The French Tickler

Happy Hump Day, hardboiled humpsters. You say you're feeling a bit disgruntled? Downtrodden? Ready to blow your stack? Then why not blow off some steam at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling!

In today's rip-roaring chapter of the adrenaline-packed spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, The Bagger and his merry band of assassins are hot on the trail of our heroes, Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation, who are right now holed up at the safe house tending to their wounds ...


INT. BUGS’ SUV - NIGHT
Bugs sits behind the wheel.
Looks at The Bagger quizzically.

BUGS
Did you clear it with Honey?

BAGGER
Hell, no. Mind your own business.
You’re the DRIVER, that’s it.
So if you know what’s good for you, zip the lip.
This is MY op.

BUGS
But --

A soft RAP-RAP-RAP on the tinted window.
Bagger rolls it down, revealing -- Lemon.
She leans in the window.

BAGGER
Hey there, worker bee.
Ready to dive bomb the hive?

LEMON
Take me to your honey pot.

She opens the rear door.
Hops in. Looks at Bugs.

LEMON
Wow. This must be big.
We’ve got a driver and everything.

BUGS
I’m not a DRIVER.
I’ll have you know I’m clearance level six.
(to The Bagger)
You can’t expect me to believe
Lady Gaga here is an OPERATIVE.

BAGGER
My dear boy, this is Lemon LeBon.
She can kill a man in six languages.

LEMON
Seven, actually.

She reaches forward,
PINCHES a spot on Bugs’ temples.

LEMON
Umrijeti!

He HOWLS with pain.
SWATS her hand away.

BUGS
OW. What the fuck was THAT?

LEMON
Sibenik death grip.
All the rage in Croatia.
Don’t leave eastern Europe without it.

BAGGER
Enough foreplay.
Let’s rock the fucking ROLL.
We have terrorists to seduce.
VAGINAS to capture.

Bugs puts the car in gear.
Switches on the GPS.
Starts driving. Mutters to himself.

BUGS
I just HAD to leave the CIA --

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Bibi lies on the couch on her side.
Serge has drawn a red circle on her neck.
He sterilizes the scalpel in alcohol.

SERGE
Ingenious.
They disguised the entry wound as a birthmark.

BIBI
No. That is real birthmark.
They took it off, then put it back on.

SERGE
Like I said. Ingenious --

IN THE KITCHEN AREA
Cherry huddles with April.
The enormity of what’s happening is finally sinking in.

APRIL
How you holding up?

CHERRY
If they hurt my kids, so help me god,
there’s gonna be HELL to pay.

APRIL
We’ll get this Honey Almond character, trust me.

CHERRY
But how?

APRIL
(looks at Bibi)
The answer’s right under our noses.

CHERRY
You mean the French tickler?

APRIL
Yeah. I can’t put my finger on it exactly,
but I think something might be rotten
in the state of Denmark.

Pause.

CHERRY
Maybe she was in deep cover
on an op and got exposed.

APRIL
You mean the story she gave us
about quitting is bogus?
That’s she’s still on an op?

CHERRY
Well, isn’t that how WE operate?
Always keep ‘em guessing?

APRIL
So we keep an eye on her --

CHERRY
She can lead us to who’s got my kids.
We have to trust her.

APRIL
For now. Let’s see how it plays out.
(beat)
She DID save our asses.

SERGE (O.C.)
That’s it, all done. As good as new.

The girls turn, look.
Bibi sits on the couch
with a bandage on her neck.
Smiles at the girls brightly.

BIBI
(sings)
I am stuck on Band-Aid,
and Band-Aid fucked with me --

Homey Don't Play That Way

Happy Tuesday, hardboiled crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side. A place where the guys are tough, and the chicks tougher. A place that's lean and mean and will knock your socks off ... right here, at That Killing Feeling!

In today's episode of the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet FBI agents Sunday Sparks and Max Cargo, who are heading up the manhunt for April Street and Cherry Nation ... and things get a little 'hot under the collar' ...


INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT
The muster room has been converted into a command post.
Rows of FBI AGENTS man workstations
with laptops and LED screens showing data.
Spy satellite footage. News feeds.

Sunday watches a monitor with Max.

ON THE SCREEN
We see the boat the girls were in earlier hit the shore,
then disappear under the Venice Pier.

SUNDAY
Points at the screen.

SUNDAY
Just got this footage.
Street and Nation are in Venice.

MAX
(squints)
That’s them alright.
Do we have their present location?
And who’s the chick with them?

SUNDAY
Not yet.
(shakes her head)
I don’t know WHO that is --
(to the room)
Anybody track where the car went yet?

A STRANGE-LOOKING NERD AGENT
looks up from his laptop.

STRANGE-LOOKING NERD AGENT
Almost. Another minute or two.
Checking Sat fifty-four-twelve --

SUNDAY
Well, hurry the fuck up.
(to Max)
They stole a VW bus,
but then drove out of range.
(to another agent)
How we doing with the ID of the third person?

A SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
jerks her head toward Sunday.

SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
Searching databases. Nothing yet.

SUNDAY
Are you checking domestic AND foreign?

SERIOUS-LOOKING FEMALE AGENT
Uh, just domestic --

SUNDAY
HEL-LO?
Get your ass in gear, agent Lacy, PRONTO.

AGENT LACY
Y-yes, Ma’am.

She ducks down,
fingers furiously flying across the keyboard.

Max nods at Sunday.
They move off to the side away from the group.
Sunday sips her coffee. Eyes glinting.

MAX
Op getting you worked up?

SUNDAY
I love the smell of the hunt.
Gets my blood pumping.

MAX
Speaking of 'pumping,'
what do you say we catch some R and R
after we nab the ultra-vixens?
I know this great little dive bar nearby --

Sunday turns white.
GRABS Max by the balls.
SQUEEZES. HARD.

SUNDAY
Now you listen to me, OLD-TIMER.
Homey don’t play that way, GOT IT?

She lets go. Max GASPS. Holds his crotch.

MAX
G-got it.

SUNDAY
And if I WAS into guys,
it sure as HELL wouldn’t be
a burnt-out old FUCK like YOU.
Capishe?

MAX
Y-yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry.
I -- get worked up, too.
That was totally unprofessional,
and I feel like a total jackass.
Accept my apology?

SUNDAY
(cocks her head)
Oh my god.
Did you hear that?

MAX
Hear what?

SUNDAY
Hell. It just froze over --

Jesus Fucking Christ On A Stick

Happy Monday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Are you ready to take another trip to the dark side? Then strap on your favorite piece, and head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, just as Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation have their wounds tended to by black ops spook Serge Leon in the safe house, French agent Bibi La Salle reveals that she, too needs medical attention, as her former boss Honey Almond, the op that's now after all of them, had her microchipped, and is tracking her right now ...


INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - NIGHT
Cherry’s now sitting on the couch.
Serge is dressing and bandaging the wound on her arm.

The girls sit on a sofa facing them.
Bibi picks up a remote. CLICKS on the TV.

BIBI
Let’s see if ze media’s picked it up yet.

ON THE GIANT PLASMA-SCREEN
We see a SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR (20’s)
in a tight, shiny, mini-suit standing in front of the White House.

SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR
-- where two impostors crashed tonight’s State Dinner,
one of whom was wearing what was later discovered
to be a fake bomb vest.
The President has ordered a review
of security procedures to find out exactly how this happened.
(cocks her head with importance)
What makes this story even more scary
is the fact that two federal agents were involved.

A PICTURE OF CHERRY AND HOLLY
Fills the screen.

SERIOUS-LOOKING HOT CHICK ANCHOR (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation
and April Street are now wanted fugitives
in connection with this attack.
If you see them, please notify
your local authorities immediately.
But be warned, they are armed
and considered EXTREMELY dangerous.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Everyone stares at the screen,
open-mouthed. Except Serge.

CHERRY
Jesus fucking Christ on a stick.

APRIL
Holy fucking shit.
We’re FUCKED.

SERGE
Not to worry.
We will disguise you.
Alter your appearance.
Then you will be able to move freely
until you can clear up this misunderstanding.
And we will help you.

Bibi looks at Serge guiltily.

BIBI
I’m afraid I’m going to need more
of your surgical experience, mon cher.

SERGE
What for? You have no -- gunshot wound?

BIBI
I’ve got something worse, I’m afraid.

Bibi turns green.

BIBI
In all the excitement,
I completely forgot about it.
It was years ago --
(swallows)
When I went deep cover
in Honey’s operation two years ago,
she had me microchipped.

APRIL
What the fuck?

CHERRY
Like a DOG?

BIBI
Oui.
(beat)
And we need to cut it out NOW,
or else her people will be here ANY MINUTE.

Serge sticks his hand into his surgical bag.
Pulls out a scalpel. Smiles grimly.

SERGE
Then I guess we’d better cut to the chase.
(beat)
So to speak --

My Trunk Is Always Packed

Happy Friday, crime freaks! Are you ready for the weak-end? Then get your asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the drinks are cold, and the chicks are hot ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter of your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, where the going gets tough, and the tough get ... violent.

While the FBI have commandeered the local police headquarters in their search for rogue Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation, another assassin, 'The Bagger,' calls up his favorite 'junior assistant', Lemon, who rushes to the scene ...


EXT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
A quaint, almost run-down building near City Hall.
The front drive is jammed with black SUV’s.

INT. SANTA MONICA POLICE HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
A swarm of FBI AGENTS IN BLACK SUITS
are clustered around the front desk.

A FEMALE AGENT (20’s), hot-as-hell,
severe in Armani, blonde and blue-eyed,
SHOUTS at the bug-eyed DESK SERGEANT.

GORGEOUS AGENT
I could give a SHIT about RULES OF PROCEDURE.
This is a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY.
We’re taking over the station, UNDERSTAND.
We’re FBI, and NO ONE fucks with us. GOT it?

Meet SUNDAY SILK (30's), task force chief.
Ruthless. Vicious. A hell of an agent.
Great legs. And, hey -- nice rack.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
(reaches for his phone)
Let me call the chief --

A shorter, older AGENT (40’s) eyes burning with fire,
POUNDS on the desk with his fist.

OLDER AGENT
Now listen to me, you dumb FUCK.
Two rogue federal agents were just involved
in a security breach at THE WHITE HOUSE.
We haven’t got time to FUCK AROUND.
Now show us a room where we can
fucking SET UP OUR EQUIPMENT,
or I’ll have you checking parking meters in a SKIRT.

Meet MAX CARGO (50's), senior agent. Brusque. No-nonsense.
And right now, ready to punch someone’s lights out.

Scared Desk Sergeant gets up.
Points down the corridor.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
R-right this way.

SUNDAY
You got a stick up your ass? MOVE IT.

SCARED DESK SERGEANT
(nods, starts walking)
Yes, sir. Uh, ma’am -- uh --

INT. SLEAZY CLUB - NIGHT
David Bowie/T-Rex 70’s rock at an EAR-SHREDDING volume.

Very glam, very glitter. The packed club is jamming.
Smoke machines. Mirrored balls. Go-go dancers on pillars.
Boys, girls and everything in between writhe with abandon.

A COOL GUY (25) and a HOT CHICK twist and shake it.
The babe, (23), mod, waifish, vibrates like a woman possessed.

THE CHICK
Stops dancing.
Opens her eyes.
Pulls out her BlackBerry.

CLOSE ON --
The LCD display.

THE GEESE ARE IN FLIGHT.
PACK YOUR LIPSTICK. LOVE, MOM.

THE CHICK
Yells something in the guy's ear.
Bolts for the door.

EXT. SLEAZY CLUB - CONTINUOUS
She FLIES down the outside staircase.
Six-inch platforms CLATTER,
BANG-BANG-BANG down the metal steps.

ON THE SIDEWALK
She fingers a number on her cell.
Jumps into her red Mazda Miata convertible.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. OCEAN AVENUE - NIGHT
Bugs’ Black Porche SUV idles curbs side.

INT. BUGS’ SUV - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger sits in the passenger side, talks on his cell.
Winks at Bugs. Fires up a smoke.

BAGGER
Lemon. It’s Poppa Bear.

LEMON
This is awfully last-minute notice, Baggy.
I’m wired on coke, completely shit-faced --
and I’m wearing six-inch heels.

BAGGER
The clock's running, girlie-girl,
no time to worry about that.
You pack the trunk?

LEMON
Honey, my trunk is always packed.

BAGGER
Solid. Then let’s make some lemonade.

A Girl And A Gun

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters! Are you ready for another balls-out, action-packed, one-way trip to Hell? Then strap on your favorite piece, and get your ass over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling!

Onto today's spine-tingling installment of the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS ...

Where agents Cherry Nation, April Street and Bibi LaSalle are now safely in black ops spook Serge Reno's safe house, where he is right now digging a bullet out of April's thigh ...


EXT. CONCRETE BUNKER - NIGHT
A small, grey building without windows.
Old, faded lettering on the side reads GOLDS’ GYM.
The VW bus is parked in front.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
Soft, super-cool chill music softly thump-thumps over --

A modern, comfy, glossy work/living space
with state-of-the art everything spread out in one big loft space.

Cherry and Bibi sit at the bar,
facing the kitchen, sipping coffee, looking at --

April, lying on the sofa, her pant leg ripped off,
exposing the gunshot wound on her thigh.

She’s being attended to by SERGE RENO (40’s),
tall, rugged, unshaven, Euro-cool.
Bibi’s dark-haired, blue-eyed Interpol counterpart.

The notches on his belt have notches.

Right now he’s holding a pair of forceps over the wound.
About to dig for the bullet.

SERGE
Try to relax.
I’m afraid this is going to hurt a bit.

APRIL
(big smile, staring)
I’m okay. Just get it on.
Out. Get it out.

Serge looks at her, amused.

SERGE
Hold on --

He starts digging in the wound,
searching, probing.

APRIL
GAAA --

Cherry holds her arm. Looks away.

CHERRY
(to Bibi)
I feel like I’m at the dentist
waiting for my turn to be tortured.

BIBI
Have no fear. Serge is very gentle.
(smiles)
And he’s good at getting out bullets.

CHERRY
He IS very good-looking --

BIBI
Is first time agency has used a male ‘honey trap.’
Results have been very good.
Just look at your sister,
she is completely, how you say, smitten.

APRIL
Stares at Serge as he continues to dig for the bullet.

APRIL
So you’re --
(GROANS)
French? How long have you --
(GASPS)
Worked with Bibi?

Serge ignores her,
working the instrument.
He GRABS something. Smiles.

SERGE
Shhh. I’ve almost got it --

He tries to grasp the bullet,
but it’s slippery with blood.
Tries again. But it slips.
Once again -- and GETS it.

SERGE
A-HA.

Serge pulls out the bullet.
Drops it in a paper cup on the coffee table.

CLICK.

APRIL
Thanks. Whew.
(looks at the cup)
Hey. Aren’t you supposed to drop the bullet
into a metal cup like they do in the movies
so it makes that 'clang' sound?

SERGE
Jean luc Goddard once said
'all you need for a film is a girl and a gun.'
(smiles)
But he left out one thing.

APRIL
What’s that?

SERGE
This.

He leans over.
Kisses her softly on the lips.

Accidents Will Happen

Happy hump day, hardboiled crime humpsters! Are you ready for some balls-out action? Some spine-tingling thrills that'll leave you speechless? Then head on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's rip-roaring chapter of NOWHERE GIRLS, where ...

Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation make their escape from the terrorists with a little help from the mysterious Bibi La Salle. Meanwhile, black ops assassin The Bagger starts making his plans to get them ...


EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A VW BUS chugs along up the coastal thoroughfare.

INT. VW BUS - CONTINUOUS
Bibi’s behind the wheel. April sits next to her.
Cherry sits behind April, shivering in the cold.

CHERRY
I’m fucking freezing.
Are we almost there?

BIBI
Oui. Just another couple of blocks.

APRIL
So what’s the deal with Honey Almond?
Why is she setting us up?

BIBI
I don’t know.
(looks at April)
Honey has two kinds of ops.
They’re either for profit -- or personal.

APRIL
I don’t understand.
There can’t be any profit in setting us up --

CHERRY
Yeah, and it can’t be personal,
because we’ve never met her.

BIBI
Maybe you hurt someone close to her.

APRIL
Well, that only narrows it down
to a few hundred people.

EXT. VENICE CAFE - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger sits at an outdoor table with a cup of coffee.
Fingering his I-Phone. Stares at the tiny monitor.

BAGGER
(reads)
Seventy-four virgins, on demand?

ON THE SCREEN
We see a porno website. GIRLS OF AL QAEDA.
Captions under pictures of HOT IRANIAN WOMEN
read ONE HUMP OR TWO.
WANNA GO TO PARADISE?
COME ENTER MY WAILING WALLS.
BIRKA BABIES.
THE BAGGER

Shakes his head with wonder.

BAGGER
Be still my mosque --

A MAN IN BLACK (20’s) approaches the table.
Tall, rugged, in shades. Textbook Langley.
He takes a seat. Removes his shades.
Cold, humorless blue eyes stare at him.

MAN IN BLACK
Ms. Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes a sip of coffee.
Stares back.

BAGGER
It’s 'Miss' Otis, fool.

Man in Black looks around furtively, then --

MAN IN BLACK
(whispers)
That’s not what you’re supposed to say.

BAGGER
I KNOW that. But you got it WRONG.
It’s 'Miss' Otis, NOT MS.

Pause.

MAN IN BLACK
MISS Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes another,
longer sip of coffee.

BAGGER
Such a pity about Simon Cowell.

MAN IN BLACK
(nods)
Hare, sir. Reporting for duty.

BAGGER
(rubs his head)
HAIR? What kind of name is THAT?

HARE
No, sir. H-a-r-e, like the rabbit.

BAGGER
Well, I’m not going to call you HARE.
What’s your first name?

HARE
Howard, sir. But most people call me --
(grimaces)
Bugs.

BAGGER
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

HARE
How do you think I feel?
You don’t know what it’s like.
Everyone comes up to me
and says 'what’s up, doc?'
Drives me fucking crazy.

The Bagger nods his head slowly.
Sips his coffee. Then --

BAGGER
So you have the GPS?

