Half-Cocked

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. Do you know where your children are? Your parents? How about your parole officer?

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, born-again 'TV movie producer' Ken Rice meets with his 'agent' David Nance at a chicken-hawk bar to discuss his pet project. Meanwhile, torture porn director Phillie Pfugg is hard at work looping 'Head Shot,' his latest cinematic opus ...


EXT. VINE STREET - DAY
A couple blocks south of Hollywood Boulevard,
where the celebrity stars end.
An old hotel, ‘The Grand,’ now not-so.

A small CROWD OF ONLOOKERS is cordoned off
behind yellow police tape.
A uniformed COP ON HORSEBACK pushes them back.

COP ON HORSEBACK
Behind the BARRICADE --

Another OFFICER, this one a beefy,
plainclothes HOMICIDE DICK,
leans against the hotel steps.
Hung-over. He pukes.

BEEFY HUNG-OVER DICK
GAAA.

ANGLE ON --
The bug-eyed dog walker we saw earlier.
Now a corpse lying on a star. S
hot in the mouth. The eyes. Crotch.
The name reads --

'Don Simpson.'

BEEFY
walks over. Takes a look.
His PARTNER, a tall, lanky string-bean,
searches through Bug-Eye’s billfold.

BEEFY HUNG-OVER DICK
Whattawe got?

STRING BEAN DICK
Name’s Flender. Some movie producer.

EXT. WEST HOLLYWOOD - SCANDALS - DAY
A restaurant on the second floor, above a gay video store.

INT. SCANDALS - CONTINUOUS
Connie Francis’ SECOND HAND LOVE
plays on a jukebox over --

Dark, very old school.
BARTENDERS in shirt and tie.

Cute, buff WAITERS strut about.
The patrons are all men.
Very old. Or very young.

Ambiance heavy and quiet
with lust and money.

Welcome to a ‘chicken-hawk’ bar.

Ken sits at the bar with DAVID NANCE (50’s),
gender-fuck clone from another planet.

Stick thin. Fashion a’la ‘85.
Spiky hair teased with blond tips.
Eyes bright with makeup.

He raises a pink cocktail with an umbrella.

DAVID
Here’s to the demise of the
biggest fucking thief in Hollywood.

Ken grins. Raises his glass.

KEN
And -- to my pet project.

They sip. Eyes twinkling.

DAVID
And just why doesn’t your AGENT
know about this ‘pet’ project? Hmmm?

KEN
I’ve been keeping it to myself for a bit.
Didn’t want to go off half-cocked.

DAVID
Who does?
(winks)
So spill it.

KEN
Okay. Did you see on the news
about that teacher that had an affair
with one of the students?

DAVID
I saw it on Perez Hilton.
The boy is what, 13?
Talk about prime rib.
(sips his drink)
Shame on that teacher,
seducing a young boy like that.
Old enough to be his mother.

KEN
This is another one.
The teacher, a man,
had an affair with a student,
a sixteen-year-old BOY --
(dramatic pause)
Who turns out to be his SON.

DAVID
Kinky.
But I can’t sell that to a network.

KEN
I have a plan.
(sips his drink)
The Lord works in mysterious ways, my boy.

Ken notices someone at the other end of the bar.
His eyes light up. He leans over to the bartender.

KEN (CONT’D)
You see that great,
big bear of a man down there?
Would you please send him another drink? On me --

ANGLE ON --
A large, hulking freak of a guy.
A 300-pounder. Massive, misshapen head
like something out of FREAKS.

He finishes his drink.
Starts CRUNCHING ice.
Dim bulb flickering.

KEN
And be sure to tell him who its from.

INT. PHILLIE PFUGG’S JOINT - HOME STUDIO - AT THAT MOMENT
Phillie sits at his computer workstation.
PUNCHES a button on his reel-to-reel. We hear --

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
It’s a simple job. Five thousand now,
five thousand after it’s done.
Do we have a deal?

PHILLIE (V.O.)
Deal.

MALE VOICE (V.O.)
And remember, you have to get rid of the body.
How is up to you.

He PUNCHES the tape off.
Grins. Pleased with himself.

PHILLIE
Got you by the balls, sucker.

Chinette walks into frame.

CHINETTE
'Get rid of the body?'
I heard someone say GET RID OF THE BODY.

PHILLIE
Darling, let me explain --

CHINETTE
Explain? You said you retired,
and now I hear someone hiring you
to do a JOB.

PHILLIE
That’s ADR for Head Shot, sugarplum. Looping.
I’m timing the lines to make sure they fit.
(beat)
Bruce Campbell. Hell of an actor.
I’m still pinching myself --

CHINETTE
Bruce Campbell? I LOVE Bruce Campbell.
I saw him do 'Evil Dead in the Park.'

PHILLIE
Well, Head Shot is gonna make Evil Dead
look like High School Musical, love-muffin.
And YOU’RE gonna be on the red carpet with ME,
waiving to the all the fans.

CHINETTE
Oh, Phillie, you know just what to say to a girl --
(suggestive)
What do you say we go upstairs?

PHILLIE
I’m sorry, hun -- but it’s not -- healed yet.

CHINETTE
I thought the infection was --
(alarmed)
Is it -- okay?

PHILLIE
Not to worry, my pet.
It just needs -- a little more time.
Pretty soon I’ll be riding you
like a well-oiled Harley.

PUSH IN ON Chinette’s face. Dreamy.

CHINETTE
Kick-start my heart, baby --