SHOVES them in his pocket.

HAMAD
Damn right I help myself.

Hamad shoves one in his mouth.
Starts to light it.

RICH HUSBAND
You’re supposed to cut the --

HAMAD
SHUT UP.
I know how to smoke CIGAR.

He BITES OFF the end.
SPITS IT out.
Sticks it back in.
FIRES it up.

He leans back, smiling.
Puffing away.

KAMAL
I am concerned about the --
delivery, sir.

HAMAD
So we have to wait a bit.
We are comfortable. I trust Avi.
He comes recommended most highly.

Trophy Wife starts quietly sobbing.

HAMAD
SILENCE.

One of the guards, SAAD,
grins a brown, broken-tooth smile.

SAAD
She soiled herself, oh holy one.

The other guard, MOHAMMED, nods solemnly.

MOHAMMED
She smell like wet camel in hot sun.

RICH HUSBAND
Please sir, if you have any decency,
would you please let her
get cleaned up and change
into some fresh clothes.
We’re cooperating with you.
(takes off his watch)
Here, take my watch. It’s a Rolex.
It’s worth twenty-five-thousand dollars.

Saad SNATCHES the watch,
brings it to Hamad.

He inspects it,
smiles, slips it on.

HAMAD
Very well.
(to Saad)
Take the woman to her room,
let her shower and change.

SAAD
And then I have sex with her?

HAMAD
Of course.
(smiles)
We all will.
It is, how they say
in the States --
(beat)
'Gang Bang?'

Hasta La Vista, Refried Motherfuckers

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street gets into a shouting match on the phone with her boss, black ops spook Sledge Crafton, who fires her and puts a burn notice out on her. Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo get into a tussle with a group of gang-bangers on the bus, with most surprising results ...


INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT
April looks through Token’s pockets.
Finds the handcuff keys.

APRIL
(on the phone)
Sledge. What a pleasant surprise.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Sledge paces slowly, sipping scotch
from a cut-glass tumbler.
BARKS into the speakerphone on his desk.

SLEDGE
Watch your tone with me, GIRLIE.
I’m still your fucking BOSS.

APRIL
Is that MY fucking boss --
or FUCKING my boss?

SLEDGE
Can it, Street, before I can YOU.
What’s going on? You secure the case?

APRIL
Uh -- no. There’s been a little -- problem.

SLEDGE
A little PROBLEM? So help me Street,
if you’ve fucked this up,
I’m gonna have your ass.

APRIL
You’ve already had my ass.
Now listen to me, and don’t interrupt --

SLEDGE
STREET, GODAMMIT --

APRIL
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!
Avi’s guy Ware came in
and fucked everything up!
The girl and the guy who have the case split,
but I’ve got Ware’s tracking transmitter,
and I will FIND THEM and GET IT --
so stop thinking with your DICK,
take a CHILL PILL, and let me do my JOB.

Sledge HURLS his glass against the wall with a CRASH.

SLEDGE
How DARE you talk to me like that.
I will NOT have it.
I’m dismissing you from the case.
(beat)
And the unit.

APRIL
You’re putting out a burn notice on me?

SLEDGE
See you IN HELL.

He PUNCHES the speakerphone,
sending it FLYING across the room --
where it CRACKS into the wall.

APRIL
Sledge? Boss? You there?
(beat)
Talk about a severance package --

INT. CITY BUS - MOVING - NIGHT
One of those long, red monsters,
in sections, like a snake.
Only a handful of passengers.

Cherry and Peeler sit toward the back.
Look at a video monitor.

CHERRY
I didn’t know they had TV on the bus.

PEELER
It’s not real TV. Watch.

ON THE SCREEN
A smiling LATINA gives a pitch
about ‘Accidentes Abigados.’

CHERRY
Makes a face.

CHERRY
It’s in Spanish.

PEELER
Welcome to how the other half lives.

The bus STOPS.
A trio of GANG-BANGERS (early 20’s) boards.
They strut down the aisle.

The first one, the LEADER, sees Cherry.
He stops. Nudges the others. Gold-toothed smiles.

They move slowly, sauntering,
until they reach Cherry and Peeler.
The leader sits in front of them.
The others, behind.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
What'cha got in da case, mommy?

CHERRY
Uh -- nothing.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
Can’t be nothin’, or else
you wouldn’ta be cuffed to it.

The SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
sitting behind Cherry FLIPS open
a switchblade, revealing a long knife.
Cherry SHUDDERS.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
It’s gotta be valuable, riiight?

The other kid, a TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
pulls out a forty-ounce bottle of malt liquor.
Takes a swig.

TALLER, GOOD-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
I say she open it and show us what she’s got.

PEELER
That wouldn’t be a good idea.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
And why is dat?

The bus JERKS to a stop.
A FAT WOMAN in an wheelchair is getting on.
This will take a little while.

CHERRY
Because it’s a BOMB.

The Leader starts LAUGHING.
Then, the others join in.

LEAD GANG-BANGER
You kiddin’ me.
Why would a nice piece
of pussy like you have a BOMB?

CHERRY
For assholes like YOU.

She LEAPS UP -- and WHACKS Leader in the head
with the case, CRACK, SPINS AROUND,
and CRACKS Short, Ugly in the face.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
(to Peeler)
MOVE IT, now!

Peeler JUMPS UP, races toward the exit.
Tall, Good-Looking cowers with fear.

CHERRY (CONT'D)
You want a piece of this, homes?

He shakes his head ‘no.’

CHERRY (CONT’D)
I didn’t think so.
Hasta la vista, refried motherfuckers.

EXT. BUS STOP - SECONDS LATER
Cherry and Peeler FLY out the exit door.
RACE down the street. LAUGHING and WHOOPING.

PEELER
Holy fucking shit! You CLOCKED ‘em!

Cherry slows down. Catches her breath.

CHERRY
I don’t know what happened.
It was like something snapped --
and I just DID it.

PEELER
You were great.
And I don’t even feel emasculated.
(beat)
Okay, where to now?

CHERRY
I’m starving.
Let’s grab a quick bite, regroup,
and then deliver this fucker.

PEELER
(staring, big smile)
I’d follow you to the end of the earth.

Cherry stops. Gives him the eye.

CHERRY
I’m still not gonna fuck you.

Leave The Bombing To Us

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street calls Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas and chews him out about how his black ops spook Token Ware gave the suitcase nuke to the wrong person -- stripper Cherry Nation, and not HER. Meanwhile Cherry, along with Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo, escape with the nuke ... on the bus ...


