You Bet Your Hard Drive It's Personal

Happy Tuesday, crime kids! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side. A place where violence, murder and mayhem are served up daily, right here, at the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April street are being pursued in a DWP van on the freeway going the wrong way by a squadron of FBI vehicles ... and Cherry opens the back door ... and starts throwing equipment at them ... !


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT
Monsterburg looks up from his workstation.
Stares at Honey, wide-eyed. She looks at him, scowling.

HONEY
What’s wrong, Monsterburg?

MONSTERBURG
It’s Irina, she --

HONEY
WHAT?

MONSTERBURG
We’ve lost the signal.
I’m afraid she’s -- been terminated.

HONEY
God-DAMMIT.
Fucking Russian ROULETTE
shit-for-brains DYKE-hard.
(beat)
What about Rock?
Have you heard from HIM?

MONSTERBURG
Not a peep.
(looks at his monitor)
But according to his key card,
he’s travelling due east, right toward us.

HONEY
Then he must be following THEM.
(licks her lips)
Ah, I can almost TASTE it --

MONSTERBURG
If you’ll excuse me, Ma’am --
I hope this isn’t out of line,
but it almost seems like this is a personal thing.

HONEY
You bet your hard drive it’s PERSONAL.

MONSTERBURG
Can I ask what happened?

HONEY
No, you CANNOT.
That’s on a 'need to ho' basis.
Just mind your business and get back to work.
(eyes him appreciatively)
And when you have a minute.
Come back to my office.
I’d like to show you something.

MONSTERBURG
(hint of a smile)
A little -- show and tell?

HONEY
That’s on a 'need to blow' basis --

EXT. FREEWAY - NIGHT
The DWP van continues
swerving through oncoming traffic,
followed by the FBI convoy.
Vehicles SWERVE to avoid them.

A panel truck CRASHES into a Mini-Cooper.

INT. DWP VAN - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry stands in the back.
Holds onto a strap hanging from the ceiling.
Looks at the shelves lining the rear.
Then DWP Guy, still out cold.

CHERRY
Here goes nothing --

She raises her leg.
KICKS the rear doors.
They FLY OPEN.

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Max and Sunday see the doors of the van open.

SUNDAY
What in the HELL are they doing?

MAX
SHIT. They’re going to start DUMPING STUFF OUT --

INT. DWP VAN - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Cherry GRABS a metal shelving unit
filled with pipes, tools and boxes of shit.
DRAGS it toward the open door --

CHERRY
I can’t believe I’m DOING THIS.

And SHOVES IT OUT.

EXT. TEN FREEWAY - CONTINUOUS
An FBI SUV gets HIT with the debris. SMASH.
Glass SPRAYS in the air.

The car SWERVES off into the embankment
and EXPLODES in a FIREBALL of FLAMES and BLACK SMOKE.

IN THE VAN
Cherry SCREAMS with delight.

CHERRY
Omigod was that COOL.

APRIL
Looks at Cherry in the rear view mirror.

APRIL
Good SHOT, baby. Get ‘em AGAIN.

CHERRY
GRABS another shelf. Starts dragging it toward the back.

CHERRY
Once you start, you just can’t stop --

She SHOVES the metal unit OUT THE DOOR.

EXT. TEN FREEWAY - CONTINUOUS
Another FBI SUV gets HIT with the shelves, BANG.
The windshield EXPLODES. Glass SPRAYS.

The car JACK-KNIFES INTO THE AIR
and lands on the car behind it, SMASH.

Both cars do cartwheels onto the shoulder,
BANG, BANG, BANG --then BURST into flames.

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING
Max swerves through oncoming traffic -- and flying debris.

MAX
We’re gonna get KILLED --

SUNDAY
Keep MOVING. We’ve got to GET THEM.

MAX
They’ve taken out three vehicles. We’re NEXT.

SUNDAY
Stop being a wimp and DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR.