Hey there, horror kids. You say you don't like Monday's? Well, here's something that'll take your mind off the blahs. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 11 of FRANKENSTEIN IN LOVE, small-town cop Chet Ordesky convinces big-city CDC agent Beck Driver to help with her investigation of the 'undead' rat. Meanwhile, science genius nerd Frankie Stein tells his best friend Josh about his big 'first date' with dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie ...
EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Beck walks briskly to her rental car.
Presses the auto-lock, THWIP.
Chet appears out of nowhere.
CHET
Ms. Driver -- ?
BECK
(startled)
Jesus fucking CHRIST.
You scared the SHIT out of me.
CHET
Sorry about that.
BECK
What do you want?
I’m tired and I want to go
back to my shitty hotel room,
get drunk and watch a porno.
Chet stares. Wow.
A real ‘big city’ girl.
CHET
I just wanted to --
offer my services.
BECK
Sorry, doll --
hate to burst your drool-bubble,
but you’re not my type.
CHET
Gosh, no -- I didn’t mean THAT.
I’m married, have a kid --
(beat)
I meant with the investigation.
BECK
Thanks, but no thanks.
I work alone.
(off his look)
No hard feelings, okay, champ?
I’m sure you need to go patrol the diner,
the pool hall -- maybe check on the sock hop.
CHET
Listen, lady -- I don’t know
what’s got your dander up,
but I was just trying to be helpful.
(meaningfully)
Small town folks won’t take too kindly
to big-city government agents
snooping around askin’ a lot questions --
(off her look)
Unless they have a little
local color with ‘em.
She narrows her eyes.
Wheels turning.
BECK
Okay. Tell you what.
Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine-sharp.
But you let ME do all the talking, okay?
CHET
(beaming)
Sure thing. Thanks. You won’t regret it.
You’ll see. We’ll make a great team.
BECK
(rolls her eyes)
I have no doubt about that --
CHET
You got it. My pleasure.
BECK
Oh. One more thing.
CHET
Sure --
BECK
What the fuck’s a ‘dander?’
INT. HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM - DAY
The joint is packed with LOUD STUDENTS eating lunch.
Gossiping, laughing, each clique
hanging out at their own table.
Frankie and Josh sit alone
in a far corner.
JOSH
So how was your first date?
(beat)
No, wait. Don’t answer that.
I don’t want to throw up my Spagetti-O’s.
FRANKIE
(dreamy)
It was so romantic --
(sighs)
I think I’m in love.
JOSH
'In love?' With a dead girl?
FRANKIE
She’s NOT dead.
She’s -- different.
JOSH
Oh, she’s 'different', all right --
FRANKIE
The relationship is going well,
but we have a problem --
JOSH
A 'problem?' Like what? She’s COLD?
You have to keep her HIDDEN
because everybody’s LOOKING FOR HER?
FRANKIE
No, no, no.
She told me last night
she wants -- a view.
(off his look)
You know, a window.
She says the basement
makes her feel -- confined.
JOSH
(SNORTS milk out his nose)
No SHIT.
FRANKIE
C’mon, I’m serious.
I need you to help me move her
up into the tree house.
JOSH
No way. Sorry.
I’m done playing Igor --
FRANKIE
Aw, c’mon. Please?
I just need you to help me
do this one last thing, a
nd then I’ll never bring her up again.
JOSH
Well, that is unless she gets buried --
FRANKIE
Please, Josh.
You’re my best friend in the world.
You’re the only one I can turn to
in this dark hour of need.
JOSH
(sighs)
You know I’m not very strong --
FRANKIE
All I need you to do
is be my look-out.
No heavy lifting.
Just watch my back.
JOSH
What’s in it for me?
FRANKIE
My undying friendship?
JOSH
And -- ?
FRANKIE
I’ll give you my mint,
still-in-the-box
Spock action figure.
JOSH
AND -- ?
FRANKIE
My first edition X-Men,
volume one.
JOSH
Child’s play.
FRANKIE
How about -- my Xbox?
JOSH
Have one.
(realizes)
How about --
your Jenna Jameson fleshlight?
FRANKIE
My WHAT?
JOSH
C’mon. Cough it up.
You don’t need it anymore --
FRANKIE
What makes you think I have --
JOSH
You showed it to me
on New Year’s Eve when
we got drunk on apricot schnapps.
Pause.
FRANKIE
Oh, yeah --
JOSH
Just make sure it’s CLEAN, okay?
Push in on Frankie’s face.
Turning RED.
FRANKIE
Of course --
Woo Hoo! Monday!
ReplyDeleteGeez, Chet.... even I picked up on that "lez" vibe from here.... dial it down, horn dog... the girl isn't into dick! Lol!!
Oh sure... you just want to work with Beck....right! Betting Beck wasn't the only one watching porn last night... hahaha!!
I love these two characters, Carole! They play off of each other well.
Hey Beck... "dander" means getting your knickers in a twist. Chet's got a point... small town folk don't like "gum'int" people pissin' in their pond... oh, look at me... just full of the colorful little remarks... lol!
Frankie... you are one sick dude... haha! "Different" has to be the understatement of the year! Oh, Shayla's different all right... a dead girl... walkin' and talkin' and fuckin' and... yeah... "different"... let's go with that! :)
God, I love the dialogue with Frankie and Josh! Hey, Frankie, you gotta stay positive! You don't have a "problem"... you have an "opportunity". Haha!
OMG!!!! A Jenna Jameson fleshlight! Just what every horny little teenage boy should have.... Lol!!
Reminds me... I was chatting with this woman some time back on Yahoo... she was telling me how she bought one of those Jenna Jameson torsos, with the lifelike "orifices". Said she bought it because she wanted to practice before her first time with a real woman... apparently after being married for 25 years, she realized she was a lesbian... maybe... sh wanted to see what is was like before she met with this lesbian she had been chatting with. Yeah, honey... thats a good idea! OMG!!! Okay... she definitely did not have both oars in the water. I kinda miss her though...
OMG!!! Josh... you kill me... "...make sure it's clean..." HAHAHA!!
Oh Carole... I don't think I have laughed as much... this is an AWESOME story... :)
XOXOXO <3 <3
HA. SO GLAD you're along for the ride, doll.
ReplyDeleteAs always, I LOVE your comments ... <3!