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
Kamal clicks his phone shut. Looks at Hamad.

KAMAL
She said there was a delay,
that she was on her way,
and then -- the line went dead.

HAMAD
I do not understand.

KAMAL
It sounded like there was a struggle.
Our operation might be comprised.

HAMAD
Give me your phone.

He does. Hamad PUNCHES a number. Listens.

HAMAD (CONT’D)
Hello, Avi?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - NIGHT
Avi stands out on the balcony,
talking on his cell.

He fires up a smoke with a CLICK of his Zippo.

AVI
I assume you are calling to thank me.
And to confirm that payment is on the way.

HAMAD
There has been NO DELIVERY.
This -- woman is late, and then she
calls and says there has been a delay,
and then there is fighting
and the phone goes dead.
What kind of operation are you running!?

AVI
(smooth)
Please accept my profuse apologies.
I have someone on the way
to intercept it as we speak.
All my packages get delivered.
Let me call my man and
I’ll get back to you within the hour.

HAMAD
Very well. I will await your word.
And look forward to concluding this transaction.

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - BALCONY - CONTINUOUS
Avi FLINGS his cigarette over the ledge.
Furiously PUNCHES a number on his cell. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April lies on the floor.
Token, a few feet away,
still out like a light.

She opens her eyes. Sits up. Rubs her head.

APRIL
Shit.

The phone in Token’s pocket RINGS.

APRIL (CONT’D)
That might be Avi --

She goes to his jacket, gets the phone. Listens.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Avi?

AVI
It’s YOU. What THE FUCK is going on?
What HAPPENED? Why haven’t you
delivered the PACKAGE?
And where is TOKEN?

APRIL
TOKEN gave THE PACKAGE to the WRONG PERSON.
A woman who looks like me.
He was EARLY. I was ON TIME.

AVI
Where is he now?

APRIL
On the floor. Out cold.

AVI
Where are you?

APRIL
Silverlake. At the house of the woman
who he gave the case to.
Or maybe its her boyfriend’s place,
I’m not sure.

AVI
There’s ANOTHER person involved in this?

APRIL
Hey, you can thank Ware for that.

AVI
But you have the case? From the woman?

APRIL
No. They’re gone.

AVI
What THE FUCK?

APRIL
Relax. I’ve got Ware’s transmitter.
I’m gonna go get it.

AVI
But what about Ware?

APRIL
You think I give two shits?
I don’t answer to you.
WARE fucked this up,
and now I’M gonna have to
clean up his mess.
(hears something)
I have another call.
I’ll call you back.
(punches a button)
This is Street.

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
A lonely stretch of Sunset, way east.
Far from the strip. Cherry and Peeler
sit on a bench at a bus stop. Waiting.
Cherry grips the briefcase
to her chest like it’s a baby.

PEELER
We should figure out a way
to get you out of those handcuffs.

CHERRY
That would be nice.

PEELER
(sees something)
There’s the bus.

CHERRY
Go Metro.
Leave the bombing to us --

You Can Piss Yourself For All I Care

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street grills stripper Cherry Nation about the briefcase she's been handcuffed to, and reveals the big secret about what's in it. Meanwhile, one of the terrorists from the Al Qaeda sleeper cell that the case is supposed to be delivered to gives April a call ...


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MANSION - NIGHT
A glass and steel monstrosity right outta ENTOURAGE,
high on a cliff, jutting out into the sky on stilts.

INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The very definition of ritzy. The room is fucking HUGE.
An amazing view of Los Angeles twinkles below.

Seated in front of a roaring fire is HAMAD KHARRAZI,
head of this particular Al Qaeda sleeper cell.

His second-in-command, KAMAL AESEFIJ,
stands before him.

Both wear ‘Hollywood casual’
jeans and polo shirts with jackets.

KAMAL
We have heard nothing yet, sir.

HAMAD
American BITCH.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Excuse me.

HAMAD
I told you to be SILENT.

CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal --

The homeowners. A RICH HUSBAND (50’s)
and his TROPHY WIFE (20’s).
Seated on another sofa across the room.

Right now being held at gunpoint by
TWO AFGHANI TERRORISTS with Uzis.
Dressed in hip-hop baggies and baseball caps.

TROPHY WIFE
I’m sorry, but I, I --
need to use the -- ladies’ room.

HAMAD
Stay where you are!
You can piss yourself for all I care!

KAMAL
I have an idea.

HAMAD
And what is your IDEA?

KAMAL
Well, as you know,
I am a bit of what they call
a 'tech-head' here in the states.

HAMAD
Yes, I know. You went to university.

KAMAL
Ball State, sir.
Excellent humanities and science programs.

HAMAD
I am growing impatient, Kamal --

KAMAL
Well, since she called us on the cell phone,
we can return the call with the push of a button.

HAMAD
We CAN?

KAMAL
But of course, it’s stored on the phone.
I suggest we -- call her.
Find out what the story is.
Fuck Avi.

HAMAD
BRILLIANT. Call her IMMEDIATELY.

Kamal smiles. Pulls out his cell.
Punches a button. Listens.

KAMAL
It’s ringing --

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April holds her gun against Token’s head.

TOKEN
It was an honest mistake.
She looks just like you.

APRIL
I said PUT THE GUN DOWN, NOW.

TOKEN
I will if you do.

CHERRY
(to Token)
Please don’t shoot me.

APRIL
He won’t shoot you,
not when you’re carrying a suitcase nuke.

CHERRY
A suitcase wh-what?

PEELER
Holy SHIT.

TOKEN
Why did you TELL HER?

April’s phone RING-RINGS in her pocket.

APRIL
Shit.

RING-RING

Token moves on April.
She PISTOL-WHIPS him. THWUMP.

APRIL
Stay RIGHT THERE.

RING-RING

April WHIPS out handcuffs,
CUFFS him to a chair, CLICK-CLICK.

While she’s busy, Peeler tip-toes away.
She pulls out her cell. Answers it.

APRIL
This is Street.
(listens)
There’s been a delay. I’m on my way.

From behind, Peeler SMASHES
April on the head with a lamp.
She reels, and goes down, THWUMP.

CHERRY
NICE. Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Maybe we should -- call the cops?

CHERRY
Are you fucking kidding?

PEELER
But --

CHERRY
(holds up the case)
You know how much this is WORTH?
I say we deliver it ourselves.