HARE
Yes. It’s in my vehicle.

BAGGER
What? It’s not hand-held?

HARE
Well, I suppose you could remove it. But --
I’m supposed to drive you, give you back-up.
(low, conspiratorial)
It would be an honor, sir.
I’ve the stories about your work.
Tell me. Is it true about --
(looks around, then whispers)
Michael Jackson?

The Bagger takes another sip.
Smiles silkily.

BAGGER
Michael Jackson died of an overdose of Propofol,
a powerful anaesthesia.
The coroner determined that his death
was not the result of foul play.

HARE
But isn’t that your M-O?
To make it look like an accident?

BAGGER
Well, you know that Elvis Costello song?

HARE
Uh, no.

BAGGER
Accidents Will Happen --

Leave The Driving To Us

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! Feeling restless? A little rowdy? Feel like getting into some TROUBLE? Then get your asses over the the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, that action-packed spy thriller you've come to know and love.

When we last left Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street, they had just escaped the firebombing of their Malibu beach pad ... so now diabolical black ops villain Honey Almond unleashes her latest weapon ... the world's most feared assassin 'The Bagger' is now hot on their trail ...


INT. LAX - TAXI STAND - NIGHT
A taxi sits idling at the end of a long line of cabs.
A MAN IN BLACK LEATHER (60’s)
stands nearby, smoking a cigarette.

Meet VINCENT BAGGER, aka 'The Bagger.'
Tall, thin, acne-scarred in shades.
The worlds most notorious hit man.
Has taken out royalty. Presidents. Dictators.

And a pop star or two.

He walks up to the last cab.
Opens the passenger-side door. Slides in.

INT. GYPSY CAB - CONTINUOUS

The SOUTHERN REDNECK DRIVER
stares at The Bagger.

SOUTHERN REDNECK CAB DRIVER
Hey. If you wanna ride, you haveta git in the back.

The Bagger pulls out a black 9MM Baretta with a silencer.

BAGGER
(British accent)
Hay is for horses, cowboy.

He SHOOTS him in the head, THWIP.
Opens the door. PUSHES him out.
Slides over into the seat.
JAMS the car into gear.

BAGGER
(giggles)
And you can leave the driving to us.

And he ROARS away.

EXT. VENICE BEACH - NIGHT
We see the boat grounded on the sand under the Venice Pier.
April, Cherry and Bibi walk on the sand.

April limps, has a tourniquet on her leg.
Cherry has a rag tied around her arm.
Bibi leads them toward the parking lot.

BIBI
Come, follow me.
We, how you say, ‘jack some wheels.’

APRIL
Sounds like somebody’s been watching a lot of TV.

BIBI
Are you kidding? ALIAS is the BOMB.

CHERRY
Well, then -- lead the way, Sidney Bristow.

INT. CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
The Bagger drives along the coast. Talks into his cell.

BAGGER
Hello, Mary Lou?
The Beagle has landed.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey paces back in forth in front of a
giant plasma screen monitor
that shows a view of the street outside.

HONEY
(into her headset)
Good evening, bag-man.
So glad you could join us.
I hear Palestine is beautiful this time of year.

BAGGER
That shithole?
I’m still trying to get the sand out of my crack.

HONEY
Then you should be glad
I pulled you off the job in Dubai.

BAGGER
No shit.
You ever tried fucking a camel?

HONEY
Too much information, my perverted one.

BAGGER
Sorry, chief. Color me jet-lagged.
(beat)
So what’s the op?

HONEY
Bibi La Salle, a former asset.
She is interfering with an -- operation of mine.

BAGGER
Isn’t that the French filly
you used to play 'spin the croissant' with?

HONEY
That’s strictly on a need-to-know basis.
Enough chit-chat.
I need you take her out, IMMEDIATELY.

BAGGER
Intel on her location?

HONEY
Not a problem.
We had her microchipped.
(motions to a staffer to come)
Get your ass over to Venice Beach.
We’ll have an op waiting for you
at the Mao’s Cafe with a GPS.
I’ll text you the coordinates.

BAGGER
I’m there like white on lice.

HONEY
Oh, and Bagger?

BAGGER
Yeah?

HONEY
Try not to kill too many innocent bystanders.
We don’t want a repeat of the thing at Fort Hood, okay?

All In A Day's Skirt

You say Monday's get you down? Feeling depressed? Violent? Wanna smash somebody's face in? Then why not blow off some steam at the hippest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, where Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street, along with black ops spook Bibi LaSalle, fight off a full-frontal assault on their Malibu beach home ...


EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL'S JOINT - NIGHT
A doorway reveals a path down to the beach.
The ocean waves roll in the moonlight.
The intruders’ boat from the opening of the story gently bobs in the water.

Cherry and April get up.
Grab their backpacks. Stare at Bibi.

APRIL
That was fucking awesome.

CHERRY
Remind me not to piss you off.

BIBI
It is, as you say, all in ze day’s work.
But we cannot rest on laurels.
We have to MOVE, NOW --
(looks)
Is that your boat out there?

APRIL
It is now. C’MON --

And they RACE outside.

EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - NIGHT
The entire joint is ON FIRE.
The helicopter starts circling the yard, looking for survivors.

A SPOTLIGHT moving across the house, the yard --
Revealing the commando’s dead bodies, burning in the flames.

IN THE CHOPPER
The PILOT, Tom Cruise on steroids,
YELLS at his copilot.

ANGRY CHOPPER PILOT
I don’t fucking BELIEVE IT.
The bitches got ALL OF THEM.

The IRATE COPILOT grabs an AK-47 submachine gun.
Yells at the commando behind him working the spotlight.

IRATE COPILOT
FIND THEM,
so I can SHOVE some HOT LEAD
up their fucking SNATCHES.

EXT. OCEAN SHORE - AT THAT MOMENT
The girls JUMP in the water.
Start swimming to the boat.

The Spotlight SWEEPS across the beach in a zigzag pattern.
Machine gun fire SPRAYS across the sand.

APRIL
(looks behind her)
Shit, HURRY.

THE SPOTLIGHT
Hits them. The girls swim faster.
Bullets SPRAYING into the waves.

They go under the surface.
Continue swimming.

IN THE CHOPPER
The copilot looks out the window with night goggles.

IRATE COPILOT
GODDAMMIT. They went underwater.

ANGRY CHOPPER PILOT
The CO warned us, bitches are GOOD.

IN THE OCEAN
The GIRLS make it to the boat.
Climb aboard.

THE SPOTLIGHT
Hits them.
April races to the front deck.
Starts the engine.

CHERRY
Hurry up, they SEE US.

IN THE CHOPPER
Irate copilot aims his weapon.
Licks his lips.

IRATE COPILOT
Anyone want SHREDDED TUNA?

And he starts FIRING.

IN THE BOAT
The girls DUCK,
bullets FLYING over their heads.
Pieces of wood SPLINTER, go flying.

Just as April starts to turn the wheel,
a bullet HITS her in the leg. THWIP.
She grabs her thigh, reels backwards.

APRIL
GODDAMMIT!

CHERRY
I’ll get it --

Cherry RACES to the front.
Grabs the controls.
Starts gunning the engine.
She gets hit in the shoulder. CRACK.

CHERRY
OW!

She FLIES backwards, hits the deck.
Grabs her shoulder. Struggles to get back up.

Bibi searches the rear storage bin.
Pulls out an ANTI-AIRCRAFT ASSAULT WEAPON.
A giant bazooka-looking joint.

She cradles it in her arms.
Takes aim. Grimaces.

BIBI
Bye, bye, birdie --

And she fires.
A missile SHOOTS out the barrel.

THE CHOPPER
Flies toward the boat.
Gets HIT with the rocket, BANG.
EXPLODES in a MASSIVE FIREBALL.

Slowly rotates in a lazy circle,
then PLUMMETS into the water, SPLASH, and sinks.

ON THE BOAT
The girls watch.

CHERRY
Holy shit. Black hawk DOWN.

APRIL
(turns to Bibi)
Thanks for the rockets red glare.

BIBI
All in a day’s skirt.
(smiles)
You’d do the same for me.
How’s your arm?

APRIL
Hurts like a motherfucker.

BIBI
(to Cherry)
How about your leg?

CHERRY
Uh, can I get another order of
‘hurts like a motherfucker?’

BIBI
We go to safe house I know,
down in Venice. Fix you two up.

APRIL
Take me to Muscle Beach, baby.

CHERRY
As long as we stay away from
the freak show at the boardwalk.
We’re gonna need to hide.

BIBI
Darling, don’t you know?
The best place to hide is in a crowd.

Never Leave Home Without It

Happy Friday, crime freaks! Are you ready to get your hardboiled-pulp groove on? Then come on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the action is smokin' ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, where the action gets kicked up a notch, when ...

Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation and black ops spook Bibi La Salle are chased by the Feds through their house at the start of a balls-out action sequence ...


INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - NIGHT
Cherry and April each wear large military backpacks.
Bibi stands by the front door.

BIBI
Come, LET’S GO.
They will be here any --

The DEAFENING ROAR of a helicopter
THUNDERS above them.
Cherry and April stare at each other.

