Spies 'R' Us

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side ... to a place of unspeakable evil, where your hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks prepare to infiltrate black ops spook Honey Almond's underground lair deep beneath Mann's Chinese Theater in Hollywood. Meanwhile, agents April Street and Cherry Nation are preparing an invasion of their own ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
Sunday and Max stand next to a monitor set up on a table.
We see the camera’s POV of Honey’s command center on the screen.

MAX
Okay, so now we know where they are.
I say we go in, stealth-like.

SUNDAY
Too risky. Two of our most valuable assets are in there,
not to mention agent Nation’s children.

MAX
(tears up)
How could somebody be so DESPICABLE?
We’ve got to RESCUE THEM.

SUNDAY
You know, you should show
your soft side more often.
It’s very appealing.

MAX
(blushes)
Really?

Sunday’s cell phone RINGS.

SUNDAY
Hold that thought.
(answer it)
This is agent Sparks --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - CLINT RUFF’S OFFICE
Clint sits at his desk. DOWNS his glass of scotch.
Grabs the bottle. Pours another.
BARKS into the speakerphone.

CLINT
Ruff here. Status?

SUNDAY
We’ve located her base of operations, sir.
Three floors below the theater.

CLINT
Has the movie let out?

SUNDAY
Yes. We’re just waiting to find out --

CLINT
WAITING? What the FUCK?
Go in there and GET her, NOW.
It’s a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY.
This woman was able to penetrate THE WHITE HOUSE.

SUNDAY
But agents Nation and Street are --

CLINT
They can take care of THEMSELVES.
For all we know, Almond could be
escaping through a secret tunnel.
You know how those evil masterminds are --

SUNDAY
Oh, shit -- you’re right.
(beat)
Don’t worry, sir.
We’re going in right away -- with no lube.

CLINT
This is NO TIME FOR JOKES.
Just DO IT.

SUNDAY
Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir. Over.

She clicks the phone shut.
Sighs. Looks at Max.

SUNDAY
You heard me.
Get the squad ready.
We’re going in with everything.
A full-scale assault.

MAX
I heard.
(strange smile)
With no lube?

SUNDAY
Figure of speech --
(beat)
I, uh -- lost my head for a second.

MAX
I hate when that happens.

INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS - CLINT RUFF’S OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Clint finishes his drink. Smiles grimly.

CLINT
'No lube' --
(beat)
Heh, heh, heh.

INT. BOMB SHELTER - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April have pulled the shelves away from the wall.
Positioned them under the trap door opening.

APRIL
I’ll go first, you come up behind and cover me.

CHERRY
No. I’M going first.

APRIL
But I thought you wanted to
turn in your secret decoder ring.

CHERRY
Too late for that.
Spies 'R' Us, baby.
TEAM AMERICA.
(growls)
I’m getting my fucking KIDS back --

APRIL
Knock ‘em dead, kid.

CHERRY
Don’t mind if I do.

Fire in her eyes,
Cherry starts climbing up the shelves,
April right behind her.