PEELER
And what, take the money?

CHERRY
Hell, yeah.

PEELER
Won’t that be -- kinda dangerous?

PUSH IN ON Cherry.
Dollar signs in her eyes.

CHERRY
Probably.

Open Invitation For Dangerous Criminals

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo are hiding out at his joint, when black ops spook Token Ware -- the thug that chained a briefcase to Cherry's wrist back at the airport -- arrives, mad as hell that she hasn't delivered it. But just as he raises his gun to shoot, Homeland Security agent April Street arrives on the scene to save the day ...


INT. TAXI CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down city streets.
Talks into her hands-free.

APRIL
I TOLD you.
Someone got there before I did.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
SLEDGE CRAFTON (50), beefy ex-Marine,
now gone to seed, leans toward
the speakerphone on his desk.

Strokes the ugly scar that crisscrosses his face.
Angry. Beet-red.

SLEDGE
You really fucked this up, Street. GODDAMIT.

APRIL
Hey! The traffic was FUCKED on the 405.
And I was ON TIME. The fucker was EARLY,
and he gave the package to SOMEONE ELSE.

SLEDGE
Another heartbreaker? Like yourself?

Pause.

APRIL
Look, chief. We did it one time.
It was a mistake. I was grieving --

SLEDGE
Didn’t you ever wonder why I took you on?
(BANGS on the desk)
A fucking STUNT WOMAN with no experience?

APRIL
But you said I --

SLEDGE
I fucking said what you wanted to hear.
I wanted to get in your pants from day one.
And against all odds, I molded you
into one of our top operatives.
(beat)
Until now.

APRIL
For your information, BOSS,
I’m right now approaching the house
of the person who has the package.
I WAS calling in for back up.
But never mind. I’ll handle it myself.
You can go FUCK your rules of procedure.

SLEDGE
Now THAT’S the feisty lass
I groomed for greatness.
You get that case,
AND make the delivery,
I MIGHT JUST consider keeping you on.

PUSH IN ON April. Royally pissed.

APRIL
Wow. Does that mean I can still
come to the company picnic?

EXT. SILVERLAKE STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A decrepit pre-war bungalow on a street
with similar small houses.
Classic cars and bicycles dot the landscape.

Peeler opens the front door, ushers Cherry in.

PEELER
It’s not much, but I call it hovel.

INT. MARDO’S JOINT - CONTINUOUS
Classic hipster combination of Ikea,
found threadbare furniture. Ironic art.
Plants. Pizza boxes. Giant plasma screen, though.
And a decent stereo.

Cherry walks around. Inspecting.

CHERRY
Not bad for a guy. Not filthy.
(stops, looks at him)
I’m not fucking you, you know.

PEELER
I wasn’t -- thinking you --
(beat)
You want me to fix you a chai latte?

CHERRY
Gag me. You got a beer?

PEELER
Sure thing.

Peeler wanders into the kitchen.
Cherry goes to the couch. Plops down.
Puts the briefcase next to her.

Pulls out the envelope. RIPS it open.
Pulls out the instructions. Reads.

Peeler comes in with two large bottles of beer.

PEELER
(hands one to her)
Here you go --

CHERRY
(takes it, looks)
What the hell kinda beer IS this?

PEELER
Flat tire. Microbrew.

CHERRY
I bet you listen to a lot of Beck.
(holds up the piece of paper)
We gotta take the briefcase to this address.
But I don’t where it is.

PEELER
Let me see.

She hands it over. Peeler reads it.

CHERRY
Where is it?

PEELER
Dude. That’s in the Hollywood hills.

A FIGURE IN BLACK appears in the window.
Then disappears.

CHERRY
Will you go with me?

PEELER
I don’t -- have a car.
It’s in the shop.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
That’s okay. I do.

TOKEN WARE
Walks into the room.
Holding a sawed-off shotgun.

TOKEN
You should lock your front door.
Open invitation for dangerous criminals.

CHERRY
YOU.

PEELER
That’s the guy who -- ?

TOKEN
I gave you an address to take the case to.
And instead, you come to this rat-trap
to fuck this LOSER?

CHERRY
I’m gonna go, I’m gonna go.
We got shot at, at the airport, and, and --

PEELER
We were -- just leaving.
Please don’t shoot us.

TOKEN
(to Cherry)
Did I say you could take
SOMEONE WITH YOU?
This isn’t a DATE.
We’re dealing with TERRORISTS here.
There’s a TIME-TABLE.
And now you’re LATE.
You think an AL QAEDA SLEEPER CELL
is just gonna HANG AROUND ALL DAY and WAIT?

A GLOCK
Appears next to Token’s head.
The safety CLICKS.

WOMAN’S VOICE (O.C.)
Put the gun down, slowly.

APRIL
Stands in the doorway.
Token lowers the gun.

APRIL
You gave the case
to the wrong chick, doll.
(looks at Cherry)
Jesus Christ. You could be my sister.

Patriot Games

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of NOWHERE GIRL, exotic dancer Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo flee LAX in a cab, with Homeland Security agent April Street hot on their tail. Meanwhile, Token Ware, the black ops spooks who handcuffed the briefcase to Cherry's wrist, is also chasing them -- and while in pursuit, he checks in with his boss, Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas, who learns of the incident at the airport -- and Cherry's escape with 'the package.'


EXT. LAX - TAXI STAND - NIGHT
Cherry DASHES over to a gypsy cab.

CHERRY
TAXI!

She GRABS the door,
WHIPS IT OPEN, JUMPS in.

Peeler piles in after her.
SLAMS the door.

INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS
Cherry BARKS at the DRIVER,
a frightened-looking Turk.

CHERRY
Let’s GO, c’mon!

TURKISH CABBIE
Wherefor you wish to go?

CHERRY
I don’t care!
Just get us the fuck OUTTA HERE.

PEELER
Silverlake, please.
(to Cherry)
You’ll be safe at my joint.

CHERRY
‘Joint?’ Read much Mickey Spillane?

EXT. TAXI STAND - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April RACES up to a cab.
OPENS the driver’s side door.
FLASHES her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security!
I’m taking your cab!
Outta the car!

The FAT CABBIE looks at her.
Takes a bite of his candy bar.

FAT CABBIE
Fuck you, lady, I’m not --

April GRABS his arm,
starts PULLING him out of his seat.

APRIL
C’mon, move it, you FAT FUCK.

With all her might,
April YANKS him out.