CHERRY
Shit.

APRIL
Fuck.

EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - ROOF - NIGHT
A black BLACK HAWK CHOPPER hovers over the house.
A dozen COMMANDOS fly down on ropes,
LAND on the roof like angry spiders on speed.
STOMPING in formation across the deck.

IN THE HOUSE
The girls look up. Hear the stomp of footsteps.

BIBI
Too late. They’re HERE.

APRIL
Yeah, but are they from the White House,
or Honey Almond?

CHERRY
Does it make any fucking DIFFERENCE?
C’mon, into the basement, NOW.

They RACE into --

THE KITCHEN
Cherry opens a door.
They DASH down the stairs into --

THE BASEMENT
Where they RACE to a metal door.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
The commandos FLY down the side of the house on ropes.
SWING BACK, SHOOT OUT the windows,
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT,
and FLY into the house.

IN THE BASEMENT
April tries to open the door.

APRIL
Shit. Locked.

BIBI
Where does this go?

CHERRY
OUTSIDE.
(pats her pockets)
And I don’t have my keys.

APRIL
Neither do I.

CHERRY
Shit. Shit.

APRIL
Fuck. Fuck.

UPSTAIRS
Commandos RUN, STOMPING through the house,
weapons aimed. FLYING around corners,
going from room to room. Searching --

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls out a mini-Uzi. Raises it --

BIBI
Stand back.

APRIL
But that won’t --

And SPRAYS the lock with bullets.
They FLY OFF the door,
ricochet in a dozen directions.
The girls DUCK.

APRIL (CONT’D)
I tried to tell you. It’s bulletproof.
(beat)
I mean, we ARE spies.

BIBI
Is there any way else out of here?

CHERRY
NO.

UPSTAIRS
A pair of commandos STOMP into the kitchen.
A radio CHIRPS.

SHRILL COMMANDO (O.C.)
Upstairs is clear.
They must be down where you are. Over.

ANGRY COMMANDO
(into the radio)
Roger that.

The other, SHORTER COMMANDO
sees the door to the basement.

ANGRY COMMANDO (CONT'D)
They’re DOWNSTAIRS. C’MON!

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls a GRENADE out of her bag.
Holds it up. Smiles.

BIBI
Never leave home without it.

The door into the basement EXPLODES with gunfire.
The commandos CHARGE down the stairs.
Start FIRING blindly.

BIBI (CONT’D)
DUCK.

Cherry and April hit the floor.
Bibi pulls the pin,
and THROWS the grenade at the intruders.

BANG. The room SHAKES.
The staircase and the commandos
EXPLODE in massive fireball.

Bibi JUMPS out of the way.
Hides behind a chest of drawers.

The fireball WHOOSHES through the room,
straight at the door,
and BLOWS it off its hinges, BANG.

The doorway reveals a path down to the beach.
The ocean waves roll in the moonlight.
The intruders’ boat from the opening
of the story gently bobs in the water.

Cherry and April get up.
Grab their backpacks. Stare at Bibi.

APRIL
That was fucking awesome.

CHERRY
Remind me not to piss you off.

Going Rogue

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. Are you ready to take another trip to the dark side? A trip to a place of unspeakable depravity? Then get your asses over to the coolest hardboiled pulp joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from our spy thriller NOWHERE GIRL ...

When we last left the scene at the White House, the State Dinner had been hijacked by a pair of 'terrorists,' who we now discover are reality show 'actors', hired by some unknown assailant ...


INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - SITUATION ROOM - NIGHT
A SECURITY TECH (30’s) sits at a workstation,
punching buttons on a laptop. Stares at the screen.

ON THE MONITOR
We see in black the outline of Akyab’s body
swimming in a sea of grey wavy lines.
Red and orange smears show his internal organs.
The explosive packages glowing in acid green.

SECURITY TECH
The balls on that bastard --

He picks up a phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

IN THE BALLROOM
Chief of Staff’s cell phone rings.
He touches his earpiece.

CHIEF OF STAFF
(whispers)
Yes?

SECURITY TECH
The explosives are FAKE.

CHIEF OF STAFF
You sure?

SECURITY TECH
Yeah.

CHIEF OF STAFF
Because if you’re wrong --

SECURITY TECH
Like I wanna die.

CHIEF OF STAFF
Okay. Just making sure. Thanks.

Chief of Staff points his finger at Akyab.

CHIEF OF STAFF
You sir, are a FRAUD.
(to The President)
I’ve just received word that the bombs are fake, sir.

THE PRESIDENT
Really?

CHIEF OF STAFF
Yeah, you know we can scan that shit.
(beat)
Sir.

THE PRESIDENT
(to Secret Service agents)
Take both of them into custody immediately.

Two agents GRAB Akyab by the arms.
Start cuffing him.

AKYAB
Wait a minute.
I was told this was being filmed.
Like Punked, you know?
I’m just trying to get my SAG card.

A pair of agents GRAB Vicki. Cuff her.

VICKI
You thought this was REAL?
We were told this was a new reality show.
I want to call my LAWYER.
(struggling)
OW. Careful with that, it’s a Cartier --

The two of them are hustled away.
Vicious-Looking Spook approaches The President.

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
We traced the call, Mr. President.
Special Forces are on their way. ETA is --
(looks at watch)
Two, three minutes.

THE PRESIDENT
Good work. Any intel yet?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Believe it or not,
the call was made by April Street,
one of our Homeland Security agents.

CHIEF OF STAFF
No shit.

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
She and her sister Cherry Nation work as a team,
if you might recall.

THE PRESIDENT
Ah, yes, how could I could forget.
‘The Asset Twins.’
Do you think they’ve gone rogue?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Hard to tell, sir.

THE PRESIDENT
Do Special Forces have orders to bring them in alive?

VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
Certainly.
(smiles)
If they can --

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Happy St. Patrick's day, crime kids! Consuming mass quantities of booze? Partying your ass off? Then why not take a pit stop at the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is hot, and the chicks are cold ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, where the going gets tough, and the tough get fucked up ...

First up, black ops spook Honey Almond shoots an agent that brings her bad news. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are coerced into making Honey's ransom demands with the President at the White House ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT
Sultry female operative JERKS her head.
Listens to her headset. Turns pale.

SULTRY FEMALE OP
Chief, we have a problem --

Honey looks up from her laptop. Grimaces.

HONEY
WHAT?

SULTRY FEMALE OP
It’s Bibi. She’s on the line with Cherry and April.
And she just exposed the whole op.

HONEY
WHAT THE FUCK?

SULTRY FEMALE OP
What do we do now?

HONEY
What do we do NOW? Stupid bitch.

She pulls out a Walther PPK. Aims it at Sultry.

SULTRY FEMALE OP
Hey. Don’t shoot the messenger.

She FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Sultry falls over, dead.

HONEY
Whoops. No golden parachute --
(turns, looks at Rock)
The Bagger still on the Gaza Strip?

ROCK
He’s done there. Now on a flight to Dubai.

HONEY
Those camel jockeys can wait. Divert his flight.
Have him take out that French tart.

ROCK
What about Cherry Nation and April Street?

HONEY
Don’t worry.
They’re about to get caught in a shit storm
that’ll make nine-eleven
look like a Sarah Palin photo op.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
A group of SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
stand in a circle around Akyab and Vicki.
Weapons aimed at them.

AKYAB
Stupid fools. If you shoot, we all die.

VICKI
And we get virgins. You DON’T.

The President, the VP and his Chief of Staff stand nearby.

THE PRESIDENT
Tell us your demands.
Please. We’ll do anything you say.

AKYAB
I told you. We are waiting for phone call.

A phone RINGS in the President’s pocket.
He pulls it out. Looks at it, astonished.

THE PRESIDENT
How did they get my --
(answers it)
Hello?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April sit on the couch.
Lean into the speakerphone.
Look at each other. Bug-eyed.

APRIL
Mr. President?

THE PRESIDENT
Yes. Who is this?

VP and Chief of Staff listen on their phones.
VP nods at a VICIOUS-LOOKING SPOOK
who is furiously PUNCHING commands on his I-phone.
He nods back. Smiles, grim.

APRIL
My name isn’t important.
Let’s just say that I’m
a member of the intelligence community.
The people behind this have kidnapped my children,
and are forcing me to make this call --

THE PRESIDENT
Do you expect me to believe --

APRIL
PLEASE. I know you’re tracing this call,
and there’s a chance you might not believe me.

Cherry looks at her watch.

THE PRESIDENT
Go on, then --

APRIL
(reads from a sheet of paper)
You are to immediately release
all of the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay,
as well as all suspected terrorists
currently incarcerated on US soil --

CHERRY
(whispers)
Five seconds --

APRIL
And, you are to immediately
pull all US troops out of the middle east.

CHERRY
NOW.

APRIL
Thanks, Mr. President -- BYE.
(beat)
Sorry --

She hangs up. Gasps. Looks at Cherry.

CHERRY
One second over.

APRIL
Shit. We better get the fuck outta here.

The girls JUMP off the couch.
Then hear the CLACK-CLACK-CLACK
of stiletto heels in the foyer.
They turn their heads.

