Let's Get Jizzy With It

Happy Friday, crime fucks! Are you ready for another helping of hardboiled pulp/noir on the sleazy, sexy side? Then get your asses over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the perversion is non-stop, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of FULL BODY, we meet two more of the girls at 'The International,' DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa.' First up, Catalina Gil, Eighth Portuguese Wonder Of the world, who argues with her soon-to-be ex-husband on the phone. And then there's Ayanna Prouxl, French-African temptress, who is right now showing newbie Summer Donovan how to give a massage ...


INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Gato Barbieri’s SWEET GLENDA simmers over hidden speakers.
A silky, olive-skinned gazelle straightens the room.

Meet CATALINA GIL, (27)
eighth Portuguese wonder of the world.
Charcoal curls frame a sexy, crooked nose.
Eyes glinting. Wide slash of a smile.
Humming some secret song.

She bends over. Picks up a towel. Cute bum.

ON A VIDEO SCREEN
We see Catalina’s splendor.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
What I wouldn’t give to toss her fuckin’ salad.
How much for a Roman helmet?

INT. SECURITY WATCH SUITE - CONTINUOUS
Sitting in a swivel chair in front of
a bank of video monitors is ROD KATZ (30’s).
A pasty, sweaty slug of a security guard. Too-small uniform about to pop buttons.

He shoves in a mouthful of flamin’ red hot Cheetos.
Crunches. Sticky bright red fingers rub his crotch.
Beady eyes flicker.

ROD
How about a Dirty Sanchez?

ON THE SCREEN
Catalina senses something. Turns.
Looks INTO THE CAMERA.
Gives it the finger.
Then slashes her throat with it.

CATALINA
Pervert!

She storms out. SLAMS the door.

Rod bursts into scary laughter.
He reaches over.

Picks up a videotape.
Slides it in.

ON THE SCREEN
we see Catalina, smiling.
A CLIENT massage her breasts.

ROD (O.C.)
I’m gonna make a fuckin’ fortune --

INT. STAIRWELL - AT THAT MOMENT
Catalina walks down the stairs to the first floor.
Talks on her cell. Exasperated.

CATALINA
I’m sorry -- but I have to work
a bit later than I thought tonight --
(listens)
I told you this would happen sometimes --
(listens)
There’s a whole chicken in the fridge,
all you have to do is --
(listens)
Stop shouting at me!
We’re separating,
so go get your own kitchen
and hire a cook!

She angrily CLICKS the phone shut.

PUSH IN ON Catalina.
Crossing herself. A whispered prayer.

INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - AERIAL POV - AT THAT MOMENT
We see Etya. Alone.

A giant ‘space needle’ vibrator up her skirt.
Working it in slow circles.
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

CLOSE ON
Etya’s face. Eyes closed. In her fantasy --

SUMMER
stands across from her.
Takes off her top.

ETYA
writhes with pleasure.
The BUZZING increases. Louder.

SUMMER
wriggles out of her skirt.
Naughty in girlish lingerie.

SUMMER
Gee whiz.
I’d do just about anything
to get this job.

ETYA’S
head falls back.
Moves in slow circles.
Softly moans.

ETYA
(in Croatian, English subtitles)
Come for Etya, my little whippoorwill --

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer sits on the edge of the table. Listening to --

AYANNA PROUXL (25),
delicious French-African souffle.

An ebony figurine of impossible beauty.
Faye Dunaway cheekbones.
Swan-like neck.
Legs for days. And nights.

AYANNA
You have five minutes
to straighten up the room
for the next client.
Wipe down the table.
Make sure you get all the jizz.
Put the towels in the hamper,
the next girl brings the fresh ones.
Put out fresh toiletries --
and that’s it, you’re done.
Any questions?

SUMMER
I can’t believe you said -- jizz.

AYANNA
It is perfect American word for what it is.
Rank. Vile. Disgusting.
(beat)
Okay, let’s get jizzy wit it.
I want you to lie down on the table,
because I am going to show you
how massage is done.

Summer does.
Lies on her stomach.

SUMMER
(scared)
Are you -- gonna give me a --

AYANNA
(SMACKS her butt)
You better not wish for
what you might not want.
My tongue have superpowers.

Summer’s eyes widen.

AYANNA
I’m teasing. Not at work.
It causes -- conflicts.

SUMMER
You don’t shit where you eat?

AYANNA
Another American phrase
I do not understand.
Who defecates where they dine?
It is ridiculous. Enough talking.
We are here to work.
I am to show you rope.

Ayanna walks behind Summer’s head.
Gentle fingertips rub her temples.
Little circular motions.

AYANNA
First we clear the head
of all the thoughts of the day.
The gentlemen who come here
are rich, successful, under a lot of stress.

PUSH IN ON Ayanna’s face.
Appraising the fresh meat.

Happy Ending

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters! Are you ready for another sultry, sexy dose of international intrigue? Ready to get your rocks off? Then head on over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are sleazy, the action easy, and the cheap kicks non-stop, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, Washington DC's premiere upscale massage spa, where Aussie spitfire Lindsay Lette works her wonders on 'Dookie', the speaker of the house of representatives. Meanwhile, fresh-faced Summer Donovan interviews for a job with Etya Vlaovic, lesbian daughter of Yuri, the Croatian crime boss who owns the club ...


INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Dookie’s about ready for lift-off.
So is his propeller beanie.

From behind,
we see Lindsey kneading his doughy flesh.

One hand works its magic.
Up and down. Up and down.

The other, his chest.
Long, blonde hair brushes him.

Back and forth. Back and forth.
Sensual. Mechanical.

DOOKIE
God, yes.
Sis boom bah -- uhhhhh --
uh, that’s so good.

LINDSEY
Such a good boy, so good --

DOOKIE
Ahhhhhhh -- ahhhhhhh --

EXT. DC LOFT DISTRICT - AT THAT MOMENT
Summer pulls her Jeep up to what looks like a loading dock.
Faded letters above on the brick read
INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING.

INT. JEEP - CONTINUOUS
She looks at the address scrawled on a slip of paper.

SUMMER
This is the right address --

INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Dookie reaches an ear-splitting CLIMAX.

DOOKIE
Sweet Mother Mary of CHRIST FUCK ME JESUS!
ARRRRGGGHHHHH!

Lindsey deftly feints to the left, as --

IN SLOW MOTION
Dookie’s LOAD flies across the room --

And hits the wall -- SPLAT.

DOOKIE (O.C.)
Go, TEAM! Two POINTS!

THE CONGRESSMAN
lies back. Closes his eyes.

DOOKIE
Goddamit.
I haven’t come like that since I was pup.

LINDSEY
That’s why we’re the best,
Mr. Speaker Of The House.
Now hop in the shower.
I gotta clean up,
and YOU have an
appropriations bill to introduce.

DOOKIE
(eyes fly open)
Shit. You had to remind me of that --

INT. RECEPTION AREA - AT THAT MOMENT
Chrome and glass outta Architectural Digest.
Tiki bar with lava lamps.
A BREATHLESS poster.
Strange plants.

Summer sits on an outrageous couch.
Soaks it all in.

Nearby, behind a desk,
sits REYNOLDS TAN, (24)
tightly-wrapped temptress in blonde leather.

Amerasian lips curled in a self-satisfied sneer.
Aware of her impact. Works it.

She touches her headset.
Listens. Looks at Summer.

REYNOLDS
You can go in now, Ms. Donovan.
She’s ready for you.
(bitchy)
Smart suit.

SUMMER
(doesn’t get it)
Super. Th-thanks.

CAMERA follows Summer
walk to a connecting door.

We see the grease stain on her rear end.
Tissue on the back of her knee.

INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Summer stands in the doorway. Coy. Expectant.

SUMMER
Hi, I’m --
(beat)
Summer.

ETYA
You certainly are.
Please, come in. Sit.
Make yourself at home.

Summer goes to the chair
opposite Etya’s desk.
Primly sits.

ETYA
Would you like some vater,
a soft drink?

SUMMER
No, thanks. I’m fine.

ETYA
So tell me why you wish employment
in establishment such as this.

SUMMER
Well, I’m an artist, a, a --
singer, actually,
and I’ve heard that
the schedule is flexible.

ETYA
Yes, it is. And so are the girls.
(laughs)
I’m sorry. I make joke. Cannot resist.
I’m how you say, a bit of a bon vivant.

Etya’s eyes devour Summer.
Licking their chops. Waiting.

SUMMER
Oh. And, well --
I’ve heard the money is really good.

ETYA
It is, yes.
But you have to be villing to,
how you say, do certain things.
We offer more than just spa and massage.

SUMMER
What kind of -- things?

ETYA
You seem like smart girl.
I’ll be blunt.
The gentlemen that come here
expect full release, a --
‘happy ending’ as you call it.

SUMMER
But that’s it, right?
We don’t have to --

ETYA
NO. No sex!
The girls are NOT allowed
to have oral, anal or vaginal contact.
No intercourse, no blow job.
Anyone caught doing that
is terminated IMMEDIATELY.

SUMMER
Okay --

ETYA
Now, you can negotiate ‘extras,’ for tips.
You take top off, fifty bucks.
Squeeze boob, another fifty.
You do role play,
say man wants to be humiliated.
Wear pumps. Whatever.
Is extra money for you.
(meaningfully)
Smart girl can clean up.

