Hold Onto Your Labia

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! You know what time it is? That's right. It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side, where uncontrollable urges become a nightmare of violence and lust, madness and mayhem, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents on the run April Street and Cherry Nation successfully elude the FBI and soviet assassin Irina Kolishnakov, but the engine to their stolen DWP van dies, so they decide to steal another vehicle ... a Harley Davidson chopper ...


INT. DWP VAN - MOVING - NIGHT
Cherry GRABS the last shelving unit.
Starts to drag it, when DWP Guy wakes up.
He stares at her, incensed.

DWP GUY
What THE FUCK do you think you’re DOING?

CHERRY
Shut up and DON’T MOVE, FAT BOY.

DWP GUY
You can’t DO THAT. That’s CITY PROPERTY.

He LUNGES at her.
Cherry SOCKS him in the jaw, CRACK.
DWP FLIES into the wall, BANG --
BOUNCES off, HITS the floor,
and ROLLS OUT THE BACK --

EXT. TEN FREEWAY - CONTINUOUS
DWP Guy’s body HITS the windshield of Max’s SUV, THWUMP.

IN THE CAR

MAX
Holy fucking shit I CAN’T SEE.

SUNDAY
PULL OVER THE CAR --

Max takes his foot off the gas,
steers the car onto the shoulder.
SLAMS on the breaks.

DWP Guy rolls off, hits the ground, THUD.
Windshield now cracked. Smeared with blood.

MAX
Jesus fucking CHRIST.

SUNDAY
Don’t just SIT THERE.
Go AFTER THEM.

MAX
(turns the wheel)
Alright, alright --

(HITS the gas)
Ball-bust much?

INT. DWP VAN - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
Cherry gets back in the passenger seat.
Looks at April, steering the car through oncoming traffic.

APRIL
I’m gonna burst a fucking blood vessel.
Let’s pull off the freeway.

CHERRY
Yeah, good idea.
(looks in the rear view mirror)
Looks like they’re all gone, but you never know --

APRIL
(turns the wheel)
Hold onto your labia --

EXT. TEN FREEWAY - ENTRANCE RAMP - CONTINUOUS
The van turns off the road,
approaches the entrance ramp,
but a GIANT TOW TRUCK
is barrelling RIGHT AT THEM.

IN THE VAN

APRIL
Holy SHIT --

She JERKS the wheel --

ON THE RAMP
And the van ROARS down the embankment,
BUMP-BUMPING over the rocks,
shelving and equipment FLYING out the back.

It HITS the bottom with a BANG. Rolls into --

EXT. WEST LOS ANGLES - CUL-DE-SAC - NIGHT
A shitty, run-down street right next to the freeway.
The cheap seats. The van comes to a stop at the curb.

IN THE VAN
The engine SPUTTERS and dies.
April tries to start it.

It WHEEZES and COUGHS, but won’t turn over.

APRIL
Just as well.

CHERRY
(looks out the window)
Look. There IS a god --

EXT. SHITTY BUNGALOW - NIGHT
Parked next to a decrepit old house
sits a giant, gleaming brand-new
HARLEY DAVIDSON CHOPPER.

IN THE VAN
April turns to Cherry. Big smile.

APRIL
'It’s time to ride.'