Are You Trying To Scare Me?

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In Chapter 5 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, we meet dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie's parents, Adelle and Brub, who are eagerly waiting for her to get home for dinner. Meanwhile, Frankie and Josh have just brought Shayla's body over to Frankie's house ...


INT. SUBURBAN HOME - KITCHEN
Suzy Homemaker’s dream come true.
A riot of stainless steel and beige
in the heart of suburbia. Top Chef, ahoy.

A WOMAN (40’s), pert, smiling, very attractive
is studiously cooking at the stove.

She tastes the sauce with a wooden spoon.
Mmm. Delicious. Got Milf?

Meet ADELLE PETRIE, Shayla’s mother.
The perfect wife, mother, bookkeeper,
maid, chauffeur. You know the drill.

ADELLE
(calls into the next room)
Dinner’s almost ready, honey.
Did Shayla get home yet?
I didn’t hear her come in --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Not yet.
You want me to call her on her cell?

BRUB PETRIE (40’s),
Shayla’s father walks in.
Tall and fit, with rugged good-looks.

Right out of a Sears catalogue.
I mean, could this family be
more perfect-looking or what?

ADELLE
I’m sure she’ll be along in a sec.
She’s NEVER late for dinner --

BRUB
(sniffs)
Gosh, honey.
That’s smells terrific.
Is that a new recipe?

ADELLE
How’d you guess?

BRUB
When it comes to your cooking,
I’ve got a 'nose for adventure.'

ADELLE
Oh, YOU. Do me a favor
and set the table for dinner?

BRUB
Of course, my love.
Anything for you.

They gaze at each other with undying love.
Brub suddenly SHITS HIS PANTS
with a ROAR OF FLATULENCE.

ADELLE
Jesus fucking Christ, Brub.
Get the fuck out of here,
you’re shitting up the KITCHEN.

BRUB
Don’t use that tone with me, BETTY CROCKER.
You want the belt again?

ADELLE
Oh, go ahead, Mr. Macho.
Why don’t you just fucking HIT me?
I told you to wear fucking Depends,
but NO -- Mr. Irritable Bowel
just HAS to ruin his new
five-hundred dollar SLACKS.

Brub glowers.
Storms over to the doorway.
Over his shoulder.

BRUB
I’m going to take a shower,
and when I come back,
dinner BETTER be served.
Capiche?

Adelle blinks.
Cocks her head.
Smiles brightly.

ADELLE
Sure thing, honey-bun.
Comin’ up in jiffy.

INT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON - NIGHT
Frankie drives. Mind reeling. Deep in thought.
Josh stares silently out the window.

JOSH
So where are you going to put her?

FRANKIE
In my basement lab, of course.

JOSH
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
That’s crazy. Your mom will find her.

FRANKIE
No, she won’t.
She's forbidden to go down there.
It’s my domain. It’s not just my lab,
it’s also my room, where I sleep.

JOSH
You’re going to sleep in the same room
as a DEAD BODY?

FRANKIE
She’s not going to be dead very long, Josh.

JOSH
Yeah. That’s what I’m AFRAID of.
You’re going to wake her up
and then put the moves on her.
That’s SICK.

FRANKIE
Now you’re talking crazy.

JOSH
Oh -- YOU’RE bringing a dead cheerleader
into your bedroom, and I’M crazy?

EXT. STEIN RESIDENCE - NIGHT
A small, plain four-bedroom colonial job
just like all the others on the street.
Frankie’s car pulls into the driveway.

INT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON - NIGHT
Frankie turns and looks at Josh.

FRANKIE
We can’t move her now.
We have to wait until my parents are asleep.

JOSH
WE?

FRANKIE
C’mon. I need your help.
We’re in this together.

JOSH
We ARE?

FRANKIE
You just helped me remove a dead body
from the scene of an accident.
If that’s not 'in this together,'
I don’t know what is.

JOSH
(sighs)
What time should I be here?

FRANKIE
Midnight.

JOSH
Should I bring anything?

FRANKIE
If you find your balls,
that might help.

Josh rolls his eyes.
Opens the car door.

JOSH
Very funny.

FRANKIE
Hey, come on.
I’m just messing with you.
Thanks for helping me out.
I owe you one.
You’re my best friend.

JOSH
Are you TRYING to scare me?