He HITS the pavement.
She JUMPS IN.

Fat lies in the street
like a beached whale.

He FLAILS around,
trying to right himself, get up.

APRIL
(out the window)
Some patriot YOU are.

And she GUNS IT and ROARS away.

EXT. 405 FREEWAY - NIGHT
A large, black MERCEDES SUV
flies down the carpool lane.

INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The Tall, Ugly Thug we met earlier
is behind the wheel.

Meet TOKEN WARE, former CIA,
now black ops gun for hire.
He takes a sip of designer coffee.
Flips open his BlackBerry.

TOKEN
Avi? It’s Ware.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. DOWNTOWN LOFT - CONTINUOUS
A secure HQ in a plush loft space.
Several ARMED OPERATIVES mill about.
Scan computer screens. Clean weapons.

Their LEADER looks out the high rise window
at the city lights while talking on his Bluetooth.

AVI
You make the drop?

Meet AVI ABBAS (45). Palestinian ex-pat.
Now international arms dealer.
He lights up a Gitanes. Checks his Rolex.

TOKEN
Yeah. Broad was acting funny, though.

AVI
What do you mean funny?

TOKEN
Hard to say. Gut feeling.
Like she was in over her head.

A BIG, YOUNG SPOOK comes over to Avi.

BIG, YOUNG SPOOK
Sir, you need to see this.

He PUNCHES a remote.
A sixty-inch PLASMA SCREEN snaps on.

INT. NEWSROOM - CONTINUOUS
A SERIOUS TALKING HEAD sits at the news desk.

SERIOUS TALKING HEAD
-- where at Los Angeles International Airport,
a gunfight broke out at a sports bar.
We go now to Charlie Huston,
live at the scene.

EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC - CONTINUOUS
Reporter CHARLIE HUSTON stands in front
of the open bar window.
We can see a CRIME SCENE CREW is working.

CHARLIE
Thanks, Rolf.
(dramatic pause)
One hour ago a team of
military operatives opened fire
on this airport bar,
killing three people
and injuring two.
Witnesses say the men were shot
and killed by a young woman
who then left the scene on foot --

AVI
Shut it off.

The spook does.

TOKEN
Pulls his car over
to the side of the road. Stops.

Pulls out a LAPTOP.
Boots it up.

AVI
Paces, worried.

AVI
You better check on the girl.
Make sure she’s alive.
And delivering the package.

TOKEN
I’m one step ahead of you.
(punches buttons, looks)
She’s going east --
instead of north.

AVI
Find her.
And find out
what the fuck is going on.
We’re taking about
a million dollars.
She might be trying to sell it
to someone else for a higher price.

TOKEN
Duplicitous bitch.
That’s why she was a bit off.

AVI
Doo-plicitous?

TOKEN
Means two-timing. Double-crossing.
(beat)
Like your wife.

AVI
We must show respect
for the dead, Mr. Ware.

Token does a ‘take.’ Looks quizzical.

TOKEN
Even when you killed them?

Seventh Inning Stretch

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of NOWHERE GIRL, after defending herself against armed marauders at the airport bar, Homeland Security agent April Street is in hot pursuit of exotic dancer Cherry Nation, who's been handcuffed to a briefcase by a mysterious stranger. What's in the briefcase? Who IS the ugly thug that accosted Cherry? Hop aboard, and get ready for the thrill-ride of your life ...

INT. AIRPORT BAR - NIGHT
The door FLIES OPEN. April RACES into the room.
WHIRLS AROUND. Stops. Holds up her badge.

APRIL
Homeland Security, everybody FREEZE!

People stop talking. Look.
April pulls out a photograph.
Starts showing it around.

APRIL
Has anyone here seen THIS MAN?
It’s a matter of national security.

April shows it to the bartender.
He shakes his head ‘no.’

She goes to Cherry and Peeler’s table.

CHERRY
Ohmigod.

APRIL
You SAW him? He was HERE?

Cherry slowly puts
the briefcase on the table.

April stares at it,
at the handcuffs.

Then looks at Cherry more closely.
Their resemblance.

APRIL
I’m afraid you’re going to
have to come with me, Miss.

CHERRY
But he said he’d
hurt my family if I didn’t --

The wall of windows EXPLODES
in a HAIL OF BULLETS.

Cherry and Peeler JUMP,
hide under a table.

April HITS the floor, ROLLS away.
Slides behind the bar.

Pulls out twin giant
SIG SAUER HANDGUNS
and starts FIRING.

Cherry and Peeler start
crawling toward the entrance.

Two HUGE GOONS in black BOUND IN.
A red DOT appears on
the forehead of the first one.
His head EXPLODES in a red mist.

APRIL
Smiles. Takes aim at --

THE OTHER GOON
Who FIRES at April.
She DUCKS behind the bar.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Make it to the doorway.
Crawl away.

THE GOON
RACES toward the bar.
SPRAYING his Uzi.
Bottles FLY, SMASH.

BEHIND THE BAR
April crawls to the end.
GRABS a baseball bat.

THE GOON
Stealthily creeps up toward
the end of the bar, where --

APRIL
CRACKS him on the head.
The goon goes down, THWUMP.

APRIL
Sorry, fella --
seventh inning stretch.

She looks around.
Sees that Cherry is gone.

APRIL
Shit.

And RACES toward the door.

INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
A drum-and-bass big-beat by
The Crystal Method PUMPS over --

Cherry and Peeler.
TEARING ASS down the moving walkway.
The briefcase BANGING against the railing.

PEELER
Where are we going?!

CHERRY
The fuck OUTTA here!

CAMERA FLIES BACKWARD, WHIPS AROUND --
So that we see April at the other end.
She SEES THEM.

APRIL
Motherfucker.

And she starts TEARING ASS after them.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Reach the end of the moving sidewalk.
A sign reads BAGGAGE CLAIM.

Cherry GRABS Peeler’s hand.
JERKS HIM toward it.

CHERRY
C’mon!

They CLATTER down the stairs.

APRIL
Reaches the end of the sidewalk.
Looks around.

APRIL
Shit. Think, think, think --

She sees the sign.
RUNS to the top of the stairs,
sees Cherry and Peeler going down,
and TAKES OFF after them.

CHERRY AND PEELER
Hit the bottom.
Cherry BANGS into a porter. OOF.

PORTER
HEY!

CHERRY
Sorry!

She GRABS Peeler’s hand,
and they RACE AWAY.