BIBI LA SALLE
Walks into the room. Imperious. Regal.

BIBI
Bon jour, mon ami.

CHERRY
You must be -- Bibi.

BIBI
(nods)
You have bag packed for emergency exit?

APRIL
Of course. But how did you get here so fast?

BIBI
Trade secret. Come, we must hurry.
We only have a couple minutes
before this joint becomes HURT LOCKER --

The Spy Who Helped Me

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! You say you're feeling disgruntled? Mad as hell, and can't take it any more? Looking for a place to blow off some steam? Then you've come to the right place ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from our spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS ...

Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation have been sucked into a plot to blow up the White House, and Cherry's kids have been kidnapped ... but then mysterious French agent Bibi La Salle shows up on the scene to lend a hand ...


INT. CHERRY’S JOINT - NIGHT
April sits on the couch, head in her hands.
Cherry paces back and forth talking on her cell.
FURIOUS.

CHERRY
We’re not gonna do SQUAT
until I can speak to the girls.
I need to know they’re alive.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SANTA MONICA CAFE - CONTINUOUS
Oleg smiles silkily. Pulls a tape recorder out of his pocket.

OLEG
As you wish.

He CLICKS it on.
Holds it up to the phone.

AMBER (O.C.)
(electronic)
Mommy? Where are you?
These bad men killed all our friends --
(mumbling in the background)
Don’t worry, we’re okay.
We’re at this nice lady’s house watching cartoons.
Please come get us, Mommy. We’re scared --

Oleg CLICKS it off.

OLEG
Satisfied?

CHERRY
I swear to god if anything happens to them
I’m gonna hunt you down and KILL YOU.

OLEG
Shut and listen to me.
I am calling shots here.
Now get pen, and write down what I tell you --

CHERRY
Okay, okay.
Don’t get your tighty-whities in a bind.
Go ahead.

A FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK appears behind him.
Raises a Glock with a silencer.
Aims it at the back of his head.
SHOOTS. THWIP.

Oleg falls face-down in his chai soy latte, CRACK.

CHERRY
Hello? I’m ready --
(listens)
Hello?

The Figure GRABS his phone.
Hustles off down the sidewalk.

FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK
(French accent)
Hello, are you still there?

CHERRY
(cups the phone, to April)
Now it’s some chick --
(in the phone)
I’m here. Who are YOU?

Female Figure stops.
Ducks under an awning.
Lights up a red Sherman’s.
EXHALES a cloud of smoke.

FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK
Listen to me carefully.
I am friend, and I’m going to help you.

Meet BIBI LA SALLE (30’s), French ex-pat.
Tall and lean. Blonde hair in a tight chignon.
Chic in a Chanel miniskirted suit
and thigh-high black vinyl boots.
So hot it hurts.

And, one of Honey’s former ops.

CHERRY
A friend? Who are you?
Can you help me get my kids back?
(realizes)
What about the guy I was talking to?

BIBI
I killed him. Listen to me.
We will get your children.
But first we have to deal with
ze situation at ze White House.

CHERRY
No shit. Hold on a sec.
I’m gonna transfer this to speakerphone,
so my sister can hear.

BIBI
As you wish, but hurry.
Time flies when you’re holding
the leader of the free world hostage.

Cherry PUSHES a series of buttons on her cell.
A light FLASHES on the speakerphone.

CHERRY
Can you hear me?

BIBI
Oui.

CHERRY
So tell us what the fuck’s going on.

BIBI
Have you heard of Honey Almond?

April and Cherry exchange glances.
Shake their heads ‘no.’

APRIL
No. She related to Cadbury?

BIBI
Very funny, Miss Street.
She is head of NSA black ops unit.
But she is rogue.
Her group makes deals with terrorists
for clandestine services, takes their money,
and then eliminates them.
Quick. Efficient. And quite profitable.

CHERRY
So what does that have to do with us?

BIBI
I don’t know yet.
When I found out about ze op at the White House,
and that they were setting you two up to take ze fall, I quit.
That was ze last straw.
You two are legends in ze intelligence community.
(shakes her head in disgust)
It’s personal, and I don’t play that way.
I signed up to protect our nation,
not take money from terrorists
and disgrace our own agents.

APRIL
So you’re gonna help us?

BIBI
I have to. I’m now marked, too.
People don’t quit Honey, she fires them.
Literally. But enough chit-chat.
You need to call the President, right now --

CHERRY
Okay, okay -- but what’s your name?

BIBI
Bibi La Salle. At your service.
(beat)
The spy who helped you --

Severance Package

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for another trip to the dark side? Ready for a hardboiled punch in the gut? Then get your assess over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, where the plot gets thicker ... and hotter ...

Today we meet black ops spook femme fatale Honey Almond, commander of a squad of spooks deep down in her underground lair, beneath Mann's Chinese Theater in downtown Hollywood, where right now she's dealing with a little 'staffing problem' ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
The familiar edifice to cinema and false idols.
TOURISTS gape at the foot and handprints in the cement.

A LOW-BUDGET BATMAN stands proudly near the gates.
On a mission to nowhere.

CAMERA moves toward the theater, then as if by magic,
moves down through the sidewalk into --

INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - SUB-BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS
A dimly-lit command center.
Dozens of plasma screen monitors
show blinking rows of data.

A couple dozen OPERATIVES man workstations.
Scurry about the hive of activity.

Supervising the hive is a tall,
curvy goblet of brunette wonder.
Sensual. Elegant. And completely twisted.

Meet HONEY ALMOND, (50).
Doesn’t look a day over forty.
Moves like she’s thirty.
Fucks like she’s twenty.

Cigarette dangles off her cruel red lips.
Bright blue eyes flecked
with gold flicker with cold blue steel.

HONEY
(to an operative)
What’s the word from Oleg?

A nerdy-looking junior op
looks up from his monitor.

NERDY JUNIOR OP
He just made the call.

HONEY
Delicious.
Get ready to patch them in.

She turns, looks at ROCK VARGAS (30’s),
a vicious-looking aide-de-camp.
Elegantly demented in black leather.

HONEY
Bring me The Mouse.
It’s feeding time.

ROCK
(nods)
As you wish.

He hustles off.

HONEY
(to another op)
The wire transfer from Switzerland.
Status?

A tall SULTRY FEMALE OP (20’s)
looks up from her monitor.

SULTRY FEMALE OP
(nods)
Done.
One-hundred-million Euros
in your ten accounts,
ten million each.

HONEY
(raises her arms)
Spectacular.
Now that’s what I call a BAIL-OUT.

Rock rushes in with THE MOUSE (40’s),
a small, wiry weasel.
Think John Waters divided by Michael Cera.

THE MOUSE
Y-you wanted to see me, chief?

HONEY
You fucked up again, mister.
For the last time.

She pulls a 9MM Baretta from her pocket.
Aims it at him.

THE MOUSE
No. Wait. I-I can explain --

HONEY
(clicks the safety)
What part of ‘kill Carver’
didn’t you understand?
He’s STILL ALIVE.

THE MOUSE
We had him, but he -- disappeared, he --

HONEY
BUZZZ. Wrong ANSWER.
(beat)
Time for your SEVERANCE PACKAGE.

Honey FIRES. BANG. BANG. BANG.
The mouse HITS the floor, THWUMP.
Dead. Blood starts pooling on the tiles.

HONEY
Somebody call HR.
A great parking spot just opened up.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready to get down and dirty? Totally depraved? Then choose your favorite weapon, and get your ass over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's slice of hardboiled pulp, courtesy of NOWHERE GIRLS ...

In today's chapter, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street successfully fend off gun-wielding intruders in the their home, but then get a phone call from a mysterious strangers telling them that he's kidnapped Cherry's kids, and the ransom involves their help with a terrorist attack at the White House ...


INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cherry and April DUCK behind the couch. HIT the floor.

TALL FIGURE IN BLACK (O.C.)
Put hands up and SHOW YOURSELF.

Cherry reaches under the coffee table,
picks up an Uzi submachine gun.
Looks at April. Nods.

April reaches under her jacket.
Pulls out a SIG-Sauer Mosquito. Nods.

TALL FIGURE IN BLACK (O.C.)
Come out NOW, or your children will DIE.
Cherry and April exchange glances. What the -- ?

CHERRY
Fuck you, ASSHOLE.
They’re at a SLUMBER PARTY.

April points at Cherry.
Then to the left.
Holds up a finger.

Then at herself.
Holds up two.
Then points to the right.

Cherry nods. Got it.

APRIL
(mouths)
One, two, three -- GO.

Cherry crouches, then RUNS toward the left wall,
SPRAYING the intruders with machine gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

THE INTRUDERS
Duck. Start returning fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

APRIL
RACES to the opposite wall.
DUCKS behind the door to the kitchen.
Peers around the corner.

CHERRY
RACES through the doorway of the foyer, FIRING at them.
Disappears around the corner.
Catches her breath. Panting.

THE FIGURES
Stop firing.
Start slowly moving toward Cherry.

APRIL
Takes aim. Shoots Tall Figure in the head.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
It EXPLODES in a red mist.

