Balls For Breakfast

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of LEGS, it's a clusterfuck of epic proportions when private eye Carrie Love and dominatrix/super-spy Felina Bella Donna face off against 'hitman to the stars' The Bagger, demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer and undercover agent Michael Samms ...

INT. KLAUS' PRODUCTION STUDIO - NGHT
A strobe FLASHES. It's THE BAGGER.
With a rocket launcher.
And CINDY. Cradling a bazooka.

THE BAGGER
Nobody fucking move.

CINDY
Or we'll rock your world.

KLAUS
Norman, is that you?

THE BAGGER
Ladies, put your weapons down.
Before I give you a fourth input.

Their guns CLATTER to the floor.

CINDY
Looks like our dicks
are bigger than yours.

THE BAGGER
Kick them over here.

They do.

THE BAGGER (CONT'D)
Okay, chickies, on the floor, face up.
So I can see your boobs.

CINDY
Norman? Your name is Norman?

THE BAGGER
Hello, Klaus -- been a long time.

JOREL
slowly crawls on the floor.

KLAUS
steps down from the camera dolly.

KLAUS
I haven't seen you since the Manson thing.
You're not still mad at me, are you?
How was I to know you
had the hots for Miss Tate?

THE BAGGER
I'm not here to rehash ancient history, Speer --
I'm here to bring you in.
(beat)
Unfortunately, alive.

JOREL
inches toward the crucifix.

FELINA AND CARRIE
lie on the floor.

FELINA
(whispers)
When I say "now."

KLAUS
maintains his cool.

KLAUS
My studio has become quite profitable, Norman.
We could make a deal, perhaps a partnership.
I could use someone with your -- skills.

SAMMS
pulls a pistol from the small of his back.

CINDY
taps a stiletto heel impatiently.

CINDY
What is this, fucking prom night?
All this talking's making my
trigger finger a little antsy.
(beat)
Norman.

JOREL
reaches a torch lying on the floor.

THE BAGGER
blows his stack.

THE BAGGER
(to Cindy)
Don't call me Norman, bitch!
(to Klaus)
The only deal you're gonna get
is on KY jelly where you're going, Speer.
Assume the position. On the floor,
face down, hands on your head.

Klaus starts to move.
Samms moves faster. Grabs him.
Shoves a gun in Klaus' mouth.

SAMMS
I personally kinda like the idea of a deal.
(to Klaus)
Sorry, chief. No hard feelings?

JOREL
lights the torch.
Tosses it at the crucifix.

JOREL
How'd you like a little fire, scarecrow?

THE BAGGER
WHIPS his weapon at the commotion.

THE BAGGER
What the fuck?

CINDY
(points weapon at Samms)
Don't move!

FELINA
pokes Carrie.

FELINA
Now --

CARRIE
clicks the cartridge.
Smoke starts POURING OUT.

FELINA (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Throw it, throw it!

She CHUCKS it.

ANGLE ON:
The tiny silver missile
lands at the Bagger's feet.

THE BAGGER
SHIT, that’s an Israeli
TACTICAL SUPPRESSOR! HOLD YOUR EARS!

The bomb SCREAMS a decibel-splitting SHRIEK.

CINDY
JESUS FUCKING MARY!

Carrie and Felina JUMP to their feet.
RUN to the exit.

EXT. KLAUS' ESTATE - GROUNDS - CONTINUOUS
The women RUN down the stairs -- past the pool --
the patio -- the main house --
then down wooden steps going downhill --

Which end at a deck at the edge of the cliff.

A blue-lit Jacuzzi bubbles invitingly.

FELINA
I bet the water in there
is like egg drop soup.

CARRIE
Probably get knocked up just getting in.

An explosion BOOMS behind them.
They turn and look.

EXT. KLAUS’ GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
A big hole BLASTS through the roof.
Machine gun fire sprays.
Shouting. Another EXPLOSION.

CARRIE AND FELINA
watch the carnage.

CARRIE
I’m in a Jason Statham movie.

FELINA
I was so fucking close.
So fucking close.

CARRIE
Don't worry.
We're gonna get that motherfucker.
I'm gonna have his balls for breakfast.
(takes her hand, kisses it)
C'mon, super-spy, we gotta cruise.