PORTER
SLOW DOWN, bitch!

APRIL
BANGS into the porter.

PORTER
OW, hey!

He GRAPPLES her in a bear hug.

APRIL
Let me GO.

The porter SQUEEZES TIGHTER.

PORTER
You gotta SLOW DOWN, lady!

APRIL
I’m a GOVERNMENT AGENT.

PORTER
Bull-shit.

She FLINGS his arms away.
CRACKS him in the jaw. THWUMP.

Notices a crowd of ONLOOKERS.
Shows her ID.

APRIL
Homeland Security.
Keeping America safe.

And TAKES OFF.

A PAIR OF LITTLE BOY TWINS
Stand nearby holding hands
with their mother.

TWIN #1
I wanna be like HER when I grow up.

TWIN #2
But she’s a GIRL.

Homeland Insecurity

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Hello, crime kids. It's that magical time once again, where we start a new story. I wrote NOWHERE GIRL last year, and it got a lot of attention from some very big players in Hollywood. Problem is, due to the economy tanking, film financiers are not easily persuaded to fund 'unknown' properties. So, I decided to have someone adapt it into a series of comic books, which would then be published as a graphic novel. After a false start with one incredibly talented -- but flaky -- artist, who never did the work, I found another one, who is even better, and now hard at work on the job. It's been slow going, but the first issue should be ready by the end of the year.

But enough gabbing. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the spy thriller from hell. NOWHERE GIRL. Hot chicks. Dangerous spies. Terrorist cells. Rogue ops. And REALLY big weapons.

In chapter 1, we meet exotic dancer Cherry Nation, waiting for her flight to Vegas at the airport bar, who unfortunately is accosted by a mysterious stranger in a case of mistaken identity. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street races through the airport like a bat out of hell ...


INT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BAR - DUSK
One of those bland watering holes for travelers
who aren’t picky about ambiance. Or their cocktails.

A WOMAN (20’s) sits at a table near the windows,
watching the planes.

Unbelievably hot, with long, long black hair.
Reckless curves. Sleek. A gazelle.

Meet CHERRY NATION. Exotic dancer.
Former porn star. Future entrepreneur.
Single mother of two.

Right now she’s sipping a whiskey sour
and talking on her cell. Tugs on her miniskirt.

CHERRY
Thanks for watching the kids for me, Shag.
I owe you one.
(listens)
The money is fucking AMAZING.
I’m getting close to having the amount
I need to quit dancing and open the store.
(listens)
Of course I’m taking my meds.
Mind your own business.
It’s OVER, Shag, and you have no right to --
(listens)
I’ll call you when I get to Vegas.

She feels something in the small of her back.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't move. I have a gun pointed
at the base of your spine.

CHERRY
What the fuck?

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Don't speak. Just listen.

CHERRY
But --

The gun CLICKS.
Camera PULLS BACK to reveal --

A TALL, UGLY THUG in shades and a trench coat
seated at the table behind her back.
He smiles. Not a pretty sight.

TALL, UGLY THUG
I don’t know what kind of game
you’re playing, girlie, and I don’t care.
Get off the fucking PHONE.

She clicks it shut.

TALL, UGLY THUG (CONT’D)
Good girl. Now listen carefully.
The briefcase is next to your chair.

He FLIPS an envelope on her table.

TALL, UGLY THUG (CONT’D)
Take this envelope.
In it, you’ll find an address.
Take the briefcase there. Got it?

CHERRY
Listen to me, I think you’ve got the wrong --

TALL, UGLY THUG
If you don't deliver the package by sunrise,
we’ll kill you. And your family.
(nudges her with the gun)
GOT it?

She nods. Frightened to death.

TALL, UGLY THUG (CONT’D)
Lower your arm. Put it near the case.

She does. We hear a SNAP, CLICK.

TALL, UGLY THUG (CONT'D)
Good girl. Now you’re being smart.
I’m gonna leave now, and you’re
gonna keep facing the window.
DO NOT MOVE. Understand?

CHERRY
Y-yes.

TALL, UGLY THUG
One last thing.
DO NOT open the briefcase.
If you do, you’ll die.
(beat)
Enjoy your cocktail.

He stands. And in one fluid movement, he’s gone.
Cherry vibrates in her chair, shaking.
Blinking back tears.

She raises her hand.
We see she’s clutching the briefcase.
And that she’s been handcuffed to it.
She puts it back down.

A good-looking HIPSTER slides into
the chair next to her.
Studiously messy hair.
Five-hundred dollar torn jeans.

HIPSTER
These airport bars kinda suck, don’tcha think?

INT. AIRPORT SECURITY CHECKPOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
A long line of weary TRAVELERS wait in line.
An ANGRY-LOOKING GUARD waves a metallic wand
across a FAT MAN’S suit.

The detector SHRIEKS.
Angry’s face lights up.

DOWN THE CORRIDOR
A WOMAN is SPRINTING toward us.
Meet APRIL STREET (20’s).
Eyes burning fire.

Tall and foxy, with legs for days.
Baby’s in black. But how can she
run so fast in stiletto heels?

As she runs, she KNOCKS over shit.
PLOWS into a ELDERLY MAN.

APRIL
(British accent, over her shoulder)
Sorry! Government agent!

She gets closer.
We see she’s a dead ringer for Cherry Nation.
Like sisters. What’s going on here?

April RACES up to the checkpoint.
Flashes her ID.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Homeland Security! Outta THE WAY!

A open-mouthed guard takes a look
at the badge. Fancy stuff.

OPEN-MOUTHED GUARD
Sure thing, uh --

APRIL
MOVE IT, Kojak.
This is a NATIONAL EMERGENCY --

And she KNOCKS HIM OVER
and RACES down the corridor.

INT. AIRPORT BAR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry looks at the Hipster.
Unsure of what to do.

CHERRY
I need your help.

HIPSTER
You in some kind of trouble?

Cherry raises her wrist.
Exposing the handcuffs and the case.

CHERRY
You might say that.

HIPSTER
Holy shit. Are you a --
(leans over, whispers)
A spy?

CHERRY
(lowers it)
Hell, no. I’m a dancer.
Some asshole just cuffed me
to this briefcase.
Said I needed to
deliver it to someone.
If I didn’t, he’d --
(tears up)
Kill my family.

HIPSTER
Holy shit.

CHERRY
You keep saying that.

Pause.

HIPSTER
I’m -- Peeler.

CHERRY
What?