Summer thinks it over.
Nods slowly.

ETYA
You have any questions?

SUMMER
Yeah.
(beat)
When can I start?

Hold Onto Your Mammary Glands

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In Chapter 2 of FULL BODY, Aussie spinner Summer Donovan drives over to her big job interview at the exclusive gentlemen's spa The International. Meanwhile, we meet the owners of the club, Croatian crime boss Yuri Vlaovic, and his lesbian daughter, Etya ...


INT./EXT. SUMMER’S CAR - MOVING - DAY
The childlike whipped-trance femme-pop of
Groove Coverage’s GOD IS A GIRL on the car stereo.
Summer shimmies in her seat.

SUMMER
(sings)
'God is a girl,
wherever you are,
do you believe it,
can you receive it -- '

Reaches over.
Pulls a greasy cheeseburger out of a bag.
Takes a big bite. Savors it.

SUMMER
Ummmm --

Another, bigger bite.
But it’s too much.

A wedge of meat, sauce
and sloppy bun PLOPS on her lap.

She looks --

SUMMER
Oh, no!

She SWERVES the car to the curb.
A car HONKS.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Stupid CUNT!

SUMMER
(out the window)
Georgetown WHORE!

Summer gingerly pulls the food
off her suede skirt.

FLIPS it out the window.
Surveys the damage.

SUMMER
What am I going to do?

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - FRONT OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
The liquid, bubbling dub beats of Thievery Corporation’s
2001 SPLIFF ODYSSEY over --

Very uptown.
Tres Trump-gaudy.
Is that a real Picasso?

The door OPENS. In walks --

YURI VLAOVIC (50’s),
a squat tree-trunk of Croatian muscle.
Top of the organized crime food chain.

Tries for cultured.
But still street.
Cobblestone.

YURI
And this is inner sanctum --

Following behind him is his daughter,
ETYA (late 20’s).

Raven-tressed.
Skintight Gautier.
Lean. Lithe. Luscious.

And lesbian.

ETYA
Is nice. Wery nice.

She walks over to a bank of video monitors.
Watches a session in progress.
We see Lindsey start to work on Dookie’s dookie.

YURI
You have security on call,
twenty-four-seven.
You have problem,
you call them.
No funny business.
I don’t want repeat of thing in Zagreb.

ETYA
Hey. The deal vent bad.
I’m supposed to walk away empty-handed?

YURI
You cut off his fucking hand!
If this going to work,
you gotta play by rules.
After shit that went down
with last cooze,
I can’t trust nobody.

ETYA
You can trust me, Poppa.
I make you proud.
Come. Give me hug.

She raises her arms.
A flash of chrome in her waistband.

YURI
You’re becoming too Americanized.
A Vlaovic DOES NOT HUG.
And gimmee your piece.
We got all kindsa government people
that come here,
and I don’t need illegal weapons beef.

ETYA
But Momma’s gun is legal. No?

YURI
You have my WIFE’S GUN?
What the fuck?
I thought she was buried with that --

ETYA
Open-casket ceremony,
I was emotional, I, I --
couldn’t help myself --

BUZZ.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Yuri, Etya. Your nine-o’clock is here.

YURI
Okay, okay -- give us a sec.
Hold onto mammary glands.
(to Etya)
Okay. Now.
You’re gonna interview girl.
And no funny business, got it?
No sniffin’ round merchandise.

ETYA
(Cheshire grin)
Of course.
I am professional, Poppa.
I use -- restraint.

YURI
That’s what I’m afraid of.

Nice Cock Ring

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready to get completely sleazy? Looking for a good time? Like your hardboiled noir shaken, not slurred? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Our next story has an interesting history. A producer in Australia that I met working on a TV movie a few years ago read some of my stuff, and asked me to write a TV pilot for her. Her idea was a story that took place in a high-end massage parlor. I jumped on board, and you know me, I had to add a crime element to it. I decided that 'The International' spa in Washington DC would be run by the Croatian mob, and it would service the movers and shakers in our nation's capitol. There would be four girls from four corners of the globe working their magic, and we go along on the story with Aussie spitfire Summer Donovan as she starts her first day on the job. The pitch was SEX & THE CITY meets THE SOPRANOS.

Ladies and Gentlemen, get ready for FULL BODY ...


INT. BATHROOM - MORNING
The silky, supple breathy-femme trip-hop
of Hooverphonic’s CLUB MONTEPULCIANO over --

Clouds of steam.
Streaked mirror.
Fluffy white towels.

A FEMALE FIGURE
showers behind rippled glass. Singing.
You’d sing too, if you had a bod like that.

FEMALE FIGURE
'Fiona said something nice to me,
green velvet jacket sets you free --
Club Montepulciano is what you need -- '
(beat)
'Blue Hawaii, Picadilly whore --
a cocktail is what I’m hoping for -- '

IN THE SHOWER
she shaves her legs.
Razor glides up a curvy calf.
Reaches the corner,
back of the knee.
NICKS the skin.

FEMALE
Ow!

She turns.
We see the face of an angel.
Shower cap, a halo.
No make up.
Peachy skin glistening.

Meet SUMMER DONOVAN (24).
It was worth the wait.

THE CUT
on her leg bleeds.
A red rivulet trickles down.

SUMMER
Shit.

MOMENTS LATER
wrapped in a towel.
Sleek black hair down her back.
Presses a corner of tissue on the wound.
It soaks up the blood.
Becomes a large red dot.

She WHIPS it off.
Places a new piece.

SUMMER
Work. Come on --

INT. UPSCALE SPA - AT THE SAME TIME
The blissed-out, spooky, spy-theme beats of Thunderball’s
TO SIR WITH DUB over --

A DIRTY BLONDE (25)
and a GREY-HAIRED GENT
sit in a large, lux Jacuzzi.
Water rushing.
Soothing sore muscles.

And other things.

Meet LINDSEY LETTE, (25).
Taught, toned, freckled Aussie spitfire.
5’2,” lithe, cat-like.
What some call a ‘spinner.’

But this time, she’s doing the spinning.

LINDSEY
What do you say we get you on the table,
Mr. big, bad Speaker of the House?

GREY-HAIRED GENT
Capital idea. But please, call me Dookie.

LINDSEY
Dookie?

GREY-HAIRED GENT
Nickname. From my prep school days.

LINDSEY
Good thing I wore my plaid skirt today --

INT. SUMMER’S PLACE - BEDROOM
Summer sits at her vanity.
Lethal in a skintight suit.

Toned shiny legs in shiny black pumps.
Fixing her face.
Not that it needs any fixing.

DING.

IN THE KITCHEN
Summer goes to the toaster.
Two slices of black. Burned.

SUMMER
It’s an omen.

She opens the fridge.
Takes out a yogurt.
Spoons a mouthful.

Holds up another.
Lets it slide back into the cup.

SUMMER
Yuck.

CAMERA PUSHES IN
on the piece of tissue behind her knee.

INT. UPSCALE SPA - BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
TO SIR WITH DUB continues over --

VERY fancy.
Some kinda opulent vision outta Versailles.
Love Shack, a’la Verscace.
Hot and cold running pleasure.

Dookie lies on his back.
A small blue towel covers his private area.
Lindsey works on his thigh.
Smoothing oil.

DOOKIE
I have this little getaway
in the Cayman Islands --

LINDSEY
You know we’re not allowed
to date the guests -- Dookie.

DOOKIE
Guest? I’m a payin’ customer --
and the customer is always right.

LINDSEY
Except when he’s wrong.

DOOKIE
Now listen here, lil’ lady,
stop actin’ like a lobbyist,
I’m prepared to give --

CLOSE ON LINDSEY’S FACE

LINDSEY
Dismissed. Motion overruled.
And there is no debate
at 'The International,' Congressman.

She holds up the red towel.

LINDSEY
Especially when it’s time for your filibuster.
(notices)
Nice cock ring. Tiffany’s?

Does A Bear Get Wood?

Happy Monday, crime-busters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side. A place where your darkest fantasies become cold-blooded acts of hardboiled violence, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 30 of THE HEISTERS, we reach the exciting conclusion of our story, where in a mind-blowing twist, we learn the REAL identity of the person who ripped off the heisters ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - NIGHT
A patrol car sits idling at the very north end
of the lot near the entrance.

Kelsey trots over to it, limping a bit.
She gets in. SLAMS the door.

INT. PATROL CAR - NIGHT
Terrence sits behind the wheel. Smiles at Kelsey.

TERRENCE
Ding, dong, the witch is dead?

KELSEY
Follow the yellow brick smashed on her head --
(beat)
You got the dough?

TERRENCE
Does a bear get wood?

KELSEY
Solid. Where to, the airport?

TERRENCE
Charter flight to Mexico awaits --

He puts the car into gear. Starts driving.

TERRENCE
You never told me.
What are you gonna do with your half-mil?
Retire?

KELSEY
Thought I’d go cruise around Europe
for a year or so. Never been.
(beat)
But I’ll be back.
A half-million isn’t going to last forever.
(beat)
And besides, I’m a heister.
It’s in my blood.

Terrence nods.
Turns east on Navy Street.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT
Mart, Nunn and Isaacs find Ronan’s body.
Ren and Meg examine Doll’s corpse.
They call it in.
Start combing the area for evidence.

A trio of SQUAD CARS pull up,
lights FLASHING.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The plan was simple.
I knew every detail about the heist
because I planned it --
and where the money
would end up afterwards.

