Daisy Dykes

Hey there, crime kids. Happy fucking Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, homicide detective Carrie Love goes undercover on a porn shoot, and meets the girl of her dreams, porn star Laura Lang ... and then gets busted by the director.


INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - FOYER - DAY
Laura stands at her mark in a cheap Chanel knock-off
that flies off her curves. Studies her lines.

CARRIE (V.O.)
It was one of those moments
that only happen a couple
of times in your life.
If you’re lucky.
All of a sudden I was
face to face with the
most incredibly stunning creature
I’d ever seen.

LAURA
(off the script, without feeling)
'Oh my god. It’s so fucking huge.
I don’t think I can take it all.'
(closes her eyes, memorizing)
'Oh my god. It’s so fucking huge -- '

Carrie watches. Stopped in her tracks.

LAURA
Fuck.

CARRIE
(stupid smile)
I don’t think I can take it all.

LAURA
(opens eyes)
What?

CARRIE
The rest of the line.

LAURA
Oh. Right.

They both stare.

CARRIE
Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.
I was just passing through --

Chemistry percolates.
A clock CHIMES somewhere.

LAURA
You’re -- visiting someone?

CARRIE
(trying to be casual, not successful)
Yeah, uh -- Zette, the make up girl?

LAURA
(intense smile)
So you’re 'Legs.'

CARRIE
(blushing)
Uh, yeah. Actually, it’s -- Carrie.

LAURA
I see why.

CARRIE
I’m sorry?

Klaus charges in.

KLAUS
Laura, there you are.
We’re ready to do the, uh --
strap-on thing.

LAURA
Oh, alright. If you insist.
(to Carrie)
And you, Miss Legs.
(a whisper)
I need to have a word with you -- later.

CARRIE
Uh, yeah --sure thing.
(beat)
A -- word.
(beat)
Later.

INT. THE PLEASURE CHEST - DAY
Sparkle looks at a boxed strap-on harness.
Makes a face. Continues down the aisle,
until she sees --

CHROME HANDCUFFS. 'Police issue.'
She smiles, reaches for them.

A MALE VOICE behind her --

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Are those for work -- or play?

Sparkle turns, faces the intruder.
It’s BRUCE BALL. Smiling.

SPARKLE
They’re for a movie.

BRUCE
A movie, huh? Isn’t that funny.
I’m in the movie business myself.
Commercials, mostly -- for now.

SPARKLE
(deadly serious)
It’s an industry town.

Pause.

BRUCE
Yeah. So, listen -- here’s my card.
I’m always casting something.
You’ve got a nice look.

She stares. Ignores the card.

SPARKLE
What do I look like? Talent?

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - KITCHEN - DAY
Carrie and Zette get coffee,
scope out the craft services.

CARRIE
-- And I said, 'what do I look like? Talent?'

ZETTE
Vat do you expect when you come to
the porno dressed like Daisy Dykes?

CARRIE
I’m dressed like this cause
it’s a fucking hundred degrees
out here in this cultural wasteland.

Pause.

ZETTE
(takes her hand)
I had fun the other night.
Glad you came.

CARRIE
Me, too. Several times, actually.
(awkward)
Listen, there’s something I gotta tell you.

A MALE VOICE is heard in the doorway.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
You mean she doesn’t know you’re a cop?

Zette and Carrie look. It’s Bruce.

BRUCE
A plainclothes homicide detective,
I believe?

ZETTE
You’re a cop?

CARRIE
I was going to tell you.
(to Bruce)
Bruce Ball? What a surprise.
What are you doing here?

BRUCE
I’m the director of the film.

CARRIE
FILM? I thought this was a porno.

BRUCE
We in the industry prefer the term
'adult film.'

CARRIE
'Adult film?' Oxymoron much?