PEELER
My name. Peeler. Peeler Mardo.

CHERRY
Oh. I’m Cherry.

PEELER
You certainly are.

CHERRY
Look, I need your help,
not your hitting on me, okay?
He threatened MY FAMILY.

PEELER
Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m a guy.
(beat)
So where are you supposed to deliver it?

The door FLIES OPEN.
April RACES into the room.

WHIRLS AROUND. Stops.
Holds up her badge.

APRIL
Homeland Security, everybody FREEZE!

You Had Me At 'I'm Coming'

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.


In Chapter 34 of FULL BODY, we reach the exciting, violent, touching, heartbreaking conclusion of our story. (And that's all I'm gonna say because I don't want to give away anything ... )


EXT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
Lindsey walks toward her car.

A big, black HUMMER pulls into a space nearby.
A TALL, STRANGE-LOOKING WOMAN gets out.
Walks hurriedly to the stairs.
Heels CLICK-CLICKING.

LINDSEY
(opens car door)
She’s built like a football player.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Huh?
(looks)
Gus? What are you doing here?
You’re not -- stalking me, are you?

Gus appears. Disheveled. Wild-eyed.

GUS
I need to talk to you.

Lindsey gets in.
SLAMS the door.
Lowers the window a crack.

LINDSEY
I have mace.

GUS
I’m -- not married.

LINDSEY
What? Why did you lie?

GUS
This is gonna sound like a --
Cameron Crowe movie.

LINDSEY
(rolls window down)
Ooh. I like Cameron Crowe movies.
You had me at ‘I’m coming.’

GUS
The thing is, I --
can’t stop thinking about you,
and I -- see, when you say you’re married,
there’s no commitment,
it’s wham-bang-fuck-you-very-much, Ma’am.
But with you, I --

LINDSEY
DON’T say it.

GUS
No, no, no ---
I was going to ask if we could --
start over again. We went too fast.
I really like you, and I don’t want it to be --
just about sex.

LINDSEY
Oh, God. Not another one.
(beat)
I’m not -- emotionally available.

Gus deflates. Balloon punctured.

LINDSEY
It’s not you -- it’s me.

GUS
Well, there’s always -- sex?

LINDSEY
Sex is good --
(frowns)
But if I catch you in my driveway at 3AM
holding a goddamn boombox over your head
playing Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes,’
no nookie for G.I. Joe, comprende?

GUS
Absolutement.

LINDSEY
You speak French?

GUS
Oui, mon amour --

LINDSEY
Okay, get in.
But I’m driving you straight home.
I’ve had a long-ass fucked-up day.

GUS
(as he gets in)
Hey, wanna pick up
a Capitol-Burger on the way?
I’m fucking starving.

Lindsey’s stomach GROWLS.
Looks at Gus. Starts the engine.

LINDSEY
Good idea.
Let’s go stuff down our feelings.

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - YURI’S OFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Martin Frye of ABC’s swingin’ cover of THUNDERBALL over --

Yuri and Mavra dance a twisted tango.
Yuri’s tie in her mouth.
Her black stocking in Yuri’s.

YURI
(sings)
'He looks at this world, and wants it all' --

Etya watches from the doorway.
Delighted. Drinking vodka.

They turn. Stomp.
Dance toward the CAMERA --

YURI
So he strikes, like Thunderball --

THE TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
walks in. Big, bug-like shades.
Cruel red lipstick sneer.

TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
Yuri Vlaovic!

Yuri and Mavra stop. Startled.
He goes to the stereo.
Shuts it off. Grabs his chest.

YURI
Jesus fucking Christ on pointed stick.
You scared fucking shit out of me.

MAVRA
We’re closed.

ETYA
You are interrupting family reunion.

Tall WHIPS OFF her shades.

TALL, STRANGE WOMAN
(strangled, high-pitched)
It’s me, Hassig -- MS. Hassig, to you.

YURI
You are -- cross-dressing City Councilman?

MAVRA
City Councilwoman more like it.

ETYA
Ugly City Councilwoman.

HASSIG
Shut the fuck up.
I’ve come to tell you that
your precious little ordinance passed,
and that your lurid den of depravity is safe.

YURI
Proslava! We drink toast!

HASSIG
No! No toast!
And I’m not paying you another red cent!
I’ve resigned my post,
and I’m moving to San Francisco.
And I want your assurance
that our deal is done.

YURI
Deal? We had no -- deal.

Hassig pulls out a small derringer.

HASSIG
We do now.

Fast as lightning,
Yuri WHIPS out a Glock.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Hassig, in shock. Looks down.
Big, red stain on his crotch.

YURI
Stupid bitch. Now you have TWAT!

BANG. Hassig hits the floor, THWUMP.

YURI
I find this -- bit of turn-on.

A bulge grows in his crotch.

MAVRA
Yuri, look. You have woody again.

YURI
(twirls gun)
Looks like I have answer for --
erectile dysfunction.

ETYA
Great. Another body.
And I suppose I have to get rid of?

MAVRA
Etya, take body to basement.
We’ll deal with it later.

ETYA
But, Mo-om --

YURI
Do what your mother says.
(to Mavra)
We need to -- dance.

Etya drags away Hassig’s body.
Mutters to herself.

ETYA
This family is running with blowtorch.

Yuri goes to the stereo.
Smiles wolfishly at Mavra.

YURI
I take you back to gimnazija dance.

He pops in a new CD.
Presses play. Turns it up.

The bizarre, ridiculously catchy Austrian
80’S cold war power-pop of Falco’s
DER KOMMISSAR goose-steps over ---

MAVRA
Yuri. Is our song --

YURI
May I -- have this dance?

He takes her hand. Twirls her.
Stops. And they dance.
Cheek to cheek.

It’s one of those perfect movie moments.
Like Fred and Ginger.
Travolta and Thurman.
Ledger and Gyllenhaal.

INT. CATALINA’S HOUSE - NIGHT
The gazelle tip-toes into the living room.
TV on softly. Some old black-and-white war movie.
Husband asleep in his chair.

IN THE KIDS ROOM
Catalina looks in.
TWIN GIRLS (4) sleep the deep,
peaceful dreams that only children have.
She smiles. Kisses goodnight.

INT. CHICK’S LIMO - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Chick, sound asleep. Mouth open.
Ayanna’s head on his lap.
Out like a light.

