In Blonde We Trust

Hey there, horror kids! Happy fucking hump day. You know what that means, right? It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, police detective Chet Ordesky interviews dead cheerleader's Shayla Petrie's boyfriend Willis Grubb about what happened the night she disappeared. Meanwhile, her classmates at school mourn their loss, and Frankie Stein reveals his chilling plans for Shayla ...


EXT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - NIGHT
Chet Ordesky stands at the door. RINGS the bell.
Looks at this watch. Sighs.

CHET
Somebody’s home.
The lights are on --

He RINGS again.
The door FLIES open.
Willis stands there.

WILLIS
Oh, hi -- officer.
Is everything -- okay?

CHET
It’s about Shayla.
Just have some routine questions.
Can I come in?

WILLIS
(suddenly worried)
Yeah, sure.

INT. WILLIS’ HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Buck sits on the couch. Passed out.
Lights are out.

Some old movie plays
at a low volume on the TV.

WILLIS
(gestures)
Let’s go in the kitchen.

INT. WILLIS’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Chet takes a seat at the small kitchen table.
Willis stands, fidgeting. Looks very nervous.
And more than a little guilty.

WILLIS
So what’s up?

CHET
We got a call from Shayla’s parents.
She didn’t come home for dinner tonight.

WILLIS
She didn’t?

CHET
Her parents said she was
with you after school. Was she?

WILLIS
Yeah. We were just -- hanging out.
Driving around, you know --

CHET
If you didn’t take her home afterwards,
where did she go?

Pause.

WILLIS
(carefully)
We had a -- a fight.

CHET
About what?

WILLIS
She -- puked all over the inside my car,
and I got mad and kicked her out.

CHET
And you just drove away?

WILLIS
Yeah.
(beat)
I was mad.
The truck is almost BRAND-NEW,
and now it smells like --

CHET
Where did you drop her off?

WILLIS
Out by Old Country Road.

CHET
That’s not that far away.
She could have walked home.

WILLIS
I guess, yeah.

CHET
Were you drinking?

WILLIS
(face turns red)
During the day? Of course not.

CHET
Could you show us where it was?

WILLIS
Right now?

CHET
Right now.

PUSH IN ON Willis’ face.
Quietly freaking out.

WILLIS
Uh, yeah -- sure.

INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.

A pair of STONERS stand
in front of the water fountain.

They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
Dude. It’s 'The case of the missing snatch.'
What do you think happened to her?

FRIZZY-HAIRED STONER
I dunno. It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
(nods solemnly)
In blonde we trust.

CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.

BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into
a space-time continuum, I tell you.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
God, are you stupid.
She probably just ran away from home
or something.

BALD NERD
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.

BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?

CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway. Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.

RED-FACED JOCK
So -- is it still okay
to jerk off over her?

TALL JOCK
I dunno.
(thinks)
SHIT. What a waste of such hot snatch.

RED-FACED JOCK
Maybe I can dry-hump Peggy --
and think about her?

TALL JOCK
(high-fives him)
NICE --

They SLAP PALMS.

RED-FACED JOCK
Gone, but still jizzed-on.

CAMERA glides away.
Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends

AURA and AMBER.
Teary-eyed, they hustle down the hall.

AMBER
I don’t understand.
Where did she GO?

AURA
I feel -- empty,
like when I got kicked off Facebook --

AMBER
Yeah. It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text back.

They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.

CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.

JOSH
I dunno, Frankie.
Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.

FRANKIE
Yeah, right.
And what are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I brought her back to life,
and she’s down in my basement?
That she looks pretty good
except that half her skull is caved in?

JOSH
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.

FRANKIE
HANDLE this?
You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now,
and I’m not going to let her go.

JOSH
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?

FRANKIE
'GOOD to me?'
Tonight’s our first date --