INT. PATROL CAR - MOVING - NIGHT
Terrence drives. Kelsey looks out the window. Thinking.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We knew there was going to be a double-cross,
so all Terrence had to do
was tail Ronan and see what he was up to,
and then between the two of us
working both sides of the law,
we could connect the dots.
It got a little hairy there for awhile,
but we pulled it off.

EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE - DAY - FLASHBACK
Kelsey and Terrence sit at a table outside.
It’s deserted. Late. No one else around.

TERRENCE
Give me one reason I don’t take you in right now.

KELSEY
How about a half-a-million reasons.

Terrence sips his coffee.
Narrows his eyes.

TERRENCE
How I do I know I can trust you?

KELSEY
I’ve never been caught.
And I’ve got a score to settle.
With you on my team, it’s a slam-dunk.
(beat)
Word on the street is
you’re into Jimmy Two-Fingers
for fifty-K betting on the ponies,
and I had funny feeling
offering you a half-million tax free
would be a home run.

He stares at her a long beat.
Then breaks into a big smile.

TERRENCE.
Let’s play ball.

INT. BAR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Kelsey sits at a booth,
Ronan across from her.
Talking earnestly.

Kelsey smokes.
Watching him, stone-faced.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I knew something was up
when Ronan first approached me.
After that drunken tryst on New Year’s
when I first saw his ‘needle dick,’
there was no way he would
want to REALLY work with me.
Not after I laughed at him like that.
That kinda shit cuts to the core
of a guy’s manhood.
Pun intended.
But what could I do?
I couldn’t help it.
I mean, he was hung like a light switch.

INT. PATROL CAR - MOVING - NIGHT
Kelsey lights a cigarette. Rolls down the window.
Feels the warm night hair blow on her face.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I learned a valuable lesson that night.
Never fuck a heister.
(beat)
Because if you don’t watch out,
they’ll fuck you right back.

Kelsey says something to Terrence.
He pulls the car over to the side of the road.
She smiles. Opens the car door --

WHIPS OUT her pistol.
SHOOTS him in the chest.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Terrence slumps over. Dead.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Oh, yeah. One last thing.
(beat)
Never trust a heister.
(beat)
It could get you killed --

FADE TO BLACK

The Final Curtain

Happy Friday, crime fucks! You've made it through another week, and now it's time to kick back, relax, and get some cheap, hardboiled thrills, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where your darkest desires become acts of bloody violence ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 29 of THE HEISTERS, heister Kelsey Hazard and drug-whore Doll Montana fight to the death on the roof of a building under construction as the cops start to close in on them ...


EXT. VENICE ALLEY - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
A cluster of COPS and FBI clog the driveway.
EVIDENCE TECHS are going over the car.
Yellow tape surrounds the perimeter.

Mart and Terrence huddle with Meg and Ren.

REN
The money on the ground
suggests that she was in a hurry.

MEG
Yeah, but why?

MART
Someone was chasing her?

TERRENCE
Maybe she was trying a double-cross and got busted --

MART
Makes sense.

TERRENCE
(looks at the car)
Why don’t I take the cash to the station
and log it into the evidence locker?
Makes me nervous just sitting there like that.
Never know what could happen.
Those heisters might try something --

MART
Good idea.
We’ve got Nunn and Isaacs canvasing the area.
We’ll join ‘em.

TERRENCE
Keep me posted.
I’ll come back later if you need me.

MART
You got it.

Terrence goes the car.
Grabs the bags of money.

Carries them over to his squad car.
Puts them in the trunk. Drives off.

REN
(to the group)
Okay. Everybody fan out and canvas the area.
I’m going to stay here
and monitor the feed from the satellite.

MART
You think we’ll be able to find her?

MEG
Oh, yes. Spy satellite can track a mole
on Rush Limbaugh’s ass from a hundred miles.

MART
Really.

MEG
Really. Remember that trip he took down to --
(beat)
Never mind.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - ROOF - NIGHT
Kelsey hobbles up the stairs holding the steel pipe,
emerges onto the roof.

Sees Doll standing on the opposite side of the building.
Brandishing a shovel with both hands.

DOLL
Stay the fuck AWAY FROM ME.

Kelsey holds the pipe like a baseball bat.
Takes a practice swing.
Starts limping toward Doll.

KELSEY
Sorry, kid.
It’s time for act three.
The final curtain.
Have any last words?
(beat)
Oh, wait.
That would imply you could THINK.

DOLL
I said STAY AWAY FROM ME.

KELSEY
Did you really think you could get away with it?
Ripping off a PROFESSIONAL HEISTER?
Is your brain that DRUG-DAMAGED?

Doll holds the shovel to her side.
JABS the air in front of her with it.
Moves back toward the edge of the building.

DOLL
Ronan said you were an arrogant BITCH,
and now I see he was RIGHT.

Kelsey moves closer to her, swinging the pipe.

KELSEY
Now that I see you up close,
I can’t believe he’d fuck such a filthy skank.
I can smell you from HERE.
(beat)
Love the nose ring.
Great for tugging on with a LEASH.

Doll SNAPS.
She CHARGES at Kelsey with the shovel.

Kelsey SWINGS the pipe down on it with a CRACK,
sending it FLYING out of her hands to the ground --

Doll LEAPS into the air
and GRABS Kelsey in a bear hug.

The pipe goes FLYING
and hits the tar paper with a CLANG.

DOLL
ARRRRGHH --

Kelsey FALLS BACKWARDS,
Doll on top of her.
They roll around on the roof.

Kelsey HEAD BUTTS her in the face.

Doll FLIES away from her.
Holds her bloody nose in her hands.

DOLL
You broke my --

Kelsey stands. Raises her fists.

KELSEY
Oh, we’re just getting started, hot stuff.
It’s your choice.
Wanna go over the side,
or should I finish you off right here?

Doll whips her head back and forth
looking for a weapon.
Can’t find one.

She raises her fists.
Starts hopping on the balls of her feet like a boxer.

DOLL
Fuck YOU. Come and get it --

Kelsey starts rolling her fists.

KELSEY
I was hoping you’d say that.

She gets nearer.
Doll takes a SWING.

Kelsey feints to the left,
then SMASHES her fist
into Doll’s face with a CRACK.

She FLIES back wards.
Staggers a bit.

KELSEY
Saw that one in RAGING BULL.
Ready for more?

Doll SCREAMS.
CHARGES at her, fists flying.

Kelsey JUMPS to the right.
Doll goes FLYING across the roof,
TRIPS on a board.
Hits the ground.

Kelsey resumes her stance.
Doll gets up.
Blood dripping from a gash on her forehead.

DOLL
(low, feral)
I’m gonna fucking KILL YOU.

She CHARGES again.
Kelsey SPINS AROUND
and KICKS Doll in the stomach,
knocking the wind out of her.

She FLIES backwards,
feet trip on the ledge,
and she FALLS OVER THE SIDE.

We hear her SCREAM as she goes down.
Then a sickening CRUNCH.

Kelsey goes to the ledge, limping.

KELSEY
Thank god.
Don’t think I could have done that again --

She looks over the side.

CLOSE ON --
Doll’s body.
Lying near Ronan’s on a pile of broken bricks.

ON THE ROOF
Kelsey starts for the stairs, then hears --

MART (O.C.)
Over there. It came from the constructions site.
(beat)
All units, they’re at the construction site --

She turns.
Dashes over to the opposite side.

Starts climbing down the scaffolding
at the rear of the building.

KELSEY
Goodbye, Dolly --

Right Out Of A B-Movie

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! You know what time it is? That's right. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 28 of THE HEISTERS, robbery homicide detectives Isaacs and Nunn find the stadium robbery cash in the trunk of murderous drug vixen Doll Montana's car, and help themselves to a couple of stacks. Meanwhile heister Kelsey Hazard follows Doll to a construction site, where things get ... a little violent ...


EXT. VENICE ALLEY - DOLL’S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
Isaacs shines his flashlight into the car. Searching.
Nunn speaks on his cell phone.

NUNN
Mart, it’s Nunn --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - RONAN’S ROOM - NIGHT
Ren Rosen and Meg Stark supervise the crime scene technicians.
Kasper’s corpse is zipped up into a body bag.
Placed on a gurney. Wheeled out.

Mart Volok and Terrence Marr stand near the window, smoking.
Mart talks on his cell phone.

MART
What ya got?

NUNN
Oh, not much --
(beat)
Just the fucking STADIUM JOB cash.

MART
What THE FUCK?

NUNN
You heard me --

MART
WHERE?

NUNN
In the trunk of one of the bimbos
the stiff was fucking, where else?

MART
Which bimbo?

TERRENCE
(to Mart)
What’s going on?

NUNN
Doll Montana.
(chuckles)
Right out of a B-movie --

MART
Don’t remind me --
(cups the phone, to Terrence)
Isaacs and Nunn got the cash from the stadium job.

TERRENCE
They DID? Did they get the perps?

MART
I dunno --
(into the phone)
Did you get the bimbo?

NUNN
Nah. She split --

MART
(to Terrence)
They just got the cash --

Meg looks at them.

MEG
Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

MART
Yeah. Couple detectives got the stadium job cash --

REN
(turns, looks)
WHAT? Where? When? HOW?

MART
Hold on --
(into the phone)
What’s your location?