If you didn’t know better,
you’d think it was adorable.
Well, maybe --

INT. LINDSEY’S APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Lindsey sits in her bedroom at her desk.
Looking out the window at the moon.
She sighs. Opens a fast-food bag.

Pulls out a Capitol-Burger. Smiles.
And takes a bite.

INT. SUMMER’S APARTMENT - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer gets into bed. Still dressed.
Exhausted. Shuts off the light.
Burrows into the covers. Closes her eyes.

INT. GROOVY NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Hooverphonic’s breathy trip-hopped dreamsicle, MAD ABOUT YOU.
A glitterball throws a meteor shower of colored lights over --

Summer, onstage with a power-pop trio.
Cheesy Farfisa organ.
Tremolo surf guitar.

Gorgeous in an outer-space minidress.
Platform boots. Waterfall of hair.
She shakes, undulates.

SUMMER
(sings)
'Feel the vibe, feel the terror,
feel the pain -- it’s driving me insane --

She GRABS the mike off the stand.
Starts doing a nasty twist.

SUMMER
Trouble is my midd-le name,
but in the end I’m not too bad,
can someone tell me if it’s wrong
to be so mad -- about you?

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face.
Finding release.

FADE TO BLACK

More Fun Than Milking Cow

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of FULL BODY, as we start the race to the exciting conclusion of our story, we catch up with recently reunited Croatian crime lords in love, Yuri and Mavra, who now must deal with newbie Summer Donovan's attempt to resign from her duties at The International ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - YURI’S OFFICE - NIGHT
The jazzy, sultry, nasty purr of Layo & Bushwacka’s remix
of Ella Fitzgerald’s ANGEL EYES over --

Yuri and Mavra. On the floor.
A tangled mess of spent passion.

Yuri gets up.
Offers his hand.

MAVRA
Stay with me.
Is like we are losing virginities.

YURI
Need smoke --
(pulls her up)
C’mere -- lubavnik.

She rises. In time to the music.
Gestures. Dips.

MAVRA
I like -- American remix.

YURI
Satellite radio.
Only the best in land of opportunity.

MAVRA
(embraces him)
Opportunity knocks -- me up.

YURI
Opportunity had fucking multiple orgasm.

The glittering syncopated intrigue of
Thievery Corporation’s KILLER’S WALTZ starts, percolates over --

Yuri grabs his smokes from the desk.
Pulls out a pair.
Pops them in his mouth.

Lights up. Hands her one. She SNATCHES it.

YURI
Do you know how to whistle?

MAVRA
(exhales luxuriously)
Darling. Put lips together and blow job.

YURI
We need to -- wait a bit.

MAVRA
Silly boy.
Who said anything about you?

They laugh. Nuzzle. Smoke.
Years of pain washing away.

YURI
Remember that summer in Zagreb,
after gimnazija dance?

MAVRA
When I gave you hand job in vijecnica?

YURI
You said it more fun than milking cow.

Oogie pops his head out of Yuri’s jacket
lying on a chair.

YURI
Oogie. There you are --

MAVRA
You still bring home stray animals?

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hello? Is anybody here?

SUMMER appears in the doorway.
With Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Oh. Sorry to -- interrupt --

SUMMER
Mr. Vlaovic. Sorry to --

YURI
MR. VLAOVIC?
Yuri, please --
you must call me YURI.

The girls fidget.
Awkward. Staring at Mavra.
And the couple’s state of near undress.

YURI
Ach. I forget manners.
Summer, Lindsey --
I’d like you to meet my wife, Mavra.

MAVRA
(bows)
Enchanted.

The girls exchange glances.

LINDSEY
But I thought -- your wife --

SUMMER
She -- passed away?

YURI
Was white lie to hide pain and loss.
And now is miracle, we are reunited.

MAVRA
(takes Yuri’s hand, kisses it)
Like vilderbeast in Dalmatian forest.

Pause.

SUMMER
So, uh -- Yuri --

LINDSEY
Don’t let her do it, Yuri.
You can’t let her quit.

YURI
(to Summer)
You want to quit?
After only first day?

SUMMER
I’m sorry, but I’m just not --
I can’t --

ETYA walks in. Hands on hips.

ETYA
You cannot quit!
You are already most popular!
All your clients have booked
for you again.
And you made most money.
(beat)
Sorry. Was eavesdropping.

SUMMER
They did? I did? But --

YURI
Is ridiculous.
You not give us chance.
This is respectable family business.
Sure, there is occasional kinkiness,
but we perform valuable service --
helping movers and shakers release tension.
We are doing duty for seat of nation’s capitol --
in seat of pants.

Etya hands envelopes to Summer and Lindsey.

ETYA
Go ahead. Count it.
You made five thousand fifty dollars,
Ms. Donovan.

SUMMER
(looks)
Five thousand -- ?

LINDSEY
(looks)
That’s more than twice what I --

YURI
I understand you might find some
of what you do here to be a little -- unseemly.
But this is American way. Greed is good.
Sometimes you have to get down and dirty
in name of capitalism.
Look at Iraq war, Haliburton, hello?
They fucking cleaned up.
And look at Madison Avenue. Sex sells.
How else you explain Doublemint Twins?
What we do isn’t illegal or immoral,
is just -- business. Profitable business.

MAVRA
Family business.

LINDSEY
Which could allow you to follow your dream --

Pause.

SUMMER
Okay, you win. Alright? Happy?
(beat)
But I’m taking tomorrow off.

Balling The Jack

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 32 of FULL BODY, masseuse/would-be singer Summer Donovan flees the Eighteenth Street Lounge after her disastrous singing debut. Meanwhile, the party continues in the surgeon general's limo, when French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl and Portuguese beauty Catalina Gil get down and dirty with sex, drugs and overdoses ...


EXT. 16TH STREET - NIGHT
Summer and Lindsey walk fast down the sidewalk.

LINDSEY
C’mon, let’s get a cab. It’s late --

SUMMER
I fucked it up, Lindsey!
I fucked it up. Goddammit. I was THERE.
I sang for Eric Hilton and Rob Garza,
and I was GREAT --
until my fucking NOSE started BLEEDING!

She stops. Loses it.
Starts crying. Lindsey hugs her.

LINDSEY
Shhhhh, it’s okay --

A RASPY MALE VOICE calls out.

RASPY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Yeaaaaah, gimmee some sugar.
Love da lezzies. Can I join in?

A SCARY GUY in a leather jacket approaches.
Leering. Rubbing his crotch.

Lindsey WHIPS OUT a can of mace. Aims it.