SHORTER FIGURE
WHIRLS AROUND. Sees April.
SPRAYS her with submachine gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

CHERRY
Takes aim at Shorter.
SPRAYS him with fire.
His head EXPLODES like a watermelon. POP.
Blood and brains SPLATTER the wall.

They lower their guns.
Look at each other.

CHERRY
(nods at the TV screen)
Life imitating art?

APRIL
(shrugs)
Never a dull moment --

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
She sighs. Pulls it out. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SANTA MONICA - MAIN STREET - CAFE - NIGHT
An UGLY TURKISH THUG WEARING AN EYE PATCH
sits at a cafe table smoking a Gitanes. Speaks into his cell. Smiles.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
That wasn’t very smart thing to do, Ms. Nation.
I’d hate to see anything happen to little girls.

CHERRY
Little GIRLS? Who the fuck IS THIS?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
That is for me to know and you to shove up ass.
Now listen very carefully.
You need to do exactly what I say,
or we kill young Aura and Amber.

CHERRY
What? How do you know the names of my CHILDREN?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Don’t worry. They are safe. For now.

CHERRY
But they’re at a -- slumber party.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Yes, that was most unfortunate.
I hate collateral damage.
Is price of doing business.
(sings)
'Thank heaven, for little girls -- '

CHERRY
You fucking FREAK.
If you’ve touched a hair on their heads,
I’m going to hunt you down and KILL YOU.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Shut the fuck up and LISTEN TO ME.
I’M calling shots here. Understand?

Pause.

CHERRY
What do you want, money?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Stupid American. Always about money. No.
We want you to call President. Deliver message.

CHERRY
Y-you want me to call The White House?
What about?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Suicide bomber crashed State Dinner
with enough enriched plutonium
to make Big Bang Theory look like Pee Wee’s Playhouse.
(off her GASP)
You and your sister are going to be our spokesperson,
make demands.

CHERRY
But if we do that,
we’ll be the most wanted women on the planet.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
I know.
(big smile)
Almost made me come in pants.

Face-Fuck

Happy Thursday, crime freaks! Are you ready for another trip to the dark side? Looking for adventure? Then you've come to the right place, where the action is hot, and the chicks are hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

Today I'm proud to unveil the first chapter of my latest screenplay, NOWHERE GIRLS. It's the sequel to NOWHERE GIRL, an ultra-violent hardboiled-pulp spy chick joint, which is right now in the process of being adapted into a graphic novel. Good times. Issue No. 1 of the comic book version will be out later this spring. To say anything more about it will spoil the surprises in store ...

Onto to the start of our story. When we first meet Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation, they get sucked into a plot to hijack the White House State Dinner when terrorists gate-crash the party ...


EXT. MALIBU COLONY - NIGHT
A full moon glows above the ocean, inky black water
forming steel grey and white waves CRASHING to shore.

A BOAT appears. Drops anchor.
A pair of FIGURES IN BLACK in wet suits
JUMP into the water. Start swimming toward --

Glittering multi-million dollar homes on the sand.
The expensive seats. We face one joint whose lights are BLAZING.

INT. MALIBU HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A gorgeous, lux pad that would do Jerry Bruckheimer proud.
Large, overstuffed furniture.

Outre art. Big-screen plasma screen.
Full bar. Lit candles everywhere.

APRIL STREET (28) sits on the couch watching a movie.
Dark brown hair in a smokin’ pageboy. Tall and curvy.
More than hot in a black leather catsuit. Super-spy deluxe.

She GRABS a handful of popcorn from a bowl on her lap.

APRIL
Kick his ASS!

ON THE SCREEN
We see Milla Jovovich in RESIDENT EVIL,
brandishing two giant semi-automatic weapons,
SPRAYING BULLETS into the bad guys.

SITTING NEXT TO APRIL
Is her twin sister, CHERRY NATION (28),
her doppelganger, except for the long, blonde hair.
Former stripper, now her partner in espionage.
Veronica to her Betty, if you will.

Right now she’s looking at her laptop.
Takes a sip from her martini.
Shakes her head in disbelief.

CHERRY
'Emma Peel' friended me? What the hell?

APRIL
You’re on Face-fuck too much.
(at the screen)
KILL HIM!

Suddenly the big picture window behind them
EXPLODES in a hail of bullets.
The two figures JUMP into the room.
Point their tactical assault weapons at them.

TALL FIGURE IN BLACK
(Russian accent)
Somebody order room service?

EXT. THE WHITE HOUSE - NIGHT
A clear, sparkling summer night at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
There’s a long line of limos idling outside the president’s joint.
Must be some swanky shindig. What’s for State Dinner?

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - REAR ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
A pair of SECRET SERVICES AGENTS stand in the doorway.
Nondescript. World-weary. Stone-faced.

A FAT MAN (40’s)
and his GORGEOUS BLOND WIFE (30’s) approach them.
She’s quite the trophy. Tall, thin and busty, with bottle-blonde hair.
Beaming. Just thrilled to be there.

FAT MAN
Akyab and Vicki Malani, from the Yemeni Embassy.

The OLDER AGENT looks at his clipboard.
Nods. Checks off their names. They walk in.

INT. THE WHITE HOUSE - BALLROOM - NIGHT
THE PRESIDENT (40’s), good-looking, sharp in his tux,
eyes blazing with serene smarts,
chats with an AFRICAN DIGNITARY.

The Malanis walk up to him.
The Prez gets an eyeful of Vicki.
Smiles broadly. Offers her hand.
She shakes it. Dazzled.

VICKI
Nice to meet you, Mr. President.
My stars, you’re even better looking in person.

Akyab puts his hand on the Prez’s shoulder. Leans in.

AKYAB
Mr. President, thank you very much for having us.

THE PRESIDENT
I’m glad both of you came tonight.
Which embassy are you with?

Akyab smiles. Opens his jacket to reveal
DOZENS OF SMALL EXPLOSIVE DEVICES
strapped to his bulky torso.

AKYAB
Embassy? We’re with the Taliban --

VICKI
(crazy grin)
Praise Allah, y’all.
(beat)
Love what you’ve done with the ballroom.

Check Out Time

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Looking for some cheap thrills? Then come on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, and the hardboiled noir is ice-cold ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's exciting conclusion of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where hooker Alona Tal and serial killer Holly Land have their final stand-off with the cops, on the roof of the hotel ...


EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - ROOF - NIGHT
Alona and Holly lie naked on the tar-papered roof.
Making love in the moonlight.

Alona has her hand between Holly’s legs.
Holly bucking slowly like a simmering bronco.

HOLLY
Uhhh --

ALONA
(kissing her neck)
I knew it would be amazing with you.

HOLLY
(gasps)
I’ve never -- felt like this before.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The closet door is open. Beggar’s wrapped-up body has fallen onto the floor.

Danette goes to the bed. Looks under it.
Finds Oscar’s body. Her jaw DROPS.

DANETTE
SHIT.
(to someone off-camera)
There’s another one under the BED.

BERNIE (O.C.)
Jesus fucking CHRIST.

He shuffles into the room.
White as a ghost.

BERNIE (CONT’D)
Two more in the bathroom.
One of them half-cut into pieces and bagged.

DANETTE
Is one of them the hooker?

BERNIE
No. Both guys.

DANETTE
So Alona and Holly must be friends.

BERNIE
Roger that.

Danette pulls out her radio. CLICKS it on.

DANETTE
Hello, dispatch?
This is officer Day, Venice Beach substation.
We’ve got a ten-fifty-five
at the Starlight Hotel on the boardwalk.
Send all available units.
(listens)
Four bodies.
Send as many evidence techs as you’ve got.
(listens)
You don’t want to know.
It’s a real horror show. Over.

She holsters her radio.

BERNIE
So where you think they went?

A woman’s voice CRIES OUT in ecstacy.
A ROAR of blood-curdling animal passion.

HOLLY (O.C.)
OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD-YESSS!

BERNIE
They’re up on the fucking roof.

HOLLY
And they’re fucking up on the roof.

Danette dashes over to the window.
Starts climbing out on the fire escape.
Bernie follows.

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - ROOF - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona holds Holly in her arms,
as wave after wave of pleasure washes over her
like ripples in the ocean. Finally finding release.
Trembling, climaxing over and over, again and again.

HOLLY
I almost can’t TAKE IT -- It’s SO GOOD.

DANETTE (O.C.)
DON’T MOVE. THIS IS THE POLICE.

DANETTE AND BERNIE
Stand near the ladder, on the roof.
Weapons drawn.

ALONA AND HOLLY
Stare at them. Freaked.

Alona grabs her top. Covers up.

ALONA
Don’t shoot, DON’T SHOOT.

DANETTE
I want both of you to get up
very slowly and put your clothes on.

Alona stands. Carefully steps into her skirt.
Holly gets up. Turns her head. Stares off into space.

DANETTE (CONT'D)
Ms. Land, please put your clothes on.

ALONA
Holly, get dressed. It’s over.

HOLLY
(to the cops)
She’s not the killer. I am.
(to Alona)
I’m bad, Alona. I tried to tell you.

She turns. Steps up onto the ledge.
Sways in the hot wind.

ALONA
HOLLY.

DANETTE
Ms. Land, please step away from the ledge.