NUNN
Thirty-two Ozone Avenue.
A block south of Navy --

MART
We’re on our way --
(beat)
Good job, detective.
The captain is going to be VERY happy.
Sit tight. We’re on our way.

He CLICKS his phone shut.
Isaacs stares at the money.

Picks up a banded wad of hundreds.
Stuffs it in his pocket.

NUNN
(sees him)
Hey. What the fuck do you think you’re --

Isaacs pulls out another stack.
Tosses it to Nunn.

ISAACS
I can’t -- keep this.

NUNN
So who’s gonna know?

ISAACS
I will.

NUNN
And your point IS?

Isaacs looks at the money.
Nods. Stuffs it in his pocket.

ISAACS
Almost lost my head there for a minute --

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT
Kelsey climbs up the scaffolding,
making it to the third floor.
She rolls inside onto the cement.

INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - NIGHT
She looks around in the spooky darkness.
Walks over to the stairwell in the middle of the room,
which now has temporary wooden plank stairs.
She calls up to the next floor.

KELSEY
Did you really think you get away
with stealing MY MONEY?
Huh, BITCH?

ON THE THIRD FLOOR
Doll stands near the stairwell opening.
Looks around.
Sees a bucket filled with tools.

She GRABS it.
Tip-toes toward the opening,
and DUMPS it in the direction of Kelsey’s voice.

ON THE SECOND FLOOR
The tools FLY DOWN.
Kelsey sees them,
starts to JUMP out of the way,
but a hammer HITS her on the shoulder.

KELSEY
OW!

DOLL
Hears her. Smiles. Evil.
Looks for something else to throw.

She finds a long two-by-four.
Walks over to the stairwell.

KELSEY
Rubs her shoulder.
Looks up into the opening.

KELSEY
You just made the biggest mistake of your LIFE --
(beat)
Which is now about to END.

She starts up the stairs --
Just as the two-by-four comes
FLYING DOWN like a missile.

It HITS Kelsey in the stomach, OOF --
and she goes FLYING BACKWARDS
onto the floor with a CRACK.

KELSEY
Okay. Now I’m MAD --

She slowly gets up. Raises a fist.

KELSEY
Prepare to DIE, fuck-face.
And she CHARGES UP THE STAIRS.
DOLL
Hears her coming up, and RACES UP to the next floor.

INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - FOURTH FLOOR - NIGHT
Doll looks around. What to do? Where to hide?
What can I use as a weapon?
She sees a sledgehammer. Picks it up.
Crouches down behind a stack of sheetrock.

Kelsey comes FLYING UP the stairs into the room.
Looks around, searching.

KELSEY
You can run, but you can’t hide, you fucking CUNT.
WHERE ARE YOU?

BEHIND THE SHEETROCK
Doll clutches the sledgehammer.
Eyes darting madly.

She pulls a coke snifter out of her pocket.
Does a quick bump.

KELSEY
Circles the room. Looking for her.
Sees a trash can. Takes off the lid.
Holds it like a shield.

Finds a length of pipe.
Picks it up. Brandishes it like a sword.

KELSEY
This is your last chance, girlie.
Show yourself NOW.

Kelsey walks near the stack of sheetrock.
Doll LEAPS UP and SMASHES
the sledge hammer at Kelsey’s head --

She BLOCKS the blow with the garbage can lid,
but the impact drives it into her head
and KNOCKS her over, THWUMP.

DOLL raises the sledgehammer over her head.
Wild-eyed, face contorted in a bizarre grimace.

DOLL
Time to meet your MAKER --

Kelsey shakes her head.
Sees Doll, and THROWS the pipe at her.

It SMASHES into her chest.
She FLIES backwards into the sheetrock, CRACK.

Kelsey slowly gets up. Head pounding.
Doll raises the sledgehammer again.

KELSEY
Not so fast, BITCH --

She WHIPS the garbage can lid at her like a frisbee.
It HITS Doll in the neck with a CRACK --
she lets go of the sledge hammer --
and it FLIES DOWN and hits Kelsey on the FOOT.

KELSEY
OW!

Doll stares at her wild-eyed,
clutching her neck, trying to breath --
and RUNS to the stairwell and FLIES UP the steps.

Kelsey gingerly puts her foot on the floor.

KELSEY
FUCK --

She tries to walk, but it’s hard.
She’s in PAIN.

Picks up the pipe.
Hobbles over to the staircase.

Grabs the hand rail.
Looks up into the darkness of the black sky above.

KELSEY
Yo, GIRLIE. Got some great news.
Just called Hell and made you a reservation.
I hear Satan gives great room service.

Off in the distance, we hear police sirens WAILING.

Think With Your Dick

Happy hump day, crime humpsters! It's that time again. Time to take a trip to violent, hardboiled world that only exists in my imagination. A place where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the action non-stop, right here, at the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of THE HEISTERS, things really start to heat up when Kelsey and Ronan have their final standoff at the construction site, with a little violent help from Doll, high up above in the scaffolding. Meanwhile, detectives Isaacs and Nunn find a surprise in the trunk of Doll's car ...


EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY
Kelsey stares at Ronan. Shakes her head with disgust.

KELSEY
Wait. Let me guess.
And you had Little Miss Cokehead convinced
you were gonna run off with her
and live happily ever after?

RONAN
What do YOU think?

KELSEY
(yells up above)
You hear that, Doll-face?
Your boyfriend was gonna double-cross you.
You weren’t gonna get SQUAT.
Whattaya think about THAT?

DOLL’S
Eyes bulge. Her face turns red. She sees a pick-axe.
Picks it up. Moves closer to where they’re standing.

RONAN
Calls up to her.

RONAN
Don’t listen to her, baby.
She’s a lying, filthy, rotten CUNT.
She thinks her shit don’t --

The axe goes WHIZZING through the air.
It HITS Ronan on the top of the head
with a sickening CRUNCH --

RONAN
Stink.

And he falls over, THUD.
Blood starts pouring down his head.

Kelsey LEAPS BACK.
Gets under the scaffolding.

DOLL
There’s plenty more where that came from, BITCH.
So if you know what’s good for you,
STAY AWAY FROM ME.

Kelsey goes to the scaffolding.
Starts climbing up.

KELSEY
Step into my parlor,
said the spider to the fly --

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Nunn and Isaacs stand in the foyer. Nunn RINGS Doll’s bell.

ISAACS
She’s not in I tell you --

NUNN
Intel said she’s home every night.
Whattaya say we snoop around?

ISAACS
Yeah. Let’s go check around the back.
Could use the fresh air and exercise.

NUNN
Good idea. Work off those donuts --

ISAAC
(smiles)
Fuck you.

They walk towards the alley between the building.

EXT. BACK ALLEY - NIGHT
Isaacs and Nunn walk over to her rear window. Look in.

ISAACS
Funny. All her lights are on --

NUNN
Foul play?

ISAACS
(sees her car)
Car’s here --

NUNN
So what? This is Venice. People WALK --

Isaacs stares at the car. Narrows his eyes.

ISAACS
Wait a MINUTE --

He walks over to the trunk.
Looks down at the ground.
Picks up a pair of bills.
Waves them at Nunn

ISAACS
Check it out.
Couple of C-notes on the ground.
In VENICE?

NUNN
The STADIUM JOB --

Isaacs pulls out his service revolver.
SHOOTS at the trunk, BANG. Opens it.
Sees the open duffle bag stuffed with cash.

ISAACS
Holy fucking SHIT.

NUNN
Somebody’s getting a promotion --

ISAACS
No worries. I’ll share the credit with you.

NUNN
Really? You’d do that for me?

ISAACS
Fuck, yeah. You’re my partner.
Now go call it in before you get
all weepy-eyed and shit.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Kelsey climbs up the scaffolding. Pissed-off. On fire.

KELSEY (V.O.)
They say men think with their dicks.
They also double-cross with them, too.
(beat)
I’d heard a gunshot nearby.
Hopefully it was just
someone in the neighborhood,
maybe some gang-banger.
If it was the cops, I was fucked.
(beat)
The money was so close I could taste it.
All I had to do was get the car keys
from the bitch up above me --
but given what she did to Ronan,
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
I just had to watch my back --
(beat)
And my head.

She pulls out her cell phone.
Punches a number. Listens.

KELSEY
It’s me. I’ve got her.
Four-story building under construction
a couple blocks away --
(listens)
YOU’RE gonna get it -- ?
(listens)
Okay. Gotcha. That’ll work.
Let me just wrap up this loose end
and I’ll meet you somewhere --
(listens)
Parking lot at the north end.
Got it. See you there.

She keeps climbing.

ON THE ROOF
Doll looks down over the edge.
Hears Kelsey climbing.
She grabs some scraps of wood.
Starts HURLING them down at her.

DOLL
Stay AWAY FROM ME
or I’ll fucking KILL YOU.

KELSEY
DUCKS under the scaffolding planks above her.
The scraps of wood HIT above her.

KELSEY
You’re gonna have to do better than THAT, Goth-ip Girl.

She looks around in the darkness.
Something metal glistens in the moonlight.
A CROWBAR. She GRABS it.
Continues her climb.

KELSEY
Mommy’s home, and she’s PISSED --

A police siren WHOOP-WHOOPS in the distance.
Kelsey turns. Hears it.
Clutches the crowbar like a bat.
Starts climbing.