LINDSEY
Back the fuck off, asshole!
Go swing your dick somewhere else!

SCARY GUY
(walks away)
Fucking carpet-munchers --

LINDSEY
Loser! Go home and beat off!
(grabs Summer’s arm)
C’mon, let’s split a cab.
What part of town do you live?
(gives her a kleenex)
Here --

SUMMER
Thanks.
(dabs her eyes)
I gotta -- go back to the salon.
Get my jacket -- has my keys.

LINDSEY
Okay --

SUMMER
I can’t do it, Lina.
It’s -- too much.
I’m just not cut out for --

LINDSEY
You can’t quit! We’re a team.
Buds. You’re part of the family --

PUSH IN ON Summer. Falling apart.

SUMMER
That’s why I’m -- running away from home.

INT. CHICK’S LIMO - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
The Brazilian pop-soul-funk of Anthony Marinell’s remix
of Herb Albert & The Tijuana Brass’s WHIPPED CREAM over --

The remains of the day.
Ayanna, hooked up to an IV.
Bandage across her forehead.

Catalina, in nurse position,
holding Ayanna’s hand.
More than a bit freaked out.

AYANNA
(sings)
Ba-ba-ba-bop-be-bedo-bee --

CHICK
(stops the IV, takes it out)
That’s enough -- don’t want you
getting all Karen Carpenter on me.

CATALINA
What were you giving her?

CHICK
Morphine drip.
Poor girl suffered quite a crack to the head.
And then there’s the withdrawal, of course.

AYANNA
I’d like to -- make a withdrawal,
ossiffer -- ha, ha, ha, ha --

CHICK
She’s either seeing white rabbits
or pink elephants at this juncture.
One pill makes you larger,
and a speedball makes you sore.

CATALINA
Withdrawal? She’s addicted to -- ?

AYANNA
Might as well confess
you’re addicted to love --

CHICK
We all have addictions, my love.
For some people it’s shopping,
others, its sex --
some people get off on
money, power, fame.
It’s all the same thing.
(freaky smile)
I’m Chauncey Gardener -- I like to watch.

Chick pulls out a large syringe. SQUIRTS it.

CATALINA
What the fuck is THAT?

CHICK
Just a little booster to even her out.

He finds a vein in Ayanna’s arm.
Taps it. FLICKS the needle.
Slides it in. Presses the plunger down --

Ayanna’s eyes roll back.
Immediate, heavenly bliss.

AYANNA
(to Catalina, dreamy)
Mommy -- fucks so good --

CATALINA
(hugs her)
Oh, baby -- what are we gonna do?

CHICK
Now that’s an excellent question.
I would think you should join the party --
then we could get this shindig
on the road, be-bop-a-lula, she’s my girl.

CATALINA
Join the party?

Chick lays out a mirror.
Takes out a glassine envelope.

Pours powder out of it.
Starts chopping it up.

CHICK
Back in the fifties,
my first wife was a
real beatnik hep-cat.
She used to call it ‘balling the jack.’
(twitches his eyebrows)
And I, of course -- was JACK. HA.

CATALINA
I’m sorry, but I’m not
going to get addicted to --

AYANNA
(sits up, sees the powder)
Now that’s what I call balling the jack --

CHICK
(offers the straw)
Nonsense. This is recreational use.
(gestures toward Ayanna)
And this is your playground.
Approved by the Surgeon General.
(narrows eyes)
I wouldn’t want this to turn ugly.

AYANNA
C’mon, baby -- let’s party.
One lil-ol’ liney won’ hurt you --

She leans over.
HONKS up a fat line.
SNORTS. Eyes roll back.

Whoops.

AYANNA
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah --

She SPASMS.
Viscous fluid ERUPTS from her mouth.
Ayanna’s head falls back. THUD.

CHICK
Now why did you have to go and do THAT.

He puts his stethoscope on her heart.
Feels her wrist.

CATALINA
What’s wrong!? What’s wrong!?

CHICK
No pulse. Quick, don’t panic.
(points)
Hand me that case, NOW.

Catalina grabs a large aluminum container.
Chick opens it, YANKS out a pair of paddles
with electrical cords.

CHICK
Open her blouse!

CATALINA
(RIPS it open)
Ohmigod, baby -- don’t die!
Don’t die!
(crosses herself)
Mother Mary, full of grace --

Chick raises the paddles --

CHICK
Turn it on! Let me know when it hits 250!

CATALINA
What about giving her a shot of adrenaline
like in ‘Pulp Fiction?’

CHICK
That’s a fucking MOVIE!
Fiction! Watch the red arrow!

AYANNA
(watches it)
Okay -- NOW!

CHICK
One, two -- clear!

He ZAPS her chest -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
No response.

CHICK
Awaken! I COMMAND you!

He ZAPS her again -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
Nothing. Not looking good.

CATALINA
Oh my god! Please, Lord --
DO SOMETHING.

CHICK
I'm trying!
(to Ayanna)
Wake THE FUCK UP!

Chick ZAPS her -- BZZZZZZZZZZT!
BZZZZZZZZZZT! BZZZZZZZZZZT!

Ayanna BOLTS UPRIGHT. Eyes FLY OPEN.

Catalina and Chick sigh. Relieved.
Ayanna, big, goofy grin.

AYANNA
I’m hungry. Who wants pizza?

A phone RINGS.
Catalina fishes out her cell. Listens.

CATALINA
What now?
(mouths silently)
My husband --
(into the phone)
I’m on my way home.
Had a special client --
from the Surgeon General’s office.
(listens)
What do you mean
the kids didn’t eat anything?
(listens)
I told you they don’t like chili --
(listens)
What about the chicken I -- ?
(listens)
YOU ate it? I told you to save that --
(listens)
STOP yelling at me!
I’m on my way home!
Give them some cereal!
And this is your last night
in MY HOME. GOOD-BYE!

She SLAMS the phone shut.
Dark eyes flash with anger.

CATALINA
Idiot. I thought we were separated.
(to Chick)
Family emergency.
Could you please take me back
to the International?
My car’s there --

Chick glares at her. Leans over.
SNORTS a line. Then another.

CHICK
Of course, my love.
I didn’t realize you had children.
(slurs, into the call box)
Driver. To the International.
And make it SNAPPY.
We have an errant mother
who needs to tend to her brood.

AYANNA
What about -- our party?

CATALINA
Sorry, baby -- party’s over.