HOLLY
(to Alona)
I killed a guy at school who date-raped me --
(beat)
And I liked it.
(beat)
And that -- scared me.
(beat)
Also kinda fucked up my sex life.
(beat)
Until now, with you --
(looks at the cops)
Of course, now that’s over.

She looks down. Shivers.
Alona steps onto the ledge.

BERNIE
Both of you, get down off there.
Nothing’s worth dying for.

ALONA
(takes Holly’s hand)
Holly, please. Don’t go. Stay with me.

HOLLY
Where? In PRISON?

Alona closes her eyes. Shudders.
Danette holsters her gun.
Starts slowly creeping toward them.
Bernie watches.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Come with me.
We’ll be like Thelma and Louise.
Go out in a blaze of glory.

ALONA
(opens her eyes)
That would be nice --
(off Holly’s smile)
But I wanna LIVE.

And she YANKS Holly back onto to the roof.
The movement causes Alona to PLOW into Danette,
knocking them both over.

DANETTE
HEY!

Bernie draws his piece.
Holly JUMPS off the ledge, GRABS his gun.
SHOOTS him in the head, BANG.
He falls over, THWUMP.

Danette WHIPS OUT her Glock,
but Holly’s too fast, and SHOOTS her, BANG.
She hits the ground, THWUMP.
Shot in the heart.

Alona gets up slowly. Exhales.

ALONA
Holy shit.
(wide-eyed)
Nice -- shooting.

An evil pout flickers across Holly’s lips.

HOLLY
You tried to trick me.
We were gonna be SOULMATES,
and you RUINED IT.

She raises her gun. Takes aim.

ALONA
No, wait -- Holly, PLEASE. Don’t shoot.

HOLLY
Check-out time.

She SHOOTS Alona. BANG. BANG. BANG.
Her body HITS the rooftop with a dull THUD. Lights out.

PUSH IN ON Holly’s face.
A tear streams down her cheek.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Told you I was bad.

Bigger Fish To Fuck

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. You say you're feeling a little frustrated? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then why not get your tight little ass over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's second-to-last installment of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ... where the stakes, and the blood lust, grow higher and higher ...

With the cops closing in on them, hooker Alona Tal and serial killer Holly Land escape onto the roof of the hotel, where the flames of passion ignite ... and they consummate their forbidden passion ...


INT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - SECOND FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Danette and Bernie stand in front of Verne’s open doorway.
Verne stares at them, very deer-in-the-headlights
in his Family Guy boxer shorts. Which he’s just wet.

DANETTE
(hands him a photo)
Have you seen this woman?
She’s a guest at the hotel.

VERNE
(takes it, looks)
I think so. Maybe. It’s hard to tell --
(hands it back)
Sorry.

DANETTE
(hands him her card)
She’s wanted in connection with several murders.
If you see her, stay away, she’s very dangerous.
Call me right away. Okay?

VERNE
Okay, thanks. I will. Sure. Good night.
(beat)
Uh, good morning.

He smiles weakly. Shuts the door.

BERNIE
You see that?
Poor guy pissed his skivvies.

DANETTE
Probably thought we were gonna bust him for possession.
Smelled like Cheech and Chong in there.
Lucky for him we’ve got bigger fish to fuck.
(beat)
Uh, fry --

EXT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - ROOF - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona and Holly sit on the front ledge of the building.
Look out at the ocean. Pensive.

HOLLY
I say we split, get out of Dodge.
You snagged Beggar’s car keys. Let’s vamoose.

ALONA
But there’s a dead cop in the trunk.

HOLLY
Details. We’ll dump him somewhere,
head down to Mexico.
(beat)
My head is vibrating.
You have another joint?

ALONA
Yeah.

She digs into her purse.
Pulls one out. Fires it up. Hands it Holly.
She takes a bit hit. Holds it in. EXHALES.

Passes it back.
Looks over the ledge.
Strange smile flickering.

HOLLY
We could do a Thelma and Louise.

ALONA
That’s not funny.

Holly takes another hit.
Stares at Alona intently.

HOLLY
Would you -- make love to me?

ALONA
Now?

HOLLY
Please?
(whispers)
I’ve got a feeling this isn’t going to end well.

She breaks down. Starts crying.
Alona takes her in her arms.
Soothes, comforts her.

ALONA
Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay.

Alona kisses her softly. Holly responds.
She likes it. They start devouring each other.
Licked by flames of passion.

INT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - CORRIDOR
Bernie and Danette stand in front of Alona’s door.

DANETTE
This is the hooker’s room, right?

Bernie checks his notepad.

BERNIE
Alona Tal. Twenty-three. This is it.

Danette nods. KNOCKS-KNOCKS-KNOCKS.

DANETTE
Ms. Tal? This is the police.
Please open the door.
We want to ask you some questions.
(beat)
ALONA TAL, this is the POLICE.
Open the door, NOW.
(listens, to Bernie)
Maybe she’s not there.

BERNIE
Guy at the desk said she hasn’t left.

Danette pulls out her gun. Nods at Bernie.
Bernie nods. Unholsters his piece. Raises it --

And BANG, KICKS the door down.
They BURST into the room.

Three Bodies, No Waiting

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for another trip to the dark side? To a demented place where murder and blood lust rule the day ... and the night? Then you've come to the right place ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's hardboiled joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where we start our descent to the horrifying conclusion of the story ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal and serial killer Holly Land, Holly had just stabbed Alona's boyfriend Begger Leck in the eye with a lamp ... so now they try to hide his dead body, when suddenly they hear cops outside in the corridor, going room to room ...


EXT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - VENICE BOARDWALK - NIGHT
Danette stands in front of the hotel. Looks up at the windows.
Bernie appears at the end of the side alley.

BERNIE
Went around the entire perimeter. No sign.

DANETTE
So that rules out a dead cell phone battery.

BERNIE
I’ve got an idea, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it.

DANETTE
Spill it.

BERNIE
I’ve got a hunch all our answers are in the hotel.
We should search door-to-door.

DANETTE
We don’t have a warrant.

BERNIE
Probably cause.

DANETTE
An officer has disappeared.

BERNIE
At a building he was watching.
That we were staking out.

DANETTE
Let’s do it.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Beggar’s body lies on the floor,
rolled up in the bedspread.

Alona holds his head. Holly, his feet.
There’s a large bulge where the lamp still is.

ALONA
Okay, ready?

HOLLY
(nods)
You sure he’ll fit?

ALONA
He’ll have to.
We’re running out of room.

HOLLY
Three bodies, no waiting.

ALONA
(rolls her eyes)
On three. One -- two -- THREE.

They lift him up.
Carry him over to the closet.
Alona leading the way.
She motions to Holly.

ALONA (CONT'D)
Okay, gently put down your end,
and help me over here.

Holly puts him down. Goes to Alona.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Help me lift him up straight.

She does.
Grabs ahold of the lamp under the comforter.

HOLLY
Look. He’s got a handle.

Alona stares. Starts to smile. Stops --

ALONA
That’s sick.

Then giggles. Holly smiles.

HOLLY
Weebles wobble but they don’t fall over.

ALONA
C’mon, let’s just do this.

They maneuver Beggar into the closet.
Close the door.

ALONA (CONT'D)
That’s one way to get rid of a boyfriend.
(beat)
I’m scared, Holly.

HOLLY
Me, too.
(beat)
Could you -- hold me a sec?

Alona nods. Fights back tears.
Puts her arms around Holly.
Holly closes her eyes.
Nestles her head against Alona’s neck.

ALONA
What are we gonna do?

Soft voice are heard outside in the corridor.
Then the sound of KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKING next door.

DANETTE (O.C.)
This is the police.
Please open the door.
We need to ask you some questions.

ALONA
Holy SHIT.

She races to the door.
Looks through the peephole.
Freaks out. Turns and looks at Holly.

ALONA (CONT’D)
(loud whisper)
There’s two cops out there.
What are we gonna do?

HOLLY
(points at the window)
The roof.

Alona nods. Grabs her purse.
They move over to the window.
Holly starts climbing out on the fire escape ...

Why Do You Think They Call It 'In Heat?'

Happy Friday, crime fucks! Are you ready for another one-way ticket to hell? A balls-out, hardboiled thrill ride that will leave you speechless, and begging for more? Then you've come to the right place ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where blood WILL be spilled ...

When we last left our merry band of murderers, they've taken ecstacy, which they figured would help them deal with the fact that they need to cut up a pair of dead bodies in the hotel room. Problem is, one of them is a serial killer, and she has 'issues' when it comes to getting frisky ...


INT. DANETTE AND BERNIE’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Danette CLICKS the phone shut. Looks at Bernie.

DANETTE
Voice mail again.
(beat)
I have a bad feeling about this.
Let’s go outside and snoop around.

BERNIE
Maybe he went home and crashed.

DANETTE
Never happen.
The kid LOVES being a cop,
believes in the sacred oath of protecting citizens.

BERNIE
I have a dim memory of that.

She shrugs into her slacks.
Puts on her jacket.

DANETTE
Just when I thought maybe we could go for round two --

BERNIE
(getting dressed)
So the ice is thawing a bit --

DANETTE
Well, it IS ninety-five degrees.
Gives a gal ideas.