KELSEY
Time for your bed time story --
(beat)
But I’m afraid you’re not
going to like the ENDING.

Like Shooting Fish In A Rehab

Happy Tuesday, crime fucks! Are you ready to get your ya-ya's out? Ready for another pulse-pounding, ultra-violent thrill ride to the gates of hell? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled kicks non-stop, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 26 of THE HEISTERS, it's mad dash for the stadium heist loot, as Kelsey chases Doll onto a construction site, with Ronan not far behind. The cops start closing in, just as Kelsey has a big confrontation with Ronan about just who was setting up who ... and then big secrets are revealed in his hair-raising installment ...


EXT. VENICE ALLEY - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
Doll’s got the trunk open. Tries to pull out one of the duffle bags,
but has a hard time with it. Too HEAVY.

DOLL
Shit.
(beat)
I can’t run with these --

She unzips it.
Starts stuffing bundles of cash
in her jacket pockets.
Down her jeans. In her purse.

THROUGH THE HEDGES
Kelsey watches.

KELSEY
(to herself)
The MONEY --

PUSHES her way through the hedges.
Comes out the other side.

KELSEY
BITCH. That’s MY MONEY.

Doll turns. Looks. Sees Kelsey.

DOLL
Fuck YOU, cunt --

She SLAMS the trunk shut.
Starts RUNNING AWAY.
Kelsey TAKES OFF after her.

KELSEY
COME BACK HERE --

FURTHER ON DOWN THE ALLEY
Ronan hears the yelling.

RONAN
SHIT --

And he races toward Doll’s driveway.

INT. UNMARKED POLICE CAR - NIGHT
Isaacs and Nunn sip their coffee.

ISAACS
I think we should tell her we’re out here.
Might get spooked if she sees us watching her.

NUNN
Yeah. Good idea. Let’s go.

They get out of the car.
Walk toward the building.

IN THE ALLEY
Doll TAKES OFF down the alley on foot.
Kelsey sees her. CHASES AFTER her.

Ronan FLIES through the bushes.
RUNS AFTER both of them.

AT THE CORNER
Doll sees a four-story apartment building under construction.
It’s covered with a maze of scaffolding, like catacombs.

She starts climbing up.

KELSEY
Follows right behind.
Starts climbing up after her.

KELSEY
Better watch your back, BITCH,
cause I’m RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

DOLL
Looks down. Sees Kelsey climbing up.
Sees a bucket lying on the next level.
GRABS it. THROWS it down --

It HITS Kelsey in the head. BANG.
She FLIES off the scaffolding.
Hits the ground, BANG.

Ronan races up to the building.
Panting. Out of breath.

Kelsey gets up. Sees him.

KELSEY
You goddamn fucking ASSHOLE.

RONAN
SOMEBODY had to break your streak, baby.

KELSEY
We were DRUNK, Ronan.
It was NEW YEAR’S EVE.
We’d just done a JOB --

UP ABOVE
Doll looks down. Listens. Motionless.

ON THE GROUND
Ronan glares at Kelsey.

RONAN
You -- laughed at me. Arrogant BITCH.

KELSEY
I gotta admit, it was almost brilliant.
So how did you get Jackie and Doll on the hook?

RONAN
Are you KIDDING? It was EASY --

INT. BAR - NIGHT
Ronan sits at the bar with Jackie Tempel.
Pours them beers from a big pitcher.
SLAPS him on the back.

RONAN (V.O.)
I’d heard from Jackie’s boss
that he dumped his druggy girlfriend,
so I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

JACKIE
Seriously?

RONAN
Easy money. You rock her world,
and there’s ten large in it for ya.

JACKIE
But how do I know she’ll go for me?

RONAN
Trust me. After a job she’s like a cougar in heat --

INT. DOLL’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Doll and Ronan sit on the couch.
Ronan finishes chopping up a few lines
of coke on the coffee table.

RONAN (V.O.)
And then reeling in Amy Winehouse
was like shooting fish in a rehab --

Doll SNARFS up a big, fat one.
Then another. Shakes her head.
Rushing on the drugs. Eyes BLAZING

DOLL
Holy shit, is that UNCUT?

RONAN
Just like me, baby --

DOLL
(puts her hand on his knee)
So let me get this straight.
I kill the cocksucker,
and we split a MILLION BUCKS?

RONAN
Yeah --
(big smile)
And I get to split YOU.

Doll smiles. Evil.
Reaches over.
GRABS Ronan’s crotch.

DOLL
Ooh. I see big boy is PACKING.
This is getting better and better --

Crime Doesn't Pay. Or Get You Laid

Happy Monday, crime motherfuckers! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side ... to a place where your most ungodly, horrific, violent fantasies become sins of the flesh ... right here, at the coolest crime joint on the web ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of THE HEISTERS, things really start to heat up when Doll sees cops outside her apartment in an unmarked car, and runs into the back alley to get the stadium job cash from the trunk of her car. We then see that Ronan is following her. Meanwhile, back at the sleazy motel, the FBI finds Kasper's dead body ...


INT. DOLL’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The woozy, sax-drenched cocktail swoon
of Morphine plays on the hi-fi.
The TV’s on with the sound off.
Some nature show.

Doll lights a joint.
Takes a big hit.
Then cocks her head.

She hears something outside.
Gets up, goes to the window.
Looks out. Sees --

EXT. SPEEDWAY - NIGHT
An unmarked COP CAR sits idling across the street.

DOLL
Stares with horror.

DOLL
Fucking COPS.

Doll races to the coffee table.
Stubs out the joint.
Hides it under the ashtray.

Looks around the apartment wildly.
Thinking. Then stops. Realizes.

DOLL
The fucking MONEY.

She turns and heads for the kitchen.

IN THE KITCHEN
Doll goes to the back door. Opens it. Goes outside to --

THE REAR ALLEY
Where her piece of shit
pea-green Dodge Dart Swinger is parked.

She goes to the trunk.
Fishes out her keys. Opens it.

EXT. VENICE ALLEY - NIGHT
Ronan’s car pulls up behind Kelsey’s.
Parks. He gets out. Pulls out his gun.
Starts walking toward Doll’s building.

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Ren Rosen and Terrence Marr stand on either side
of the door to room twenty-three. Guns raised.
Ren KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS loudly. SHOUTS.

REN
This is the FBI.
OPEN THE DOOR.
We’ve got the place SURROUNDED.

Silence.

He BANG-BANG-BANGS again.

REN
I repeat, THIS IS THE FBI.
Open the door NOW, or we’re COMING IN.

Silence.

Terrence pulls a pass key out of his pocket.
Ren nods. He puts the key in. Turns it.

Carefully unlocks it,
staying against the wall outside --

Ren KICKS it open with his foot.
It FLIES open.

They wait. Listening. Nothing.
He nods at Terrence, and they RACE IN --

INT. RONAN’S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
To find it empty.

REN
Shit.

TERRENCE
Fuck.

Ren goes to the closet.
Opens it. Nothing.

Terrence goes to the bathroom.
Looks. Empty.

Ren goes the bed. Gets down.
Looks under it. Smiles. Evil.

REN
We gotta dead heister under the bed.

TERRENCE
Is it the chick?

REN
Nah. Some Hispanic guy.
Ugly sonofabitch.

TERRENCE
Crime doesn’t pay.
Or get you laid --

Terrence pulls out his radio.
Speaks into it.

TERRENCE
Hey, Mart.
You and Stark come on up.
They’ve flown the coop.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - NIGHT
Mart and Meg stand in the alley outside the window.
Mart looks up. Speaks into his radio.

MART
Damn. You guys find anything?

TERRENCE
We gotta stiff. Come on up.

MART
Roger that. Over.

He puts the radio away.
Looks at Meg.

MEG
So?

MART
They’re gone.
Except for one, who’s dead.

MEG
(big smile)
Now we’re TALKING.

MART
You’re -- happy about that?

MEG
It’s a fucking LEAD, detective.
Of COURSE I’m happy --
(beat)
C’mon, let’s go.

They start walking back to the hotel.

MART
So -- you married?

Meg stops dead in her tracks.
Stares at him. Eyes burning.

MEG
Yeah. To my JOB.

She continues on.

MART
Hey, I’m sorry. I just --
like a woman who’s strong. In control.

PUSH IN ON Meg’s face. Amused.

MEG
So do I, detective.
(beat)
So do I --

Packing Heat

Happy Friday, crime slicksters! Ready for the weak-end? It's that time once again. Time to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey Hazard arrives at Doll Montana's joint, and prepares to question her about the heist of the robbery loot. Meanwhile, the cops put the screws to old-timer Chick Aber at police headquarters, where he finally cracks and gives everybody up ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH - APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
We see Doll Montana’s apartment building.
Light from a single street lamp
makes it glow in the thick fog that’s rolled in.

Kelsey’s car drives by. Parks in the alley.
She gets out. Starts walking toward the building.
Grim. Determined.

KELSEY (O.C.)
My gut told me alot of questions
were about to get answered
once I spoke to Doll Montana.
I had a good feeling about it.
(beat)
And bad --

INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
The standard tiny, grey, shitty cinder block room
that we’ve seen in a zillion movies and TV shows.

Chick sits on a wooden chair at a piece of crap table.
Detective Nunn sits on the other side of the table.
Isaacs leans against the wall working a toothpick in his mouth.

