Underground Lair, Here We Come

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side. A place of compete depravity, utter evil, and crimes against humanity that will make your head spin, your heart race, and drive you completely mad ... right here, at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street have gone inside Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood, hot on the trail of evil mastermind Honey Almond, searching for her underground beneath the theater ... while the movie version of the first story to this sequel unspools on the screen ... (!)


INT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - BACK STAGE - NIGHT
The movie NOWHERE GIRL unspools in the distance.
We hear guns FIRING, SHOUTED bits of dialog -- and MUSIC.

Cherry and April creep backstage in the dark.
They approach the movie screen from behind. Listen.

CHERRY
'Gnarly?' I’d never say THAT --

APRIL
Fucking Hilary SWANK?
That buck-toothed horse-face?
She’s not HOT.

CHERRY
C’mon, let’s get outta here before I get sick.
(sighs)
Coulda been such a GREAT movie --

APRIL
Fat fucking tub of lard Joel Silver.
Never should have trusted him.

They walk toward the back of the stage area.

APRIL
We need to find the stairs down to the basement.

CHERRY
(squints, points)
Look. There in the corner.
Let’s check it out.

They creep towards the back.
Get to a steel door.

April GRABS it. PULLS it open.

APRIL
Open sesame.

CHERRY
(gestures)
Brains before beauty.

APRIL
Look who’s getting cutesy
with the banter all of sudden.

CHERRY
(half-grin)
Don’t press your luck.

And they start down the stairs.

EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
A squadron of FBI VEHICLES and COP CARS
fill the street in front of the theater.
A SWAT truck pulls up to the curb.

EXT. MAX’S SUV - CONTINUOUS
Sunday and Max stand nearby. Look at the theater.

MAX
How do we handle this?
There’s a theater full of people in there.
We don’t want them to panic.

SUNDAY
I’m thinking, I’m thinking --

A GRIM-LOOKING AGENT trots over to them.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
The movie’s over in fifteen minutes.

MAX
Great. We’ll just wait until it’s over.
We’ve got the place surrounded.

SUNDAY
Yeah, but I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.
Intel says this Honey Almond character
is some kind of mad genius.
She could have all kinds of secret tunnels
and shit down there.
(to Grim-Looking)
We need a C-A-L-S. You guys have that?

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
You mean the Cavity Auto-Scanning Laser System?
Of course. It’s in the tech truck.

SUNDAY
Solid. Go get it.
Let’s take a look below ground.
See what we find.

GRIM-LOOKING AGENT
(salutes)
Yes, MA’AM. Be right back.

And he trots off.

MAX
Underground lair, here we come --