BERNIE
Well, why do you think they call it 'in heat?'

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The lush, bluesy wail of Morphine’s CANDY
oozes it’s decadent moan on the stereo over --
Beggar. Lying on top of Holly.

Delirious from the ecstasy, he’s caressing her slowly,
kissing her neck, her shoulders, then down to her breasts.
Holly suddenly tenses up.

HOLLY
No, please -- don’t. Not my --

BEGGAR
Ah, c’mon, honey.
You know you want it.
Go with the flow.

HOLLY
No, please -- get off me --

BEGGAR
I know it feels good -- I hear you moaning.

HOLLY
No -- not my -- my breast -- NO.

But he puts her nipple in his mouth and starts SUCKING.
A hand reaches down to her crotch. Starts exploring.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
I said NO!

Holly reaches over,
GRABS the table lamp.
The shade FLIES off.

She CRACKS it over Beggar’s head,
KNOCKING him sideways.

BEGGAR
OW!

She JAMS the lamp into his eye, lightbulb first.
A sickening CRUNCH.

He FLIES backwards against the bed.
His head CRACKS against the wall, THUNK.

Holly stands, takes aim,
and KICKS the lamp
all the way through his head, THWUCK.
The cord SPARKS. Fizzles.

HOLLY
Lights out, ASSHOLE.

Holly looks at him, wide-eyed.
A strange smile on her face,
rocking back and forth on the bed.
Whispers --

HOLLY (CONT'D)
I said -- no.

Alona walks in the room, blood on her hands.
Sees Beggar. Mouth drops open.
RUSHES OVER to the bed.

ALONA
Holly? What, what -- what HAPPENED?

HOLLY
I said no, and he -- wouldn’t stop.

ALONA
Ohmigod, Holly -- you shouldn’t have DONE that.
(beat)
Now we’ve got three bodies.

HOLLY
(quietly)
Are you mad at me?
Please don’t be mad at me.
(off her stare)
He started -- putting his fingers inside me.

Alona sighs. Looks at Beggar’s body. Shivers.

ALONA
Bastard didn’t know who he was messing with.

HOLLY
(scary quiet)
When a woman says no, it means NO.

PUSH IN ON Alona’s face.
Scared to death.

ALONA
Remind me not to piss you off.

Kiss Me Deadly

Happy Thursday, crime kids. Are you ready for another hardboiled descent into hell? A trip to the dark side ... where your deepest desires becomes sins of the flesh? Then come and get 'em while they're hot ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, were things are getting a little ... bloody.

While homicide cops Danette Day and Bernie Keko enjoy a post-coital smoke on their 'stakeout', our merry band of murderers are partying like it's 1989, rushing on E ... and cutting up the dead bodies ...


INT. DANETTE AND BERNIE’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Danette lies on the bed, smoking.
Bernie sits near the window,
looking out at the ocean.
Sips from a flask.

BERNIE
Damn, woman.

DANETTE
I know.

BERNIE
Damn.

DANETTE
I know.
(beat)
Damn.

BERNIE
Maybe we could give it another --

DANETTE
No. We’ve done that. Twice.

BERNIE
Yeah.

Pause.

DANETTE
So what’s going on out there?

BERNIE
(looks out the window)
Body’s been taken away.
Techs are almost done.
(beat)
I thought you said the kid was gonna be out in front.

DANETTE
(sits up)
He’s supposed to be.

BERNIE
He’s not now.

DANETTE
Maybe he went to go take a leak.

BERNIE
Call him.
With all the shit that’s been going down tonight,
you never know.

DANETTE
(reaches for her phone)
Thanks for scaring me.

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - REAR ALLEY - NIGHT
Beggar’s car. Parked by the rear wall.
From the trunk, we hear Kenny’s cell phone RINGING.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The woozy, sax-drenched cocktail swoon
of Morphine’s WHISPER bleeds its drunken promises
of sex, sin and salvation over --

Alona. Drinking a bottle of water on the bed.
Holly does an interpretive dance.
Rushing on the E. High as a dozen kites.

ALONA
(sings)
'Don’t worry, I’m not looking at you --
gorgeous, and dressed in blue.'

HOLLY
(dreamy)
This is Fucking AMAZING.
I feel -- so GOOD.

ALONA
See what you’ve been missing, baby?
Why do you think they call it 'the love drug.'

HOLLY
I want some more vodka.

ALONA
No, no -- just water.
Booze ruins the purity of the high.

BEGGAR
Comes into the room.
Blood-splattered.
Holding a HUMAN HAND.

BEGGAR
Guys.

They turn and look.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
Can I lend you a hand?

He ERUPTS into peels of MAD LAUGHTER.

ALONA
Whoah.

HOLLY
(stares, cocks her head)
It’s -- vibrating.

BEGGAR
I need a break.
I’ve filleted Oscar from the waist up,
and if I have to saw through one more bone,
I’m gonna puke. Somebody’s gotta take over.

ALONA
(nods at Holly)
She’s cresting. I’ll go next.

She walks over.
Reaches for the hand.
He SLAPS it in hers.

BEGGAR
Wanna SHAKE on it?

ALONA
(squeezes)
Pleased to meet you.

BEGGAR
Read my palm?

ALONA
(holds the hand up to his face)
Uh, the life line looks kinda SHORT.

BEGGAR
Cold hands, warm heart.

They both ERUPT WITH LAUGHTER.
Alona leaves the room,
waving the hand ‘goodbye.’
Holly drifts over to Beggar.

HOLLY
Let’s lie down together.

BEGGAR
(smiles)
Look who’s all uninhibited now.

HOLLY
Me. Me. Me.

Beggar leans in. Kisses her on the mouth. Deeply.
They move toward the bed, FALL onto it.
Hands all over each other.

BEGGAR
C’mon, baby -- kiss me deadly.

Strip Search

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Are you ready to take a trip to the dark side? Ready for another taste of harboiled noir, served cold? Then get your tight little asses over the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where we serve up another heaping helping of sex, drugs and murder ...

Homicide cops Bernie Keko and Danette Day interrupt their stakeout with a little slap and tickle ... meanwhile, hooker Alona Tal, drug dealer Beggar Leck and serial killer Holly Land are about to drop some E in preparation of cutting up the dead bodies hidden in Alona's hotel room ...


INT. DANETTE AND BERNIE’S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Danette walks into the room. Then Bernie.
He shuts the door. Walks up to her.
They stare at each other.

BERNIE
Shitty room.

DANETTE
It’ll do.

BERNIE
Been too long, Net.

DANETTE
(throaty)
Way too long.

She GRABS him.
They go at it, hot and heavy, fall onto the bed.
Start RIPPING each other’s clothes off.

BERNIE
Time for your strip search.

DANETTE
Better not be shooting blanks.

BERNIE
Why do you think they call me a PEACE officer?

DANETTE
Shut up and fuck me.

BERNIE
Now you’re talking.
(whips out handcuffs)
Assume the position, and spread ‘em.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona and Holly sit on the couch, sharing a joint.
Holly looks lost, scared. Like she’s about to cry.

HOLLY
I think there’s something -- wrong with me, Alona.

ALONA
Don’t be silly.

She puts her hand on Holly’s bare knee.
Rubs it gently.

Holly looks, shy.
Likes it. Cheeks turn red.

HOLLY
I did a -- bad thing, Alona.
A really bad thing.

ALONA
That was an honest mistake, honey.
You thought I was in danger --

HOLLY
No, not that. Back at school --

Alona leans closer. As if to kiss her.

ALONA
Shhhhh --

The door OPENS.
In walks Beggar. Freaked out.

ALONA (CONT'D)
(looks)
What’s wrong, baby?

BEGGAR
We’re fucked. I’M fucked.

ALONA
What happened?

BEGGAR
This cop came up to me
while I was opening the trunk --
and he got suspicious of what I was doing, and I -- I --
(beat)
Killed him.

ALONA
WHAT?

HOLLY
(strange smile)
Did you like it?

BEGGAR
What? NO, of COURSE not.
I didn’t mean to kill him.
I was -- trying to stop him from finding the E --

ALONA
But you got it okay?

BEGGAR
(pulls out the envelope)
Yeah, yeah, I got it.

ALONA
Thank god.
(realizes)
What did you do with the body?

BEGGAR
He’s -- in the trunk.

ALONA
Holy shit.

BEGGAR
Yeah. Tell me about it.
(beat)
A fucking COP.
(to Holly)
And what the fuck is up with you?
'Did I like it?'

Holly stares at Beggar.
Blank look on her face.

ALONA
Beggar, chill. Holly’s in shock.
It’s been a rough night for all of us.
We’ll deal with Bad Lieutenant later.
First we have to dispose of our friends under the bed.
It’s going to be light in a couple of hours,
and we gotta jam before
they start stinking the place up -- got it?

BEGGAR
Yeah.

ALONA
So let’s do our drugs and get to work.

Beggar pulls out the envelope. Opens it.
Dumps a small mound on the mirror.
Starts chopping it up.

HOLLY
(eyes grow wide)
I’ve never done ecstacy --

BEGGAR
A virgin?
(beat)
We’ll have to see about THAT.

HOLLY
Promise me you’ll be -- rough?