NUNN
(SLAPS the table)
BULLSHIT. We got you, old man.
You had IN YOUR POCKET
a list of all the chicks Jackie Tempel was dating.

CHICK
I know my rights.
I want to call my lawyer.

NUNN
But we haven’t CHARGED you
with anything yet, gramps.
We’re just QUESTIONING you.

Chick stares sullenly.

TERRENCE
It’ll go alot easier on you
if you’d just talk to us.
We’ve got you involved in a robbery
AND a murder --

CHICK
Murder?
I’ve NEVER been involved in killing someone --

NUNN
Well, you have this time, old fella.
We’ve put it all together.
Whoever killed Jackie Tempel
took the money that was
stashed at her joint after the robbery.
And it was ONE OF YOUR CREW --

TERRENCE
You give them up,
and we’ll cut you a deal.
If not, you’re looking at ALOT of time,
which at your age is
the same as a death sentence.
Do you really want to die behind bars?
Spend the rest of your days
sucking on cocks instead of cigars?

CHICK
Of COURSE not --

NUNN
Oh, look. He’s starting to crack.

CHICK
What kind of a -- deal?

TERRENCE
You give them up,
we’ll give you immunity.
Let you walk.

NUNN
Your rap sheet is longer
than the BP oil spill.
From where I stand,
that’s a pretty fucking good deal.

CHICK
Let’s just suppose I did that --
IF I was involved --
these people would hunt me down
to the end of the earth.

TERRENCE
That’s what the witness protection program
is for, old man. For shitheads like you
that squeal on your fucking LOW-LIFE CRONIES.

NUNN
You had THE LIST in your pocket.
That’s as good as a DEATH CERTIFICATE.

Pause.

CHICK
Okay. I’ll give you everything.
But first I want to talk to my lawyer. Okay?

TERRENCE
No can do, pops.

CHICK
You realize this means my life is over, right?

NUNN
That’s what we’ve been trying to TELL you.

TERRENCE
Who organized the heist?

Pause.

CHICK
Guy by the name of Ronan. Ronan Kenny.
Then he brought on this big shot planner.
Name’s Kelsey Hazard.
One of the best in the business.

NUNN
A BROAD? Really?

TERRENCE
Wait a minute.
Wasn’t that the chick that
gave Mart Volok the business at his house?
I heard she was one scary bitch.
Was packing heat.
Threatened to hurt his family.

CHICK
(nods, grimaces)
That would be Kelsey --

Ace Up My Sleeve

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In Chapter 23 from THE HEISTERS, Ronan and Kelsey decide what do to with Kasper's dead body, and then Kelsey goes off to question their latest suspect, 'Doll Montana,' but little does she know, Ronan secretly follows her. Meanwhile FBI agent Ren Rosen and homicide dick Terrence Marr have located their hotel ...


INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Kelsey and Ronan stand over Kasper’s dead body.
She lights up a smoke. Shakes her head.

KELSEY
This job just went from bad to worse to FUCKED.

RONAN
So what do we do with the body?

KELSEY
I’m thinking --

She exhales a cloud of smoke.
Starts pacing around the room.

KELSEY
Little fucker.
I have an ace up my sleeve that I was gonna play,
and that refried beaner had to gum up the works --

RONAN
What’s the ace?

KELSEY
There was one name that the police had
that wasn’t on the cell phone.

Ronan feigns nonchalance.

RONAN
Oh, really?

KELSEY
Yeah. Figured Jackie deleted it
because of a bad breakup,
and that maybe she was some kind of unstable bitch.
(smiles)
Just the kinda broad that would pull this kinda stunt.
Know what I mean?

RONAN
Uh -- yeah.
(casual)
What’s her name?

KELSEY
Doll Montana.
Right out of Raymond Chandler, huh?

RONAN
No shit.

KELSEY
Figured I’d wait until late at night and surprise her.
(gestures at the body)
But now, this --

RONAN
Tell you what.
Why don’t I stick him under the bed for now,
you go talk to this Doll broad,
and then when you get back
we’ll dispose of Dirty Sanchez.

KELSEY
Good idea.
You should be here when the others come back.

RONAN
Yeah.

KELSEY
Okay. I’ve got my cell in case of an emergency.

She goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.

KELSEY
Hang tight. I’ve got a gut feeling about this.

RONAN
You know what they say.
Always trust your gut.

Kelsey nods. Opens the door.
Leaves. Ronan waits a beat.

Goes to the door.
Takes off the ‘do not disturb’ sign.
Opens it. Peers down the hallway.
Puts it on the outside.

Goes out into the hallway.
Quietly shuts the door.

Then starts following her.

INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
Ren Rosen and Terrence Marr speak to the NIGHT CLERK,
a small, thin slip of guy. Typical fussy queen.

Meg Stark and Mart Volok
hang back and look around.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Of course, detective.
I’ll help in any way I can --

TERRENCE
We’re looking for a Hispanic guy.
He would have arrived here in the last hour or so.

REN
He was probably very agitated.
Upset. Ring any bells?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Oh, yes.
There was this horrible-looking Mexican guy.
But he didn’t come to the desk.

TERRENCE
You don’t know which room he went to, do you?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
No. But he took the elevator up to the second floor.

REN
How many rooms on the floor?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Ten, five on each side.

TERRENCE
(to Ren)
Our luck it’s a small place.

REN
(nods, to the clerk)
Can we see the register,
see who’s in each room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Sure thing.

He gets the register.
Opens it. Looks up. Realizes.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Is this person -- dangerous?

TERRENCE
Very --

REN
And the people he’s visiting
are even more dangerous.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
There won’t be a --
shoot-out or anything, will there?

TERRENCE
(smiles)
We usually try to avoid that.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(sighs)
Thank god for THAT --

He looks in the book.
Scans the room numbers with his finger.
Looks up. Smiles.

GAY NIGHT CLERK
You’re in luck, gentlemen. It’s off-season.
Only two rooms are occupied on the second floor.

REN
Who’s in the first room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(looks, reads)
Yuri and Olga Chechnikov.
Russian tourists, I guess.

TERRENCE
And in the second room?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
(reads)
Uh -- John Smith.

REN
Bingo.

TERRENCE
Room number?

GAY NIGHT CLERK
Twenty-three.
At the end of the hall on the left.
It’s a suite. Has two entrances.

Terrence looks at Ren. Narrows his eyes.

TERRENCE
Great. Two escape routes, no waiting.

Book 'Em, Danno

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In Chapter 22 of THE HEISTERS, elderly conman/heister Chick Aber tries the 'fake survey' gag on one of the gang's robbery suspects, but runs afoul of the law ... and his pants.


EXT. SANTA MONICA - BAY STREET - BUNGALOW - NIGHT
An old Craftsman bungalow divided into three tiny apartments.
Right down the street from where Jackie Tempel got skewered.

Chick comes walking down the sidewalk holding his clipboard.
Reads the numbers on the houses.
Stops at the Craftsman.

CHICK
I love these old homes.
So much character.

He opens the gate.
Walks up the path to the front door.

ACROSS THE STREET
Sitting in an unmarked car
are Homicide Detective Isaacs
and his partner Nunn staking out the joint.

They both sip designer coffees.
Isaacs sees Chick across the street.

ISAACS
Looks like we got ourselves another live one.

NUNN
Guy looks kinda old --

ISAACS
Keep in mind these are heisters.
Some of the pros keep working.
There’s no retirement age.

NUNN
Should we pop ‘em now,
or wait till he comes out?

ISAACS
It’s fucking late.
Let’s go reel ‘em in.

NUNN
Book ‘em, Danno.

They start to get out of the car.

AT THE DOOR
A young HOT BLONDE (20)
stands in the doorway.

Looks at Chick intently.
She’s in her bathrobe, wearing glasses.

HOT BLONDE
Can I help you?

CHICK
I’m sorry to bother you so late.
I’m with the Global Media Group,
taking a survey.
It’ll only take a couple of minutes.

HOT BLONDE
A survey? What about?

CHICK
(smiles)
Your entertainment viewing habits.
TV, the internet, video games --

HOT BLONDE
(looks over his shoulder)
Well, I’m kinda busy --
studying for finals.
You said it will only take a couple minutes?

ISAACS (O.C.)
Thanks, Miss.
We’ll take it from here.

Chick turns around, sees --

ISAACS AND NUNN
Standing behind them.
Holding up their badges.

ISAACS
Detective Don Isaacs, homicide.

NUNN
Would you please come with us?
We’d like to ask you some questions.

Chick looks at them, startled.
Like anyone would.

ISAACS
Strictly routine, of course.

CHICK
Why certainly, officers.
Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

The door CLICKS closed behind him.

ISAACS
We’ll talk about it at the station
if you don’t mind.

CHICK
No, of course not.
I support law enforcement.

NUNN
(to Isaacs)
Hey. Check it out.
The old-timer just pissed his pants.

Chick looks down.
Sees the wet stain on his crotch.

ISAACS
Think he’s got something to hide?

NUNN
Nah. Probably just forgot to wear his Depends.

They both BURST into nasty LAUGHTER.

Right Between The Eyes

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In Chapter 21 of THE HEISTERS, the action picks up when the FBI and cops locate Kelsey and the gang's location at the Venice Motor Court Motel. Meanwhile, at the motel, Kelsey has a showdown with Kasper, who accuses her of setting up the theft of the robbery cash ... with distasterous results ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - TERRENCE’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Terrence sits behind his desk. Mart leans against the wall, sips a cup of coffee.
Standing in front of the desk are two SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENTS (30’s).

SERIOUS-LOOKING FBI AGENT
(into his cell phone)
Great, thank you. We’ll keep you posted.

Meet REN ROSEN. Stiff. Formal. No-nonsense.
Poster boy for the Feds. Boyish good looks.
Hence the overcompensation.

REN
We have the location.

TERRENCE
That was fast --

MART
Shit, yeah --

The other agent, MEG STARK,
a tall, curvy brunette gives them a wry smile.
Adjusts her glasses. Purses bright red lips.

MEG
Simple triangulation equation from the satellite.
We can track a text message
from a moving vehicle in thirty seconds.

TERRENCE
Damn.

REN
Signal came from The Venice Motor Court.
I assume that’s a hotel at the beach?

MART
Damn straight it is.

MEG
How far away?

TERRENCE
Ten minutes?

REN
Then let’s go --

MART
You mean you WANT us to come with you?

Ren nods curtly. Heads for the door. They all follow.

TERRENCE
(to Mart)
Well, THAT’S a first --

MEG
(to Mart and Terrence)
Ren believes that cooperation
between local and federal authorities
is the most efficient method of solving crime.

MART
Amen, sister --

INT. VENICE MOTOR COURT HOTEL - NIGHT
The lights are out. TV’s on with the sound off.
Kelsey lays on the bed. Smoking.
She takes a swig of beer. Thinking.

KELSEY (V.O.)
I didn’t like it.
Sure, sometimes a job got screwed up.
It happens.
Some asshole would try a double-cross
and gum up the works.
Sometimes a couple of heisters
would get into it with each other --
(beat)
But usually I could salvage it
and get back the dough.
But this time I wasn’t so sure.
Our plan was as shaky as a junkie without a fix.
(beat)
But we were stuck in a hole.
What else could we do?
Just let some asshole waltz in
and swipe the dough we’d worked so hard to get?
(beat)
Yeah. That’s right.
What I do might be against the law --
(beat)
But it’s still WORK. It’s still a JOB.

A loud POUNDING on the door.

KASPER (O.C.)
Open the fucking door, BITCH.

Kelsey turns her head. Looks --

KELSEY
Kasper?

She reaches over. Grabs her piece.
Walks over to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.
Looks through the peephole.

KELSEY
Keep it DOWN --

She slowly opens the door.
DARTS to the side.

Kasper SLAMS it open.
RACES into the room.
SLAMS it shut. Gun drawn.

Wheels around. Sees her.
Aiming her piece at him with two hands.

KASPER
You set US UP.

KELSEY
You’re fucking crazy.

KASPER
No. YOU’RE fucking crazy for SETTING US UP.
Now you’re gonna DIE.

KELSEY
Put down the gun, Kasper.
Nice and slow --

KASPER
Jefty walked right into a TRAP.
The cops were there and they SHOT him, man.

KELSEY
They DID? How do you know this?

KASPER
The joint I went to was ALSO covered with pigs,
so I called him, and some COP answered his phone,
said he was DEAD -- THAT’S how I know.

KELSEY
Shit.

KASPER
So where is the MONEY, huh?
You got it stashed some place?

KELSEY
Kasper. I didn’t set you up.
Now put the fucking gun down
so we can figure out what to do.

A key turns in the door. It opens.
In walks Ronan. He shuts the door.

Kelsey and Kasper turn their heads.
But keep their guns trained on each other.

RONAN
What the fuck is going ON?

KELSEY
Jefty’s dead. Shot by cops.
Asshole here think I pulled
a double cross and set everyone up.

KASPER
Don’t listen to her. She DID it, man.

Kelsey takes advantage of the moment
and LUNGES at Kasper.

GRABS his gun,
KNEES him in the groin.
PISTOL-WHIPS him in the head with her piece, CRACK.

Kasper HITS the ground, THWUMP.
Holding his crotch. Groaning.

RONAN
Wasn’t that a little excessive?

KELSEY
Fuck you. He accuses me
of ripping everybody off and points a gun at me?
(beat)
He’s lucky he’s still breathing.

RONAN
I -- see your point.

KELSEY
How did it go?

RONAN
No go. Turns out she moved.
Roommate situation.
Went back home to mom and pop.
Roomie said the ‘big city’ didn’t agree with her.

Kasper slowly stands up. Glaring at Kelsey.

RONAN
(to Kasper)
How did yours go?

KASPER
Like I told HER, I get there,
and the place was swarming with fucking COPS.
I tell you, she set us up.

KELSEY
Shut the fuck up, asshole.
I don’t take any shit from a fucking DRIVER.
(to Ronan)
Miscalculation. I didn’t think they’d
stake out the ex-girlfriends, but they did.
They know the murder is connected to the robbery.

RONAN
Yeah -- guess so.

KASPER
What? You’re gonna BELIEVE her?

RONAN
Yes, I’m gonna believe her.
I brought her IN on this job.
She’s the fucking BEST,
and you don’t get more jobs
if you fucking RIP-OFF
the people you work with, GOT IT?

KASPER
But, but --

RONAN
ZIP IT, you fucking WETBACK.
You’re hired muscle, and nothing else.
You do what we fucking
TELL YOU TO DO, got it?

KASPER
HEY. Wait a minute.
You can’t talk to me like that.

RONAN
We can and you’re gonna fucking TAKE IT.
You want your share of the money or WHAT?

KASPER
But I TOLD you, SHE’S got it --

Kelsey raises her gun. FIRES.
THWIP. THWIP. THWIP.
Three shots to the chest.

Kasper looks down in horror.
Another THWIP to the head.
Right between the eyes.

He falls over, THWUNK.

RONAN
Jesus, Kelsey. Did you have to do THAT?

KELSEY
He wouldn’t fucking SHUT UP.

Does Your Kitty-Cat Have A Pussy?

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In Chapter 20 of THE HEISTERS, now that the robbery has been successfully completed, today we go along with Ronan when he pays a little visit to Kelsey's dead boy-toy killer, Doll Montana, where in a big shock reveal, we learn that he planned the theft of the cash from the heisters ... !


EXT. VENICE BEACH - APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Speedway. A narrow road that runs behind the boardwalk.
On it, a decrepit, old tenement. ‘Slum’ would be a compliment.
Faded blue paint gives it that beach-dive vibe.

Ronan walks up to the front door.
RINGS the bell.

A buzzer BUZZES him in.
He opens the door.

INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Ronan walks up to a doorway on the first floor.
Knocks softly. The door opens. He walks into --

INT. DOLL’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
A large studio apartment crammed with stuff.
Cozy but cluttered. The shitty stereo plays some obscure indie rock.

Doll RUSHES into Ronan’s arms.

DOLL
Hey, BABY.
Ohmigod I’m glad you’re here.

RONAN
I missed you, too --

The kiss passionately.
Pull apart. She takes his hand.
Leads him over to the sofa. He sits.

DOLL
Can I get you something to drink?

RONAN
A beer would be great --

She goes to the kitchenette.
Opens the fridge. Pulls out two bottles.
Opens them. Brings them over.

Hands him one.
Sits next to him.
Looks at him wide-eyed.

DOLL
So the plan’s working?

RONAN
Like fuckin’ clockwork, baby-doll.
Pretty soon we’ll be able to blow this joint.

DOLL
(sips her beer)
I can’t fucking WAIT.
I’m going stir-crazy hanging out here all day.
(big smile)
So what’s the occasion?

RONAN
We’re all interviewing loser’s ex-girlfriends.
Turns out the one I
was supposed to check out moved away --
and since your place was nearby,
I thought I’d stop by and surprise you.
(smiles)
Surprise.

DOLL
So no one suspects anything?

RONAN
Course not.
I planned this so well, it’s fucking air-tight.
(smiles)
But you get credit for the bit with the sword.
You are one evil bitch.

DOLL
And that’s why you love me so --

RONAN
So you got anything we could --
celebrate with?

DOLL
Does your kitty-cat have a pussy?

She opens a cigar box on the coffee table.
Pulls out a small white envelope.
Shakes it in front of his face.

DOLL
Meow --

RONAN
Yeah. Couple lines of blow
would hit the spot about now.
I’m exhausted.

Doll dumps some on the glass table top.
Starts chopping it up with a razor blade.
Then expertly fashions a few thick lines.

DOLL
You never told me why you set up this chick.
You two have a history or somethin’?

She hands him a rolled up bill.
He leans down. HONKS up a line.
Then another. Shakes his head. Sips his beer.

RONAN
Something like that --
(beat)
And the bitch thinks her shit don’t stink.
Never been popped.
On every job I’ve done with her,
she takes over, bosses everybody around.
She’s one of the best,
but most heisters secretly
hate her guts behind her back.

DOLL
She did look kinda full of herself --

RONAN
(looks around)
So where’d you stash the dough?

DOLL
In the trunk of my car.

RONAN
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
That’s not SAFE.
Someone could STEAL it.

DOLL
Not MY car --

RONAN
Oh, yeah? And why is THAT?

DOLL
Fucker crapped out on me.
Won’t start.

RONAN
Oh. Okay. Cool.

DOLL
Hey, baby. Don’t worry.
I won’t let you down.

Ronan takes a swig of beer.
Eyes her appreciatively.

RONAN
Hey. Speaking of 'going down -- '

Get The Fuck Out Of Dodge

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In Chapter 19 of THE HEISTERS, we flash back to the completion of the stadium rock concert heist, where Kelsey and the gang successfully escape with dough, and go their separate ways. At least for a little while ... because little do they know, the shit is about to hit the fan ...


EXT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
The ambulance pulls up next the building and stops.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Even though the employee parking lot was jam-packed,
we knew an ambulance could get away with parking anywhere.
And that everyone would be on
the other side of the building watching the concert.
(beat)
We were nearing the finish line,
and now it was time to get the fuck out of Dodge.

INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - NIGHT
Chick and Ronan finish tying up
the employees who counted the money.
Chick then leads them in the back to join the others.

Kelsey ties a rope to the handles of the duffle bags.
Drags them over to the window.
Then ties the other end to the leg of a desk.
Ronan helps her carry them over to the window.

EXT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - PARKING LOT
The bags come out the window,
then down the side of the building
to where Kasper is waiting for them.

Kasper takes the cases and
puts them in the trunk of the Triumph Spider
nestled inside the ambulance.

Then, one by one, Kelsey, Ronan, then Chick,
and finally Ludo come down the rope and walk up to the vehicle.

Ludo, still in his guard uniform,
gets in the passenger side next to Kasper.

Ronan and Kelsey squeeze behind the back
of the seat and the Triumph, and Chick gets into the car.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Our timing was perfect.
The headliners were
just starting their first encore,
and the roar of the guitars
would mostly drown out the siren.

Kasper starts up the ambulance,
HITS THE SIREN and starts driving it toward the stage.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Now that were in the stadium,
we didn’t have to leave
the same way we came in.
We could exit through the west gate,
which had been closed
to vehicles during the concert,
but was now open so the bands could leave --

The ambulance ROCKETS toward the west gate, then slows.
A limousine starts cruising through at the same time.

It sees them, and SPEEDS through.
The ambulance follows.

EXT. STADIUM - WEST GATE - STREET - NIGHT
The ambulance ROARS down the street.
Gets to the first intersection.

The siren STOPS.
Drives past the next corner,
then pulls over and parks.

Ludo jumps out. Opens the rear doors.
Chick gets out, and the two of them adjust the ramp-boards.

Kelsey sits behind the wheel,
and slowly backs the Triumph out of the ambulance.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We were on a side street
with no traffic and no pedestrians,
but it didn’t matter if we were seen or not --
both of these vehicles were disposable.

Ludo and Chick get back in,
and Kasper drives off.

EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - MOMENTS LATER
The ambulance pulls up to an abandoned warehouse.
Stops. Ronan, Ludo and Chick get out,
and head over to the Mercedes,
which we see is parked behind the big panel truck.

KELSEY (V.O.)
Jefty had already driven the Benz out of the truck
and had it waiting for Ronan and the other guys.

Ronan opens the door.
Gets behind the wheel.

Ludo and Chick pile in,
and they drive off.

KELSEY (V.O.)
We were home free.
Ronan would drive Chick and Ludo
to the motel they were going to hole up at,
and then ditch the car
near where he was going to stay.
(beat)
It ran like clockwork,
if I say so myself.
If you plan the job carefully,
there’s a minimum of risk.
The only variable of course is who you work with.
(beat)
Which is why I chose
who I work with VERY carefully.

Jefty opens the back of the truck.
Kelsey comes over and helps him
adjust the board-ramps,
then drives the Triumph into the truck.

Jefty closes the doors and gets back in.
He starts the engine.

Pulls the truck out,
does a U-turn and heads back toward the stadium.

INSIDE THE TRUCK
Kelsey sits behind the wheel of the Triumph.
Lights a cigarette. Leans back. Thinking.
Exhales a cloud of smoke.

KELSEY (V.O.)
The crowning touch was driving the truck
back in the direction of the stadium.
Of course, the cops would be looking for the ambulance,
but it didn’t hurt to be travelling
in the opposite direction
the heisters would theoretically be going.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
The truck drives down the street.
A phalanx of SQUAD CARS
come ROARING toward them,
sirens SCREAMING.

KELSEY (V.O.)
And now for the next week or so,
the dough was my in my care.
The plan was fool-proof,
and it went off without a hitch.
No one got hurt,
and we were flush a boatload of cash.
Now we just had to wait.
(beat)
But this was no time to relax.
Even though I was due a little R&R,
I had to keep my wits about me,
because I’ve learned the hard way
on other jobs that sometimes
the shit hits the fan when you least expect it --
(beat)
And little did I know,
pretty soon my time would be up.

Notorious Pig

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In chapter 18 of THE HEISTERS, we flash-forward again to the aftermath of the heist, where the gang is trying to hunt down who stole the money. In today's scene, heister Ludo DeLuca visits a gang-banger's den, deep the heart of the hood, with disasterous results ...


EXT. VENICE SIDE STREET - NIGHT
Far from the beach, where The Hood changes block by block.
Small shitty houses with steel bars on the windows and doors.
NOT a safe area. Ugly rap music THUMPS in the distance.

A late-model SUV slowly creeps down the street.

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Ludo drives, looks at the numbers on the houses.

LUDO
Good thing I brought my fucking piece --
(sees the number)
Nice joint. Maybe I can get a deal on some crack.

He pulls over to the curb.
Shuts off the engine. Sighs.

Grabs the clipboard off the seat.
Opens the door.

LUDO
Here goes nothing --

Ludo climbs out. Shuts the door.
Presses his autolock, THWIP.
Starts going up the front walk.

Gets to the front door.
RINGS the buzzer.

INT. SHITTY RUN-DOWN HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Hip-hop on a boom box thumps over --

A real pig-sty. Dishes piled up in the sink.
Fast food wrappers, pizza boxes and beer cans litter the joint --

Which is now actually a drug dealer’s base of operations.
Three HOT BLACK GANG-BANGER CHICKS (20’s)
sit at table in the kitchen measuring
rocks of crack into small glass vials.

Another CHICK stands by the door
holding an Uzi submachine gun.

Narrows her eyes.
Looks at the girls.

HOT UZI CHICK
Anybody expectin’ company?

The girls look up. Shake their heads ‘no.’

HOT UZI CHICK
I’ll go check it out.
One of you go out the back
and come around in front and back me up.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Okay --

She gets up.
Grabs a PISTOL WITH A SILENCER
off the counter.
Heads out the back.

Hot Uzi heads toward the front.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SHITTY RUN-DOWN HOUSE - NIGHT
Ludo stands on the stoop. Waiting.
He RINGS the bell again. Peers in the window.
Tiny bit of light spilling out behind the drawn shades.

LUDO
Hello. Anybody home?

Hot Uzi looks through the peephole.
Makes a face.

HOT UZI CHICK
(under her breath)
Shit. Looks like a fuckin’ COP --

She goes to the intercom.
Presses the button. Speaks into it.

HOT UZI CHICK
Who is it?

Ludo leans into the speaker.

LUDO
I’m from Global Media Group, doing a survey.
I’m looking for Janice Michelle Jones.

Hot Uzi presses the gun up against the door.

HOT UZI CHICK
She don’t live here no more.

LUDO
Are you sure?
This is her last known address --

HOT UZI CHICK
I said she don’t live here NO MORE.
So get the fuck OUTTA here --

LUDO
Please. I just have a couple of questions.
It won’t take more than five minutes.

A gun saftey CLICK-CLICKS.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Stands at the corner of the house.
Gun aimed. Sneering.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Bitch tol’ you she don’t live here no more,
so why don’t you get your WHITE ASS
the fuck OUTTA HERE.

Ludo’s eyes bug out.
He starts to panic.

LUDO
Hey. I don’t want any trouble.
Put the gun down.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
You look like a cop to me.
Are you a fuckin’ COP?

LUDO
A COP? No, no, no --
I’m just here to take a survey, I swear.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
What part of GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
don’t you GET, white boy, HUH?

LUDO
Okay, okay, okay, I’m leaving.

He WHIPS AROUND to go --
and the clipboard hits the front of his jacket,
opening it to reveal the Glock in his waistband.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
You ARE a fuckin’ COP!

She SHOOTS him.
THWIP, THWIP, THWIP.

Ludo looks down.
Sees three red blossoms
forming on his white shirt.

LUDO
You fucking -- shot --

Another shot HITS him in the forehead. THWIP.

He pitches backwards.
Hits the cement with a THUD.

The front door FLIES open.
Hot Uzi looks out. Sees Ludo.

HOT UZI CHICK
What THE FUCK?

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
He had a GUN. He’s a fucking COP.

HOT UZI CHICK
Shit, fuck, piss, COCKSUCKER.
Not ANOTHER ONE --

Tall goes to Ludo’s body.
Grabs him by the ankles.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Chill. We’ll put him in the trunk
with the other one.
So we gots TWO to get rid of.
What’s the big deal?

HOT UZI CHICK
The BIG DEAL
is your trigger-happy ass
gonna get us capped one o’ dese daze.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
Shut your pie-ho and help me
move this fat guinea bitch.
He’s fucking HEAVY.

Hot Uzi comes out.
Puts her gun over her shoulder
by the strap.
Grabs Ludo’s wrists.

HOT UZI CHICK
Damn. Motherfucker’s HEAVY.

TALL GANG-BANG CHICK
I TOL’ you --
(beat)
Notorious PIG.